Chapter 2
2
“ G o home, Neil. I’m fine, man. I’m not suicidal. I’m not a drama llama. I’m not going to have a meltdown. I’m going into the kennels every day to play with dogs.” Chris loved Neil, he did, but the son of a bitch was a… well, he was a mama bear, always worrying.
He didn’t want that pressure. He just wanted to love on the dogs and find a place where he could have a dog of his own, a dry floor, and where it didn’t smell of mold.
“Chris, you spend fourteen hours a day, seven days a week at your job. Then you work out, drink a protein shake, and crash. I’ve watched you.”
“Don’t need a mom, man. I’m fine.” He was fine as frog hair. He had a better life than most, right? Right.
“Playing with dogs isn’t going to fill your time, Chris. After that, what? You’re going to sit here in your hotel room alone? I don’t like it. You don’t do downtime well.”
“I—Seriously? I’m a grown-up. Butthead. I haven’t gotten arrested.”
“The last time you were alone for four hours you ended up spending $1200.00 on a tattoo.”
He shrugged. “It’s good ink.”
The piece was a big mural of animals, all in black and white and gray.
“Fine, it’s good ink. But it was a lot of money for an impulsive investment.” Neil sighed. “I need to get some sleep; I have to be at the diner early. You’re coming with me.” Neil pulled a pair of neatly folded pajamas out of a dresser drawer.
His side of the room was more… beautifully chaotic.
“Says who? I’m paying for the hotel room, man. Why are you so fucking pissed at me?” He hadn’t flooded his damn apartment. He hadn’t ended up at their damn apartment on purpose. He hadn’t asked for any of this, no matter what Zack said.
Neil sighed, and it was a long, heavy, thoughtful one. “I’m not pissed. Okay? I’m just tired.”
Uh-huh. He knew Neil too well. He could smell that bullshit a mile away.
“So go home to your men. I promise to hang out in this room until tomorrow morning, and then I’ll continue with the apartment search, cool?” He wanted a beer. A joint. Something. If he didn’t have the best fucking job on earth, he’d just pack up his shit and get on a plane to anywhere.
But how many people trained the most amazing dogs on earth?
He loved those crazy beasts.
“I’m staying, so stop telling me not to. Pick a movie or something. I’ll watch through my eyelids.”
“You’re a mother hen.” And he knew that Neil’s feelings were hurt that his doctor hadn’t gone full-on Dom and called him home.
Little Alain was in a panic, and Chris still wasn’t sure what he’d done in Isaac’s eyes that was bad enough to be expelled, excommunicated, what have you. Possibly mouthed off, although it could be just that he was in contact with the police and that worried the fuck out of the doc.
“You need a mother hen. Or a daddy Dom. Someone to tell you what’s what.” Neil was grinning as he stretched out on the bed. “For real.”
“You need to mind your business and go let your doc beat your ass, buddy.” He blew Neil a kiss.
Neil snorted. “I promise you, one day the right man is going to call you ‘boy’, and it will send shivers down your spine.”
He’d believed that, once upon a time, but he wasn’t about to be faked into that nonsense ever again. “Whatever you say, man.”
“Mark my words.” Neil snorted. “You know you can’t just wish who you are away. Or shove it away. Denying it is only going to make you miserable.”
“Fuck, Neil. Trying to be who I am made me miserable.” He’d made Zack miserable. He was fine just being… meh.
“People break up all the time, Chris. You weren’t right for each other. You’ll find someone you’re right for. Look how long it took me. Patience, man.”
Chris snorted. No. No, he was done with this shit. He wasn’t submitting to anyone again. He was just going to deal with his shit on his own and have a good time while he was young.
He picked up the remote and started looking for a movie, but by the time he found one he could stand watching, Neil was asleep. He could hear the deep, even breathing across the room.
He sighed and shook his head. The man needed to go home and love on his partners. This was fucking stupid. Chris wasn’t a kid. He was a fucking adult.
Hell, he could be fucking an adult right now, but no. He was stuck in a hotel room with a mama bear butthead former cop who?—
Jen
Buster’s been shot. It’s bad.
Jen’s text was one that he hated to get, and he was up and grabbing his shoes and wallet before he even thought.
Chris
Where? I’m coming.
Buster and Jen had been two of his first trainees, and she loved that dog with her whole soul.
Jen
We’re headed to a vet in Brooklyn. I’ll send you the address.
Chris
I’ll get a cab. Tell him to hang on.
He ran downstairs. He needed a cab. Now.
He flashed his NYPD ID to the desk agent. “I need a cab. Now. One of my officers has been shot in the line of duty.”
“Yes, sir. Head out to the cab stand. I’ll make a call.” She got right on the phone and a cab was pulling up just as he made it to the cab stand. The attendant opened the passenger side door for him.
“Thank you.” He closed his eyes for half a second. “We’re heading to Brooklyn. She’s sending an address.”
The address came through just then, and he read it out to the driver. They took off, as fast as anyone could manage in Manhattan traffic, but it wasn’t fast enough for him.
Jen
Vet just met us. He’s in bad shape.
Chris
Tell him to hold on. I’m OMW
Chris closed his eyes and prayed.
Chris handed Jen over to her boyfriend, still clutching Buster’s collar in his hand.
Poor boy. Poor good boy. He watched Jen leave, his heart beating hard in his chest.
The vet was quietly cleaning up the room, moving slowly, being very deliberate about what he was doing. He’d covered Buster, but every so often he’d stop and put a hand on the body as if this dog he didn’t know at all had mattered to him.
Chris’s phone vibrated in his pocket, again, and he grabbed it. “Not now.”
Whoever it was. Whatever they wanted. It was not the time.
“Chrissy…” Neil started, and he snapped.
“Don’t fucking call me Chrissy!”
The vet cleared his throat pointedly.
“Where the fuck are you? You promised you’d stay put, man.” Neil sounded annoyed.
“I am not your motherfucking sub, Neil. I had an emergency. I decided not to wake you up. Back up off me.” Chris had to mourn Buster, the retirement he wasn’t going to have, the bad guys he wasn’t going to catch.
He trained them for this. He trained them, knowing they could get killed. In the weirdest way, this was his fault.
“Excuse me.” The vet interrupted, placing one big hand on his shoulder. “I respect that you’re grieving, but you can lower your voice, or you can take that call outside.”
He shrugged the man’s hand off, shoved his phone in his pocket without a thought, and went to Buster, putting one hand on the poor dog’s head. “You are a good boy. So brave. You make me proud. You made your partner proud.”
Then he turned and stormed out, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“Go home to your fucking men and leave me alone.”
“Chris, you’re off the rails. What the fuck is going on?” Neil sounded more worried than mad, but he didn’t need the babysitting either.
“I had a work emergency. I had to leave. I’m down at the animal hospital. I’m not off anything .”
Neil sighed. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Are you okay? What do you need? Where are you? Should I come down there? Send me the address.”
“Go home. Go home to the doc and Alain. I’m going to sit here a minute; then I’ll grab a drink.” He was done with this shit. Done.
“Chrissy. Drinking might not?—”
“Leave me alone!” He slammed his phone to the ground, and it bounced, and he was grateful for the OtterBox protecting it.
It flipped end over end and landed next to a sign that read “Dr. Leo Aetos, Veterinarian.” Leo, like the lion.
He sucked in a shaky breath, retrieved his phone, and sat down on the steps.
Sweet Buster boy. Good dog.
The door opened and a deep, smooth voice behind him said, “Why don’t you come back inside? It’s chilly. I can make some coffee.”
He looked around, trying to get the attention of whoever the guy was talking to, but it was just him.
“Chris. It’s Chris, right? Come on in. I’d love to hear about Buster.”
He frowned, and then he realized two things at once—one, that the guy was talking to him, and two, that tears were making his cheeks wet.
Big hands that were surprisingly gentle helped him up off the stoop as if he’d forgotten how to move and maneuvered him back inside. “That’s it. Come with me.”
“I left so I didn’t bother folks.” He shook his head. “I have a friend that’s… concerned.”
“You’re not their sub. I heard.” The doc started making a pot of coffee. “Who’s your Dom? Would you like me to call them for you?”
God. Was this entire fucking city filled with men in the lifestyle? The entirety of fucking New York City? “There isn’t one, but thanks for the offer. I’m not in the market.”
The doc glanced over one shoulder at him. “Hm.”
He grabbed his handkerchief and wiped his nose, not sure what to say.
“I was his trainer. He was a great dog.”
“The officer said Buster jumped in front of her. He was brave. The force will miss him, I’m sure.”
“They will.” He missed them all, but the ones that died in action were the worst.
“I’m Leo, by the way.” Leo set a box of Kleenex next to him and gave his shoulder a light squeeze with a big hand. “You’re a dog trainer? Forgive me if I’m overstepping but our community is small, and word gets around. Are you the sub who just lost his apartment in a flood? A friend of Neil Thrope’s?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. It is tiny.” And gossipy. Super gossip-ridden. Christ. “I’m apartment hunting. Neil is fine. I’m not abusing him or taking advantage of him. I sent him home.”
“Abusing him?” Leo’s laugh started a slow chuckle and grew into a wild, happy sound. “Neil’s a switch. He’s a glutton for punishment.”
Like he didn’t know that. “He so is, but I’ve sent him home to rest.”
“Why, are you wearing him out?” Leo grinned at him and handed him a cup of coffee. “Milk and stuff is up there.”
“I can drink it black, thank you.” He worked with cops. He understood terrible coffee.
“How did you get into dog training?” Leo sat with him. It felt a little too close, or maybe it was just that the man was so big.
“My daddy and my granny were both trainers. It was inevitable. I like dogs more than I like most people.”
Leo chuckled again. “Yes. Me too. Dogs, cats, ferrets, parakeets, whatever. All easier to get along with than most people.”
“Ferrets, huh? I bet they’re cool.” He totally agreed. He was basically an ‘anything but people’ person.
“They have a unique odor but are hilarious otherwise. Sneaky, curious pack rats.” Leo gave him a knowing wink over his coffee cup. “Not unlike some subs I know.”
“Ah, you’ve met Neil, I see…” He winked, trying to find a smile to prove he was teasing.
“I have met Neil. We flirted once for about twenty minutes, and then laughed and went back to drinking beer and watching the game.”
Sounded about right. Neil was a bit of a flirt, but he loved the doc to death. “I take it you go to Les’s?”
“I do. That was where I heard about your apartment. That sucks. Where are you staying now?”
“I got a hotel room near Neil’s place.” After he was thrown out-slash-asked to leave.
“A hotel?” Leo sounded shocked. “Are you independently wealthy? Hotel rooms are outrageous in Manhattan. What are you paying? Four hundred a night?”
“Do you know any independently wealthy dog trainers that aren’t on TV?” He snorted and shook his head. “Now that Neil’s going home, I’ll downsize to something reasonable.”
Folks with money didn’t remember what it was like to be blue collar.
“Hell, I hung out my own shingle, and I’m not either.” Leo got up and crossed the room, took a card out of a drawer, and brought it back to him. “That’s me. I’ve got an extra room. It’s not Manhattan, but it’s budget-friendly.”
“Thanks, man.” This guy was a sweetheart. That much was obvious. He put the card in his billfold. “I’ll try not to bother you, but if I need it, I’ll call. You work the evening shift a lot?”
“Almost never. I wasn’t working. I opened up for your friend when they called. I do list an emergency number.” Leo went for more coffee, and he noticed the Elmo scrubs for the first time.
“Oh, dude. I love the scrubs. I have a pair of Minion scrub bottoms I sleep in.” That were what? Half the size?
Leo whirled around and stared at him. “Ugh. So unfair! Don’t even get me started. I have been trying to find Minion scrubs in big-and-tall for ages. I might be just a little bit jealous.”
“Oh, dude. That sucks. You should get some custom-made. The only big-and-tall Minion scrubs on earth.”
“I’ve thought about it, believe me.” Leo looked at his watch and sighed. “Not a lot of point to going home. I guess my day has started. How do you feel about kittens?”
Huh? “They are pointy and cute, and there is no pressure to train them, because cats. I adore them.”
“Perfect. Come with me.” Leo froze. “Sorry, unless you have more important plans, of course.”
“Man, it’s kittens or drinking until I pass out. Kittens are cheaper.” And cuter.
“Cheaper, safer, smarter. And good for the soul. Come on.” Leo led him toward the back, past the room where he knew Buster was, and into a room full of crates and a wall of kennels. They stopped by a crate full of tiny kittens and lined with a heating pad. They were all making little mewling noises and stumbling around. “This crew doesn’t have a mom. The shelter will be by to pick them up later, but they’re going to be hungry now.” Leo pointed. “Wee dropper bottles are here, and the formula is in that little fridge.”
“Are they going to put them to sleep?” He went to the fridge with the container marked ‘feline formula’. “Do you need it warmed up? Cold milk can’t be good for them.”
“Yes, the warmer is… uh.” Leo looked around. “Ah. Got it.” Leo plugged it in and filled it with water. “It heats up pretty fast. And I only hand animals over to no-kill shelters. That’s why I have Jonesy… uh… there.” Leo pointed to a gray, long-haired cat sleeping on top of one of the crates. “She’s an old lady now. Back when I found her, no one could take her so, she lives here.”
“Oh, she’s pretty.” Chris helped get the formula warmed and then plopped down on the floor, scooping one of the kittens up. “Hey, baby. You hungry? I bet you are.”
“Perfect. Hang on, I’ll join you.” Leo took a few steps away, texting on his phone, then came back and sat with him, picking up a second little dropper bottle and another kitten. “Usually one of my assistants or interns would do this, but this will help them out as they have a lot to do.”
“Cool. You like being a vet?” He carefully fed the kitten, chuckling at the way the little one mewled, paws waving.
“I love it.” Leo smiled with child-like enthusiasm, which was adorable, and something for this hour of the morning. “It’s what I always wanted to do, and I grew up and did it.”
“Good on you. I’ve worked with dogs—service dogs, K9 units, TSA and border patrol dogs. It’s a calling.” A calling. Shit, it was the only thing he’d ever wanted to do. Dogs, jogging, and exploring every flavor and type of hard candy on earth—that was his life.
“It’s so important for working animals to be well-trained and well-suited to the work. It must take a lot of patience.” Leo traded one kitten for another, setting the one that had been fed in a fleece-lined cardboard box.
“I guess?” What good did getting mad at them do? They didn’t understand and, for the most part, they were all trying their best.
“It must. Animals communicate differently. Not everyone understands that.”
“No shit on that. They have different rules, different mindsets, and different motivations.” He trained working dogs, and they had to be able to do a job.
“Definitely takes patience.” Leo grinned at him. “But you’re not always patient…”
“No.” Who was? “I’m just frustrated and tired of being…” No, this wasn’t for some stranger. The fact that he wasn’t able to rationalize what he wanted compared to what everyone else wanted; that wasn’t for a stranger. It was just something he was going to have to learn to live with.
“Mmm. Misunderstood?” Leo nodded and leaned toward him. “Boy. I’m a six-foot-four Dom wearing Elmo scrubs.”
“I noticed that. It works for you, though.” At least it seemed to.
Leo rubbed the kitten’s head with a big thumb. “I hope so, because it’s what it is.”
“I hear you.” He focused on kittens and feeding and not on the throbbing of his head. “I just need to focus on work. Dogs make sense.”
“It’s good to love your work. How did you get into training? An academy?”
“I was in the Air Force, and I trained dogs there, then I moved to bomb-sniffing and drug dogs, and I—” Followed a man . “—moved here to become a trainer for the NYPD.”
“Sounds great. You must have worked very hard. Do you know how many dogs you’ve trained for the NYPD?”
“I’ve trained around thirty, but not all of them have become K9 units, and not all of them have stayed in the department.”
“That’s a fair number. Congratulations.” Leo handed him the last of the kittens. “You’re good with them. I might have to sign you up as a volunteer.”
“So long as I don’t have to talk to people, I’m in.” He wasn’t interested in people.
“Maybe a couple. People do work here.” Leo snorted and hauled his big frame up off the floor with a soft groan.
“I should get out of your hair.” He kissed the kitten on the top of the head. “I’m going to find an apartment where I can have a pet. When I do, I’ll adopt you.”
“All right. I should get to work then.” They got the kittens back into their crate and closed the door. “It was good talking with you, Chris. I’m very sorry about Buster. Sometimes, doing everything we can just isn’t enough.”
“He was a good boy. Brave. Strong. He saved his mom.” And he was going to cry again. “Thanks for letting me play with the kittens. I hope you get some sleep.”
“Mm. Not today, I have appointments starting at nine, and my staff will start arriving any minute. However, I want you to go back to that hotel room and go to bed.”
“Yeah. That’s the plan. At least for a few hours before I go snuggle a dog.” He surprised himself by giving Leo a quick man-hug. “Thanks.”
If Leo was at all surprised, he didn’t show it. “You’re welcome. And thank you for your help as well. You have my card. I would be very happy to hear from you again.”
“Here.” He had a card. He could be as generous, with the knowledge that neither of them would ever really call. “This is me.”
Leo took the card and read it, then tucked it into his phone wallet. “Great. Thank you. I’ll get you an Uber.” Leo started tapping things on his phone.
“Oh, you don’t have to bother…” God, that was kind. He wasn’t ready for anyone to be good to him.
“I want to. I want to know you’re going back to your hotel safely so you can rest.” A few more taps and Leo nodded. “A car will be here in a couple of minutes.”
“Well… I’ll take you to supper or a beer sometime, in thanks.” He was wearing down, a rawness filling him, and he was fighting to breathe and keep it together.
“I’d like that.” Leo put an arm around his shoulders and steered him toward the lobby door.
Somehow, he was in a car and heading to a hotel.
There was a bed waiting for him, and then he could cry himself to sleep.