Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Killian
The moment Celeste finally hugged me again, whispering, “I really like him for you Killy,” was the most beautiful moment of my life.
Everything before it happened like a whirlwind.
I kept hoping I was right that James would not do this to me to get his brothers back.
His quick thinking saved the day, saved our siblings, but he doesn’t look happy.
And when Barry told him how mean Peter was, I could see him crack open, so I took the blame on me.
It was true I kidnapped James, made sure he could not come home, but so badly did I want his brothers to like me.
I just hope his brothers, like James, respect the truth. .
“Captain, I still don’t see the ship yet, and Peter could not find it either. Is it well hidden?” Matthew, who seems a lot quieter, wants to know, the question carrying pensive undertones.
“No, I placed a protection spell on it so that no one can find it. Not until I showed them where it is, me or any of my crew members, in fact, you cannot find rooms in the Obsidian Oath, if you have not been let there by one of us before.”
Matthew’s eyes widen. “Oh really? That is so cool!” And then I lead him and Barry aboard the Obsidian Oath, walking and smiling unlike how their brother was dragged aboard.
James forgave me for it though, so maybe his brothers will too.
But before we speak to them, I need to talk to James in private for a minute.
I don’t know what he wants to tell his brothers.
I was about to offer them to stay in the hut James stayed in before, but he might not want to share my quarters with me now that his brothers are here.
And I just need to hold him for a bit, reassure myself he is still really here with me.
“Celeste, your hut is still there; we never changed anything about it,” I tell my sister. I feel a dull pang in my stomach as I realize I am dismissing her, the sister I missed for such a long time. Just so I can spend some time with the man I used to hate.
“And Barry, Matthew, do you guys want to bathe? We will dock tomorrow to get you some new clothes tomorrow.” Effectively dismissing Matthew and Barry bringing them to the bathroom in my quarters.
“James and I will be waiting just outside in my study. Come find us when you have both bathed, then we can talk, I’ll have tea and some food brought over.”
Barry rushes to the soaps, eager to bathe, whereas Matthew seems intrigued by the water technology needed to run the bath. James gives them some towels and then speaks up.
“Wait here. I, well Killian and me, we wanted to free you and I had faith we managed to, so I got you both sets of clothing, I will be right back,” he says, squeezing my hand before he walks off.
I feel the tension drain from my body, like the bath will drain in a while when the first of his brothers is done bathing. He trusts me to stay here with his brothers, he acknowledged me just before he walked off. Things will be all right, I know they will even if I am not really sure how or when.
Matthew is bathing, and Barry is looking out of my bedroom port with a looking glass by the time James comes back. Leaving the clothes on the bed with Barry. He hesitates for a bit before walking back into my study.
“How are you feeling? you must be happy to have Celeste back? Sorry for being a bit off a little while ago, I just…this all happened so fast. I am happy though, a little nervous to talk to my brothers.”
I take a deep breath in through my nose, feeling my chest rise, my lungs filling up with air at his explanation. I sensed something was wrong I just didn’t know what it was; him being anxious about telling his brothers everything made sense, and it didn’t have to do with me.
“About that, what do you want to tell them about us? I was thinking they could sleep in your old hut, if you still want to move in with me like we said? "
James looks up at me, eyebrows raised, like he has no idea what I am talking about.
“I want to tell them the truth, Killian, about the manipulation, how their hut used to be mine right after I was kidnapped, and how I found myself falling in love with Captain Pestilence himself after the manipulation, the spell wore off.”
“It’s a good thing Captain Pestilence fell right back in love with you, you brat.” I pull him closer, my lips almost on his when we hear.
“James, I am thi- … oh,” Barry says interrupting our almost kiss.
“Shit, Bar, you were not supposed to see that yet. We’ll talk after you bathe, alright?
I will get you a pomala juice. It is the best thing, it’s different here, better, sweeter.
A lot of things are.” His innuendo is lost on Barry, an innocent child, but it did not go over my head.
It makes keeping my distance until we spoke to his brothers much harder.
“Barry told me you were kissing Captain Hook like Dad kisses Mom.” The name I hate is spoken with the same frost as his older brother uses so often.
“I did, because I love him , Matthew. please sit down so I can explain everything.” James told me how close to his brother he was, but now I can see Matthew coil back, like he is physically distancing from James, to match the emotional distance.
“You left us behind to run off with your new boyfriend, and your ex took it out on us,” Matthew says, voice cracking. Every crack landing like a knife to James' back, his body jerks with every word, dealing with the emotional impact of those words.
“Matthew, I took James against his wishes, and he fought to get back to Peter and to the two of you, I know it might not feel like it. But that’s because you don’t know it all.
Please let your brother explain he loves you so much,” I plead with Matthew, no longer concerned about Matthew liking me.
He needs to forgive James, that is what matters most now.
“Sorry, for being so harsh, James, I… it was hard being without you. And Barry and I worrying about you made it worse, but it also made it bearable, it made us know we were still all in this together, because you promised us when mom got ill you would never leave us.” Matthew softens after James tells him everything that happened in the past weeks, months even.
James is now cuddling his brothers, a beautiful sight, something I want him to have.
I still do, but the words before have settled into my heart like a shard of ice, a sharp stab, and now from my heart out the cold is spreading.
It is not just me convincing James that we are worth it to be together.
What I need to convince him of is that I am worth it, that we are worth breaking a promise to his brothers. I won’t ever be able to do that.
“Cap, sorry to disturb, but should we set sail toward Veridian Vale?” Samuel’s words are like a nail in the coffin.
I nod, giving my quartermaster the go-ahead to take the first stop in our journey home.
The journey with the demise of all the good that could have been between James and me, and there is nothing I can do about it.
“Killian, are you okay? you have been so quiet all evening?” James asks, when we are snuggled up in bed that night.
Of course I am not, I just got my sister back and the cost of it was losing the only man I ever truly loved.
I thought I loved before, but it was nothing, nothing compared to what I feel for James.
“Of course, I am, darling. I have you with me, Celeste, and it was rocky at the start, but I do feel like your brothers kind of like me. What more could I wish for?” A distraction dressed as a joke, a prompt to make him talk about his brothers, to remember his joy.
“Barry adores you, Matthew is warming up to you, absolutely.” His warm, calloused hands hold my face, almost as if he understands how my head feels too heavy to carry myself now. Then he pecks my nose, the silliest kiss anyone has ever given me, and I chuckle at his antics.
“Are you sure you’re happy? I worry about you, Killian.” I know he does, another stab to the chest. What am I to tell him though. That it feels I need to mourn him and our relationship right after I could stop mourning my sister.
As far as he is concerned, I am going to take my chance to live on earth. I want to, but neither Celeste nor I can predict what is going to happen when we get back to Veridian Vale.
“I promise, it’s just that I am nervous about returning home. I have no idea what will happen, neither does Celeste, and our parents are complicated to say the least." The truth, just without the rest of the explanation.
“Whatever will happen, I will have your back, Killian, I love you. Now let’s sleep.
Today has been draining.” I can see the sincerity in his amber golden eyes before he snuggles into my chest and closes them.
This is the first time since confessing our feelings we are just falling asleep without having sex.
It feels good, more genuine, sex with James is amazing.
I don’t think I can ever touch another now that I know how it feels with him.
However, just having each other’s comfort after the 24 hours we just had elevates this from a physical attraction to prove of the real connection we have for now.
“Good morning, Captain Handsome,” James says overexcited before scrunching up his nose. “I am sorry, I love you, but it doesn’t sound right.” He is right, it sounded weird, mostly because I have never seen James this cheery in the morning.
“Come on, don’t give me that look. Can I not be happy to wake up next to you?” Stars form behind my lids, the pressure of my fist too much.
“You can, in fact, I highly recommend it. However, it is not like you, which confuses me a bit?”
James deflates, like sails to a ship that are about to rip underneath the force of the wind, and then the wind lays down in time. The ship will still move forward, but the sails won’t be as long or convex, and it feels safer.
“It’s just the past two mornings have been ruined by me overthinking or being upset about something.
So I want this morning to just be fun, none of my issues casting a shadow over us.
Especially not now when…..” I know what James wants to say” Not now when what we have might be ending.
He corrects himself, saying, “Not now when I finally understand how much I love you.”
I am not going to be the one to correct him, to tell him that I know what he actually wanted to say. He is right if these are the last days between us, we better make the most of them.
"Well, I like it, darling, and Barry is going to adore me a lot more now," I tell James, not even hiding my smile. “It means we need to get out of bed soon. Sadly, I promised him he could steer the ship before we go through, the portal.”
James kisses me as soon as I tell him about my promise to his brother.
“I know Celeste asked me to come chat with her if you and Barry are busy, I am sure Matthew will be in the wheelhouse with you. The mechanics of the ship fascinate him. I was always seen as the bright kid in the family; Matthew, however, is just as smart, if not smarter, as I am. He is too shy to show it, though.”
“Both your brothers are welcome to join me. Come on, darling, let’s have breakfast and then we can do some sibling bonding with each other's siblings.” We get up, and quickly get dressed.
An hour later I am in the wheelhouse with Barry, and like James predicted, with Matthew too. Who indeed seems more interested in the mechanics.
“So the steering wheel is connected to the rudder, right? Because the sails should determine the ship’s direction.
” Barry, on the other hand, is fully engrossed in steering the Obsidian Oath, for now it doesn’t really matter what he does we are in the open seas.
As long as he keeps us in the general direction of the portal we are good, it gives me the time to answer Matthew.
The one brother I still have to show I am good for James.
“You’re right, you seem interested in technology and mechanics, and you have a good eye for it too. Pax is our engineer, if you want to pursue any career like that I am sure he will give you some tips as long as you're with us.”
“Why are you doing this, letting Barry steer the ship, ordering your crew to teach me stuff?” Matthew says but his tone isn’t as cold this time. The difference between a performative cold and the genuine one I have felt one time too many from both him and his brother.
“Because you both went through a lot of shit, a part of it being on me. Because I love your brother, and because of it, you’re my family now.
I know the stories you’ve been told but I hope in time you can see I really care about James, and I would die for my family.
And as long as your brother will have me, you both are my family too. ”
Matthew nods at my words, but he doesn’t comment on them.