Chapter Nine
J ennifer
I sit back on the bench and watch Emory making her way over to me with her four children.
They are beautiful. I used to want kids when I was younger, before my entire life changed.
And then after a while I gave up that silly dream.
Because being married and having children is for normal people and I found out fast that I wasn’t normal.
My family wasn’t normal and all the normal things I wanted were just dreams that would never come true.
Emory looks at me and smiles as she makes her way across the grass to the bench.
“Mom, I want to go play,” the boy tells her, jumping up and down.
I can’t help but smile. Emory’s and Shawn’s children are so darn cute. “Then go play, sweetie, just stay in view, please.”
“Okay, mommy,” he says with a big smile on his face.
“He is so cute,” I state calmly, watching him run away.
“Thank you, Jenn.”
She sits back on the bench and takes a deep breath. “How are you holding up?” she asks in a calm but concerned voice. I am not used to so many people caring how I’m doing. It is odd to have people actually want to know.
“I am doing okay,” I lie. I won’t be okay until I know Ethan is all right.
They have been gone for a long time and I am starting to freak out inside.
But Emory is calm. which calms me. She would know if something was wrong.
I know she would tell me if she had heard anything.
She doesn’t seem worried that they have been gone for so long.
She must be used to them leaving for a long time.
something I am not used to yet. And I hope I don’t have to get used to it.
I don’t like it when Ethan leaves. But I trust him, and I believe him and what he promised to me.
He said he would always come back and so far, he hasn’t broken his promises so I have to trust what he tells me.
“How are you doing, really?” she asks. She knows a lot. And she is starting to know me well.
I turn and look at Emory, who is looking out at her kids. “I don’t know, Em. This is all so much.” This is all new and different and fucking scary. And with Tristan out there and my father... I don’t know how I feel.
I know I am safe here, but I also know Tristan and he means what he says. His words are not just threats. He will follow through and when he does, this place will no longer be safe for any of us.
“I know what you mean. But Ethan will figure things out,” she states with confidence, melting away a little bit of my doubts and fears.
“You really trust him, don’t you?” I ask but I already know the answer. We all heard the stories of what happened with her and her ex, plus when I first got here, she told me a little bit, but I can see in her eyes there is a lot she hasn’t told me, which I understand.
Emory turns and looks at me. “Yes, I really do trust him. He saved my life, he and Shawn.” I can hear the pain in her voice.
All of us have a story and something we have survived. And I can see it in her—what she has been through has made her who she is today. It has given her the ability to help people like me and I am so very grateful for her and what she is trying to do.
“Ethan is very intense. But I guess so am I,” I smile ruefully. Since meeting Ethan, we have been through so much. And we are both toxic in our own ways. But I can’t seem to walk away from him, and I don’t think I will ever be able to.
Not now that he has started to put my shattered pieces back together again. No one has looked at me the way he does, has touched me the way he has—he is consuming me in every single way.
“He is very intense about things and people he cares about. And, Jenn, he really does care about you,” Emory says with so much confidence it makes my heart stop. But I know she is telling the truth. Ethan is many things, but he isn’t a liar.
“I know. I can feel it and see it in his eyes.” I remember the first time I gave myself to him. How gentle and filled with desire we both were. And every time since then has been just like that. He hasn’t changed. If anything, things are just getting more intense between us.
“He is loyal. But very stubborn.” Emory chuckles.
I can’t help but laugh because she is right—he is loyal and very stubborn. He and I are the same that way.
“Can I ask you something, Jenn?”
I nod and smile. “Of course,”
“Do you love him?” she asks in a gentle but serious voice.
I don’t respond, I just stare at her, my heart is racing with her question even though I already know the answer. I have said the answer a million times inside my head, but it is different when you say it out loud to other people.
I slowly nod my head. I don’t know why it is so hard to say it to her. I feel nervous and out of place. I don’t feel like I belong here. I honestly don’t feel like I belong anywhere. But I am starting to feel that change with Ethan. He makes me feel like I belong with him.
He makes me feel that I am worth more than what my father has made me believe.
“Jennifer,” Emory whispers my name. Her eyes search mine.
I nod. “Yes. Yes, I love him,” I state with confidence. I don’t know how or why I have fallen so fast, but I have fallen. And I am in love with Ethan Raven
Emory smiles and gently rests her hand on my leg, a gesture not many have given me, at least not in the way she is.
I know why people respect her so much and trust her. There is just something about her that makes us feel safe.
I slowly look over at the parking lot and see Ethan’s car pulling in. Emory and I both stand up and watch as he parks the car. Shawn and Oliver get out.
“Daddy,” I hear one of the children yell as Emory slowly starts to make her way over to Shawn. I smile as the children run to their father, all hugging onto him.
Shawn wraps his arms around Emory and leans down, connecting his lips to hers.
I look from Shawn to the car. Ethan is still inside. I quickly make my way around the bench and take a few steps forward as I watch Ethan opens the door and slides out. My heart stops as he steps out and closes his door. He rests his arms on his car as he puts his head down.
Even from here I can tell he is taking a deep breath. And even from here I can see the blood on him.
I take another few steps forward as he lifts his head and turns and looks at me, like he knows I am near.
Ethan is fucking gorgeous. He is about six feet tall. He has longer blond hair, almost to his shoulders. But like always, his hair is pulled back into a bun, showing off his strong jaw line.
He is wearing a black button up shirt. The sleeves are rolled up past his elbows to show his strong muscles and tattoos. The first three buttons of his shirt are undone.
His eyes lock with mine as I look him over. His face and chest are covered in blood. My heart stops as he continues to look at me. I can see the pain and sorrow on his face.
Whatever happened has affected him, affected him more than he would like me to see. But he can’t hide from me, and I never would want him to. I want to know him. All of him. He doesn’t have to hide from me.
Losing Ethan is one thing I don’t think I would be able to survive.
I take a deep breath as he pushes off his car. I watch him walk toward the metal gate leading into the apartments. He puts in his code. I watch the gates open, and he calmly walks in with his gun in the back of his pants. He doesn’t even try to hide it.
My heart sinks as the gate closes, leaving me feeling shattered for a whole new reason.
“Jenn.” Shawn is stopping in front of me. His arm is wrapped around Emory. Her face is resting against his chest as their children laugh and chase each other around the lawn.
“Yeah?” I look up at Shawn’s eyes, filled with pain and sadness. Whatever has happened has also affected him.
“He needs you,” Shawn whispers.
“What happened?” I ask, feeling my anxiety starting to build. I swear if they hurt him...
“He asked your father to free you. He said no, so Ethan killed two of his men in front of him, trying to change his mind,” Shawn tells me in a shaky low voice.
“Did he change his mind?” I ask, but I think I already know the answer after seeing Shawn’s and Ethan’s faces. They look defeated.
Shawn shakes his head.” No.”
“What happened, Shawn? What happened to Ethan?” I ask not hiding my anxiety, my own pain from all of this. My father is a stubborn man, and I knew he wouldn’t just let me go. It’s not in his nature to just relinquish what he believes is his.
He takes a deep breath and tightens his grip around Emory, pulling her tightly against him.
“When your father said no, Ethan pointed the gun at his head. Your father wouldn’t give Ethan the answer he wanted, so he shot him in the head. Your father is dead, Jenn.”
My heart stops, but not for the reason Shawn thinks.
My father is a horrible man and has hurt me in more ways than I can put into words.
My heart has stopped because of Ethan. What he had to do.
I never wanted him to have to do that. Take that on.
Feel that. “What?” I whisper, barely able to hear myself.
Shawn takes another deep breath. “Ethan did the only thing he could to protect you.” And I know it is true.
I know my father and I know he wasn’t just going to walk away.
Ethan did what he thought he had to do. I know that.
I don’t doubt that, and even though I have no love my father, somewhere inside me it still stings a little to hear he is dead, I don’t blame Ethan.
I am not angry at him for what he had to do.
He has to do it, I know that. What happened to me, what my father put me through is not normal. Not by a long shot.
“He killed him. For me?” I ask, remembering all the whispers Ethan has said in my ear. His soft gentle lips on my skin. His gentle touch. He has shown me in every way he can how he feels about me, but this—what he did to my father for me—it takes this to a whole new level.
Shawn nods. “Yes. I don’t think there is anything Ethan wouldn’t do for you” Shawn says softly, tightening his grip on Emory.
“What about Tristan?” I ask, feeling my heart race with my words.
“We let him live. For now. But we will need to go back to the studio and get the other girls.”
“There are others?” Emory asks softly in a sad voice.
“Yes. We need to go back for them soon,” Shawn replies in the same concerned voice. Of course, there are more girls. My father always made sure the studio was filled with girls, making us all do what he wanted to make money and keep his clients happy.
“Yes, we do,” Emory states in a stern voice. I know her, and nothing will keep her from saving those other girls.
“You need to go to him, Jenn. Ethan feels deeply and feels murder deeper. Don’t let him push you away, okay?” Shawn is pleading with me with his eyes, but he doesn’t need to. I am not going anywhere.
“I won’t.”
“We will be in the center if you need us, okay?’ Emory says, staring at me. Her eyes are filled with worry and concern, because once again things are going to change.
Once they take those girls away from the studio, my father’s production business will fall apart and there are a lot of powerful men that go there to get their pleasure. There are going to be a lot of unhappy men.
“Thank you.” I need to get to Ethan. Every second we are apart the deeper he is going to get within himself. And I can’t lose him. I need him. Not for his protection. I just need him .
I quickly turn and make my way across the lawn to the metal gate.
I put in the code Ethan gave me when I first got here and walk through when it opens.
I am almost in a run to my apartment. I stop at my door and put in the code hearing it unlock.
I push open the door and take several steps inside as the door closes and locks behind me.
I look down at the floor and see his boots, socks, boxers, pants, and shirt in a trail leading to the bathroom.
I hear the shower running. I slowly make my way through the apartment and stop outside of the cracked bathroom door.
I gently push the door open. Ethan is standing in front of the mirror, his head is down, his hands grabbing tightly onto the sink.
I step into the bathroom, stopping behind him. His breathing is steady and even. I slowly scan his body ... he looks like a fucking god. Muscle on top of muscle making my heart race.
“Ethan.” I whisper his name. But he doesn’t turn around. He takes a deep breath.
“I told him to set you free. All he had to do was say the words. But he refused. Even after I shot two of his men in the head. He wouldn’t fucking say the words,” Ethan states in an angry and pained voice.
I gently rest my hand on his back, feeling him tense under my touch.
“All he had to do was say the words. But he wouldn’t, he fucking wouldn’t.
And then I looked into his eyes and that is when I knew.
I knew he would never let you be free. He would never let you go.
He would just keep hurting you. And I couldn’t .
.. I couldn’t let that happen.” Ethan’s voice is so low and shaky I can barely hear him.
But I try. I try to hear his words, to feel his pain, to understand him in this moment.
I feel my heart racing so fast that I can hear it in my ears. Ethan looks up into the mirror, lifts his hand, and punches the mirror, making it shatter.
I drop my hand and take a deep breath, Shawn’s words running in a loop in my head.
Don’t let him push you away ... don’t let him push you away. He needs you ...he needs you.
I walk into him and wrap my arms around his waist. I rest the side of my face against his back, listening to his heartbeat. He stands still and then lifts his hands and rests them on my arm.
“I had to, Hon. I had to kill him,” he whispers in a shaky, pained voice.
“It’s okay, Ethan. You’re okay,” I whisper, continuing to listen to his heartbeat. I tighten my arms around him. Because, honestly, I am fucking scared he is going to leave. That he is going to disappear.
I slowly release my hold on him as he turns around in my arms. I tighten them around him again as soon as he’s facing me, making sure if he wanted to get away from me, he wouldn’t be able to so easily.
“Ethan.”
He lifts his hands and cups my face. He leans down and connects my lips to his. I open up for him, feeling his tongue enter my mouth. The kiss is hard and rough, filled with pain and longing.
I melt against his body as I release my hold on his waist. I lift my hands and wrap them around his neck as he leans down and grabs my legs, lifting me off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist as he turns around and places me on the sink. I can feel his need. His desire and his pain.
I want it all.
I want all of him.
Even if it fucking shatters me for a completely different reason.