Chapter Fifteen #2
His scent and taste completely consume me, confirming that this is not a dream, that after everything I am right back where I was before Ethan. A prisoner to be used. I don’t have a say in what happens to me. I don’t get a say in anything. Because once again my choice has been taken from me.
After all these years I guess I should be used to it by now. But when I escaped, I finally started to think that just maybe, maybe I could heal from what has happened to me and I could learn how to live the life I have always wanted to live.
And now in this room with Tristan, my worst nightmare has come true and the dreams I started to have are now just that—dreams.
I feel my heart continue to race as his free hand pulls down the covers exposing me to him. I am wearing the nightgown he put on me. For all I know he has already had me, and I wouldn’t even know.
It wouldn’t be the first time someone has taken me without my permission. They all have, except for Ethan. He is the only one I have ever given permission to, the only man I have ever actually wanted.
The kiss doesn’t last that long. As he gently pulls back, I open my eyes and look at him. His eyes search mine. There is still no anger, no rage, only desire and longing. He keeps his hand on my naked hip underneath the gown, showing me who is in charge here.
“Why?” I ask the question and at first I don’t even know what I’m asking. But the silence, his stare ... all of it is making me go completely insane.
“Why what, babe?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. His hand is still on my throat, still showing me that he is in charge here, not me.
Never me.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Maybe just this once he will tell me the truth.
Maybe just this once he can help me understand why this is happening to me, why he tried so hard to get me, and why he wants me so badly.
There must be a reason, and if this is going to be my life I have the right to know that reason.
“That is a loaded question,” Tristan states calmly. I can tell he is thinking. Thinking about my question, thinking about his answer.
“Please just tell me. Please” I’m not hiding my pleading voice, my begging voice. I will beg him if it gets me a truthful answer.
He pulls back a little more continuing to search my eyes.
“I fell in love with you the first time I had you. I have tried over the years to buy you. But your father told me no—you were making him too much money.” Tristan says, the rage finally coming out in his voice.
I can see the rage building in his eyes at the mention of my father.
Even though they did business together I know that they didn’t really like each other.
But they liked the money and the business part, so for years they have been working together, both becoming rich off my pain and suffering.
Becoming rich off so many other girls’ pain and suffering.
Tristan knows that there are more girls.
He even brought some of them to my father.
Tristan doesn’t care what it is doing to them—to me—to be used and abused.
“I was his toy,” I whisper, feeling my stomach turn into knots. That is always what I have been. To my father, to the men that came to the studio, to Tristan. I am nothing more than a toy that they can do whatever they want to.
Tristan slowly nods. “Yes, and the more I asked to have you the more he let others have you. Right before you escaped, I finally got him to agree to selling you but then you escaped, and he freaked, but I still got him to sell you to me.” The rage is starting to melt away.
His breathing is calmer now as he continues to look into my eyes.
I thought having him tell me the answer would make me feel better. But it doesn’t. It just verifies that my life is fucked up, that I am fucked up. And that my being normal was a foolish dream that can never happen.
I take a deep breath as all his words are sinking in and repeating over and over inside my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Babe, I have loved you for years. And have been trying to help you get away from your father. It just took more time than I wanted. He agreed and then Oliver contacted me and let me know that you were at the center. I knew I had to go get you. But when I showed up Ethan stood up to me and I saw the look in his eyes.” Tristan tightens his grip on my throat making my heart race even more.
Tristan thought he finally got what he wanted, but Ethan ... Ethan was in the way. Images of Ethan flood into my mind, making my heart break. I know he’ll be freaking out that I am gone.
“What look?” I ask in a pained voice.
Tristan’s eyes become clouded with rage but also calmness, which is fucking weird, but that is Tristan.
He is both fire and ice all the time. One minute he can be calm and the next he can be shooting someone in the head.
You never really know which Tristan you’re going to get.
“That he was in love with you. I knew it before he did. And that is when I knew I had to use Oliver to get you away from Ethan. I don’t want to hurt him, babe, but I will if he doesn’t back the fuck off,” he whispers in a dark voice that makes more chills go down my spine.
This turned into a game for Tristan. a competition, and he made it his mission to win, to be better than Ethan.
I feel the fear taking me over. I should have known that this is how it was going to end.
How it was always going to end. I was fucking kidding myself for thinking that I could escape.
I tried to escape my father. I did escape my father and now I am once again in another prison.
But I have a feeling this prison I won’t be able to escape from.
“What is your plan? To just keep me locked up in your house?” There is no reason to try to act tough.
I am not. And Tristan can see that. He has always been able to see my fears.
Since the day I met him, he has been able to see right through me in the worst possible way.
Tristan looks at me, his eyes searching mine. “I like the sound of that.”
“You’re going to use me, abuse me until you don’t want me?
” I snap back, feeling the mixture of a million different emotions.
I am so fucking hot and cold with my emotions and thoughts I honestly don’t know what I am feeling or thinking.
Every second that goes by is a new emotion and a new thought back and forth.
“Jennifer, I don’t think you are understanding what I am saying,” Tristan states calmly. What the fuck don’t I understand? I am his prisoner that he can do whatever he wants to. I don’t have a fucking say, I never did.
“What are you saying?” I ask. I will play his fucking game even though I am terrified.
I want to run and hide. But I won’t give him that.
I won’t let him see that on the inside I am completely shattered.
I know he already knows. I don’t hide it very well.
And even though it makes me sick to my stomach Tristan knows me well. Too fucking well.
“I’m in love with you. I don’t want to use you or abuse you. I plan on making you my wife.” The chills go down my spine with his words. Words I never wanted to hear from him. Words that tell me I will never ever leave this prison he has created for me. I will serve a life sentence by his side.
“What?” I ask in a surprised and confused voice.
“You heard me, babe. Once we are married, Ethan will have to back off and I will finally have you to myself and no one will ever fucking touch you again. I promise you that.”
I take a deep breath and watch him search my eyes. I can’t hold back the tears that are once again building. I can’t hold back my body from shaking with his words. This was always his plan. He always wanted me and now he has me.
At least now he will leave my family alone. But I have a feeling that Ethan will come. He made me a promise, a promise I believe. I just hope at the end of this we all survive. Because I can’t live in a world where Ethan doesn’t exist.