CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
LILA
How do I keep ending up in this situation? Does my body crave chaos… or just him?
His green eyes burn through the glass wall, glowing like embers straight into my soul.
Great. I look like shit in front of him after the circus of a morning I’ve had.
And to top it off, I’m on the ground while she stands there, flawless from head to toe.
Meanwhile, I’m mascara-smeared, heels squishing, a full-blown disaster.
The kind of chaos he’d never want. A truth I really need to accept.
I should be chasing someone in my league.
Someone who deserves me. And even though I want him…
he doesn’t deserve my attention. Or my love.
He doesn’t smirk. Doesn’t blink. Just furrows his brow like he’s… concerned? For me?
Why? Because I look like a drowned rat sitting on the floor? Because I’m interrupting whatever this is? Or maybe… maybe he’s remembering the last time we saw each other when he shattered me in front of everyone at the club during that twisted little truth or dare game.
I haven’t seen him since. Since I found out he’s a man-whore with a body count of five hundred twenty-one. And that was days ago, so let’s be generous and round it up to five hundred twenty-four, thanks to Miss Couture. And let’s not forget, he saw me with Leon… well, I think.
I told myself I had imagined it, that I had dreamt it. That I didn’t moan his name while someone else was between my legs. But I did. Because all I could think about… was him .
But he wouldn’t waste his time watching me. Not when women like her line up just to be chosen by him. To be touched by him.
I rip my gaze away.
I don’t want to be here. I’m not watching this time.
For my sanity, I can’t. I’m done. I have to be.
I don’t want to want him. Correction, I can’t want him because he’s not good for me.
He never was. He belongs with someone like her.
Or Natasha. And I have to be okay with that… if I plan to survive this job.
I pull myself up off the marble, trying to steady my legs and walk without looking back. I need to escape. His gaze. This hallway. This whole moment.
Weirdly, I’m not panicking… well, not exactly. I think I’m getting used to the chaos. But I need a second. Just one second to breathe, to reset, because if today keeps unraveling like this, I won’t even make it to lunch.
I reach for doorknobs like I’m playing survival roulette, just trying to find somewhere… anywhere to hide.
It’s like I can’t escape that Halloween night. No matter how far I run, it’s still chasing me. Ever since I saw the Phantom, my life hasn’t been the same. I’m still lost in the maze. Still searching for an exit from this nightmare.
Finally, one opens. I slip inside and close the door behind me.
Janitor’s closet.
I let out a dry laugh. Of course, this is where fate dumps me. The light flickers overhead. The smell of bleach and Pine-Sol clings to the air, thick and punishing. I try to take a deep breath, but I cough hard. The chemicals burn my throat. Even in here, I can’t catch a break.
I slide down the wall until I hit the floor, knees to my chest, arms wrapped tight. I bury my face like a child shielding herself from playground bullies… only this time, the bully is me.
I’ll never be enough.
But I whisper to myself anyway, “Pull it together, Lila. You’ve got a masquerade ball to finish. You’ve got parents depending on you. Debt to pay off. A job to keep.” It all weighs heavily on my chest.
But one day… one day I’ll be able to say it was all worth it. You don’t have time to be heartbroken over a crush. Someone out there will love you… the real you. Mess and all.
A tear slips down my cheek. The doorknob rattles.
Oh no.
My heart launches into my throat. Adrenaline spikes, making my pulse skip and stutter. I try to hide, but there’s nowhere to go.
I’m trapped .
I flip the light off and hold my breath, crouching low in the shadows. The door creaks open. A large shadow steps inside and shuts it behind them. The closet goes still. Silent.
What is happening? Is someone else hiding, too? Or did I just get caught?
I cover my mouth, desperate to silence my breathing as I disappear into the shadows.
“Are you okay?” a low, sultry voice asks, smooth but concerned.
Kage. What is he doing in here? This isn’t the kind of room he just… hangs out in.
The lights are still off, but the moment he speaks, I don’t need them. He lit the match inside me. I don’t reply. I’m still in shock, unsure if he followed me… or if he was meeting one of his women and didn’t expect me to be in here.
Maybe I can slip out. My eyes are more adjusted to the dark than his .
I see his silhouette. Broad. Sharp. Framed by that tailored black suit.
I move with caution, trying to slide past him without making contact.
My fingers grip the doorknob, ready to yank it open and run.
But then his hand catches my wrist. Strong.
Tender. But trembling and scorching against my skin.
His breath is shaky, like it hurts him to touch me.
“Lila,” he says, voice low but firm. “Answer me. Are you okay?”
So, he does know it’s me. And that commanding tone again… God, he makes me weak. I’m his, and he doesn’t even know it.
“Why do you care?” I snap as I yank my arm free, even though every part of me aches to stay. I want him to pull me closer. I want to bury my face in his chest and cry until the weight of all the pain I’ve been carrying finally lifts, even if just for a moment.
His outline drifts nearer, silent but impossible to ignore.
The tension is deafening. He’s inches from me, and I can barely breathe.
I’m going to pass out from his presence alone.
This feels familiar. Like the moment with the red mask…
when I was left shattered, alone, clutching nothing but his mask.
He left. And Kage will too.
I fumble for the light switch, needing something… anything to ground me. But the second my fingers touch it, his hand covers mine.
“Don’t,” he breathes. Just one word. A whisper against the dark. Then softer, “I… I won’t be able to say what I’m about to.”
His voice is low, rough, and timid. My heart races so hard I can feel it in my ears. Our faces are inches from one another. His breath is cool mint, tinged with smoke. It’s dark, but the air between us is electrified, like lightning striking a metal rod.
“What do you want to say, Kage?” I whisper.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Say my name like that…” Our breaths are ragged. His words steal every ounce of oxygen from my lungs. His hand trembles as it hovers over my neck. “Can I… Can I t-touch you?”
“You never have to ask my permission.” His fingertips brush my neck, sending goosebumps rippling down my spine. His slight touch has me emotionally on my knees.
“Dammit, Lila,” he growls, voice cracking.
“I’m unraveling… waiting for your existence not to matter, to loosen its grip around my throat.
” He freezes, grazing his fingers over my collarbone.
“But another day comes, and I’m wrecked all over again, wrecked from the inside out.
I’m clawing at myself, trying to fight it.
To fight myself. To fight you. But you… You’re making it impossible. ”
He glides his fingers down, then pulls his hand away like it burns him.
“No.” I grab his hand. “Finish.” I place his palm on my chest, where my pounding heart waits for the heartbreak I know is coming. His breath shakes, and my chest rises and falls beneath his hand.
“Every breath you take is my enemy. Every heartbeat is a call I can’t outrun.
Every touch lights a furnace inside me, a burning reminder that I’m not worthy of you.
And your scent is imprinted in my blood, leaving me high, aching for another dose of you.
” He slowly lifts his hand from my chest, and I see his trembling fingers grip my chin.
His thumb drags across my lips. “And those lips, the ones that kissed me. No, made love to my tongue. They’ve wrecked me, Lila.
Tell me… do you enjoy th is? Watching me fall apart?
You exist… and it’s fucking destroying me.
Every second you’re here feels like a blade carving me open.
And still, I crawl back for more. More of you.
More of the unintentional pain your presence brings. ”
He pauses, chest heaving, then leans into my ear. “I’m fighting relentlessly to escape you. And I can’t. I wish I hated you for that… Princess, you are my undoing.”
Those words. They settle over me like ice. I lean in closer, my lips brushing the shell of his ear, and murmur, slow and deliberate:
“Kage…” I let his name roll off my tongue, a taunt. “How about… You fuck off.”
It’s easier to push him away than admit I want to believe him. That I want to believe someone like him could ever want someone like me.
He pulls back, startled. “Stop playing games with me, asshole.” I yank the door open and step into the hall… head pounding, every nerve screaming that I need to get out of here. But as the door swings shut, his voice curls around me, low and dark, a twisted promise that lingers in the air.
“Oh, Princess… you sure do love a good chase.”