CHAPTER 20
ADDY
“What do you think?” Jordan asked as he stood in the middle of the huge building and looked to me hopefully.
The newly built two story building, which had originally been planned to be used as a government funded health clinic, had lost funding, and the building was being sold off before it had ever been used, or even completed on the inside. Now it was just a huge open space with wide windows down one side and a large glass atrium at the front. It was situated perfectly for what we had planned, surrounded by areas of the city with higher crime rates and poverty. There was a high school just down the block and an elementary school two blocks away.
“I think it’s perfect,” I told him giddily. We had already viewed two other buildings in the last week, but this was the only one I saw working for us. It had the space we’d need to set up the zoned areas we had planned, and it was the perfect location for the kids to come to us. “Eli could do art classes in that glass atrium at the front. The light would be perfect I think.”
“It has a huge open area out back too. It was going to be a parking lot, but I was thinking of setting up a sports court out there, as well as one in here. There’s separate rooms in the back where we could have a kitchen, changing rooms and bathrooms.” Jordan’s excitement was palpable and I could feel it.
“I think it’s ideal, bro. We can get it finished up in here. We’ll need someone to do the lighting and electrics, but we can get it boarded out and painted,” Adam said as he walked over to where Jordan and I stood facing one another.
“I have some great ideas for murals on these walls,” Eli called across the room from where he and Asher stood near the entrance.
“We’ll need to install a good security system. This whole neighborhood is a security nightmare,” Kane grumbled. He was the only one who had reservations about me being involved in setting up and running the center. He was worried about how much risk I’d be in being there, but he wouldn’t deter me. I was not only determined, but I was excited too.
The past week, since I stood up to Zara at the Lyle building, it had been a good one for me, for the most part. Asher was still dealing with the sale of the huge company, but since one buyer was buying everything, it had been somewhat simplified. That meant I’d not only had both of my brothers home with me almost all week. I’d also had my guys. Having them all close had helped soothe my anxiety since the nightmare that showed me just how truly evil the man who fathered me was, and my panic attacks had calmed back down, coming less frequently through the days.
The nights were a different matter, since I seemed to have no control over the nightmares that haunted me. I had been so grateful and relieved that Adam, Jordan, or Kane always slept beside me now, and they were always there to wake me when I started to cry out or toss and turn, and then they soothed me until I managed to come back to myself and reality.
Our days had been fun, just spending time together, and making plans for the new center we all seemed to be focused on now. We’d visited the other properties in between, and Asher had been helping Jordan work out what he would need in terms of things like insurance, criminal records checks, and so much other admin that would need to be done for us to open.
The center had given me a focus and I was so excited to get to work. It made me feel like I was truly doing something important and worthwhile. It was a future I wanted; a future helping kids like me when they needed it. It, along with the growing relationship between me and my three guys, had given me something to cling to, and during the days I’d been feeling stronger and stronger. I knew I needed to hold on to them and hope they would continue to make me feel braver.
“I had a thought on that,” Asher spoke up as he and Eli came closer. “I donated money to a vet program last year that works to find jobs and homes for retired veterans. I was wondering if maybe we could hire a few of them here. I think they’d work well with the types of kids we hope will come here, and they’d also be vigilant for trouble.”
“That’s a great idea. As long as they pass all of the checks we need to do, I don’t see why not,” Jordan agreed happily.
“I’d want to do my own background checks on any employees we take on,” Kane added firmly, like he dared anyone to argue with him.
“I expected nothing less,” Asher chuckled.
“So this is the building?” I asked as I turned to look to Jordan who had moved behind me. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled my back against his front. I loved being pressed against him like I was. I never felt safer than when one of my guys engulfed me in their arms.
“Ash?” Jordan looked to my brother.
“I think it’s a good option. The price is reasonable and it seems well built,” he agreed.
“Let’s do it,” Adam said enthusiastically.
“You heard the man,” Jordan told me as he leaned in close and placed a kiss behind my ear that sent shivers through my body in the best way. “This is the building.”
“I’ll talk with the realtor,” Asher said, then he was walking away. Eli went with him, and I found myself surrounded by three hot as sin men, all focused on me.
“I still don’t like this,” Kane growled as he looked to Jordan with a scowl. “It’s not a safe environment with people in and out.”
“We discussed this. One of us will always be here working with Addy, and I think the veterans idea is a solid one too. She’ll be safe,” Adam said, surprising me. I knew he’d been supportive so far, but I had thought when it got down to it, he’d go all alpha protective, just like Kane.
“I don’t just want to do this, Kane. I need it. I need something to focus on and keep me busy, and this…it’s going to be something I can be passionate about. I want to help kids, especially the ones who feel like I always did – alone, afraid, or even hopeless. If I can give them just a couple of hours a week where they get to relax a little and be kids again, then it will all be worth it. I want to give all kids a place they can come to for what they need. Fun, quiet, help with schoolwork or even just something to eat – whatever it is, I want them to get it here.”
“They will, baby. You and Jordan are going to do some amazing work here, and I’m going to help as much as I can,” Adam assured me.
“Kane?” I looked over to him. If he were still against it, I would be unable to appease him, since I was determined I was going to help Jordan make this center work, but I’d much prefer Kane to be on board.
“Fine, but there will be security with you at all times, like we discussed, and I get to set up all of the security in this building,” he stipulated.
“I already assumed you were,” Jordan shrugged. I slipped from his arms and went to Kane, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was dressed down for him, in dark blue jeans, white sneakers, and a dark green hooded sweater that complimented his eyes perfectly. I liked the look on him, almost as much as I liked the dark avenging angel he usually resembled, in his all black. I felt the gun at the small of his back as I hugged him, but it didn’t startle me as it had the first couple of times I’d hugged him. He never seemed to leave the property without a weapon.
“Thank you,” I told him as I reached up on my tip toes to kiss him. Of course, Kane being Kane, he grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer, instantly taking back full control of the moment, the kiss, and me. Not that I had any complaints as his tongue stole into my mouth and tangled with my own. I moaned as heat filled my body, my hands reaching to grab his shoulders and hold on as he kissed me into a frenzy.
Images of what I had shared with Adam the week before reminded me of what the feelings rising within me wanted, and I wondered what it would be like to do the same thing with Kane. The fact I could consider that, only made me feel giddier. Ever since my time in the shower with Adam, I had felt like I had taken back just a tiny bit of who I could be, and that had given me more hope than anything ever had.
“Jesus, Kane. I know we’re good with this relationship but please don’t make us witness you corrupting our little sister,” Asher hissed. I pulled back at the sound of his voice and looked around, blushing furiously when I saw he and Eli paused a short distance from us.
“Sorry,” I sheepishly said.
“Better get used to it, man. We’re not going anywhere,” Kane threw back as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side before I could step further away.
“Just keep the PDA to a minimum. I’m not a violent man, and I consider you guys all family, but seeing you with your hands all over my sister makes me feel all murdery,” Eli added, surprising me, and making me laugh.
“Easy, killer,” Jordan laughed. “We’ll tone it down.”
“The realtor left. She said we can keep the keys, even though the building won’t technically be ours until next week. I’ve given her the details of my attorney and he’ll handle the purchase,” Asher explained.
“I’ll need to arrange to move the money I have,” Jordan began, but Asher cut him off.
“It’s handled. Eli and I decided to buy the building for you. That way you’ll have more cash to put into making it exactly how you want it inside.”
“Ash, no. You didn’t need to do that,” Jordan argued.
“We wanted to. This project is important to you and Addy, so that means it’s important to us too. No more arguments. It’s handled,” Asher said firmly.
“Thank you, both of you,” I said emotionally as I pulled away from Kane’s hold and ran to my brothers, wrapping an arm around each of them. “This means so much to me.”
“You mean so much to us, shortcake. It’s good to see you happy and excited about this project,” Eli told me as he held me tightly.
“I guess this is turning out to be a family project, huh?” Jordan laughed. “Not that I’m complaining. I love the idea of us all being involved.”
“Me too,” I agreed as I stepped back and looked between the five amazing men who had changed my entire life in the short time I had known them.
“What are you going to call it?” Adam asked.
“No idea. What do you think, beautiful?” Jordan looked to me. I closed my eyes and thought about the things I had felt as a kid. Scared was a big one, not just because of my mom and her temper, or of the fight I had to pay rent, bills and for medications that never ended. I had been scared of the hopelessness that always seemed to lay out before me. I should have had dreams of my future, but instead there had only ever been more of the same. I’d been lost back then, just as I had felt in recent weeks. Lost, in the bottom of a deep dark pit, only back then I’d had no one to show me the way out. I knew not every kid who came to the center would be like me. Some would likely come from happy homes with great parents, and we would welcome them the same as any kid who passed through the doors. But for the ones who were lost, or scared, and just needing something or someone to pull them through their own darkness, I hoped we could be what they needed.
I opened my eyes and looked around me again. These men – these five amazing men had been that for me. They had found me in the dark. Sometimes they’d had to drag me out, sometimes they’d just held my hand and helped me to save myself, but along the way, since the day I met them, they’d been there for me. My light in the darkness. My strength when I felt like I had nothing left. My hope. Now they were my future and I knew how lucky I was to have them.
“ The Light ,” I said as it came to me. “We should call it The Light .”
“That’s perfect, Addy,” Jordan agreed.
I smiled and nodded. Everyone needed a little light in their darkest times. I had mine now, and I wanted to give it to others too.
***
Pain hits me even before I open my eyes. I can’t even think about what hurts the most because every inch of me is in agony, throbbing like one huge, raw, exposed nerve. I know I need to open my eyes and face whatever fresh hell I’m in now, but I just don’t want to. For over a year I have been existing this way – terrified to open my eyes, but too afraid to keep them closed for fear of the danger that I have to face next, being close enough to hurt me and catch me unawares.
I try to remember where I am and what I last recalled, then I heard it. His voice. It all came back to me then. The party Hilton brought me to. The other prisoners being dragged around like pets and possessions. Those sick monsters inspecting me like I was a car in a showroom. Then this man. His dark eyes on me, His cold tone of voice. The pain. The blood. The pleasure in his face as he forced himself on me and ripped me apart just like all the others had. No way I was opening my eyes again if I had to face this sadistic monster.
“Just get it done! I want to know how this happened! Someone is trying to fuck with me, and I am not going to let them away with it, Zara! Whoever they are, they think they bested me with this stunt, but they didn’t. I’m always in control! They forgot that, and I want to remind them, so get it done! Do what I fucking pay you for!”
I jolted awake with a gasp, sitting up and looking around me to confirm what I already knew. I was safe at home, and Kane was still laid beside me, snoring quietly.
The phantom pain still radiated through my body, and I was shaking a little from just the sound of Joseph’s voice, but it had been the name he’d said that had shocked me awake. Zara . Could she have been in on the whole thing? Could she have known what Joseph was up to, and even worked for him in that capacity? She was slightly unhinged and very bitchy, but I had never even considered she’d be involved in all of the evil Joseph was involved in.
I took a deep breath and looked to Kane. I didn’t want to wake him when he looked so settled and peaceful, but he, Adam, and Jordan had made me promise I would go to them any time I had a panic attack, nightmare, or even just felt worried. It had been working for me, going to them. It meant I rarely had to handle an episode alone when they came, and the episodes went easier for me when one of my guys, or my brothers were close. Plus, the memory had me worried for Asher, since Zara was so obsessed with him, and I needed to discuss it.
“Kane,” I said softly as I placed my shaky hand on his shoulder and leaned over to see his face. He lay on his side, facing away from me, and jolted awake the very second my skin touched his. “Sorry,” I quickly added, feeling bad by how suddenly he’d woken.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat up and turned to face me. “Are you okay? You’re shaking?”
“Nightmare,” I whispered.
“Good girl for waking me,” he said gently as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his chest. I lay my head against his skin and took in his soothing scent. I didn’t understand it, but a part deep inside of me came alive when one of my guys told me I was a ‘good girl.’ I knew that was probably strange and I wasn’t going to admit it openly, but I still reveled in the phrase every time I heard it. “You want to tell me about the nightmare?”
“It wasn’t as bad as the others, but I…I remembered something,” I said as I lifted my head and met his eyes. “I…I think Zara might have been involved in Joseph’s dealings.”
“Zara?” Kane repeated, and I nodded. “Okay, Angel. Tell me everything.”
“It was just a snippet of memory really,” I began. “I didn’t even open my eyes, but I was in that room w-with Joseph. It was after….after he hurt me. I must have blacked out, I guess. When I came to, I kept my eyes closed and I heard him on a call. He was talking to someone called Zara? It had to be her, right? How many Zara’s could he know?”
“I agree it was probably her, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she knew what he was doing. She was his personal assistant too. Maybe she just called him about something at the office?”
“Maybe, but Joseph was pissed. He said someone was trying to mess with him and he wanted to know who. Maybe it was just a normal work thing, but it didn’t feel that way,” I sighed, exhausted. I’d barely been asleep an hour I noted as I looked to my cell phone beside the bed. “I don’t know, but could you just look into her anyway, Kane? Please. She’s obsessed with Asher and I’m worried about him.”
“Ash will be well protected every time he leaves this house. I promise you I’m taking care of him, Addy. But I’ll look into Zara too. Let’s just keep this between us for now though, okay?” Kane requested and I nodded.
“Definitely. Things only just started to calm down. I don’t want to cause any more worry,” I agreed.
“Anything else happen in your nightmare?” Kane asked as he ran his hand over my head and down through my hair.
“No. I jolted awake when I heard Zara’s name.”
“Let’s lie back down then. You need to get some more sleep. It’s only just after one A.M.”
I happily gave in and snuggled into his side, wrapping my arm across his waist as we both lay back down and got settled under the comforter.
“Will you tell me what your tattoos mean?” I asked as I looked at the small bluebird tattooed over his left pec. It was bright blue and so detailed it almost looked like it was truly about to take flight.
“That one is for my mom. She died when I was overseas. My sister came home from college and found her dead on the kitchen floor. It was a heart attack.”
“I’m sorry. How old was your mom?”
“Fifty four. Far too young. I never saw it coming. My mom was always pretty fit and she never stopped between her job at the local high school and the groups she volunteered at. I had no clue we’d lose her so young,” he explained sadly. “She was obsessed with blue birds. She had them printed on crockery and ornaments around the house. She even had them on the wallpaper in her room. I had the tattoo done when I got leave for her funeral.”
“And your sister? Is she okay? I can’t imagine how it must have hurt her to find your mom that way,” I asked.
“She went to some therapy sessions, and she definitely struggled for a while after we lost mom. It didn’t help that I was only able to be home for a week before I got spun up again,” he explained. “She seems better now. I try to see her as much as I can since I got out of the military, but she has her own life. She runs a hair and beauty salon in the city, and she has a new boyfriend she seems happy with.”
“I’d love to meet her sometime.”
“You will. As soon as she finds out I have a girlfriend she’ll be here demanding to meet you. I think you’ll like her.”
“I’m sure I will if she’s anything like her amazing brother,” I teased as I pressed against his chest enough to raise up and kiss his lips. “What do the others mean?”
“Some are just stuff I ended up with after too many drinks with my team after we completed a mission. The numbers between the Celtic patterns down my right arms are the birthdays and death dates of my five team members, most of whom died in the explosion that ended my career. One other guy got evac’d out, but died a day later from his extensive burns. I was the only one who survived.”
“God, Kane. I’m so sorry. That must have been terrible,” I rasped through my tight throat as I lay back down and tightened my arm around him.
“Not gonna lie. I had some very dark months after I got out of that hospital, but Jen, my sister, and Asher pulled me back from the edge eventually. They’re the only reason I’m still here,” he admitted.
“Thank God you are. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I squeaked, my tears escaping now. I hated to think of Kane in so much pain he wanted to end things. I knew what it was to feel that truly lost.
“You’ll never need to know. I’m here to stay now,” he promised.
I swiped the tears from my cheeks, then pushed up again and lay my head over my hands on his chest so I could look into his eyes.
“I’m falling in love with you, Kane,” I admitted emotionally.
“Me too,” he replied as he twisted a strand of my wild hair around his finger. “I’m pissed with myself for even fighting being with you. I just wasted time we could have had together.”
“We’re together now. That’s what matters.” I leaned up until my lips met his, and I kissed him slowly, hoping he could feel the emotion I poured into it. I knew it was quick to be talking about love, but I felt what I felt. I was falling in love with him, Jordan, and Adam, and it was a ride I seemed to be firmly strapped in to now. A ride I never wanted to get off of.