Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lincoln
Everything looks the same. Snow and trees and more snow and trees. How the hell did I let myself get lost?
I stop walking and take a few deep breaths, measuring the depth of the snow by how far it comes up on my boots. It’s close to the top and still snowing. At this rate, it’ll be up to my knees soon.
If I let myself, I could go to sleep right here in the snow. It’s only knowing I’d never wake up again that keeps me moving.
I have no idea how many hours I’ve been gone, but it’s a lot. My exhaustion is bone deep. At some point, I crawled underneath a massive pine tree and rested for a couple of hours, but I didn’t really sleep.
As I start trudging ahead again, I think about Trinity’s Chicago apartment. Is she a neat freak, with everything in its proper place? Or would I find a few dishes in the sink and a chair in her bedroom layered with clothes?
I’ve been imagining sitting next to her on her love seat. My arm is around the back of it and she’s close to me, giving me that playful smile that makes me wonder what she’s thinking.
In this daydream, it’s summer in Chicago, of course, and her apartment windows are open. It’s a balmy eighty-five degrees and we’re both sweaty. Her cat is perched on the arm of the love seat next to me. She laughs about how she was Karma’s favorite person until I came along.
She has to be going out of her mind about why I haven’t returned. If only I could text her and let her know I’m alive, trying to find my way back to the cabin.
Surprisingly, I don’t miss my phone much. Well, other than my guilty pleasure, the AITA subreddit thread. They’re almost always the asshole, and I love grabbing a bag of Doritos, getting comfortable in my recliner and taking a deep dive into the comments.
“Am I the asshole for wanting to ravage my best friend’s sister?” I ask the empty icy landscape, short of breath from the exertion of walking through the deep snow. “She’s beautiful, but it’s more than just that. I can’t even explain it, but I want to know everything there is to know about her. She’s a lot younger than me and I should care more about that than I do.”
I stop walking and squint when I see movement near the horizon. And fuck me if it’s not a brown bear.
Shit. I really don’t want to get attacked by a bear and have people discover it when they find my teeth in a pile of bear shit when the snow melts. That sounds like a worse death than freezing to death, though significantly quicker.
All the things that scared me before this experience were actually not even scary. I’ve always been scared I’d spend so long chasing hockey records that I’d retire past my prime, with people whispering that it was about damn time. I haven’t had intercourse with a woman in more than a decade because it was always ruined by my worry I’d get her pregnant, which terrifies me. I don’t want to have a kid with some woman I’m not married to and end up being an absentee dad who just sends money and shows up in my offseason to try and make up for all the time I missed.
I can see the headline: Lincoln Rowe, digested by bear in Alaska, leaves behind a massive bank account and fuck all else.
The bear disappears into the woods. I let out the breath I’m holding and start walking again. I have to keep my blood circulating, no matter how much I want to take a break. The few hours of sunlight for today will be over within an hour and I’ll be back in the dark.
My mom always dreamed of visiting Alaska. She wanted to see glaciers. I could send her on as many Alaskan cruises as she wanted now, but she passed away before I went pro and started making great money.
Just thinking of her brings a lump to my throat. I got my work ethic from her and have lots of amazing memories, but her manipulation changed the course of my life. I don’t want the power to ruin someone emotionally, and that’s why I’m so dead set against having kids.
“You are definitely the asshole,” I tell myself as I push forward, my legs burning with exertion. “You’re the asshole for wanting Trinity and for not bringing any food with you out here.”
I’d tell any of my teammates in this situation to nut up and figure it out. I’m the levelheaded leader with absolutely no quit in me.
My voice of reason is starting to creep in, though, reminding me that I can’t wander around in bitter cold indefinitely. I don’t want to go out with a whimper, alone out here. But I may not get a choice.
The last of the day’s sunlight fades away and I get my first wave of true panic. I’m breathing my way through it when I see a faint glow in the distance. I say a silent prayer.
If that’s the cabin, I’ll never ask for anything again. I won’t ask to win hockey games or break records, I just want to live.
I pick up my pace, desperate to find out if it’s the cabin light. The glow gets brighter. It has to be the cabin.
My victory yell sounds crazed. This is different than winning a game. This is my life, and there’s still so much I want to do with it.
I make out the faint outline of the cabin and realize I’m approaching it from a completely different direction than the one I took when I left. I’m damn lucky I found it. Without the light, I wouldn’t have.
As I walk to final hundred yards, it also occurs to me that I wouldn’t have made it without hockey. My legs are exceptionally strong from all the years of skating and conditioning.
When I get onto the porch, I dig the drifted snow away from the door with my hands, flinging it back between my legs. I’m not even finished when the door swings open.
I look up and see Trinity, her eyes brimming with tears though she’s smiling wide.
“Get in here, you asshole! I’ve been worried sick about you.”
I stand up and kick my way through the last foot of snow, stepping through the doorway. I pull my gloves off, my hands so cold I can’t maneuver the zipper of my coat down.
Trinity reaches out and does it for me, sliding my coat off. It drops to the floor and she throws her arms around my neck. Closing my eyes, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close.
She’s soft and warm, her curves molding against me. I can feel her crying into the crook of my neck so I tighten my hold on her.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” I quip.
I can hear the exhaustion in her laugh. She pulls back and cups my cheeks in her hands. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
Her expression relaxes. “Okay, let’s get you warmed up and I’ll get you some food.”
She takes my arm and walks me over to the fireplace, where a fire is blazing. I sit down on the floor in front of it, the warmth like a soothing balm on my skin.
“How long was I gone?”
“Twenty-three hours.” She puts the quilt from the bed around my shoulders. “I’ve been a mess. Don’t go out there again, Linc. Please.”
“I won’t. I thought I was done for.”
“What happened?” She looks back at me over her shoulder as she walks to the kitchen.
“I got lost. My tracks got covered by snow drifts. I came back from a totally different direction than the one I left in.”
She shakes her head. “I’d rather just live here forever than risk you dying.”
I consider her words as she pours me a cup of coffee. “Live here forever, huh? With a grouchy old hockey player?”
A smile plays on her lips as she brings the mug over to me. “Maybe not. How old are you?”
“I’m 35.”
“Oh, is that all? I thought you were at least forty-five.” She gives me a playful look.
I scoot closer to the fire. “I saw a bear.”
Her brows hit her hairline. “Are you serious? Was it aggressive?”
“No, it was way off in the distance. I don’t think it even saw me. But I don’t want to get any closer to one.”
She nods. “I’m glad you’re not going out again. I made food if you’re hungry.”
“I’m starving. What’d you make?”
“Taco soup and an apple crisp.”
Now I’m the one giving her an incredulous look. “Apple crisp?”
“With dried apples. It turned out pretty well, but I don’t have any ice cream to put on top of it.”
My stomach growls painfully as I stand up. “I don’t care. I’ll take it and whatever taco soup is left.”
She opens the cabinet to take out a bowl. I reach for the pot on the hotplate, taking it by the handle.
“No bowl?” she asks, puzzled.
I shake my head. “I’m eating it all, no reason to dirty another dish.”
Amused, she passes me a spoon. I dig in immediately, closing my eyes as the first spicy bite touches my tastebuds.
“This is great.”
She smiles and sits down across from me. “How much would you pay right now for an actual taco?”
“Hardshell or softshell?
She considers. “Hardshell. Warm, crunchy shell loaded with seasoned beef, queso, onions and tomatoes.”
“Ten grand.”
She bursts out laughing. “Are you serious?”
“Yep. I’d pay fifty grand for five of those. How much would you pay?”
“Well, I’m not a millionaire, but I’d do a few hundred.” She passes me a big glass of water.
“Thanks.” I drink half of it and set the glass back down. “How much for a huge banana split?”
“Oh.” The word comes out of her mouth as a sensual moan. “A lot. Especially if it had caramel and strawberries and whipped cream.”
“I’d go fifteen large for a banana split. And honestly, I wouldn’t blink at twenty for a big, perfectly cooked filet mignon.”
She hums her agreement. “See, that would be a major downside to staying here forever.”
I’m looking at her longer than I should, and I notice the dark circles under her eyes. “Have you slept at all?”
“A couple of hours.”
“We both need some sleep. I think we should pile on the covers and say fuck the fire until the cold wakes one of us up.”
Amusement dances in her eyes. “Okay, fuck the fire.”
I finish the pot of soup and then down the rest of the apple crisp, which turns out to be delicious.
“Keep your back to me while I change,” Trinity says.
Two minutes later, she’s wearing her long underwear. She puts the quilt back on the bed and then adds the afghan from the back of the couch. Every muscle from my waist down aches as I walk over to the bed, taking off my boots and socks.
“Is it okay if I take my jeans off? I promise--”
“Of course.” She waves a hand dismissively.
“You don’t even know what I was about to promise.” Even dead on my feet, I couldn’t resist a chance to make her blush.
Her laugh is nervous as she locks eyes with me. I wink at her and her smile widens, but she looks away.
I slide out of the jeans, leaving me in boxers and a Henley. When I lie down on the firm flannel-sheet-topped mattress and pull the covers over myself, I groan with satisfaction.
Trinity turns off the lamp, stokes the fire one more time, and climbs into bed beside me.
“Are you warming up?” she asks.
My eyelids are heavy and I’m already fighting sleep. “Some. My feet are still numb.”
I feel movement and the next thing I know, she’s spooning me from behind. My eyes fly wide open with alarm. Her soft breasts are pressing against my back, and I don’t mind it at all.
“Just warming you up,” she says softly.
That’s an understatement. The blood may not be flowing in my feet, but my cock is twitching to attention. This isn’t me making a move on her, and it’s not her making a move on me, either. But it feels damn good.
I’m too tired to overthink it, so I cover her hand with mine and give in to the pull of sleep.