Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lincoln
Why did I say fuck ? Of all the things that could have come out of my mouth when Trinity said I could watch her undress, I said fuck, and I can’t stop replaying it in my head.
It’s been almost twenty-four hours since that exchange. I didn’t mean it the way she took it, but I know she doesn’t want to hear my explanation.
She’s been rereading a book since she woke up this morning, playing records and refusing to even make eye contact with me. Michael Bublé is currently singing about how good he’s feeling, a stark contrast to the tense mood in the cabin.
“Trin.”
She glances up from her book, brows raised. “What’s up?”
“I didn’t mean it like you took it. When I said fuck ?—”
“We agreed to pretend that never happened.” She slams the book closed and stands up from the love seat. “I’m going outside.”
“Outside?”
She walks over to the wall hooks where my coat and hat are hanging. “I just need some fresh air. I’m going stir-crazy in here.”
I shake my head. “That’s--”
She cuts me off again. “I’m not asking for permission. I’m going to stay close to the cabin.”
I walk over to the front door and open it to look outside. It’s snowing so hard I can’t see anything but the dense mass of falling flakes.
“Not now.” I close the door decisively. “At least wait until it quits snowing.”
She smiles, but not at me. “I can survive snowfall.”
Fucking agitating woman. I grab one of my boots and pull it on. At least there’s enough snow gear here for us to both be covered, but this is insane.
“Look, I get that you want to get out of here because things are tense,” I start.
She meets my gaze, the fire in her eyes making me forget the rest of what I was about to say. “I’m going outside alone .”
“No, you’re not.”
She throws her arms up. “Stop treating me like a child. I know how to take care of myself and cope with my anxiety.”
“This is about your anxiety? Is it because of last night?”
When she narrows her eyes, I can practically feel the waves of disgusted anger rolling off of her.
“I have anxiety twenty-four seven. Believe it or not, not everything is about you.”
I take a step closer to her and her eyes flare slightly. “You know how easy it would be for me to jump into bed with you? You don’t think that’s what the caveman in me wants more than anything?”
She scoffs. “So you’re saying you happen to find the only woman within a hundred-mile radius attractive now that you’ve been stuck with me for weeks and there are no other options?”
I run a hand through my hair, my single note of laughter more frustrated than amused. “You think I rejected you last night, but I fucking didn’t. I rejected taking advantage of you.”
With only a couple feet of space between us, she holds her ground, her chin tilted up so our gazes stay locked. “Because I’m just a kid, right? Dalton’s twenty-six-year-old kid sister.”
“It’s not about your fucking age. You don’t fuck your teammate’s wives or sisters. That’s sacred. And even if I could get past that, how could I be sure you truly wanted it and it had nothing to do with your anxiety?”
Her chin drops and her eyes widen. “What the fuck? What could this possibly have to do with my anxiety?”
“Like I said, I know more about depression than anxiety, but I know self-soothing is a thing. Coping with alcohol or drugs or sex. My teammate went through that.”
Her shoulders slump with defeat. “That’s not me. Whether you believe me or not, I had to overcome my anxiety to say what I did last night. It’s the opposite of self-soothing.”
Fuck. She’s killing me. I step closer to her, cupping her face in my hands. “It’s not that I didn’t want you. I did. I do. But Trin...I’m fucked up. If you really knew me, you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
Sadness swims in her eyes. “You have so many excuses. And that’s all they are. You don’t need to spare my feelings.”
“I swear to you, every single reason that feels like an excuse to you is real to me. I care about you, and I don’t fuck women I care about.”
She pushes her brows together. “That makes no sense.”
I shrug. “I meant it when I said I’m fucked up.”
“So you only like casual sex? One-night stands?”
Part of me wants to be completely honest with her. Tell her things I’ve never shared with anyone. Instead, I give her a slice of the truth and nothing more.
“I don’t even do that.”
Then I lean down and brush my lips over hers, forcing myself to keep my hands on her face instead of letting them roam all the places I’m dying to explore. She lets out a small moan of surprise but then sinks into me. The kiss I intended to be short and sweet turns into much more as she parts her lips and my hunger for her comes pouring out.
She even tastes sweet. I knew she would. I slide one of my hands down to her neck, then around to cup the back of her neck as I back her against the wall of the cabin. Her hands clutch my back with so much certainty I almost say fuck it and drop to my knees to unfasten her pants.
Just a kiss. That’s all this can be. One kiss to show her how fucking much I want her.
My erection grinds into her stomach and she pulls away from the kiss, gasping for air. Her arms remain locked around me as I lean my forehead against hers, not ready to break our contact yet.
“Stay inside,” I say against her lips. “I have a better idea than running around in a snowstorm.”
“Oh, really?”
I groan. “It’s not that. I wish like hell it was, but it’s something else. Something fun.”
I can feel her smiling. “Fun sounds good.”
“Truth.”
Trinity announces her choice and downs a shot of vintage Macallan whiskey. I saw the unopened bottle stashed in the storage room a few days ago and decided to use it to up the stakes in our first game of Boggle.
Truth or Dare Boggle is simple, really: you lose, you have to pick a truth or a dare and down a shot of whiskey. Considering each game only lasts three minutes, we’re on a fast track to getting wasted.
“How did you lose your virginity?” I ask.
Her smile is shy. “I lost it to my college boyfriend, Dallas.”
“Dallas?” I scoff.
“He was a virgin, too. It lasted less than a minute.”
We lock eyes and both burst out laughing. That must have been comical.
“He didn’t reciprocate or anything?” I ask.
She shrugs. “He tried, but...I was so uncomfortable. It’s kind of impossible for me to relax when I’m with someone for the first time. I’ve only been with one other man, and it took more than a month for me to relax enough that I wanted to get on top and get myself off.”
I just stare for a few seconds, dumbfounded. “Wait. You had to get yourself off? He couldn’t do it?”
“I mean...he tried. I’m just so uptight that he couldn’t. And it was fine. I figured out how being on top works.”
Christ. I’m completely hard. Again. Knowing Trin’s never been with a real man who took the time to get her off—repeatedly—makes it even harder for me to stay on my side of the kitchen table.
“Did he eat your pussy?”
Her cheeks flush. “No, I’m too self-conscious for that.”
She wouldn’t be with me. I’d take as much time as I needed so she was comfortable and into it. But since I’m actively trying not to end up in bed with her, I force myself to move on.
I lose the next game of Boggle, the whiskey going down smoothly. Pretty sure reimbursing the cabin owner for that bottle is going to cost me a pretty penny, but I don’t give a fuck. Trinity and I both need to unwind and have some fun.
“Truth,” I proclaim, plunking the shot glass onto the table.
She’s ready. Her lips curve into a sexy smile as she asks, “How many times have you masturbated since we’ve been here?”
“Uh...” I grin at her and clear my throat. “Three times.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Three? That’s it?”
I laugh. “What, are you flicking the bean every day in the outhouse or something?”
Her eyes dance playfully. “You have to win a game if you want me to answer that.”
She shakes up the letters in the Boggle cube to start the next game. Both of us spend the first minute furiously writing down words, but after that, I can only concentrate on thoughts of Trinity never being fucked to orgasm by a man. She might as well just use a vibe if she has to be on top every time to get off.
By the end of the three minutes, her list is so much longer that I just shake my head.
“You whipped my ass,” I mutter.
She pours a shot and passes me the glass. “Bottoms up, captain.”
Bottoms up. Fuck. Now I’m imagining her round, gorgeous ass in the air. This is heaven and hell, the lines so blurred I can’t remember a single reason why I shouldn’t pick her up and carry her over to the bed right now.
I tip back the shot, a comfortable buzz making me relaxed. Trinity looks at me intently from the other side of the table.
“When you said you don’t even have casual sex, what did you mean?”
I freeze. Why did I tell her that? Her eyes stay locked onto me as I rub a hand over my short beard, considering what to say.
“All the things you could dare me to do and you’d rather ask me that?”
She nods.
I exhale heavily. That’s something I never talk about, to anyone. But the whiskey and this cabin that feels like it’s on the edge of the world make me care less. She bared her soul to me about her anxiety—I might as well be honest with her, too.
“I haven’t had intercourse with a woman in—” I stop to do the math. “I’m thirty-four now, so I guess it’s been nine years.”
Her jaw drops with surprise. “Why?”
“I’m...too worried I’ll get a woman pregnant. I usually couldn’t even come from sex because I was so worried about it.” A few seconds of silence pass before I continue. “Oral and anal can be just as good, you know.”
Saying it makes me feel exposed. It’s so much more comfortable for everyone to think I’m a red-blooded man who fucks every willing single woman I encounter.
Trinity clears her throat. “Are you just saying that to make me feel better about you not wanting to fuck me ?”
I laugh a single note. “Uh, no. It’s the truth.”
“And women are okay with it?”
“You’d be surprised how much women enjoy having their pussies eaten and being finger fucked until they’re squirting all over the bed.”
Her cheeks turn pink and I can actually see the bob in her throat when she swallows. I can already see us both ending up on the floor from this variation of the game of Boggle.
The hangover tomorrow will be so fucking worth it.