15. Tim
15
TIM
IN OR OUT? OUT OR IN? WHICH IS WHICH AND WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?
“ N ot a word.” I fix my tie and quickly find the group of seats Cato saved for us, filing into the row and ducking down so I’m not taking anyone else’s view of the front of the room. Though the bridal party have yet to walk out, so it’s not like they’re missing anything important. Sitting, I stare at the priest and not at Minka when she sits on my right. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’ve crossed the line.” She settles in and folds one leg over the other, showing off a section of her thighs and a pair of sexy heels that would have been my brother’s suggestion. “I’m not saying it’s a bad line to cross, or a good line. But it’s a line, and with this line comes massive responsibility and a very special heart that deserves to be treated right.”
“I know what it means.”
“And so that means you’re prepared to care for that heart? It means choosing her over the things you consider your duties in life. Choosing her over your martyrdom.”
I turn and look down into her eyes. “You need to stop.”
“She deserves happiness! And if that happiness is with you, then I’m totally, unquestionably on board. But if you think you can be in when it’s fun, or when your willpower is low, but out when you remember whose name you carry and life gets a little tricky, then I’ve got news for you.”
Frustrated, I lean forward and wait for Archer’s eyes. “Make her stop.”
“Can’t.” He lays his arm over the back of her chair and strokes the ball of her shoulder with the tips of his fingers. “Aubree’s the baby sister I never had. If you’re in for good, then I’ll have your back. If you’re in only until you decide you’re out, then I’m destined to see that poor girl’s heart break. And I’d rather not.”
“Archer—”
“Tell me it’s done,” he commands. Like the flip of a switch, he turns deadly serious. “No matter what else, no matter who else, no matter if Timothy the Second rises up out of Hades and calls us all home, tell me you’re not gonna break her heart.”
“I won’t. I’ve made promises. To her. And to others.” I lower my voice and stand when the doors at the back finally open. The music changes and the wedding party slowly files in. “I’ve made arrangements,” I add quietly. “The kind that ensure her safety, no matter what the Second does.”
His eyes narrow, while everyone else’s focus is on the doors. “What kind of arrangements?” Then it hits him. Like a bolt of fucking lightning. “Cordoza?”
I swallow and watch the beautiful Emeri sisters as they enter. They’re all pretty. All elegant. They all have a certain allure that would hold any man’s attention. But none of them are Aubree, and fuck, she’s got me, heart and soul.
“Tim?”
“I said it’s been dealt with.” I smile when she steps through at the end of the line. Her eyes scouring the room and locking onto mine in a mere instant. Her face lights up, though we’ve been apart for less than five minutes. Then I wink and chuckle when a blush fills her cheeks.
Yeah. I’m stuck.
Good, bad, or otherwise, she’s my life and death now.
I may as well enjoy the ride and make her smile while we’re going.
S low songs play from the speakers, since Eli and Curtis opted for a DJ over a live band. Couples dance in the middle of the packed room, swaying and whispering and telling their secrets like no one else is around. Love tickles the air and highlights a family whose entire existence is wrapped around that four-letter word.
And lucky me, I get to hold their crowned jewel.
“I never took you for a dancer.” Happily sighing, Aubree places her cheek on my chest and simply leans while I lead us. “Figured you for more of a stand in the corner and scowl at everyone type.”
I rest my chin on top of her head and draw gentle patterns against the bare skin of her back. “I can be both, depending on the room and company. But I’m sure as shit not gonna stand in the corner of this room and force you to dance alone.”
“I wouldn’t dance alone.” She pulls back and grins. “Chester’s here, so?—”
I yank her back in and crush her close until she giggles. “Chester is safer if he stays on the other side of the room. It’s not smart for you to summon him over here, Emeri. I won’t be nice.”
“You?” she taunts. “Not nice? Well, I never.”
“Did you have a good time today?”
“Yeah.” She pulls away again, but then she wraps her arms over my shoulders and twines her fingers in the hair at the back of my neck. With just that touch alone, goosebumps sprint along my spine and down into my shoes until the unhinged hatred I feel for a man I don’t even know washes away to something softer. Kinder. “Eli and Curtis are so in love. As long as they’re happy, I’m happy.”
“And you weren’t murdered for being the prettiest in the wedding party.”
Her cheeks fill with a delicious pink that always has my cock stirring in my pants.
“You think you’re charming, Malone. What happened to the always-cranky Tim I used to have a crush on?”
“He’s still me. I’m just a better person now.” I slide my fingers around to stroke her ribs, groaning when her body trembles and her hips come closer until she’s riding my thigh. “I’m sorry about?—”
“Can we not do the sorrys right now?” She nibbles on the bottom corner of her lips and searches my eyes. “We’ve said it all already. We’ve fought, and we’ve made up. You’ve been an ass, and I’ve thrown tantrums. You’ve apologized, and I’ve glued the remote to your television.”
I choke out a soft, bouncing laugh. “Which is the most annoying fucking thing you’ve ever done to me. The point of a remote is to be able to sit on your ass and scroll your channels. But you’ve made it so I have to drag myself up off the couch every fucking time I want to watch anything. Makes me swear your name every single time I’m trying to relax.”
“Which makes you think of me.” She purrs when I stroke her back, and shivers when I lean in and press a kiss to the side of her neck. “That move was genius. Keeps me front and center of your mind every single day, and it means you can’t bring a woman back to your apartment without her noticing and asking. Then you’d have to explain the love of your life is an unhinged psycho who plays with scalpels for a living, at which point, the hoe would leave and you’d be lonely again.” She flashes a wicked grin. “My plan was flawless.”
“Jealousy is so…” I shake my head, impressed and, at the same time, unsurprised. “So much darker than you. And yet, you wear it so well.”
“What can I say?” She preens and sways. A vixen in a floor-length gown. “I’ve been telling you for years what I knew about us, but you refused to listen. Pride is often a man’s undoing, Malone. And the ego you carry?” She glances to the ceiling, her lashes almost kissing her brow bone. “Foolish, at best. The universe has a plan, one that was set in motion long before we knew each other. But your constant fighting over the years has created an imbalance. That imbalance will need to be righted before we can be happy.”
My heart kicks in my chest. Painful and yet, righteous. Because this is what I’ve been saying all along. “So if something bad happens to you, it’s because of me?”
She allows me to hold her weight, leaning back and smiling up at the ceiling. “It’s a journey. Everything we are, and every choice we make… a journey. We can’t escape it. We just have to survive it. Do you want to tell me what was in the envelope from Felix’s wedding yet?”
“No.” Am I ready to tell her I had documents forged, a marriage created, and took a choice out of her hands… again? Fuck no. “It was nothing important.”
She straightens again and drapes her arms over my shoulders. “Shame. Someday you’ll be able to share everything with me. And when that day comes, we’ll be everything we need to be to ensure our happiness. But until then…” She searches my eyes. “I can’t help but feel that none of this is real.”
“This wedding?” I peek over the top of her head to a drinking Duane. Stumbling already, and flirting with any woman not related to him. “This day?”
“This dance. You and me.” She taps my chin and draws my focus back down. “I don’t even know if you actually kissed me earlier, or if that was a culmination of a stressful week, long hours, and an overactive imagination.”
“Want me to kiss you again?” I slide my hand up her spine and stop at the back of her neck. “To remind you. It wouldn’t be a hardship, and your parents think we’re already engaged, so it won’t be a social scandal. Besides, the football guy is starting to stare, so it’s probably time we make that statement before he gets any ideas. ”
She snorts, unladylike and silly. But I grab her chin and tilt her head back until her lips drop open.
“You can tell me no,” I whisper, leaning closer until my words feather across her lips. “At any point, from now until forever, no matter what we’re doing or where we’re doing it or who’s around to see us. You can tell me no, and I’ll always listen.”
“You carry so much guilt for the things your father did.”
Stunned, I drop my head to the side and narrow my eyes. “What?”
“Consent. You want it etched in stone and drilled into my conscience, because your father didn’t care for it, and you refuse to be like him. He hurt people, Tim. He made those choices, and he danced on the bodies of those he tormented with glee. But you’re terrified that, because you share a name, everyone will lump you with the crimes he committed.”
“You’re overthinking it. I didn’t?—”
“Am I?” Her lips curl into a sweet, healing smile that arrows for my heart. “You’ve been telling me no for years, all because of the threat you thought I would face simply by dating a man with that name.”
“That threat wasn’t in my head. It was real.”
“And now it’s not? What changed?”
“He died.” My heart pounds against my diaphragm and knocks the oxygen from my lungs. But I hold her close, the wolf wrapping his arms around Red, and rest my forehead on hers. “I wanted to kiss you. But somehow, you’ve turned it into a therapy session about my father.”
“Just an observation.” Her eyes dance, happiness beaming from the perfect blue orbs. “My job is to observe, and I can’t always switch it off just because it’s the weekend. Also,” she wrinkles her nose. “I didn’t say no to the kiss. You’re holding out on me.”
“Oh, well…” I inch closer until I taste her breath on my tongue. “You said this doesn’t feel real, so in the spirit of reinforcing positive memories…”
“From proud to martyr,” she teases, dragging her manicured nails through my hair. “You’re a multifaceted man, Timothy.”
“Shut up.” I pinch her chin between my fingers and drag her to the tips of her toes. This isn’t about Duane. Or Chester. Or fake-not-fake proposals. This is about me and her, and it’s about healing a heart I’ve bruised time and time again. I press my lips to hers and groan when our connection is like a whoosh of air filling my lungs. She stands on her toes and squeezes her arms to ensure no room exists between us. Then she suckles my bottom lip and undoes me, heart and soul. “Jesus.” I crush her ribs beneath my hands, dragging her against my chest and swallowing down every exhale she releases. “Aubree.”
“It’s like magic,” she pants, dropping back to her heels and fluttering her eyes closed for a beat. “I’ve waited. And this is my reward.”
“I’m your reward?” I scoff my disbelief. To think she’s the lucky one is ridiculous. I’m her punishment for things she never did. But I’m too fucking selfish to let her go. “No, Aubree.” I press another kiss to her plump lips. “You’re mine. Though I have no clue what I did to earn you.”
“Aubree!” Duane sidles up on my right, one hand wrapped around his mother’s and the other chastely sitting on her hip. He’s sprinting toward belligerent, and when his taunting eyes jump to mine, I know he’s ready to fuck some shit up. So I hold Aubree close and almost turn us away. Though I’m careful not to give them my back. “You two seem quite cozy. New love is just so…” he makes a sound in the back of his throat. “Wholesome.”
Clueless to her brother’s undertones, Aubree rolls her eyes and reaches across to swipe at the smudge still annoying her on the side of his neck. “You were late to arrive, and now you’re interrupting my slow dance. That’s rude times two. Did you forget your manners since I moved out?”
“Forget?” He sways and casts a sly side-eye my way. “No, Sissy. My memory is sharp as a tack.”
“What happened to your face, anyway?” She grabs his chin and forces him to turn right. Though he slaps her hand away. A crime anyone else would die for. But brothers… sisters… where do I draw the line and not break Aubree’s heart? “You’ve grazed your jaw, and you haven’t explained it.”
“He stumbled into the street last week,” Joanette mumbles. “ Apparently . He’s always been so clumsy.”
I catch Duane’s eyes and paste on a feral smile only he would understand. “You should be more careful. Stumbling at the wrong place, wrong time, could be so much worse than a grazed jaw. You have a family back home who deserve peace of mind.”
“How are things with you two, anyway?” Just like Aubree, Joanette is fucking clueless, so she pats the knot of my tie and stares up into my eyes like I hung the moon and the stars. “Having sex often is healthy. And not having sex often is also okay. Communication is what matters most?—”
“Mom!” Aubree pushes her hand off my chest and replaces it with her banging forehead. I’m her brick wall and she’s ready to smash her head open. “Seriously. ”
“I assure you, Mrs. Emeri, I’m all things healthy. You don’t have to worry.”
Stunned, Aubree pulls back again and glares. “How healthy, Timothy?”
“We’ll let you lovebirds dance.” Joanette turns to sashay away with Duane, having taken a nice moment and tossed it on its ass. “I’ll come find you later, sweetheart. I want to know everything , especially since we have another wedding to plan.”
“How healthy is your sex life, Tim?” Aubree grabs my beard and tugs me around until our eyes meet. “Because if it’s healthy, then it’s happening. And though I doubted my memory a moment ago, I assure you, I’d remember if I was involved in said healthy sex. I wasn’t.”
“There’s something wrong with you.” I drag her fingers down and twine them with mine instead. “I was giving her assurances and changing the subject. You, once again, choose to be crazy.”
“Women are not born crazy. They’re led there by men who choose half-truths and a lack of commitment. If you’d been a normal, dependable human being from the start, I’d be less inclined to cut a bitch.” Then she grins. “Or a Malone. Who are you having sex with lately?”
“No one. Jesus.” I send her spinning away when the music allows it. A moment of reprieve. A second to catch my breath before she’s back again. Then I crush her to my chest and hum when her legs saddle my thigh. “I haven’t had sex in… a really long fucking time. Because there’s this woman who owns my heart, and trying to get over her by dating someone else, evidently, doesn’t fucking work.”
“You poor, poor man. Life must be so hard having to choose between screwing every woman who bats her lashes at you, or remaining faithful to the one you love. You have my deepest sympathies.”
“You enjoy being a smartass.” I lean in and nip at her neck, if only to shut her up for a second and revel in the mix of pleasure and pain in her gasp. “Besides, now that we’re getting married, I expect I’ll eventually get my healthy sex life back.”
“Bold of you to assume.” She grins when we part, and twirls because the music grows a little faster. “Is this like the we’ll sleep naked thing again?”
“It’s natural.”
“Says you. What if I say no?”
“Then I’ll sleep with shorts on, and I’ll touch my cock in the shower like I already do every single fucking day.” I drop a kiss to the tip of her nose and thrill in the way she stops. Her feet. Her lips. Her heart and soul. “Every morning, Aubree. I think of you and I make myself come. It’s been that way for years .”
“Tim…”
“Aw. Did I embarrass you?” I drop my hand just a little lower, until the tips of my fingers brush the swell of her ass and the boney edges of her hips jut against my pelvis. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you needed softer words.”
“You’re an ass.” Then she glances to the left. “And Chester is currently all alone. I should probably go say hello.”
“No chance.” I wrap her up tight and swallow her laughter when she bursts out with the seductive sound. I slam my lips over hers, plastering our bodies so close, no one—not even Chester the fucking great—will get between us. “I said I was in.” I bite her bottom lip and drag my tongue across to soothe the ache left behind. “And that means we’re an us now. It means loyalty and commitment and eventually, making good on those save the dates your mother is planning to send out.”
“Oh God.” She groans. But the sound is sweet, playful, as she presses her forehead to my chest again and cements what I suppose is a habit we couldn’t have known about before today. She likes to bounce her head against brick walls when she’s frustrated. “I’m still not over the fact you announced our engagement like that.”
“It’ll be true eventually.” I slide my hand along her ribs and up until my thumb rests beneath her jaw. Then I tip her head back and search her eyes. “I don’t know if you noticed, but Malones are allergic to commitment… until they’re not. Then they’re marrying up and locking things down. So…”
“So you’re presumptuous and rude, and considering we’ve only just today acknowledged something may happen for us, I’m still riding in the try before you buy lane, and I’m certainly not ready for marriage yet. My options must remain open, of course. But I’ll let you know how I feel in three to six business months.”
Anger pumps through my veins without my consent, like a wildfire tearing through a forest and destroying everything in its path. This is the Malone in me. The DNA passed down over generations. The ancestry I have to fight against, day after day, to ensure I don’t become the man who created me. But I pull back now and stare into her eyes. “I’m sorry. Your options?”
“Of course. Considering my age, and the rights women fought for over the last hundred years. The least one could ask for is a chance to sow her seeds and discover who, exactly, is in her field. ”
“Me,” I snap out. “ I’m in your field. I am the fucking field. What the hell are you talking about, Emeri? Options?”
“Doesn’t feel nice, does it?” Humor sparkles in her eyes, daring me to explode. “So now I want you to think about how I didn’t maim you when you paraded that other bitch around the bar right under my nose.” She brings a hand up and pinches my lips closed before I can speak. “ It was for my protection. It was to create space between us. Blah blah blah . Don’t talk. Hearing you justify her makes me want to hurt you.”
“You have anger issues.” I drag her hand away, only to bring it in again and press a kiss to her palm. “And you’re a little wild beneath the sophistication and sweet charm.” I set the pad of her pointer finger against my tongue and suckle on the end until her cheeks flame red. “Hold on to that crazy, Emeri. You’re gonna need it to survive my world. And you’ll especially need it when we meet in bed.”
“Jesus.” Her bursts explodes against my face so I see, in my mind, another chance to make her break. Another place. Another time. But we’ll be together. Always. “Tim!”
“What?” I wrap my lips around her finger, all the way to her knuckle, and nibble. “I was raised in the slums of insanity and scandal and my teacher was the fucking demon himself. If you think I won’t out-crazy you every fucking time you try, then you’re gonna learn fast.”
“You’re always running at a different speed than I am.” She collapses against my chest and uses me to stay up. “I wanted us in the past, and you were busy spinning your wheels in reverse. Now you’re in, and suddenly you’re talking filthy and making promises like this.”
“I promised nothing.” Except love. And forever. And protection. And me . “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You implied it!” she snaps. Too loud, considering we’re surrounded by her family. “I’m not stupid. Your words have implications, and you mentioned a bed.”
“I did.” I nibble along the side of her hand and grin when she trembles. “Being in bed with you is my favorite place to be. When you scratch my hair and read while I doze is my very own slice of nirvana. But being in bed with you ,” I enunciate each word, holding her stare to ensure she knows what I’m saying, “is going to be even better. You’re so small, Aubree. And I’m not. We’re gonna make fire, and I don’t give a single fuck if we burn up in the flames.”