Lost Lyrics (Flintlocks #5)

Chapter 6

SLIP

As the elevator headed up to the rooftop bar at the Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills Hotel, I wiped my clammy palm on my suit pants. Beneath my long hair, sweat broke out on my brow and trickled down the back of my neck like I had a rampant fever. It had been four weeks since Flint had proposed to Sutton. Tonight, at their engagement party, it would be my first time around a lot of alcohol and possibly drugs since I’d been out of rehab. Nothing I’d said to myself had settled the unease swirling through my gut or stopped the fear lurking in the depths of my mind. I didn’t want to give in to temptation, be lured back to the bottle, cave to cocaine, or taste one pill on my tongue.

Fuck!

I’m okay. I can do this. I can.

Maddy’s here.

The more time I spent with Maddy, away from LA, the more I liked it. The move to Bowen Island had been what we needed to get healthy, to strengthen our relationship, and lay a foundation for our marriage. I’d promised Flint, Lewis and Cole the band would get back together, but I had no timeframe in sight. I wasn’t ready. They’d been so supportive of my need for a break, even if they gave me a nudge to come home now and then. I loved them for it. It meant they cared. But I refused to give them any false hope. I’d missed hanging out with the guys, but not enough to return to Cali permanently. Not yet...maybe never. I didn’t want to return to LA without being certain I could handle the shit the music industry and life in the public eye threw our way. Therapy had done wonders. My sponsor was great. I didn’t want to damage the good work and progress I’d made toward getting better.

Maddy had been the main key.

It had been months since we’d gotten dressed up to go to an event of any kind. Tonight had called for us to venture out of our jeans, sweatpants, and hoodies and put on something more suited to the occasion. Maddy had outdone herself. Glamorous, as always. Just one look at her in her yellow party dress stole my breath. She radiated pure warmth and sunshine through her big, bright smile. Her long, dark hair shimmered as it caught the light.

We stepped out of the elevator. With a bounce in her step and a hurry-up tug on my hand, Maddy dragged me across the rooftop promenade toward the bar. Her excitement at seeing Sutton bubbled in the air as we approached the mass gathering of guests. There must have been about one hundred people there.

Maddy drew me to a halt beside the oversized array of pink flowers.

“Are you sure about this?”

I didn’t miss the anxious edge in her voice. “Yeah, Mads.” I set reassurance into my smile and drew in a deep breath to clear my head. Shit. That’s beer. And champagne. The sweet scent drifted in the air, burning my throat like wild fire. I swayed on my feet but fought the urge to drink taunting my insides. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” But how long I could stay was questionable .

She rubbed my arm. “If at any time you need to leave, just say so.”

“Will do.” I gave her a sly smirk, then kissed her on the lips. “Does that include the need to take off so I can do wicked things to your gorgeous body?”

She caught my chin and arched one sexy eyebrow. “Yes, but later.”

“Deal.” I kissed her again, just because I could. “I love you, Mads.”

“Always.” She slid her hands down my black button-up, toyed with a button, then took me by the hand. Just as our fingers entwined, a loud, excited shriek pierced the air.

“MADDY!” Sutton charged forward, flung her arms around Maddy’s shoulders, and hugged her tight. “You made it.” With tears glistening in her eyes, Sutton laughed. Her infectious energy zapped the center of my chest. Yeah. It was good to see her.

“Ohhhhh.” Maddy reciprocated Sutton’s overzealous embrace, and they rocked from side to side. “It’s so good to see you. I miss you soooo much.” She shuffled back a step and flapped her hands at Sutton. “Show me the ring again.”

Sutton beamed as she held out her hand. The huge diamond glittered in the golden lights.

I hadn’t had the chance to see it close up before. Fuck. It is a huge rock.

Maddy and I hadn’t spent much time catching up with everyone during our last visit. When Sutton and Flint returned from lunch after he’d proposed, they’d been tipsy, wanting to drink more champagne and down some vodka shots. I’d had to leave. Maddy didn’t have to, but she’d gone home with me. The craving for a drink had hit hard. It’d burned too much. I’d been sober for eight months. I didn’t want to blow it. But I had to take small steps toward returning to a normal life without succumbing to drinking. Tonight would be a good test.

I had my therapist on speed dial. And my sponsor.

But Maddy was all I needed.

Flint swaggered over from the bar to join us. I flicked a finger at Sutton’s ring and jutted my chin toward him. “You’ve done good.”

“Thank fuck, right?” An I’m-cool smile inched across Flint’s face as he drew me in for a hug and slapped my back. “It’s good to see you, man. Real good.”

“Same.” I patted his shoulder and fell back a step. “Congratulations again. Shall we grab a drink to celebrate?”

Flint stilled. Concern rippled across his eyes. “Are you drinking alcohol again?”

“Nah, man. I’m still sober and loving it.” I did. But nothing stopped my taste buds from begging me for just one shot as I glanced toward the bar and the mass of people with champagne, wine, and beer in hand. No...I can do this. I’m in control. “Tonight I’ll find out if those thousands of dollars I’ve spent on therapy have been worth it.”

“We’ll make sure of it,” Flint said, reassuring me.

“Slip, we love that you and Maddy are here.” Sutton rested her head against Maddy’s as they embraced. “But ifbeing here gets too much, if you have to leave, or take a break, we’ll understand. We don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Sutt, thanks. I’m okay.” I threw her a wink. I loved how my friends cared, but I wished they’d stop worrying. I’d be better off if no one asked if I was drinking again. And even better if there weren’t ten types of vodka on the shelf behind the bar. Tito’s. Grey Goose. Absolut. Yeah, I’d counted them. Yeah, I wanted a shot. But would I have one?.. no . I was good. “Don’t worry about me. You just have a fabulous night. Enjoy your engagement. Let’s celebrate.”

“I’m down for that.” Flint thumbed toward the partygoers. “ Let’s go mingle.”

“After you.” I waved him forward. He took Sutton’s hand and drew her into the crowd. Maddy and I followed.

After hugging our friends hello, we grabbed drinks from a waiter. I opted for soda and lime. As long as I had something in my hand to keep me occupied, I’d be fine.

Sobriety was a daily battle, but it was one I’d keep fighting. I’d survived eight months; I planned on many more.

Maddy only indulged in a drink or two when we ventured out to dinner or caught up with these guys. She never drank at home. We had no alcohol in the house. But tonight she’d no doubt have a few drinks. Thank fuck kissing her didn’t break my sobriety. If it did, I’d be fucked.

She grabbed two flutes of champagne from a waiter passing by and handed one to Sutton. “So, have you set a date? Found a venue?”

“No. Not yet.” Sutton’s shoulders sank two inches as disappointment swayed in her voice. “Since we announced our engagement, we’ve had hundreds of messages from companies offering help, suggesting venues, and offering honeymoon packages. It’s so exciting. But then...everything we’ve looked at is booked out for at least two years. It’s crazy. I need to find a wedding planner like yesterday. Ava’s too busy with stuff for the band. I don’t want to add to her workload.”

“I’m happy to help.” Ava tilted her head toward Cole, Lewis, and Flint. “These guys are busy, but don’t have too much travel over the summer. I’m still run off my feet, but I’ll do what I can.”

Good thing she hadn’t included me in that gesture. I wasn’t rushing back to be involved in appearances and publicity events for our band just yet. I needed this break, and if I wanted more time off, the guys wouldn’t hesitate to give it to me. Even though it’d kill Flint.

Maddy sipped her champagne, then licked her lips. “Sutt, if you want a small wedding like Slip and I did at our house, you could use Raya. She was an amazing coordinator. But if you want big and flashy, have you contacted Quill? He’s the guy who organized my first wedding and only does high-end events. I’m sure if you drop your name, he’d take you onboard in less than a heartbeat.”

It still did my head in that Maddy had come close to marrying someone before me.

Sutton’s smile couldn’t get any bigger. “Oh...I loved Quill. He’d be perfect.”

Maddy crooked her head to one side and injected sarcasm into her tone. “Just as long as your wedding day doesn’t end up like my first one did.”

“Mads.” I threaded my fingers underneath her long hair and massaged her neck. “Noah was an asshole for leaving you at the altar. But I, for one, am glad he did. Now you’re mine, and I’m never letting you go.” I turned to Flint and jabbed my finger at him. “You and Sutt belong together. Don’t you ever hurt her. Don’t fuck this up.”

“I won’t.” Flint slid his arm around Sutton’s waist. Warmth flooded his eyes as he gazed at her. I loved seeing him happy. “Sutt is my forever. I can’t wait to get married. But it’s her day. I’ve just got to wear the suit she wants me in and turn up on time. Isn’t that all I have to do?”

“Uh...no.” Sutton counted on her fingers. “We need to find a venue, pick a theme, decide on decorations, colors, and flowers, select a cake, sort out food, transport, accommodation, and guest lists, plan our bachelor and bachelorette parties, organize the rehearsal and reception dinners, work out who’s going to play for us, register for gifts, and book the honeymoon. And I’m sure there are a million other things we’ll need to add to that list.”

Fuck. I was so glad Maddy and I hadn’t taken the traditional route. Gotta love a spontaneous Vegas wedding for some things. No stress was at the top of the list. The party we’d had when we renewed our vows was small and intimate...and hassle-free.

Flint scratched and rubbed his chest like he was about to have a heart attack. “There is a lot to organize, but you love that stuff. We’ll hire a wedding planner to help you. Call this Quill guy.”

“I will.” Smiling, Sutton jabbed her finger against his arm. “But you’re not getting out of anything. This is your day, too.”

“Yes, but I’ve already told you what I’d like. No church. On or near the beach. A big party to celebrate. As soon as possible.”

“I want those things too.” Sutton’s electric excitement was contagious. “After we’ve enjoyed being engaged for a while.”

Hmph. I hadn’t expected that. I’d thought she’d want to walk...no, run...down the aisle and marry Flint as quickly as she could. But she’d changed since we’d first met. Flint had been good for her. Sutton had a new confidence and strength that couldn’t be reckoned with. She didn’t take shit from anyone. Her wicked sense of humor rivaled Flint’s. They kept each other’s feet on the ground...well...except for tonight. They were both on a high, celebrating.

“Being engaged is overrated.” Maddy giggled and bumped her hip against mine. “Less than an hour was good for us.”

So true. “Perfect amount of time.” I kissed the sensitive skin on Maddy’s neck, just behind her ear, inhaling the sweet cocoa-butter scent of her shampoo. Mmmm. Mio bel girasole. My beautiful sunflower, who kept me grounded.

She flinched beneath my touch. Goose bumps shot over her skin, and she blushed. I loved that.

“I’m liking that notion more by the second,” Flint groaned, then grinned.

“Hey!” Sutton flicked Flint on the chest with the back of her hand. “We’re going to enjoy being engaged, and we’re going to have a fabulous wedding.”

“Yes. We will.” Flint caught her hand, kissed it, and drew her close. “I just can’t wait to marry you.”

“Me either.” Sutton smiled, melted into his side, and kissed him on the cheek.

“Well, then.” I raised my glass toward the center of my gathered friends. “To Sutton and Flint. Congratulations on your engagement. We look forward to being part of your celebrations and your future together. Cheers.”

“Thank you.” Sutton dipped her chin, then took a sip of her champagne. She turned to Maddy and caught her by the hand. “We will have to line up some weekends to go dress shopping. I can’t do that with anyone but you. Will you please be my maid of honor?”

“Really?” Maddy stood two inches taller, towering half a head over Sutton. “I’d love to.”

“There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side. I wish you lived closer. I want you to be part of everything. I’m so freaking excited.”

“I’ll be here as often as I can.” Maddy hugged Sutton, but I didn’t miss the falter in my wife’s tone. “I promise.”

An ache stabbed the center of my chest. Maddy always missed Sutton, but was she missing LA? That was new. We’d kept in touch with everyone, but other than two quick trips home for the spreading of Phil’s ashes and Flint’s proposal, we hadn’t been here for months.

Maddy didn’t miss rushing home every two weeks to care for her mom like she used to do before we’d moved to Bowen Island. Valerie had been away when we’d been here visiting. Valerie’s lupus still wasn’t under control, but during her brief phone calls, she’d insisted she was stable and doing okay. Bridget, her former home nurse and now live-in companion, had kept her in line. Bridget had been a godsend, giving Maddy a much-needed break from looking after her mom. Maddy’s mental health, eating disorder, and worries seemed to have disappeared since we’d been living on the island. Like me, she’d needed to escape.

I hadn’t missed parties or going out. It was strange how content I was just hanging out with my wife. Walking. Talking. Reading. Kayaking around the island. I’d gotten back into repairing old guitars after finding some for sale at the local markets. Maddy had taken up landscape painting. She was so fucking good. Our new interests were part of our therapy and recovery, and we loved the creative outlet. But maybe Maddy was ready for things to change. Our travels would amp up once she returned to filming her show in Vancouver at the end of next month. I wasn’t looking forward to our getaway coming to an end.

But we were here in LA for two days.

I planned to enjoy every moment of the weekend, catching up with friends.

After our drink, the guys grabbed fresh vodkas and the girls, champagne.

As food came around, we fell into telling old stories, cracking jokes, and throwing digs at each other. I missed this element of our friendship.

But as the alcohol flowed and people got drunk, just looking at the bar became hot torture. The smell tantalized my nostrils and spun through my head. The recollection of the taste on my tongue made my mouth water. My veins hummed as I recalled the buzz. The high. The fun. The kick. The rush.

No. Stop. Don’t go there.

I grabbed another soda and lime from the bar, excused myself, and made my way to the far end of the rooftop. Taking a seat at one of the small tables, I took a slow, deep breath to clear my head. That’s better. I stared out across the endless blanket of LA lights, the traffic meandering along the boulevards, and the black silhouette of the mountains in the distance.

Pity LA wasn’t always this quiet, scenic, and calm.

“Hey?” Cole.

I jumped as he slapped me on the shoulder and took the chair beside me. Lewis and Flint fell onto the seats opposite us. All had bottles of water, no booze. Thank fuck.

Cole nudged his elbow against my arm. “Everything okay?”

“Yep.” I fidgeted with my glass on the table, twisting it from side to side and picking at the etched logo. “Just needed a moment.”

“Take all the time you need. I’m just glad you’re here.” Cole ruffled the top of my head, flicking my long hair over my face. I didn’t miss that.

“Yeah. Me too.” Chuckling, I swept my hair back into place and pushed his hand away.

“You’re looking better every time I see you.” Lewis waved his water bottle at me before taking a sip.

“Thanks, man. Feeling it too.”

“I’m really happy for you.” Flint reached across the table, slapped my arm, and laid it on. “So, does being here ignite the fire under your ass and the need to get the band back together?”

Never subtle. Not his style. “The fire hasn’t gone out. It never did. Unlike you.” I smirked, giving him a dig in return.

I understood the desperation and need for music. Our friendship and our band were life. Cole and I had been gutted when Flint lost his connection with music after Phil died. Sutton had been the key to getting it back. But I’d never lost touch with music. I just needed time out. The alcohol and drugs and pain had broken me. I’d pushed myself too hard. I didn’t want to find myself in the gutter again. “I play nearly every day. But Bowen Island is where I need to be for now.”

“I know you do. I want nothing more than for you to be well. But just so you know, I’ve been writing songs.” A spark stirred low in Flint’s tone. “I’m creating tunes. Coming up with new riffs. Recording progressions. I can’t wait to get back together so we can turn them into something amazing.”

Cole slumped in his chair. Anguish drifted across his eyes. “Flint, why haven’t you asked Lewis and me over?”

Flint jiggled his leg, fidgeted with a coaster, and furrowed his brow. His voice fell to a pained murmur. “It wouldn’t be the same without Slip.”

The weight in his tone pressed against my chest.

Me being away was hard on everyone, especially Flint. I understood that. But they had my back.

“Thanks, man.” I stared at my drink to avoid Flint’s heavy gaze. “That means a lot to me.” But s hit ...a wild notion popped into my head. How did I feel about it? I had no clue. I had to put it out there...for Flint. I cared about him too much to not say anything. My stomach cinched and swayed like a sail in the breeze. “If you’re that hungry to create new music, why don’t you do something that isn’t related to the four of us? Work on a new project. Maybe... shit ...have you considered doing a solo album?” I held my breath as I glanced from Cole, to Flint, to Lewis and back again, gauging their reactions. All three jerked backward like I’d stabbed them in the fucking hearts...and their backs. Fuck. I backpedaled a fraction. “Or what about writing songs for other artists? Do a collaboration. Work with Kyle, Gem, Hayden, and Hunter. Everhide would love you to work with their signed artists. You need to keep busy. Keep writing.”

“Are you fucking with me?” Blue fire shot through Flint’s eyes. “No. Other musicians do that when they want to explore alternate music styles and sounds that differ from their band’s vibe. That’s not me. I’m not me without the three of you. I don’t ever want to go down that road. ”

It’d kill me too, but I never wanted to hold my friends back while I focused on fixing myself. “Flint, none of us want you to lose your gift again. It’s just a side project. Just...think about it.”

“No.” His jaw tensed and ticked. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.

“Whoa. Breathe, dude.” Lewis nudged Flint on the arm. “It was just a suggestion. But...it’s an interesting one.” He shrugged and bobbed his head. Then, clicking his fingers, he straightened. “What about that chick you told me about? The one you introduced me to at the LA Music Awards after-party? What’s her name?...Reba? She was looking for a songwriter, wasn’t she?”

Reba? She’d lost on the Discovered-On-YouTube contest that had shot Everhide to fame several years ago. She’d had a great solo career since then but hadn’t had any big chart-topping hits for a couple of years. We often caught up at events. She was quirky and wild and would be fun to work with.

“Whoa.” Cole eased forward, rested his arms on the table, and clasped his hands together. He took a moment to breathe as he studied Flint. “It’s not a horrid idea. We’d support you if you wanted to do it. Although it would be like you’re cheating on us.”

“See?” Flint thrust his palm at Cole and glared at me. “I couldn’t do it.”

“Fine. Don’t.” I leaned back in my chair, stretched out my legs, and crossed my ankles. There was no skin off my back. I just didn’t want him to resent my time off. I couldn’t handle that. Not ever. “It was just an idea. But regarding us, as a band, please bear with me. I’ll come back when I’m ready. I promise.” I just wasn’t there yet, and I was scared I never would be. My love for these guys and music were the only things that kept me optimistic .

“Slip? Ignore Flint. He’s got other things to worry about.” Cole snickered and jutted his chin at Flint. “You’re gonna be inundated with wedding plans. You won’t have time to contemplate doing anything else.”

“Yes, I will. Sutton will have everything under control. She’s incredible and knows what she wants and loves organizing parties. If I help, I’ll just get in her way and stress her out. I don’t want to do that.” He swiveled his water bottle around on top of the table, staring at it. Trouble etched deep into his brow. “It’s just weird not having music to work on. After our second tour, we had a contract to deliver another album. Now, after our third, we have nothing. No goal. No deadlines. And I don’t like that. I need music and to play in front of crowds and to be with you guys.”

My chest ached, low and deep. I’d crave those things too...when I was better.

Flint knew that. Respected that. But that never stopped him from having a crack at testing me. Asshole, but I love him.

“Flint, come hang out with Tia and me.” Lewis changed the direction of the conversation. “We’re off to Ibiza next week, then traveling with Duke and his band up the West Coast doing the festival circuit. It will be fun.”

Oh yeah . Festivals were wild...often full of drugs, booze, and raging parties. When Flint struggled after Phil’s death, Cole and I had played with friends at some festivals to help them out as needed. It had been a gig here and there—nothing serious. Nothing long term. Not our music. We were The Flintlocks. No other band or venture could replace that. We were tied to each other for life.

But until my soul healed, and my mental strength returned, I couldn’t mend the hole I’d caused in our band. I wouldn’t let Flint, or anyone else, sway my decision.

“Damn. I love a good festival.” Flint slowly broke out into a smile. He glanced over my shoulder at the partygoers and chuckled. “But I’ll pass. I was away from Sutt too much during the tour. She’d kill me if I took off again.”

“Who’s under the thumb?” Cole kicked Flint’s ankle underneath the table.

“I’m not afraid to admit I am.” Flint grinned with no shame. “But you can’t talk. How many times have you asked Ava to move in with you now?”

“I’ve lost count.” Cole slouched back in his chair and gulped down his water. He placed the empty bottle on the table and crushed it. “I’ve given up asking. I don’t like not getting my way. Why the fuck did I fall for a woman who doesn’t kiss my feet?”

“Because there’s no fun in that.” I shrugged. “Ava’s good for you.”

A cool smile inched across his mouth. “She drives me fucking crazy, but in a good way. I’d do anything for her and our kids.”

“Then the best thing you can do is to be patient.” I spoke to Cole but directed my comment at Flint. He just grinned and nodded. He knew that was meant for him. I flicked my gaze back to Cole. “Give Ava the time she needs. Shock fucking horror, but sometimes people need that to figure things out. They need to make sure any big life changes are right and to be confident in those choices. Not everyone processes things at the same pace. Give her some space or you’ll drive her away.”

“When did you become such a wise old fuck?” Grinning, Lewis waved and pointed his water bottle at me. “Don’t go off at me for being the oldest one in the group.”

“Rehab did me wonders.” I couldn’t deny the fact. The journey back from hell had changed me. I honestly didn’t think I’d be here if I hadn’t. What kept me going every day was Maddy.

But I’d sensed a shift in her. Her mom’s deteriorating health and her own return to work no doubt played on her mind. Our escape was coming to an end.

Shit.

I wanted to hold on to our life away for as long as possible. But I knew if...no, whenI came back—I had to be more optimistic—these guys would be there for me. Always.

I took in each of my friends. “Guys, stop worrying. Things are good. I’m doing everything I can to get better. I mean that.” I pinned Flint with my gaze. “But you need to take care of yourself and each other, too. Flint, think about writing for Reba. Talk to Everhide. You’re getting married. Be involved. Enjoy every moment. Don’t fuck this up.”

He stared at me. He took a big breath, and a warm smile inched across his face. “I won’t. And...maybe you’re right. I’ll consider contacting Reba and Everhide. No promises, but it might give me something interesting to work on.”

“Good.” I was right. He knew it. I jerked my head toward the partygoers. “Sutton is amazing. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am. But I’d be even better if the band was together.”

A low laugh rumbled through my chest. Fuck, I loved him. “Patience, my padawan.”

“Yes, Master. But you know I have none. Fuck...” Flint groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck and stared up at the sky. “I’ve turned into Sutton, haven’t I?”

“Somewhat.” I bobbed my head slowly. “But you’re good. We’re good. And that’s what matters. We’re The Flintlocks. Together for life.”

But more change was coming.

I felt it in my bones . . . and my soul.

I prayed I was ready and strong enough for whatever lay ahead.