Chapter 19
LEWIS
“Lewis? Wake up. Oh shit. Shit. SHIT . Arrrrgh !”
Tia’s slap on my head, cursing, and shaking of my shoulder had jolted me from my sleep. “Tee? What’s up?”
“It’s time. We have to go. Now!”
“Now?” My pulse spiked, hitting my skull with a thud. “You sure?”
“Arrrrgh!” Tia rolled onto her side, drew her knees up, and clutched her belly. Her breath hissed through her teeth. “Fuck yes. It’s coming. I haven’t slept. My lower back is killing me.”
“Has your water broken?”
“No.” She winced and keeled forward. “Lew, our baby is coming. My contractions are five minutes apart.”
“Fuck. Okay.” I blinked and wiped the sleep from my face. Yep, I’m awake . The bright LED light from the clock on the nightstand burned my retinas. 2:23 a.m. I got this.
I swung my legs off the bed, but paused. I turned back to Tia, leaned over, and kissed her. Excitement and fear skipped through her gorgeous green eyes. It did the same in the base of my gut. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fucking terrified. Somehow, this thing has to come out of me. ”
Yeah . I wasn’t looking forward to that part either.
She flicked her finger toward the walk-in closet. “Just help me get changed, grab our bags, and let’s go.”
“On it.” I dashed across the room, changed, and grabbed Tia her favorite stretchy comfy sweatpants and hoodie. Tia had packed and prepared her hospital bag. I hadn’t. I zoomed around the room and stuffed a few things into an overnight bag. In less than five minutes, we were dressed and out the door.
As I drove out of the Hills toward the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, my pulse hadn’t returned to normal. Not sure it would. This was it. Today, we’d meet our baby. I reached over and rubbed Tia’s thigh. “Are you ready for our lives to change?”
“Too late if I’m not. Arrrrgh !” she cried as her hands circled her belly. “Fuck! It hurts.”
“Hold on, Tee. We’re nearly there.”
With my foot to the floor, I broke every speed limit on the way to the hospital.
We’d called ahead and were met at the front door by a nurse waiting with a wheelchair. While Tia was taken to the delivery ward, I sped our Mercedes to the parking garage, pulled into an empty space, and sprinted back to the reception area with our bags in hand. Tia had just finished checking in when another contraction hit.
She glanced at her watch. “They’re three minutes apart.”
“Okay.” Nurse Loretta patted and rubbed Tia on the shoulder. “Let’s get you onto a bed and see where you’re at.”
I followed the nurse wheeling Tia through a set of secure double doors and into a monitoring room. I dropped our bags just inside the door, then helped Tia to stand. After she changed into a hospital gown, she clambered onto the bed. As the nurse attached a heart-rate monitor to Tia’s finger, Tia clenched her teeth, grabbed her belly, and cried. It was so loud, I was sure she woke the rest of the band miles away. “ Arrrrg h ! Get this thing out of me.”
I wished I could. My ribs ached with every breath. I’d been to all of Tia’s obstetrician appointments. Watched our baby grow day by day. I had the 3D image from one of our baby’s scans saved as the background image on my phone, but we didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl.
I’d read every baby book Tia had bought. I knew what was supposed to happen at every stage. We’d visited the hospital, so we knew where to come on the day. But nothing had prepared me for the pain spearing Tia’s cries when her contractions hit. It jolted my stomach, flooded me with nausea, stabbed my chest, and filled me with total hopelessness.
“Tee?” I kissed her forehead. “Can I get you anything? Water? A cold cloth? Want me to rub your back?”
“No.” Tia grimaced, grabbed my hand, and gripped it tight. “Just don’t leave me for a second.”
Fuck! Did she have to crush my fingers? Clearly...yes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
After attaching more monitors and cables to Tia, the nurse turned to me. “I need to check how far along Tia is. Would you mind stepping outside for a second?”
Tia shook her head. “No. He stays. He’s seen everything down there.”
“True.” A sly smile slid across my lips. “I’m here for all of it.” Except the smell of hospital disinfectant and the sight of medical equipment. Wooziness ran through my head in a feverish wave. If I kept my focus on Tia, I’d be fine. Hopefully.
“As you wish.” Loretta slipped on a pair of disposable gloves and draped a sheet over Tia’s waist. “Tia? I need you to pull up your knees, then widen them.”
I happily stayed beside Tia’s head. Right then, I didn’t need to see everything.
Loretta’s hand disappeared beneath the sheet. Tia winced and wriggled on the bed.
“Tia, you’re about eight centimeters dilated.” Loretta ripped off her plastic gloves, tossed them into the trash can, and then washed her hands at the sink. “This baby wants out. We need to get you into a delivery room.”
Holy shit! How long had Tia been in labor? She’d been fine when we went to bed at ten. She’d said her lower back was aching, but that wasn’t anything unusual. But clearly, it had been.
Tia lowered her legs and straightened her hospital gown over her tummy. “Don’t we have to call my doctor?”
“Yes.” Loretta nodded as she typed notes into the laptop beneath one monitor. “We’ll call Dr. Mila, but I’m not sure she’ll get here in time. She lives about an hour away.”
“No. No. No.” Tia shook her head in short, sharp jerks. “I’ll wait. She has to deliver our baby.”
Loretta placed a hand on Tia’s shoulder and gave it a gentle rub. “Remember, you have to be prepared for anything and do what is best for your child. You may want to wait, but I don’t think your baby does.” A comforting smile flitted across Loretta’s face. “We have other doctors here if needed. You’re in good, safe hands.”
“I know.” Tia winced. “But I want Dr. Mila.”
It wasn’t like Tia to be anxious. But having a baby warranted anything. The panic in Tia’s voice seared my brain. Somehow, I found a thread of inner calm. “Loretta, I can call our doctor if it helps.”
The nurse glanced at the monitors blipping away. Flashing lines and numbers blazed across the screens. There were no alarms going off, so that was a good thing, right?
Loretta nodded at me. “Thank you, but I will. Everything is fine, but the baby is close.”
“Wow.” I drew my shoulders back. “I thought the first baby was supposed to take a long time.”
“So did I.” Furrows grooved Tia’s brow as she pressed and rubbed her tummy. Our little munchkin wants out. “But I won’t complain if this is over with quickly.” She glanced at the nurse. “What about pain relief? An epidural?”
Shit! Tia had wanted to go drug-free. But yeah, I would’ve taken anything that was on offer. I hated that this hurt her.
“You’re too close for an epidural, but you can have gas.” Loretta pointed toward the levers and gas lines at the back of the bed.
“Yep.” Tia flapped her fingers at Loretta. “Give it to me. Now!”
Loretta smiled and nodded as if understanding and hooked up a tube for Tia. She handed Tia the plastic device. “Okay. Gently inhale through this mouthpiece at the beginning of a contraction. Not too much, or you’ll get head spins.”
Tia snatched the tube from the nurse and sucked on the gas. Bliss hit Tia’s face.
Loretta’s eyes glinted, and she patted Tia’s shoulder. “You’re doing fine. When I get back in a couple minutes, we’ll transfer you to a delivery suite. I’ll be quick.” Loretta pushed the laptop trolley clear of the bedside and dashed out the door.
Just as it clicked closed, Tia curled onto her side and wailed. “Ow!” She held her belly.
I dashed around to the other side of the bed and massaged her lower back. “Does this help?”
“Yeah. But I think I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want a baby anymore.”
I chuckled. “Bit late for that. But you got this.”
“Ooooh.” Concentration etched her brow, and she breathed in and out. In and out. In and out. “You reckon? I’ll gladly trade places.”
“I’m no good with pain.” I wasn’t. I was a total wuss. I hated paper cuts. There was no way I’d handle labor. Just seeing Tia in pain twisted my insides into knots. “You’re the strong one—not me.”
Five minutes later, Loretta returned and transferred us to a delivery suite.
Withing thirty minutes, Tia’s contractions were down to two minutes apart. Her sweaty hair clung to her face. She puffed through her breathing exercises. Rolled from side to side. Cursed and cried, groaned, and screamed...a lot.
I never left her side, totally blown away by what was happening and the miracle of life. Our baby would come into a loving home, be cared for, adored, and supported, no matter who they grew up to be. They’d never be abused, rejected, or disowned like my parents had done to me.
I wiped Tia’s forehead with an icy-cold cloth. Rubbed and massaged her back. I held her hand. Breathed through the contractions with her. Gave her encouraging words and kisses. But with every minute that passed, I felt more and more useless.
Tia was just fucking amazing. She kept going. Kept finding new grit, strength, and determination.
Thirty minutes later, Loretta examined Tia again. She was fully dilated.
Loretta was about to buzz for a doctor, but the door to our suite swung open and in swept Dr. Mila and another nurse, Pamela. For someone who’d been woken at three o’clock in the morning and made it to the hospital in just under an hour, Dr. Mila looked incredible, as if she were prepared for a normal workday. Neat hair in a bun. Neat scrubs. Neat touch of makeup. Wow! She’s superwoman!
“Well, this is an exciting reason to be woken up for in the wee hours of the morning.” Dr. Mila came over to the bedside. “Hi, Tia. Lewis? You hanging in there?”
“Just.” Smirking, I puffed air through my nose. Tia’s gorgeous green eyes shimmered, and she found a smile for me. As I kissed her clammy hand, a new wave of anxious excitement quivered through my veins, but so did fresh concern for Tia. With the doctor here, the hardest stage for Tia was yet to come...delivering our baby.
Dr. Mila grabbed a set of disposable gloves out of the box on the wall, snapped them on, and stepped in beside Tia. Loretta gave the doctor a quick update.
After Dr. Mila did a quick examination of Tia, she nodded. “Tia? Are you ready to meet your baby?”
“Please? Get this thing out of me.”
“You have to do that part, but I’ll be with you every step of the way. Are you ready to push?”
Loretta stayed monitoring the machines. Pamela wheeled a trolley of implements toward the far end of the bed. The blood drained from my face. I hoped the doctor didn’t have to use any of them. Ergh! I wasn’t looking forward to this.
I squeezed Tia’s hands. “Tee, I’m sorry for knocking you up.”
Her grip tightened around my fingers. “I’m not. We want this. Just don’t let go of my hand.”
“Never.”
“Arrrrgh! Fuck!” Her pain-filled cry punched my gut. “We’re only having one kid this way. This sucks.”
“One is more than I could’ve ever dreamed of, so I’m okay with that.”
“I know. But if we have a second, it will be via C-section. That has to be easier and less painful than this.”
Another child? Wow! We hadn’t talked about more than one. But I was down for whatever she wanted. I kissed her sweaty forehead. “Let’s start with this baby first.”
“Okay,” she said through clenched teeth and dipped her chin. Exhaustion had already drained the light in her eyes. “One baby, coming up. ”
Dr. Mila moved into position, seated between Tia’s raised legs, and wriggled her facemask into place. She patted Tia’s knee. “On the next contraction, I want you to push.”
Tears sprang from Tia’s eyes as she nodded. She monkey-gripped my hand super tight, cutting off my circulation. I didn’t care.
“You got this, babe. I love you.” I swiped the damp strands of hair off her face.
“I’m scared.” She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Don’t be. I’m here. You can do this.”
The lines on the monitor waved. The contraction hit and Tia pushed, screaming as she curled forward. My stomach cinched as if I felt every contraction, but I knew mine didn’t come close to what she was going through.
“That’s it, Tia,” Dr. Mila bobbed her head. “You’re doing great. Let’s do the same again.”
“ARRRRGH!” Tia screamed and pushed. “Lewis, why the fuck do you have to have such a big head? This baby has taken after you.”
“I don’t have a big head.” Do I? But yeah, the baby was above average in our previous scans.
“Wanna bet?” Tia hissed.
She strained and pushed. Her cries reverberated off the walls. Tia collapsed, exhausted, against the pillow. The same motions went on and on. Push after push. Contraction after contraction.
Tia was spent. I was drained, but didn’t falter in giving her words of encouragement, holding her hand, soothing her brow with a cloth, or loving her with all my heart.
Somehow she kept going, digging deep to find new strength, and tapped into her energy reserves. She was my pillar of strength more than I was hers.
An hour later, Dr. Mila gave Tia the thumbs-up as she nodded. “That’s it. I can see the head. We’re almost there.” Fiery encouragement charged through the doctor’s tone. “You can do this. Give me a big push.”
“I can’t,” Tia sobbed. “I’m tired. Just cut it out of me. Fuck this shit.”
“Tee?” I kissed her hand. “I want to meet our baby. Don’t you?”
“Yeah.” Her chin trembled. “I do.”
The contraction hit, and she cried. Cried and pushed. “ARRRRGH. YOU MOTHERFUCKER.”
“That’s it, Tia.” Dr. Mila added grit into her tone. “Use that energy and push. Push hard.”
“FUUUUCK!” Straining and groaning, Tia clenched her teeth and curled forward over her chest.
Tears welled in my eyes. The agony on her face and her pained howl speared my soul, but her unwavering determination ignited it. God, I loved her. “Come on, baby. You can do this.”
“Yes, you can, Tia.” Dr. Mila’s eyes widened. “Here it comes. Keep going. Keep going. Yes. That’s it.”
Tia pushed and pushed.
“Yes!” Dr. Mila hollered. “You did it.”
Exhausted, panting for air, Tia collapsed against the pillow and cried. Sweat trickled down her blazing-hot face, but she’d never looked so beautiful. I kissed her forehead, and she threw me a tired smile.
“And it’s a beautiful baby girl.” The doctor’s eyes shone over her mask. She lifted a bloody, gooey baby into the air. The slimy umbilical cord hung from her middle.
Sweat broke out on my brow. My queasy stomach rocked. Dizziness swam through my head. But my heart soared to the stars. Holy shit. We have a daughter. But oh crap...am I going to faint? Throw up?
Then the sweetest sound I’d ever heard filled the room.
Our daughter cried.
My nausea disappeared. Fresh tears welled in my eyes. One escaped as I leaned over and kissed Tia. “You did it. We have a baby girl.”
“Oh my God,” Tia sobbed as the doctor placed the baby on Tia’s chest. “Hi, little one.” She cradled our child, and the most gorgeous smile lit her face.
My heart exploded.
Nurse Loretta quickly placed a blanket over our baby for warmth and cleaned her face, since she was covered in a lot of goo.
As the doctor performed checks on our child, and the nurse tended to Tia, I somehow buried my nausea and scurried around to cut the cord. I was glad Dr. Mila had already done the bulk of it. Mine was just a token gesture. And nope, I didn’t need to do that again.
Tia kissed our daughter on the forehead and brushed her fingertip down our baby’s cheek. “Lewis, she’s beautiful.”
“She is.” I leaned over Tia, taking both my girls in. “So does the name we chose still fit?”
A fresh, glistening tear slid down Tia’s cheek as she nodded. “Yeah. She’s Winter. Winter Mavis King.”
We’d talked about and tossed around so many ideas, but the first one we’d come up with had stuck and grown on us more and more each day. Tia and I had met three years ago in December at a club after I’d just joined The Flintlocks. We’d connected during my first few days with the band in the snow at Big Bear and then in New York in January when we’d recorded. Tia had twisted my queer life upside-down. She’d changed me forever. That year I’d found a new home, a new band, and had fallen in love with her. We’d had many magical nights during the nine months of tour, but some of the most memorable were in winter when we’d performed in the US and Canada. Winter had brought us together. Had changed our lives. And now, our love had brought us our own precious little girl... Winter .
Cuddled against Tia’s chest, Winter yawned, blinked her tiny lashes, but then squeezed her eyes shut, not ready to face the light.
I draped my arm over the pillow behind Tia and rested my head against hers. I placed my trembling hand on Winter’s back and gave her the softest of pats. She was so tiny. So fragile. So perfect. My heart couldn’t be any fuller. This was living. “Tee, she’s gorgeous.”
“We did it,” Tia sniffled. “We made a baby.”
“Yeah. We did.”
We certainly had. Wow!
After all the heartache and pain I’d endured growing up, the many career highs and lows I’d weathered, and the struggles that had tormented me when I’d fallen for Tia, I’d survived...I’d truly found my soulmate. I was so fucking happy. I’d found where I belonged. I had everything I’d ever wanted. A band. A home. A family.
“I love you, Tee.” I kissed her soft lips. “You’ve made all my dreams come true. We have a beautiful daughter. I have you. I promise to love both of you forever. Okay?”
“I love you. And Winter is perfect.”
“She is. Just like you.”
Moving across the country was the best decision I’d ever made.
I’d found my future. Nothing was ever going to change that.
Life in LA fucking rocked!