Who am I, and what is this place?
Who am I, and what is this place?
***
I think I’ve been here before.
I take a seat on the grass bank overlooking a great river. It is day, and yet the light here is dim, as if someone blotted out a part of the sun. Everything feels dull, and I am so tired.
I’m always tired here.
I don’t know what this place is. I try to recall it and find nothing where the memory should be. I look at my hands in my lap and recognise them as my own, but I don’t know who I am. I have a name… I think.
I had a name. I…
Soft footsteps approach, and I turn to find a little girl coming towards me. She smiles, but it’s the face of someone doing their best to be brave. She’s sad, an emotion too heavy for one so small.
What is this place, and where are her parents?
She has the most striking eyes; a beautiful gold colour, like amber. They’re a welcome brightness in this otherwise dull world.
“What’s this one?” Iris asks, pointing to a polished lump of kauri gum, sitting among the collection of gemstones. She picks it up and it fills the palm of her small hand.
“Amber,” I tell her. “See, it has a mosquito inside. Papa gave it to me when I was your age. And this one here is amethyst.”
I blink, trying to grasp onto that memory. My sister…
My…
“Are you okay?”
My head whips towards the voice. It belongs to a little girl, her gold eyes so striking.
“I’m… fine, thank you.” I’m not really, but I’m at a loss for words when it comes to this situation. “You seem familiar…”
She grins, showing off teeth that are alarmingly sharp, before sitting beside me, close enough that her knee touches mine as she crosses her legs beneath her blue skirt. I stare at the top of her head, full of glossy black curls, and ask, “Have we met before?”
She nods. “You’re my friend.”
There is something about her that is different to all the other little girls I’ve ever known. I try to remember them, any children, any people, anything, and I can’t.
And then I can. Sister. I have a sudden flash of a memory; a child of this size, but with blonde curls, giggling as she runs down a small set of stairs and into my open arms. “I love you!”
I blink and the image in my mind is gone once more, and I am not sure who I was thinking about, only that my heart aches terribly. I recognise this feeling now. I’m lonely.
I realise the little girl beside me is staring. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I forgot you were there. This place is very strange, isn’t it?”
She nods. “You’ve been here a really long time, but you said it’s always been the same.”
“Did I?”
“It’s really boring. Nothing happens here, and I never grow up.”
That is a strange comment to make. It gives me chills. “Are we dead?” I ask in a whisper. She shakes her head, but I don’t believe her. In fact, I know I’m dead. I don’t know how I know, but… “I’m sorry,” I apologise, “but I don’t know anything about this place. I have no memory at all.”
“It’s okay, they always take it away here. They took my name. They took yours too, but I think when you go up, you remember.”
“Who did?” I ask. I don’t know what she’s talking about… who are they, and what does she mean by going up?
She shakes her head.
“How long have you been here?”
She is quiet for a long time, and when I bend to look at her properly, her chin wobbles, tears threatening to fall. Oh, poor wee darling.
“Are you lost?” I whisper. “Can I help you find your mother?”
She nods, giving me another pained smile. “That’s why you’re my friend. You can go. You can find my mommy and daddy for me. I’ve seen it happen. You can keep going until you do. I’ll keep sending you until you find them.”
Go where? I think as her little hand reaches for mine. A golden glow appears between our palms.
“What is it?” I whisper, feeling the warmth of it, almost too hot on my skin.
“Something they forgot to take,” she says. “My wolves.”
And then I am falling upwards, being pulled into the darkened sky.