Chapter One #2
“Hi, baby! Did you have a good day?” I beam at my two-and-a-half-year-old ray of sunshine with her blonde hair and blue eyes while I wave to her teacher. I grab her winter coat, hat, and gloves from her cubby on the wall as she runs on awkward feet and throws her arms around my legs.
“I play!” She smiles proudly and points at her creation on the floor. “Blocks!”
“Wow, that looks so good,” I praise, pulling on her coat and hat.
“Tank you, mommy.” Lilah gives me the cheesiest grin, then holds her hands up to me. “Hold you.”
“You want me to hold you?”
She keeps her hands up, and I lift her up, placing her on my hip while giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“Look! See daddy!” Lilah points to another parent who came in behind me.
My heart stutters at the word, guilt filling me at the fact that Lilah doesn’t know her own dad.
It’s not even his fault I’ve kept her from him.
Kept her from everyone who could tell him about her.
It’s not fair to either of them, but I don’t even know if he would believe she’s his, let alone want to be in her life.
I push the guilt down and give my girl a shaky smile. “Yes, that’s Silas’s daddy.”
The walk back to the car and getting her buckled in her car seat is a blur. The word “daddy” keeps echoing in my mind like a reminder of how badly I’ve failed my daughter.
While driving home, my mind races with thoughts of Jake and how different things might have been if he never ghosted me.
It might not have ended any differently, to be honest. We had a friends-with-benefits situation going on for about a year before he stopped answering my texts.
No warning, no explanation, just radio silence.
Really, I shouldn’t have expected anything more from him, but a silly, desperate part of me had hoped that he might eventually see me as more. More than a fling, more than a good time. That’s what I get for hooking up with someone I had feelings for back in high school.
I had really thought, back when we first hooked up, that I could keep my emotions separate.
That I could keep myself from catching feelings when it was obvious he would never see me as a serious commitment.
I knew what I was getting into. He was a player, and I was determined to keep my feelings separate from sex.
I had thought that I had made my peace with it, determined to just enjoy the ride while it lasted.
And then he stopped messaging me.
And then I took a pregnancy test.
I still remember the gut-wrenching panic and fear that gripped me as I stared at the two pink lines on the stick.
Jake… I knew he didn’t want kids. Hell, he didn’t even want a relationship, and that’s why we kept things casual…
not that I had told him I wanted anything different.
He had already cut contact at that point, and I figured he would think I was trying to trap him into something by telling him about the baby.
That I was trying to get him to commit to me in a way that he never wanted.
I refused for myself or my unborn child to ever be someone’s obligation.
So when Beatrice told me about the nurse program, I left.
Thoughts of Jake still haven’t left my mind by the time we’re in our little one bedroom apartment, and I’m feeding Lilah dinner.
I’m pretty sure he’s still playing for the Reapers in Boston.
From what I understand, he’s never gotten along with his family, so I don’t think he’ll be in Ivy Glen if he can help it.
Since Jake is the best friend of my best friend’s husband, I’ve always known there would someday be an overlap, but I can try my damndest to avoid it as long as possible. For Lilah’s sake.
“Mommy! Rawr!” Lilah holds up a dino chicken nugget to my face.
“Ahh!” I hold up my hands in mock horror, shaken out of my stupor by Lilah’s antics.
“I save you!” She giggles as she bites the head of the nugget, and I laugh, holding my hand to my chest in fake relief.
“Oh, thank goodness. I was so scared.”
“I yuh you, mommy,” Lilah grabs my arm and drags me down to press a nugget-crumb-filled kiss to my cheek.
“I love you too, baby girl.”
She hums happily as she eats the rest of her dinner.
After I put her to bed in her little toddler bed in the corner of the room next to mine, I take my laptop to look again at the apartment we’re going to be renting.
I can afford a two-bedroom in Ivy Glen versus the big city rent of Harrisburg.
It’s a cute little unit with a balcony off the kitchen, and Lilah will get her own bedroom and bathroom.
Each unit has a washer and dryer as well, which is better than some other options I found where they have a laundry room for the entire building.
I click through the pictures again, trying to convince myself it’s fine; the world is not ending because I’m going back home.
It’s not like I had never planned on going back to Ivy Glen.
I just never thought it would be so soon.
Uncle Andrew and Aunt Lori have run Wixx Medical Clinic since it opened thirty-five years ago.
In fact, I worked there for years before I moved to Harrisburg.
They never had kids of their own, and I’m the only family they have that went into the medical field.
It’s always been kind of understood that I’d take over one day.
I just wish it were under different circumstances.
Yawning and shutting my laptop, I’m about ready to head into bed when I check my phone.
My blood runs cold. It’s him. Again. Bile churns in my gut as I read the message.
Unknown: You should wear your hair like you did today more often. That French braid makes my cock hard.