Chapter Five #2
I desperately try to steady my breathing. Okay, is there any benefit to this situation? Yes, actually. At least we aren’t in town right now., and if he doesn’t come back to Ivy Glen for a while, it’ll give me more time to figure things out and prepare for whatever his reaction is going to be.
When we reach our floor, I keep my eyes on the patterned carpet as Sophie and I make our way down the long hallway toward her room.
Sophie glances over at me, her eyes wide with guilt.
“Abbie, I’m seriously so sorry. I really had no idea he was coming.
This isn’t, like, a setup or anything, I swear. And the room thing?—”
“It’s fine,” I assure her, trying to keep my voice steady. “I know you wouldn’t do that to me. It’s not your fault. It just happened.”
She frowns as we reach her room, and she unlocks the door. “Bunk with me tonight. It’s not a big deal, I promise.”
I wave a hand, pretending like my heart isn’t trying to beat its way out of my chest. “Sophie, really. He’s here, and I’m here. I would never impose on Carter’s birthday weekend, or your little babymoon. We’ll survive.”
Even as I say it, I’m telling myself over and over, act normal. Be cool. Maybe if you pretend like you don’t care, he’ll leave you alone and go crawling back to Boston. The other part of me, though, cannot understand why I’m rejecting her offer. Do I secretly want to share the room with Jake?
No, no. That can’t be it. It’s more about knowing that if we share the room and nothing happens, it will put even more barriers between us. Right. That’s what I really want out of this. I give Sophie a hug. “I’m okay,” I say, this time more gently. “Seriously.”
“But Abbie?—”
“I’ll live.” I say. “I’m not going to tell him, but this way I start to… you know, foster a new kind of relationship with him. Non-sexual. As … friends, maybe. I’ll get through this.”
Or I’ll fake it well enough that no one suspects that I’m dying inside.
“Okay,” she whispers, “But call me instantly if you need me. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I head to my room so I can drop off my stuff. Thankfully, Jake’s already left, but dread balls up inside me as we head down to the lobby.
When we step off the elevator, he’s there with Carter, Tom, Jordan and his best friends Bodhi and Theo, and a large group of other boys laden down with duffel bags and hockey gear.
Sophie is nearby, watching me closely. Jake glances up, his gaze snagging mine for just a second, long enough to make my lungs forget their purpose.
When he grins, I jerk my gaze away from him.
Sophie gives my arm a little squeeze, but I square my shoulders and keep walking. No flinching. No freezing.
I can get through this. I can! If he can act like nothing ever happened between us, like the past three years were just a blip on his radar … then so can I.
I’m not going to let myself be swept up by his charm and good looks again.
We arrive at the rink and the guys go with the team to the locker room while Sophie and I make our way to our seats to watch the game. Jake goes off with hunched shoulders and a small frown, and I think he’s getting the hint that I don’t want to talk to him, even if he doesn’t know why.
“You okay?” Sophie asks me for about the millionth time.
I force a smile and try to sound reassuring. “I’m totally fine, don’t worry.”
“Are you sure?” She looks around, as if expecting Jake to pop out of thin air at any moment. “You don’t think you’ll, uh, fall back into old patterns or something?”
I let out a laugh that even I can tell sounds tight. “I’m perfectly capable of controlling myself, Soph.”
“And what about Lilah…?”
We’re getting fully settled in our seats when I spot Jake making his way toward us and I give a quick shake of my head.
My heart starts hammering again. There he is, the father of my child.
The man I’ve never gone a day without thinking about.
The guy who I’ve spent countless nights fuming over, thinking of …
No. Do not do that. He’s just a regular guy. I look away from him again, squeeze Sophie’s hand, and plaster my face with the biggest — and fakest — smile. “Hi, Jake.”
“Hey,” he replies, inching into the seat behind me and leaning over me like the looming menace he is. “Just finished giving the boys a rousing pep talk. This should be a good game.”
“You’re not going to watch with Carter and Tom on the bench?” Sophie asks, arching a brow at him.
He shakes his head. “Nah. I don’t want to get in the way.” He moves to sit next to me with a grin. “Looks like we can finally have a chance to catch up.”
Be cool.
“Oh yeah?” I raise an eyebrow, spreading my smile so hard my cheeks hurt. “Do we actually have anything to catch up on?”
He flinches at this. I have to admit, the awkwardness in his gestures is the best perk I’m getting from this.
“I mean, uh…” He scratches his head. “Yeah, it’s been… you know, three years.”
“Heh.” I shrug. “I assumed nothing big happened to you in the past three years. Otherwise you would’ve called, right?”
His eyes widen and he looks surprised, but then they narrow and flash with irritation. “Well, since you never called either, I suppose nothing major has happened in your life either.”
That catches me off-guard and I feel a flare of panic as I think of Lilah.
“Hey, that’s your problem, buster,” I say, and force myself to laugh.
“You made it pretty clear you don’t like actually talking about anything thicker than a centimeter.
” I grab Sophie’s arm. “Why don’t we pay attention to the game? ”
He glares at me, but I turn my gaze and focus on the rink.
The puck drops, and the game starts. Every time Jordan touches the puck, we all cheer, but the tension between Jake and me continues to grow stronger and stronger and more distracting.
At some point Jake gets up, comes back with a cup of coffee, and chuckles at us.
“Still know all the rules, huh?” he says.
I try to avoid making eye-contact with him. It’s extremely frustrating how he’s right behind us. “Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugs. “Just surprised, that’s all. I forgot how into hockey you are.”
I scoff. “I find that hard to believe. That’s one of the reasons we were… friends.”
We’d lie together in bed after sex and go over hockey stats and talk about how his season was going. He knows that. If he forgot, it just goes to show how little I actually meant to him, despite how badly he seems to want me to acknowledge him now.
He smirks. “You never actually came to any of my pro games, though, even when we were “hanging out”.”
“Why would I? I wasn’t your girlfriend.”
His jaw ticks, and he sits back, folding his arms over his chest. “You weren’t my girlfriend in high school either.”
I keep my voice casual. “Sophie played in high school, so I went to all her games.”
He arches an eyebrow. “Is that the only reason you came to my games too?”
I sigh, irritation bubbling up inside me. Why is he digging into this now? “Well, you were on Carter’s line. It made sense. Best friend obligations and all. I went to support Sophie while she supported him.”
Except that’s a lie. I totally went to the games for him.
But he’ll never know that, just like he’ll never know how hurt I was when he ghosted me.
The game starts up again, and our short-lived conversation dies.
Thank god. Even as I focus on Jordan racing across the ice, I’m painfully aware of the sexual tension radiating off the man sitting next to me, as much as he infuriates me.
My body reacts to him as if no time has passed.
I can smell his pheromones and the memories streaming back to me are actually getting me so hot and bothered I can barely focus on the game.
Goddamn it.