Chapter Twenty-Seven
ABBIE
EARLIER THAT SAME DAY
Lilah lets out a shriek of delight as Dad chases her through the park while I sit on a bench nearby, watching them play.
It’s a gorgeous day — especially considering the time of year — and you could almost pretend to feel warm in this sun, until you remember you’re wearing a winter coat and gloves.
Lilah’s cheeks are bright red, but she’s grinning wide and having the time of her life in the snow.
I’m smiling, though there’s a part of me that wishes Jake was here to watch her play too. When did I start wanting him to be around her more? When did the idea stop terrifying me?
His second away game is later this evening, and he’ll be back tomorrow, but I can hardly wait and want him back home now.
As I’m sitting, contemplating my switch in perspective, my phone starts to ring. When I pull it out of my pocket and see it’s Detective Peterson, my stomach twists and my heart leaps into my throat. I quickly answer it.
“Hello? Detective?”
“Hi, Abbie,” he says. “How are you?”
“Well, I suppose that’ll depend on what you’re calling for.”
He gives a dry chuckle. “I suppose that’s fair. I’ve got some good news. We have the man who Jake named as a potential suspect in custody. Stuart. He’s actually got a warrant for a misdemeanor, so we can keep him for the time being.”
“Really?” I let out a breath of relief. “Well, that gives me a little peace of mind. Thank you for letting me know that.”
“You’re welcome. Now, that doesn’t mean we’ve proven he’s your stalker, so you should still remain vigilant, but given everything we know about him, I think you can relax a bit.”
“All right,” I say. “Thanks again.”
I hang up and slump back against the bench, gazing out at Dad and Lilah.
I should be more relieved—Jake’s so certain my patient is the stalker.
However, there’s a part of me that’s still uncertain.
It doesn’t feel right, but it makes sense when I think about it objectively.
I just… I’m not convinced. This doesn’t feel right. I still don’t feel safe.
Detective Peterson seems fairly confident, and he’s the one who should know.
I should just let myself relax and enjoy the possible peace. I won’t bring Lilah home yet—not until we’re certain the threat is gone—but maybe sleeping there by myself won’t be so stressful tonight.
That evening, Lilah, Dad, Vivianne, and I all watch Jake’s game together. When he scores the winning goal, we all jump up and cheer—even Dad. Lilah tries to rush forward and knock on the TV, but we catch her before she can get her fingers on it.
“Yake! Yake! Yake!”
I laugh and hug her to me as she waves at the image of Jake skating across the TV.
“All right, sweetie,” I tell her once Jake disappears from view. “It’s time to get ready for bed.”
“No!” Lilah exclaims, wiggling against my hold. “No! I want Yake!”
“Jake’s not here, baby,” I calmly tell her. “Remember? He’s at an away game. You’ll get to see him tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” She blinks up at me, going still.
I nod. “Yes, tomorrow. Which means you’ve got to go to sleep so tomorrow comes, okay?”
She appears thoughtful for a moment, then says, “Okay.”
“Tell Grandpa and Vivi goodnight.”
I let her go so she can run to Dad and give him a hug and kiss, then she does the same for Vivianne. Taking her hand, I lead her upstairs. We go through her bedtime routine, and after our story, I tuck her in.
As I pull the blanket up over her, she mumbles, “See Yake tomorrow.”
My heart clenches as I stare down at her and watch as she succumbs to sleep with Jake on her mind.
God, I can’t do this anymore. I need to come clean to Jake. I need to tell him that he’s Lilah’s father. It’s not right that he doesn’t know. It’s also not fair to Lilah.
Still, I can’t help but worry about the what-ifs. What if he’s angry and wants nothing more to do with us? What if he thinks I’ve betrayed him and tries to take Lilah from me? What if I let him into our lives and it doesn’t work?
The thought terrifies me. I cross Lilah’s room to the door and pause to look back at her, my heart aching. Turning off the lights, I step out into the hall and let out a long sigh.
“Are you okay, dear?”
I jump and look up, meeting Vivianne’s concerned look. She’s standing just a little way down the hallway, regarding me intently.
“Huh?” I murmur. “Oh, I, uh, I’m fine…”
Vivianne’s gaze turns sympathetic, like she can read my mind and knows exactly what’s really bothering me.
“Come with me,” she gently says. “Let’s have some tea.”
The invitation is more appealing than I’d have anticipated, so I follow after her when she turns to head downstairs and into the kitchen. Dad’s in the living room in his Lay-Z-Boy, dozing off already. Lilah wore him out today.
Vivianne sets a kettle on the stove and digs out mugs as I sit at the kitchen table. Once the kettle’s whistling, she pours the hot water in the mugs with tea bags and brings me one.
“All right.” She sits down next to me and gives me a gentle smile. “So, what’s going on? Something’s on your mind, but I have a feeling it’s more than that awful stalker you’re dealing with.”
Well, we’re getting straight to the point I see.
I tap my fingers against my mug for a moment, contemplating what to say. Part of me wants to tell her the truth—to get it off my chest. Confess to someone and get some real advice.
I look toward the kitchen door, half expecting Dad to appear at any moment.
He’s in his chair, though. In the living room. I know he is, and I’m also pretty confident he’s down for the count. My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it, not wanting anything to interrupt what I’m going to say.
Sucking in a deep breath, I turn back to Vivianne and murmur, “I’ve been keeping it a secret, but Jake is Lilah’s father.”
Vivianne smiles softly, not looking at all surprised.
“I thought so.” Her gaze grows tender again. “Why haven’t you told anyone?”
I drum my fingers faster against the cup. “Jake’s never been interested in being serious with me or having a family. We were just supposed to be casual. Then, he just stopped talking to me for seemingly no reason, and it really hurt…though, to be fair, I didn’t try to reach back out to him either.”
Vivianne sighs and nods. “I see. You and Jake have been spending so much time together lately, though. Don’t you think he suspects?”
I shrug. “He might have at first, but then I told him she wasn’t his daughter flat out. I was angry and it slipped out, but I don’t know how to take it back. If I can at all, that is.”
Vivianne reaches over and takes my hand, silencing my tapping fingers.
“You need to tell him,” she says firmly but gently. “You need to give him a chance to prove himself. If he doesn’t do the right thing, you’ll know once and for all that it was never going to work instead of living in fear of … well, of what-ifs.”
I smile at this. What-ifs, indeed. “Well…” But as I start to crack a joke, a tear rolls down my cheek instead. “It’s just… I just don’t want to be a burden…”
“You’ll never be a burden.” Her smile is soft. “You’ve always been so independent, but tell me, honestly, where does this sense of worry about being a burden come from?”
I nervously rub a hand along the back of my neck.
“It’s just…when I moved to Harrisburg, I didn’t have anyone to rely on but myself.
I was raising Lilah alone, and I guess I was so determined to make it work…
to prove I didn’t really need anyone, especially Jake.
Now, I feel like I should still be able to do it all on my own.
That if I can’t, I’m a failure, and the idea of pushing my problems and sharing my responsibilities with other people will just make everyone want to… leave me.”
Fuck. I didn’t really mean to say all that, but the words just flowed out once I got started and I’m shocked by how completely true they are.
She tilts her head and regards me a moment. “Why do you think people will want to leave you?”
Staring at her, I suddenly realize what it is that I’ve been afraid to admit to myself for, well, pretty much my whole life.
“Because…my mom left.” Saying the words out loud stuns me. “Mom left me and Dad when I was just a kid, and I guess I’ve always worried that if the person who’s supposed to be biologically programmed to love you can leave, well… anyone can.”
“Oh sweetheart. I know your mom leaving you and your father has affected the both of you. Sometimes, we can’t always explain why people make the decisions they do.
It’s not fair, I understand that, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of being loved.
You are so loved, my dear. Not everyone will make the same choices in life, and the ones that make wrong choices…
well, you’re not responsible for them. But the family and friends who do choose to stay by your side, those are the people worth loving and fighting for.
People step up to help you because they want to, your dad included.
You need to let them make their own decisions, including Jake.
Whatever he chooses to do in the end isn’t your responsibility, but telling him the truth is. ”
When she lays it out so plainly, it’s hard not to see that it’s the right thing to do.
The thought nearly makes me sob, but I manage to bite it back.
“You’re right,” I whisper. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep Lilah a secret from Jake. It’s not fair. He deserves to know everything. How I feel… how I’ve felt since high school. That I want us to be together, and that Lilah is his.”
If he doesn’t want us, Lilah and I will figure it out, but Vivianne is right. No more living in fear. No more feeling like a burden.
No more holding myself back from the life I truly want.
“Thanks, Vivianne,” I say, giving her a grateful smile. “Thanks for listening to me.”
“Anytime,” she replies. “I know you’ll be okay, no matter what happens. You’ve got all of us behind you.”
We stand and she gives me a hug, which I gladly accept. It’s been so long since I’ve been on the receiving end of motherly affection, I forgot how good it feels.
A few minutes later, I make my way out of the house and head toward my car. I need to get home so I can get dressed and ready for my night out with Sophie.
I check my reflection, smoothing out the skirt of my little black dress and making sure my cat-eye liner is symmetrical. Satisfied that I look ready for a night on the town, I hurry out of my bedroom to grab my purse off the kitchen counter.
Taking out my phone, I shoot Sophie a quick text.
Heading out! See you in ten!
I’m excited for this. For a night out where I can let loose and forget about everything for just a few hours.
Making my way out of my apartment, I double check the locks.
I’ve been double and triple checking the apartment’s security every time I leave, and before I come home, because my paranoia has been so sharp, but tonight I manage to walk away from the door without a backward glance, confident everything’s okay.
As I make my way to the sidestreet next to my building where my car is parked, I remember that I had an unread message from earlier, so I dig it out of my pocket.
My heart flutters when I see I’ve got a text from Jake.
He sent it about an hour after the game ended.
I reach my car as I open the message. He’s coming home tonight!
And he wants to talk. I wonder what about?
Whatever it is, I’m just glad that he’ll be home. I’ve missed him so much. I get in the car, key in hand. Putting my phone down, and move to turn the car on?—
A dark movement in my rearview mirror catches my attention.
What the hell?
I freeze when I realize there’s someone there. Sitting in my backseat. I feel something cold and metallic press against my temple and hear a distinct click.
A gun.
Fear like I’ve never known washes through me and I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I can’t scream.
All I can do is sit and stare.
The mysterious person in the back is wearing a ski mask, their face entirely covered. When they speak, their voice comes out harsh and laced with static… as if they’re electronically modifying it somehow. And they only say a single word.
“Drive.”