Chapter 4
Victoria
While Rudi’s busy collecting her medical supplies, I use the time to freshen up Ford’s old room while River sleeps.
I make the bed and crack open the window.
I place the bottles of water I brought up with me on his nightstand and run the vacuum round.
I dust and make sure his belongings are still where he left them in the wardrobe and drawers.
I want him to see that we never fully said goodbye to him.
River wakes, and I grab the baby monitor, and head up to our room. I lean over the crib, and his cries quieten once he’s in my arms. Down in the bar, Rudi is sat watching the door. I pull out a chair at her table and cradle River to my chest.
“This is reminding me of when I thought my grandpa was dead. Then poof, he was walking through the door,” I comment.
I’ve had many experiences of overwhelming joy, and that day, when I thought my heart couldn’t hurt any harder, it was the complete opposite.
The sight of my grandpa living, and breathing, and talking.
The joy I felt that day has only been matched when I married Luca and gave birth to my son.
Only this time, he’s never going to walk in again, nor my father.
Rudi smiles but she’s tired and it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I sometimes forget how this world can spin at a million miles an hour. One minute it’s this, and then the next, it’s something different,” she says.
“It’s why we can never give up hope.”
Though I believed Effie’s lie so easily. I lived with regret, not hope.
“I haven’t heard from Angel, I don’t know what condition he’s going to be in. He might need to go to the hospital,” Rudi murmurs, her eyes still locked on the door.
“Luca said you’ll be enough, so he must be okay.”
The door opens and Konan walks in first, moving chairs out of the way as Luca and Angel help Ford inside. Bruised and sunken, he’s lost weight, but he’s alive.
Rudi jumps up to her feet. “Take him up to his room.”
“No, I’m fine. I just wanna sit.” His voice is strained but he’s alive.
Luca and Angel lower him onto the seat Rudi was just sat on and she pushes them both out of her way. Swaying with River in my arms, I’m overwhelmed with happiness. I don’t know what he has been through during these past months but he’s here, back with us. Where he belongs.
Luca comes to stand beside me and takes our son from me. He kisses the top of his head, as if reminding himself how precious life is.
King cracks open a beer and hands it to Ford. He readily accepts it and drains half of the bottle in two long gulps.
“Alcohol is the last thing he needs…” Rudi begins to scold.
“Pretty sure it’s the first thing I need,” Ford argues.
She continues her assessment and then steps back. “You seem to be okay if you ignore the scars and bruising. When was the last time you were hurt?”
“Attacked, you mean?” She nods. “About a month ago.”
“There’s no chance of internal bleeding then. You’d be dead by now.”
She hears what she said and blanches. “Sorry.”
He waves her off and catches sight of me. The smallest of smiles crosses his mouth, and I cross the space and wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so happy you’re home. We never stopped thinking about you.”
To see him alive is one thing, to feel his heat and his heart pound is quite another.
A throat clears from behind us, and I pull away, rolling my eyes at my husband. Konan lets Princess out from the kitchen, and he immediately goes to Ford. He licks his face and places his front two paws on Ford’s lap.
“He’s missed you,” I tell him.
There’s no fear from Ford. He rubs Princess’s head like they’ve been friends for years.
“Can’t say I missed him, but it’s fuckin’ good to see him.”
Luca moves beside me and passes River to me. Ford breaks out a smile. A real smile.
“You had the baby…” He shakes his head. “Of course you did.”
“This is River. The newest member of the Lost Souls. He’s been waiting to meet you.”
His smile drops and I step back as Luca takes my place. He crouches down before Ford and tells him, “You’re back where you belong.”
Ford nods once and asks, “What am I going to tell my mom?”
I move closer and tell him, “You don’t need to think about that now.”
His heavy gaze traps mine. “No, I suppose I don’t.”
Ford was the first to join my Luca’s chapter and I suppose he holds a special part of my heart.
He’s becoming overwhelmed. Rudi disappears into the kitchen, and I take River upstairs.
Ford needs his brothers and I’m more than happy to leave them be. He’s home and he’s safe. That’s more than what we thought he had a couple of weeks ago.
“Princess!”
I call out and my fur baby is nowhere to be seen. He always comes when I call him. Climbing the stairs, I stop on the second floor and find Princess lying in Ford’s doorway. Creeping along the hall, I crouch down and run my hand over his head.
“He hasn’t moved in over an hour.”
I look up and Ford is sat on the other side of Princess.
“I thought everyone was asleep,” I murmur.
With a sigh, he admits, “I couldn’t be in here with the door closed.”
Lifting my eyes from Princess to Ford, I tell him, “It’s a nice night, why don’t you spend the night out back under the stars. You won’t feel closed in out there.”
He bangs the back of his head against the wall. “I know I’m here, I’m with my brothers, but it doesn’t feel real.” Sadness fills his eyes as he holds my gaze. “I’m scared I’m going to wake up and it was just a dream,” he whispers, then quickly adds, “Please don’t tell the guys I said that.”
“I won’t,” I promise. “It’ll take a beat for everything to fall back into place, but it will.
This life, it moves too quickly to get lost in one moment.
If it helps, you can keep Princess with you.
” Stroking his soft fur, I add to Ford, “I’ve been around bikers all my life, sometimes they talk to one another, but most of the time shit gets bottled up.
I’m always here for you, Luca too, your brothers, don’t bottle this up, because one day it’ll pour out of you, and you don’t want to add regret to your pile. ”
“I still can’t work out how a guy like Luca got a woman like you.”
There’s nothing but light in his eyes as he speaks.
“He’s fully aware how lucky he is.” I grin. “We’re gonna have a great life here, Ford. All of us. We don’t know how it’s gonna play out, but we will have a great time along the way.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your dad and grandpa. I know how much you love them and will miss them.”
“Everyday I feel a little better, they would want me to live and be happy and that’s all I can do until I see them again.”
A yawn slips away from me.
“You should go to bed. I’ve kept you longer than I should have.”
Climbing up to my feet, I look down at him and try to imagine what he feels. “Get some sleep. Everything looks worse when you’re overly tired.”
“I’ll try. Goodnight, Victoria.”
“Goodnight, Ford.” I smile. “I’m so happy to say that on this night.”
I sit by River’s crib once I’m back in my bedroom and wonder how mothers survive their sons.