Chapter Eighteen The Past
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: THE PAST
Jaedason
Ay sit on 'he bench where my tribe takes ouer meals. Ay watch her. Her mouth wide as she laughs an’ giggles with Burgrol. He is massive compared t’her. Envious o' U’s an’ Ay. Bu’ only in a way that he wishes he could have ‘he same. She is so kind. So sweet. Ay...donnae know if it be an act. If she weel change. Just like her. Like Sumira. What would Ay do? If she did? What would U’snar do? My—ouer son? My heart clenches in fear. As Ay stare at her, Ay see another an’ Ay flinch.
Swallowing, Ay stand, fleeing. Ay cannae, weelnae see her like that. Ay rush out. Away. Away. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Ay find Narod. Sitting in his rooms while he is in 'he belly o' 'he An'Tsirga. He stares at me an’ stands. Leavin’ his snark an’ his jokes at 'he door.
We walk t' 'he arenas an’ spar. Spar ‘til am bruised. ‘til we’re both bleedin’. ‘til am numb an’ 'he memories o' her, all o' her, doesnnae sting as bad. Ay migh’ no’ feel what Ay felt for her afore. But 'he pain o’ what she did? T’ my precious Ti’lask? That pain weel fore'er haunt me.
~~~~~
Ay watch her while visitin’ 'he neighborin’ Towns in hopes o' making peace between ouer peoples.
Her eyes entrance me like leaves o'he moss in ‘he deepest o' caves an' skin that looks more smooth than polished stone. Her hair is brilliant an' shines like light over water. From around 'he town an' around her father’s home, Ay watch her. She is so beau’iful.
An' she sees me. She watches me as Ay watch her. Looking. Longing. Beautiful.
T’night Ay weel take her. T’night. We finish this dance an' Ay weel steal her away from her world. Enclose her in mine.
~~~~~
La’er that phase, Ay open her window t’ find her sittin’ on her bed. Bag packed. She is ready. “Sumira.” Her name is a breath o' fresh air an' Ay need it basting my tongue.
“ We could have been gone hours ago! Let’s go!” Her ire rises because she wishes t' be with me. Because she is excited.
~~~~~
She wishes t’ steal a horse from her parents. Ay donnae wish for their ire an' negate her whines. If she wishes Ay weel carry her t'he mountain. An' Ay do. A long tiring week but Ay enjoy her company. Her excited wonder. Her delights in 'he “mundane”.
Ay ignore little annoyances. She weel get used t' them. We donnae have all those fanciful things she had in her large oppressive building. Her old home. For 'he mountain, my home, myself are her new one.
~~~~~
She wishes us t' claim her. Ay wish t' claim her. T' love her. For her t' be ours an' ours alone. As my father was t' my dam. Ay wish it with all that Ay am.
An' she becomes mine. Mine t' hold. T’ fill with my seed. Ay wish t' have a kit. For her t' cherish him as she cherishes my heart. Ay weel name him after her as my sire named me after my own dam. Umir. Yes. That weel be his name. Good, strong name. Like his strong mother.
~~~~~
“ Why is it always so bloody cold in this place?” She snaps with disgust lacing her tongue.
“ Do ye need moar furs my heart?” Ay offer, standing up t' get some.
She rolls her eyes. “I have plenty. What I need is proper clothing. Not hand-me-downs sewn by children.” She flicks her fingers away from her top like it were covered in filth.
“ Orclings donnae sew.” Ay frown at this jibe. She doesnae make them often but they still hurt. These are my people. We wouldnae put orclings t' work. A skill they learn as they wish but it is no’ something we put them up t’.
Another eye roll. She really is upset this day. Mayhap Ay give her a reason t' smile? With a hooded gaze, Ay drop down on my hands an' knees. Crawling t'ward her with wicked intent. When Ay get in reach o' her she lifts a foot an' shoves my shoulder. I’m surprised enough t' tumble.
“ I’m not in the mood Jaedason.” Ay frown. No matter how oft Ay ask, she has ne'er addressed me as Jae. Ay wish her t'. It is a gift. But she is reluctant, maybe?
Ay sit up. Getting as close t' her as she weel let me, “Speak t’me Sumira. Tell me, what weel make ye ‘appy?”
Her eyes flash with so many dark emotions, for a moment Ay am afraid. But then it is clear an' Ay am relieved. “I am cold, I am bored. The sex is great. But that’s all it is. With U’snar gone, it is even more so.” She looks me up an’ down. “You are beginning to grey Jaedason. You’re not exactly as young as you once were.”
Ay frown again. I’m no' sure Ay understand. But Ay know if Ay ask, it weel only spark her annoyance. Ay have learned that my Sumira despises ‘in-com-pit-ence’ as she says. Ignorance. Idiocy. She would sneer an' ask if Ay were simple. Ay donnae like when she does this. But she is my heart. She does no' mean it t'be cruel. She has learned t' read an' write her human tongue where Ay have no’. She knows more words than Ay in this strange language. She is so much more than I.
So Ay donnae ask. Ay nod. As if Ay understand.
“ You do not want me unhappy?” Ay shake my head. None in their right mind would e'er wish their mates unhappiness. She smiles. 'he biggest most beau’iful smile Ay have e'er seen. Yes. This is what Ay want. “Let me play with other Orcs.” Play? Playing is for Orclings. She wishes t' play games? “Ay want to see if the hubbub is just you and U’snar or all Orcs.”
Am still frowning; for Ay donnae understan' her words. They are made strange. We do no’ play games. We are mates. Or close enough to. But if it weel make her happy… “If this is yer want. Youer my mate. My heart. Ay weel give ye anythin’ t’ bring ye t’ smile.”
“ This will make me smile and so much more. It will make me feel at home.” She leans forward an' pulls me int' her arms. Ay feel love starved an' we lay t'gether. My delight in her enthusiasm. When we are finished, my seed spilling around me lodged inside her, she is smiling. Ay care no’ what she asks me. As long as she is happy. It is all that matters.
~~~~~
No' long af’er, Ay learned that it is no’ 'he only thing that ma’ers. Her smiles. Because they are no’ for me alone. 'he way she gave them only t' me, t’ my meiksya. My brother. She gives t' other Orcs. She has no' stayed in my furs in as many days as Ay have fingers. e'ery smirk an' sneer from those Ay would have called my brothers, my people, has broken me a little more e’ery setting o'he sun. Ay donnae know what t' do, Narod has mentioned looking int' creating a new town. In between other Human steads. T' mayhap help me get some air. He has lost his mate no’ that long back. An' he remembers 'he guilt, 'he pain. Ay have no’ lost her. She is still mine yet no’.
When Ay return, H’nash tells me o'he babe. My babe. He took root ‘fore any others. But when Ay asked him t' read 'he note left for me, Ay didnae know pain until that moment. No’ true pain.
“ Jaedason,
It was fun. For what it’s worth. But you were so damn boring. Worshiping my e'ery footstep. Going about your Chieftain duties. Talking about your parents. About babies. As if I’d WANT your babies. Any of you Orcs. This was just for fun. When the doctor Orc said I was pregnant. I knew it was time to leave. Don’t bother coming for me. The moment I get to my family, I’m ridding myself of your spawn.
Goodbye.”
Ay wished t' leave 'he mountain. Narod, H’nash, my brothers, do no’ ask why. They see it in my eyes. 'he defeat. An' they confine me within ‘he mountain, instead o' Ov’Rjii as 'he season demands. Ay am watched. By all. But at 'he first opportunity Ay weel… Ay ken Ay donnae know what Ay weel do…
~~~~~
Moons pass an' Ay allow 'he flow o' my tribe t' bring me back. 'he need t' continue what we are, who we are. Ay’ve joined with my people on their return t'he mountains when a message from 'he scouts, from U’snar, has me running as fast as Ay can from ouer home by 'he seas, through 'he forests. Fear an' hope warring in my skin. It is too soon. How can it be so soon? She still had phases. Several phases ‘til she must birth. She was due when ‘he buds sprout from ‘he ground. No’ now.
Is so cold. So so cold. 'he snows are starting their fall from 'he sky. Much earlier than is their norm. Filling 'he land with white an' bitter cold.
Eight suns an' a half Ay travel. Eight suns an' a half o' trepidation filling my e'ery breath. When Ay meet with U’snar. He hands me 'he bundle, he’d been holdin’ within his shirt, against his beatin’ heart. 'he wee cold bundle. He fits perfect in my two hands. So cold. So tiny. So quiet. Utter fear an' devastation fills me. Ay’ve seen Orclings this small. They donnae make it 'he first days. He’s lucky he’s made it this long.
“ Ti’lask didnae make it.” U’snar’s voice is quiet. Full o' apology an' sorrow as he shows me a little wooden box. He’d named him. My—ouer son. A blessing. Twins. Desecrated.
“ We weel lay him with Jaeda.” Ay murmur t' my brother.
Ay wrap 'he kit beneath 'he warmth o' my tunic. He whines an' roots. My heart breaks a little more. His mother should be here. His mother should be feedin’ him. Holdin’ him. Carin’ for him. He is so small.
That phase, we sneak int' a farm, an' take 'he milk o' a goat. Fillin’ ouer skeins. We weel go without as long as we can make his last days e'erything he could e'er want. We weel keep him fed an' warm. We weel keep him loved. He weel know love in ouer arms.
~~~~~
My brothers’ mate says he is beautiful. H’nash’s face is flat. Just as mine is pinched with pain. We donnae have hope. He reminds me; whate'er we ask, ouer tribe weel give for 'he kit.
‘he sun passes. We cuddle him. We feed him. A medicine woman bring us a “formula” they call it. For him. He likes it.
We tell him he is loved.
Another Solist an' more. Soon it is seven span o' Solist. Then three handful o'em. 'he phases passing by.
His cheeks fill. His stomach grows fat. With each passing sun, a small feeble glimmer o' hope shines within ouer chests. Slowly fixin’ 'he damage o' Sumira’s destruction.
~~~~~
“ Have you named him?” H’nash’s mate asks, her belly round. She holds him an' feeds him 'he “formula”. It has been a season, Narod weel be coming back soon t' trade places with me in 'he mountain.
“ Arawn. He fights wit strength o’ a bigger Orcling. Like his grandsire.”
“ You named him after your father?” She asks with surprise.
Ay nod.
“ That’s so sweet.” She smiles. Her golden hair glowing around her like glimmering gold. “Hello Arawn. My name is Vida.”
~~~~~
She is gorgeous. Her skin is beau’iful. Far more than Sumira’s e'er could. Her eyes an' hair are delightful, beau’iful in e'ery light. Little spots dot her skin like dust. She laughs with my tribe. My heart beats a bit faster. Harder. Ay must tread lightly. Ay must protect my heart. In case she does just 'he same as 'he last. Ay must protect my son. My brother. Ay weel no’ allow another woman t' hurt him as we were hurt. Ouer son still gets so sick so easily. My little Arawn is still so small.
She is beau’iful. Far more than Sumira e'er could be. Ay see that. An' Ay have taken measures t' ensure Ay weel ne’er be that vulnerable again. Ay learned t' read ‘he human tongue. Ay can write it. Ay ask questions no matter who Ay am askin’. Ay know 'he human tongue as if Ay were native t' it.
If she cannae take what we give, then she isnnae meant for us. But Ay weel no’ sacrifice ouer son in order t' get that. Ay weel know this woman first. Ay weel learn her first. Before she learns ouer son.