Chapter 13 #2
Because it is, and my omega is reliving it. I feel as if I’m violating her privacy, but the reality is, as her bonded alpha, she doesn’t have much of that anymore. I could try waking her up…
Yet that doesn’t seem like the right move, at least not yet. I felt some of her fear of being tied up last night, and I think this nightmare was stirred up by my words. I deserve to feel every scream of terror and pain.
I did this. I believe in karma and retribution. I’ll bear witness to my Little Queen’s memories, and then spend the rest of my life tearing it apart so it doesn’t cut as sharply.
“Nova,” a deep voice murmurs, closing the door and locking it. The click of the lock feels ominous, and my heart feels as if it’s trying to burst from my chest.
The body I’m in is small and dainty, and I feel sick as I try to figure out how old Nova is during this memory. Tears slide down our cheeks as she struggles to breathe and I recognize the signs of hyperventilation.
“Shh, you know you deserve this, little girl. You’re mine. All I ever ask of you is to be my good girl, and yet you defy me. You’re going to take my cock and know that you drove me to this,” he growls.
Goosebumps rise all over our bodies as the man comes over and rips open Nova’s nightgown. His lip is curled in anger, and he pushes down his sweatpants to release his cock. This is why she ran so hard.
Her terror, trauma induced reactions, and need for independence make so much sense.
“Don’t move, stop kicking,” he barks, and Nova gasps as she shudders. “Be good for Daddy, or I’ll fucking rip you apart.”
He just alpha barked at her, and while I know he’s dead because I’ve been told as much, I wish for his death again.
I know enough, I won’t allow her to go through the horror of being raped by the man who kidnapped and hurt her for her entire childhood. He’s stroking his cock, his eyes moving over her body as if he knows every part of her intimately, and that seals any curiosity I might have.
Pulling out of this nightmare takes a lot of effort, but it’s worth it.
“Nova,” I rasp, opening my eyes to find my gorgeous girl is awake and sobbing. “I’m here, I’m so sorry, love.”
She throws herself at me and I hold her tightly against me, whispering unintelligible words into her hair. At some point during the night, she rolled away from me, and she slipped into her nightmare.
“I felt you pull me out,” she gasps, her chest heaving with terror and exertion. “I hate him!”
“I know,” I whisper, my fingers digging into her skin as if to remind myself that we’re both out.
I was only in her memories for a few minutes at most, this was her entire life.
“You’re so fucking strong,” I say, kissing her hard.
“No, I’m not,” she says, grabbing my hand and gently rubbing my fingers over her inner wrist. There’s an old scar, and it goes across her wrists.
“Nova.”
Her name is both a prayer and a curse as I grab her other wrist to gaze at it under the cheerful twinkling low lights of her nest.
“It was just before I left for good,” she whispers.
“He raped me every night for a year, and a little after my sixteenth birthday, I couldn’t handle it anymore.
The man I believed to be my father had been hurting me for a lot longer than that, but it’s like something snapped inside of him when I was fifteen.
The memory you saw was the night before I tried to kill myself. ”
A shudder wracks through me and tears escape my eyes as I think about how I almost lost a chance to ever know her. Sitting up, I drag her into my lap so I can crush her against my chest. Nova squeaks but doesn’t protest as she lays her head on my chest.
“I wear long sleeves even in the summer or bangles on my wrists,” she confesses.
“Fuck, I never saw them,” I say, my voice cracking. Forcing air through my lungs, I force myself to listen without getting agitated. She doesn’t need my emotions to contend with when I can feel her sadness and terror from her nightmare.
The way Nova held herself up on her hands and knees during her heat, I never felt these scars. As a doctor, I can tell they’re old, but cuts on her wrists typically only mean one thing. No wonder she hides them, they’d garner too many questions I doubt she’d want to answer.
“I’m used to hiding them,” she admits. “It was a really dark day and Louisa found me bleeding out. She lost her mind, patched me up, and kept John out of my bedroom that night. When I saw there were people working on the lawn and the gate was open, I made my run for it. I left with very little, because staying wasn’t a possibility. ”
“You left the day after you tried to kill yourself,” I say softly.
She’s deathly pale as she nods, her head tilting up to gaze at me.
“If I wasn’t marked for death, then I was choosing life.”
“Thank fuck for that,” I growl. Holding her in my arms, I fix her mattress so that it’s in the corner and I can lean my back against the wall with a pillow for support.
I need to hold her while I sleep, and I can’t risk her twisting out of my grasp during a nightmare.
“I hope you’re okay with me being attached like a barnacle for the rest of the night, Little Queen.
It’s the only way I’m going to be able to fall asleep. ”
“Cling away,” she says sleepily, her eyes already drooping.
The adrenaline crash is hitting her hard, and I can hear her breathy gasps as her crying subsides.
Tears cling to her eyelashes, and I feel my heart clench so hard it hurts as I rub my thumb under her eyes to catch a tear or two that escape from their prison.
Gazing at her for longer than I should, I get comfortable. The blankets easily drag over us both, and I think about what I’ve learned as I purr possessively. She’s mine to protect, but doing that without asphyxiating her is going to test my fucking limits.
“Is she okay?”
My eyes tear away from her to look up, where Lars looks worried.
“A ghost walked over her grave,” I reply, my voice more a growl than anything else. His pupils slowly blow out with worry and a touch of very inappropriate arousal before he sighs.
“I’ve always hated that saying,” he mutters. “I woke up feeling like I couldn’t breathe.”
“Me too,” Caleb says, joining his brother at the entryway of the nest. “I felt like I was drowning.”
“She was, but not like you’d think,” I say, looking back down at Nova. Her breaths are evening out and I can feel her thoughts calming. “Nova had a nightmare. You have no idea what she’s managed to live through.”
“I have a small idea,” Caleb rumbles, swallowing hard. “Hollis wouldn’t have bled out her sister’s kidnappers without a lot of motivation.”
“Don’t treat Nova like glass,” I say, my body beginning to relax under the slight weight of hers. “I hope you bring your A-game on your date for the morning. You’re going to need it.”
“That’s not ominous at all,” Lars mutters, pushing away from the wall as I smirk.
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give them shit. I have a feeling they work better under pressure.