15. Lourdes
15
LOURDES
‘Styx’
Damn it, I knew I slipped when in conversation with Jeremiah I mentioned how bad foster care is. For all the years I’ve been with Engine 23 and Truck 315, I’ve kept my past close to the chest. Danny and Lil Man know the most and that’s because of serving together back in the day. There were a few times when alcohol was involved and we all started revealing our demons. Then Danny and Claire went through hell together and now are on the road to redemption. It showed me that the past can come back to haunt you or, if you’re lucky, you can send said demons straight back to hell where they belong.
After everyone ate and visited, one by one they started to either leave or go to bed. Jeremiah had left an open-door invitation to Malachi, Vito, and Freddie, which two of the three took him up on it. Malachi headed out to go stay with Nova and his kids. Malachi, in not so many words, let it be known that he’s worried about the very private man, who is not only his partner but also his friend. And since Vito and Freddie don’t know Nova like Malachi does, they decided to stay here in their own suite downstairs.
After Beatrice and Lucille made their way down and started telling everything they were able to get out of the girls’ room, I go up to Jeremiah’s room and walk right into the bathroom. Ripping off the scrubs, I turn the shower on hot and step in. All the emotions I’ve pushed down since that last call come out has me gasping and choking on my own tears. I slide down to the shower floor, bend my knees, and wrap my arms around my legs, rocking back and forth. It all comes barreling at one time and instantly gives me a headache. So involved in my past and thoughts, I jump and let out a scream when Jeremiah slides down next to me in his clothes.
“Why do you have clothes on in the shower?”
“Because, Violet, you need me now, not after I take time to rip my clothes off. So tell me what has you on the shower floor in a trance?”
I knew eventually this conversation would have to be had. I take a few breaths in and then look up at Jeremiah.
“Well, today just brought up a bunch of shit from my past. And as you know I’m not one to share, if you can’t tell. I’ve not told this story to many people in my life, they just assume they know what I’m about. As you know, I grew up in foster care. Both of my folks were drug addicts. CPS finally took me away when my mom was trying to sell me to a pimp by offering me to blow him for either cash or drugs. Unfortunately for her, it was an undercover cop. My dad was charged also because he was waiting down the alley for her to get the money so they could go buy their next hit. Jeremiah, I was in really bad shape, and no, before you ask, I wasn’t sexually abused. There were many late nights when I actually wished I was, that would give me an excuse as to why I feel the way I have my entire life. I feel that I was more than just abandoned. Do you know how bad it feels to have parents who not only don’t love you, but don’t even want you? Wish I had the guts to just ask them, but I refuse to ever talk to them. I was a kid, they should have protected me, not do what they did. So as I grew up, I learned what foster care wasn’t. My real parents didn’t sexually abuse me, but my one foster father and brother did. And to top it off, it was his wife and the boy’s mother who turned them in. I never told her because they threatened me. I stayed with Gloria until I turned eighteen and enlisted. She’s still alive and I’ve been able to help her now as she gets older. So yeah, I’ve had shit in my life but also have had beyond good. Gloria taught me how to be a good human being, sharing my demons. So are you getting ready to run now?”
Jeremiah keeps his eyes on me, but doesn’t say a word. But when he does I almost lose it.
“Violet, why would I run? What you just told me makes me want to pick you up and find an island that I can buy and live there with you until we die. Since we can’t do that, there are a few things I want, no, need. Give me both assholes’ names and what prison they were sentenced to. If by chance they got out, we then need to let Nova know. Also need Gloria’s full name and where she lives. I know you’ve been able to help her, but remember, I have a few small guesthouses all around this property. If you want, we can bring her closer and try to give her the best we can. Finally, we need to have a serious conversation about where we are going because we just added three little girls to this equation, who we need to take into consideration. From the little Malachi has been able to find out, no missing persons’ notices were ever filed for the girls or their parents. I’m assuming either their folks didn’t have any family or disconnected from them years ago. So if that is true, these girls are going to need stability. You know what I just realized, I have no idea how old Ellie, Wren, and Lottie are. Do you have any idea, Violet?”
My eyes look up to see the intensity in his. That was one of the first questions I asked the kids.
“Jeremiah, Ellie is ten, almost eleven, years old. Wren is seven, almost eight, and Lottie is pushing close to six. And I agree with you, they deserve the very best, but with me on duty for days at a time, staying at the firehouse, I’m at a loss. But after meeting these girls, not sure why, but don’t want them to leave, though don’t have an idea of if a single woman with a dangerous job could foster, let alone adopt, three little girls. I mean, for Christ’s sake, I live in a condo. As far as Gloria, yeah, I’d love her closer, no doubt, but we do need to have a conversation first. Why make all kinds of changes if whatever this is between us is a passing thing? Let’s face it, Jeremiah, you have homes all over the world, why would you want to stay in Nowhere, USA with a damaged woman, who at times is fucked in the head?”
“Lourdes, I have just one question for you. Well, it’s one with a few side questions. What do you want to happen between us? Do you have any feelings toward me, and are they for me or my money? And what would be the ultimate dream of yours going forward in your life?”
With each question my heart pounds even more. What the hell is even going on? One or both of us has a maniac after us, and now we brought three emotionally damaged girls into the mix. What the hell was I thinking? And my feelings for Jeremiah are all over the board. I know the idea of going on without him in my life actually hurts my heart. He’s burrowed into my soul and now I’m hooked. He isn’t the man I thought he was. Jeremiah is the most generous person I’ve ever met. I mean, especially if you are part of his life. He told me last year Beatrice was complaining in the winter about how cold she was until her car warmed up because of how old the car was, it didn’t have a remote start. He didn’t put one in, he bought her a new car that not only has a remote starter but heated seats and steering wheel. It’s all-wheel drive and an SUV because of the rough winters we have. He said the feeling he got from her was one of the best feelings ever. Except when he bought his parents their dream house. Well, yeah, he bought the land and had the house built. This was a phenomenal man; what woman wouldn’t want to spend their life with him? But flip that coin and I’m damaged goods. Fucked in the head and body, though Jeremiah can make my body sing.
“Jeremiah, I have a lot of baggage. Saying that, don’t know how, but you’ve kind of grown on me. That weekend keeps running on a loop in my head. Then we had the fire, death, and attempts on one or both of our lives. I’ve never felt taken care of in the fashion you do. I can’t say I’m madly in love with you, but know that you mean something to me. I’d love to see where we can go, but want to make sure you know I’m not after your money. I’ll sign something so that’s taken off your thought process. I think we need to make the girls safe, which means they’re not staying here for now, until we find out who’s responsible.”
He seems to be taking in everything I just said. When his eyes smile, I know he’s to the part about us. But then a shadow falls over his face.
“You’re right, Violet, we need to get them outta here as soon as possible. Hang on one second.”
He grabs his phone and hits a few buttons and then puts it on speaker. I hear a bunch of squeals first then the deep timbre of Nova.
“Yeah, Jeremiah, how are those girls settling in?”
“Not bad, Nova. You’re on speaker, got Lourdes with me. We were talking and agree the girls can’t stay with us until we figure out who’s after us. Do you think, if you asked, your friend, Brick, would let the girls stay at The Refuge? I’d can send both Beatrice and Lucille with them. Don’t want to burden anyone, but we don’t want them in the line of fire of this demented asshole we’re dealing with.”
“Jeremiah, yeah, he’d more than welcome them. And with Alaska, his woman, around she’d keep a close eye on the girls, as would all of his partners. I’ll give him a call. When do you want to send them down to New Mexico?”
“That was my next question. Could you maybe help us get them outta here undercover? I’m sure whoever is our pain in the ass is watching my plane, just in case we decide to just run away.”
As the three of us talk, it dawns on me that Jeremiah didn’t even question anything I said about us. So deep in my own thoughts, I feel his hand grab mine right when I hear him tell Nova to give him a minute or two.
“Hey, what’s put that frown on your face? Did you hear, Nova said we should move the girls tomorrow night. We’ll sneak them over to where he has the helicopter and that will take the five of them to The Refuge. That okay for you?”
I just nod. That’s when he grabs my face and leans down, kissing the ever-lovin’ fuck out of me. When he finally pushes away from me, I hear his growl.
“What was that for?”
“To get your head outta your own ass. No, don’t get pissed off. As far as I’m concerned, we’re good. What you said let me know we are both on the same page, though you are hesitant because of your past. I can handle and work with that. So about the girls, what are your thoughts?”
With that we get back with Nova and put our plan together to make these girls safe, no matter how far we need to go.