Chapter 7
A few days later, I was still on a high from my evening with Micah.
We hadn’t been able to see each other again due to our busy schedules, but that didn’t stop us from communicating when we could.
Reign and I had just arrived at the school, doing what had become our new routine.
I would drop her off at class before heading to my own.
When we arrived at Reign’s class, she spotted Violet. I loved that Reign found a new friend. All she ever talked about at home was Violet. I was so busy watching the girls that I didn’t notice Iris staring a hole in me. She said goodbye to Violet, then walked over to me.
“Harley… I heard you were back in town. I just didn’t expect you to be up under my baby daddy so soon,” she said sarcastically.
“I think you need to focus on yourself. Whether or not I’m up under Micah really isn’t any of your business,” I insisted.
“Don’t you have to go teach or something?” Iris questioned.
“Another thing that isn’t any of your concern,” I said as I rolled my eyes and walked away.
Some things never changed, and Iris still appeared to be childish.
Back in high school, she convinced herself that I had something to do with her not making the track team when we competed for the last spot on the varsity team.
I happened to be faster than her—nothing more, nothing less.
Since that day, she would make smart remarks or do catty things behind my back.
I didn’t have time for her back then, and I still didn’t have time for her.
By the time I made my way upstairs, I shook off our interaction. I wouldn’t give Iris the satisfaction of ruining my day. When I walked in the room to greet my class, nothing else mattered.
Later that evening, the interaction with Iris was still on my mind.
She annoyed me in high school and continued to do so.
Micah could have had a baby with anyone, so I wondered what made him choose her.
The thought was ridiculous, so I shook it off.
I wanted to see where things would go with Micah.
Iris didn’t have to be a problem for us. I only hoped that she wouldn’t be.
I stood at the sink, washing the dishes from dinner. The water ran as I held a plate in my hand.
“If you hold that plate any longer, it’s going to crack,” PopPop teased.
I looked down and realized I was in a daze.
“Why don’t you leave those dishes for now? Come take a walk with me,” he said.
I turned the water off and followed PopPop to the barn.
The barn had been the place I avoided since we moved back.
When he stopped in the stable, I hesitated, but as I walked in, I made a mental note of some updates.
It wasn’t exactly how I remembered, but it was close.
PopPop didn’t play about his barn. It was always clean.
The land and everything on it were his pride and joy.
“I’m not sure what’s on your mind, Harley, but I know that riding used to make you forget all of your worries. Are you sure you don’t want to saddle up?” PopPop asked.
“I’m scared. I kept riding because it made me feel closer to Mom. When Lucy died, I told myself I would never ride again. It’s like everything I love dies—my mother, my horse, and my husband. I can’t take being close to anything or anyone else,” I admitted.
“Baby girl, that’s fear talking. Life and death are part of life.
I won’t pretend that you haven’t experienced a lot of death at a young age, but the losses can’t make you afraid to live.
I think today is a good day to put your losses aside.
Your mother wouldn’t want you to stop doing something you loved,” he expressed.
“I’m scared, PopPop. It feels like I’m cursed,” I mumbled.
“No such thing. Come on. Let’s go for a ride for old times’ sake,” he said as he took my hand, walking me over to a beautiful black stallion. I rubbed the horse’s back as we became familiar with each other.
“I’m too rusty to ride a stallion,” I murmured shakily.
“No such thing. You’ve been riding since you could walk. Riding is second nature to you. Whenever you’re ready, saddle up,” he insisted.
I talked to the horse and continued to rub him. Once I was ready, I grabbed one of my old saddles, and after placing it on the horse, I asked, “What’s his name?”
“Lucky,” PopPop replied.
“Alright, Lucky, go easy on me,” I said as I mounted him.
PopPop got his horse out of the stall next to Lucky’s.
We had an hour or so before sunset. I eased Lucky out of the barn, and PopPop rode beside me on his horse.
He let me set the pace and lead the way.
I took the route we always took when I was younger; the only difference was that the route included going past my house.
“You know, one day, you’re going to have to go in there. I’ve been keeping up the property for you. Your grandmother is dying to decorate with you,” he said as we stopped in front of the house.
The builders had done a good job. It was a two-story craftsman-style home with four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, and a two-car garage. My grandparents had spared no expense in ensuring my family would have a place to call home.
“One step at a time, old man. I still can’t believe you got me on this horse,” I teased.
“He’s a beauty, isn’t he? I knew you wouldn’t need much convincing once you saw him,” he snorted.
“You know me so well, huh?”
“I’m proud of you, baby girl. Most people would have stopped living after the number of losses you have taken. Not only are you thriving, but your baby is too. You’re doing great,” he expressed.
My wet cheeks brought attention to the tears that had fallen.
His words weren’t new to me, but being out on the land made them hit differently.
I’d been moving so fast since we moved, and I hadn’t taken a moment to breathe.
As we continued to ride, I could say it was the first time I had done so.
It felt good to be doing something that I loved.
It wouldn’t be the last day I would ride.
An hour later, we were back in the house.
I went to finish the dishes while PopPop headed to bed.
It amazed me how my grandparents were such early risers.
Nana bathed Reign while we were out. After I finished the dishes, I went to Reign’s room.
Our night routine included me reading her a story before bed.
When I made it to her room, she was in bed, her book of choice lying next to her.
Reign was asleep before I made it past the first few pages. When I was certain she was sleeping, I placed it on her bookshelf. Before I left her room, I placed a kiss on her forehead, tiptoed out of her room, and headed to mine.
When I made it to my room, I did my nighttime routine, and after I was freshly showered, I got into bed.
I let out a deep breath and sighed. The day started off shaky, but thanks to my grandfather, I overcame a fear.
The ride on Lucky gave me back my sense of freedom that came from riding, and the fear of everything I loved dying no longer felt real to me.
Riding Lucky was the reminder I needed. PopPop was right.
Riding a horse was just like riding a bike.
With every stride Lucky took beneath me, my heart smiled.
I knew my mother would be proud to see me back on a saddle.
Part of keeping her memory alive consisted of doing things that reminded me of her, even if those things hurt a little.
I didn’t want the fear of another loss to consume me.