Chapter 18
Eighteen
MARISSA
“Hey, Matt, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask as I approach the table he, Freedom, and Alex are sitting at.
“Sure.” He follows me over to an area with a couple of chairs where nobody else is. I definitely don’t want anyone else to hear what I’m about to say.
“I’ve been waiting for this conversation.” He plops onto one of the chairs, and I sit next to him.
“I’m disappointed in you, you know.” I let out a sigh and looking at him with frustration in my eyes.
He snaps his head in my direction, eyes wide. “Me? You’re disappointed in me? Shouldn’t that be the other way around?”
“Dude, it has been thirteen years, and you still haven’t made it out of the friend zone. Does Freedom even know how you feel?”
“Oh, uh, well.” Nervously, he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s complicated.”
“How so?”
“She just doesn’t see me like that.” He clears his throat before continuing. “I would rather be friends than nothing at all. If I tell her how I feel, there’s a good chance she won’t want to speak to me again.
“Bullshit,” I scoff with more attitude than I knew I had.
“I’ve seen the way she acts around guys she’s interested in, and it’s different with me. I’ve learned to accept the fact that it’s not meant to be.” Shrugging his shoulders he looks defeated.
“You’re both so damn oblivious. One day, you two will finally get your crap together. And when that happens, I’m going to give the biggest I told you so speech at your wedding.” I laugh. “You know, Matt, we have a lot in common.
“How so?” He tilts his head to the side.
“We both have secrets. We’ve both spent the last thirteen years pining over someone we never thought we could have.” I blow out a long, steady breath.
“I didn’t think about that, but I guess you’re right.” He taps his fingers on the arm of the chair, seeming more anxious than I expected.
There is a long pause. It’s silent but not uncomfortable. Matt and I were never super close, but in a way, I’ve always thought of him as a brother. I didn’t realize he felt the same until after I cut contact with everyone. Which brings me to the one question I’ve been dying to have answered for over a decade.
“Why didn’t you tell them?” I pause, waiting for a spark of realization in his eyes but there’s nothing there.
“What do you mean?”
“Why didn’t you tell them you found me?” It feels weird to finally say that out loud. Right after Grace was born, I received a message on social media, three of them actually. I’m not sure how, but he found me.
“So, you did see my messages!” His eyes go wide. “I wasn’t sure if it was really you. You don’t know what it was like watching them get their hopes up, only to be let down over and over. I didn’t want to do that to them again. If I had known about Grace, I would have told them.”
“You know, I cried my eyes out when I read that first message.” I shake my head at the memories. “I almost reached out. Grace was only a few months old, and I was struggling. I had my sister who helped as much as she could, but I needed more. I missed you all more than I can ever put into words. That message, seeing how much you all cared. Seeing how much you cared. I needed that.”
“Finding you was a total accident. Wait, no, I don’t mean it like that.” He waves his arms frantically. “I wanted to find you; I just wasn’t trying when I did. Do you remember when all of the social media sites were trying that whole facial recognition thing for tagging people in pictures?” he asks, and I nod. “Well, I uploaded a picture of the three of us: you, me, and Freedom. It suggested Marissa Summers . It showed one other photo you had been tagged in and said your face matched the picture. Someone had tagged you in a picture of a kid’s birthday party.”
“That would have been my nephew. I told my sister not to tag me.”
“I know Alex didn’t really do social media, but at the time, I didn’t think it was you because I figured he would have already found you if it was.” Completely unexpectedly, he stands, pulls me out of my chair, and hugs me. “Thank you for coming back to us. I haven’t seen Freedom this happy in years.”
“Thank you for reaching out to me, Matt. It may not have seemed like it at the time, but those messages meant a lot.”
“Group hug!” Freedom yells from behind us and wraps her arms around both of us. “All right, Matt, we’re going to have some girl talk now.” She shoos him away.
“Girl, why aren’t you married to that boy already?” I playfully push her arm.
“Trust me I am not his type.” She plops into the chair he just got out of with an exasperated sigh. “Unfortunately.”
“Are you blind? He’s always been in love with you.” I’m seriously confused about how neither of them can see this.
Jennifer walks up, hands both of us a beer, sits on the ground in front of us, and takes a sip of her own. “Are you happy to be going home tomorrow?”
“Home…” I take a sip of my drink. “It’s hard to think of that place as home after spending the last few days here. I might actually miss this place when I leave this time.”
“What?” Jen gasps and grabs her chest. “Did Isa just say she was going to miss this place? I very clearly remember you saying you were never coming back to this God-forsaken place .”
“Okay, I may have been a little harsh, but I was traumatized. I still have nightmares sometimes about that night; the screams, the smells, all of it.” With the change in topic, the whole mood of the conversation turns more somber. “Oh God, the smell. The smell of burning flesh is something that seeps into your brain, never to be forgotten.”
“It was months before I could get the sound of Kevin’s screams out of my head,” Jennifer adds.
“Well, I’m really glad I was unconscious for all of that.” Freedom lets out an odd laugh, and I look over to notice her absentmindedly rubbing the burn scars that cover most of her left arm.
“Oh, Freedom.” I wrap my arms around her, holding her close against my chest. “We’re so lucky to still have you here with us.”
“All right, I hate to interrupt this sweet moment.” Alex walks up behind me. “But someone has to be at the airport early tomorrow.” He motions to me. “So, we’re going to have to wrap this party up.”
“Oh, just admit it, you just want to keep her all to yourself,” Jen groans as she gets up from the ground and dusts herself off.
“That’s it, you caught me.” He laughs and leans down to kiss me on the temple.
Once everyone has left, and Grace is asleep, I slip out of the bedroom, make my way down the hall to Alex’s room, and gently knock on the door. The door opens, and I am once again face to face with a half-naked Alex. My eyes trail up his body to his face.
“See something you like, Red?” He smirks.
“Well, I did, but then he had to go and open his mouth.” I roll my eyes and laugh at him.
“Last time I checked, you liked his mouth. Especially when you’re writhing beneath?—”
“Shut up,” I hiss.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is that not why you came knocking on my bedroom door?” He raises an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth twitch.
“No, it’s just that I sleep better when I’m next to you.” I say, pouting.
“Okay, fine.” He opens the door wider, inviting me in. “I guess you can sleep in here, but don’t ask me to keep my hands to myself.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I wink before walking into the room.