Chapter Fourteen
ELLIE
19 years earlier
Sophomore year has been pretty ok so far – aside from the fact that Dad found out about me making myself throw up and now I have to see a nutritionist twice a week. I had become careless and stopped using the faucet as background noise to cover up the sounds of my gagging and he followed me upstairs after dinner one night. Ever since then, I’ve had to sit at the table until everyone has finished eating and then remain downstairs in view for over an hour. I guess he felt that if the food had enough time to digest, I would be less likely to go throw it up later. I’ve gained some weight back, but I also started working out more with weights and I can see some muscle too, so there’s that. It’s kind of lifted my self-image, not a lot but enough that I haven’t been obsessing over the number of calories I’ve eaten in a day.
Lee has been calling me once a week again. After he found me on Instant Messenger, we’ve been talking a lot more.
Last night, we were on the phone, and I finally told him about Nick and that I had my first kiss over the summer.
“I knew someone would take that first kiss away from me.” He said.
“I’m sorry, I wanted to wait for you.”
“It’s okay. But I can still be your first love, right?”
“You are my first love.”
I told him.
I could hear him smirk with a little laugh under his breath.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just – I still want to be your first – you know.”
“I know! Um, question … never mind.”
“What? You can’t start to say something, and not finish.”
He teased.
“Okay, Okay, fine. Are you still a virgin?”
I blurted out. I’ve been dying to know.
Long
Awkward
Silence
Lee clears his throat.
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll be mad at me.”
“No, I won’t. You can tell me.” I plead.
“No, I’m not. Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad! But … was it with Stacy?” I asked.
“What? Stacy? No way.”
He scoffed.
“Oh. I didn’t know you dated anyone else.”
“It was … it was just someone random. I heard the first time sucks and I wanted to get it over with so I would be ready for…”
he trailed off.
“Ready for what?”
I teased. I think I knew what he was going to say, but I wanted to hear him say it.
“For you.”
“Oooooohhhh, me?”
I smiled because I knew he was turning red on the other side of the phone.
“Yes, you! Cause I’ll make love to you, like you want me to…”
he started singing our song and I absolutely melted from his voice. When he was really trying hard to sing, he had a deep, grainy sound that made chills run up my back and down my arms.
I was done.
I knew right then.
I loved him.