Chapter Thirty-Seven
LEE
Present Day
Things moved incredibly fast after I walked out of the office building at Pline Records. Marc wasn’t lying when he said they were going to send the track to the radio stations that afternoon because I flipped on the radio on my way to grab some dinner that night and heard the familiar words leaking through my car speakers.
And then my phone blew up with texts from Egin and the guys from the bar last night:
“Dude, I swear you just sang that song last night.”
“Were you just on the radio?”
“Was that your song?”
“You have something to tell us? I just heard the song you wrote on the radio!”
I ignored them all; I was going to see them tomorrow at work anyways so I figured I would tell them then. I got home and ate my dinner quietly, looking around my sullen apartment with a heavy sigh. Imagining the sounds of laughter from our would-be children, picturing toys or backpacks strewn across the living room and the sight of my beautiful wife reading a book in her favorite corner chair, I couldn’t help but think about how different life could be. I was seriously considering the possibility of finding Ellie as a result of this song.
By the time I got to work on Monday morning, I had heard my song at least a dozen times on the radio and each time was more surreal than the last. It had me wondering if Ellie had heard it and if she had put the pieces together, translating the words from my letters to the lyrics of the song.
When I walked into my building, the receptionist told me that Egin had stopped by this morning to chat and mentioned I had a song out on the radio. She said congratulations and suggested that I may have found myself a new career as a songwriter. I laughed and told her thanks, but it probably won’t be a big deal. She said she listened to it and thought I was wrong, “Those words were powerful.”
I thanked her again and nodded, then badged into the secure door that led to my office. Egin and the guys were there waiting for me, all of them with goofy smiles on their faces.
Egin high fives me and says “It’s my wife’s new favorite song and now I have to listen to it over and over. She about died when I told her you wrote it!”
“So, tell us all about it!”
Davis chimes in.
“Yeah, what happened after you left us at the bar?”
I explained the whole deal to the guys, and they eagerly took it all in disbelief clear on their faces.
“Things like that don’t just happen, man. You’ve been hit with some kind of luck!”
Davis says.
“And it’ll land you in all the right places.”
Egin adds with a friendly clap on my back.
If only that were true, I thought to myself before looking at my watch to check the time. I tossed my keys and phone into my desk drawer and changed the subject, “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”
This group of guys were all previously injured while on active duty like I was, and we came together to work for a branch of the Government that oversees contractors working on military projects. It was an easy way to allow us to finish out our service contracts and segway into other career paths. Most of them were younger than me and could make a whole career out of this change, but me – I just want to ride out the next few years of my protection agreement and move on.
“It looks like today is a prep day. We’re being sent up north tomorrow for meetings all week.”
Davis tells us.
“Nice.”
I walk with the group to the kitchen to fill up my mug with fresh coffee.
“Where are we off too?”
Just as I asked this, Davis’s phone pinged with the details of our travel, and I sipped on my coffee.
“We’re headed to Northern Virginia. Somewhere near DC. Looks like we’re staying in Sunset Valley.”
My throat clenched and I coughed on the coffee as I choked it down.
We’ll be in Virginia? Breathe, Lee, Breathe. I hadn’t dared to drive in, near or around Virginia in all these years, at the risk of Ellie seeing me. What are the odds that we end up in her city and I catch a glimpse of her while we’re there? I cough, clearing my throat and regain my composure.
“You alright there, buddy?”
Egin asks.
“Yeah. All good. It just went down the wrong way.” I say.
The day drags on and by 4’oclock, I’m a nervous wreck, thinking about traveling to the state I had purposely stayed away from for so many years. This called for an out of schedule visit with Dane and Liz for guidance. I texted him on my way out of the office and asked if they could meet up for dinner tonight. He got back right away; Liz has to stay home with the kids because they’re working on a big school project that’s due tomorrow, but Dane said he would be over at 6’oclock.
I was pulling out some hot dogs and started boiling water on the stove, just when Dane knocked on the door. He was carrying a casserole dish covered in tinfoil and handed it to me.
“Here, Liz sent me with dinner because she didn’t want us eating bachelor food tonight.”
He looked in the kitchen and shook his head.
“And it’s a good thing she did. Dude, we’ve got to get you a woman in your life, if only so you can eat better.”
We laughed and I served up dinner, sitting down at my small dining room table, big enough for only two people.
“So, what’s going on, man? What’s with the urgent dinner date?”
He asks in between bites.
“I have a business trip and won’t be home for our Wednesday dinner.”
I start, putting my fork down on my plate. I’m too nervous to eat.
“They’re sending us to a new contractor in Virginia.”
I look at him, letting that bit of news sink in.
He stops mid-chew and grins, mouth full of food. “No way!”
he swallowed and asked, “Is it where Ellie lives?”
“I don’t know, dumbass, I haven’t looked Ellie up, remember?”
I shake my head at his ignorance. Sometimes this guy just doesn’t think.
“Okay, stop. I’m pulling up that interior design place to see if there’s a picture of the owner, it’s got to be her.”
Dane starts to get up and I push him back down into the chair.
“No! I don’t want to know. My time’s not up yet and if I see her there now, I risk messing up my protection agreement.”
“Fuck that agreement, man. You deserve this, Lee.”
“I don’t know. Let me think about this first.”
“What’s to think about? This is Ellie… the girl you’ve been crazy about since you were fifteen, the girl you’ve passed up several relationships for.”
“I know.”
I run my hand through my hair.
“I have some other news too.”
“What’s that?”
He asks, going back to his dinner.
“That meeting I had yesterday. It was with a record producer. He heard me at the bar Saturday night when I went out with some co-workers. We were pretty trashed and I kind of sang some karaoke.”
Dane chuckles at that.
“Only, I was singing a song I wrote for Ellie.”
He drops his fork and stares at me, but I continue.
“This guy, Pline, heard my song and asked if I would be willing to discuss one of his artists recording it. We met, they liked it so much that they recorded it, and they released it. Now it’s playing on the radio, man.”
A huge smile spread across my face, and I pulled up the song on YouTube so Dane could hear it.
He listened to it, mouth agape the entire time, looking between the phone and me. When it was over, he said, “Shit. If anyone who knows you, knew you wrote that, they’d know immediately that it was about Ellie.”
He was scrolling on my phone to read the comments and clicked on a link.
“What’s this?”
He turned the phone so we could both watch as a three minute video clip of Shawn Lane popped up discussing his newest hit that’s been heating up the radio station request lines. When asked by the interviewer how he came up with the song, he replied: ‘Shout out to my man, Lee McCormick, for sharing the pain of a lost love that everyone can relate to. I met him at the studio and his words hit home so hard, I just knew this was my next song.’
“I don’t think that was part of the deal.”
I say to Dane. Shock written all over my face.
“I didn’t know he was going to tell everyone who wrote the song. What if she sees that?”
I look at him and he’s staring right back at me, annoyance in his eyes.
“Well, good if she does. Dammit, Lee, this is exactly what I was talking about. It was meant to happen. You two are being led back together and this trip, I’m telling you, it’s a sign.”
We finish cleaning up dinner and he tells me to check in with him and give him updates on my Ellie sightings while I’m gone. He’ll check the mail for me, as usual, and make sure the apartment is secure. Once he leaves, I start packing my suitcase. We have a 6’oclock flight and I don’t want to have to pack anything in the morning. I make sure everything is ready to go and waiting at the front door for an easy departure.
* * *
The past three days have been long and all I’ve wanted to do is drop onto the hotel bed at the end of the day on Thursday, but the guys insist on meeting for dinner and have been trying a new place each night. Tonight’s location was suggested by the program manager at our contractor’s office. He says we would enjoy the small town vibe that this place gives off and the food is better than a five-star restaurant any day.
So we went, but I decided to drive separately, just in case I want to leave earlier than the others. The Pub was about a twenty five minute drive from our hotel and it was so far in the country, I couldn’t believe a place like this actually existed. This is probably the only restaurant here, smack dab in the middle of a Hallmark movie set town. I kind of like it; the houses surrounding the town square are very reminiscent of what Ellie described as her dream home. I grabbed a parking spot and looked around, folding my sunglasses as I walked in the building.
It was cozy and I was expecting to only be meeting up with my group, but it looks like several of our counterparts decided to join in as well. We took up a good chunk of the indoor seating with three tables pushed together to form one massive dining table. I sat in the middle where there was an empty seat next to Davis and ordered a drink, taking it all in. I wonder if Ellie comes here to grab carry-out on a Friday night, or if she drops quarters into that jukebox in the back.
“This place is great!”
Davis says to one of the ladies sitting across from us. She smiles and nods in agreement.
“It really has that ‘Welcome to our hometown’ feel.”
We ordered food and everyone chatted; I mostly people-watched, quietly trying not to have a heart attack every time the door chimes and it’s not Ellie I see walking in. I try to distract myself with idle conversation but now we’ve finished our food and sat here for almost two hours, and I’ve talked with the waitress and hostess enough to make them think I want to buy a house and move in across the street when I notice a young couple come in.
They patiently wait at the front, chatting it up with the hostess while their table is prepared. They must be about sixteen, I think, and he looks so familiar. I watch as he points at our table and says something to the hostess, then he does something that hit my heart, making me wonder why more kids aren’t like him, why wasn’t I like him when I was his age? He stands next to Egin at the end of the table and says, “Excuse me, sir, I just wanted to say thank you for your sacrifice and service.”
He smiled at the table and then followed his girlfriend to the back of the restaurant where they were seated.
I continued to watch them for a while, until everyone decided it was time to head out. They captivated me, these kids, and I found it hard to take my eyes off of them. I caught myself staring, thinking about how they reminded me of the meals I shared with Ellie. He watches her when she doesn’t think he’s looking and it’s amazing how complete strangers can make me feel like I’m watching a movie playback of my life in real-time.
I stop our waitress and tell her that I’d like to pay for their meal, and I wait until it’s clear she has told them their meal has been covered before I walk to the door. But something stops me, makes me turn around and look one more time. The boy is staring at me, and I’ll be damned if I’m not looking straight into a mirror. Chills ran up my neck and I nodded in acknowledgment, turning to leave before something breaks me down right here in this small town restaurant.
* * *
I made my way back to the hotel and practically ran through the lobby to get to the elevator. Once the door closed, I felt like I could breathe again, and my heart began to relax. One more day of meetings, I can get through this. I tell myself this several more times while the elevator brings me up to the sixth floor and I make it to my room.
When I’ve finished my shower, I realized that I need to wash my flight suit; I spilled coffee on it this morning when I overfilled my mug, and I can’t bring myself to wear it tomorrow with a big coffee stain on the leg.
There’s a guest laundry room at the end of the hall, so I grabbed my notebook and sat in the back of the room with only the muffled sounds of the washer and wrote a letter:
Dear Ellie Belly,
You don’t know how much I’ve been praying that I run into you this week and at the same time, how much I’ve thanked God that I haven’t run into you yet. I’m so conflicted. I’m dying to find you, I don’t want to wait another three years for you, for us, for love to be back in my life.
I saw some kids tonight at dinner. They reminded me of us. And I don’t know what it was about him, but the boy looked like me. Maybe it was just because I was seeing me in him, but I can’t shake the feeling that I know him from somewhere.
You’re like the flame that sets me on fire
When I think I’m burned out, you reignite my desire
You’re the ripple in my ocean
Rocking me off my feet with waves of emotion
You’re the thunder to my storms
When the raindrops take over in swarms
How do I live one more day
When you and I are a world away
I have one more day here Ellie. If the world thinks we should be together, I really hope tomorrow I’ll see you somewhere.
Love Always,
Lee
* * *
The dryer buzzed, indicating that my load was done, and I snapped out of my trance, grabbed my clothes, and went back to my hotel room. The number of times my life faded in and out like I only existed halfway was growing bigger and bigger and if I didn’t start living all the way soon, I think I might fold in on myself. I’m sure this is not how I was meant to survive this twenty year protection order. I sat on the edge of my bed and in the words of Dane, I said out loud: “Fuck that order!”
Before I leave Virginia tomorrow, I’m looking Ellie up and I’m going to find her.