Chapter 13
Holy fuck that kiss.
If Cherish was a romantic she might have thought it meant something. But she wasn’t fooling herself into believing that. She had no doubt Haylee thought little about the kiss. And besides, it was nothing more than a lapse of judgment and could only lead to trouble. And if she allowed it, heartache.
“Hey.” Haylee looked up, a quick smile before returning to her computer and her work. Was that pink in her cheeks?
“Good morning, Haylee.” The hope Cherish had allowed to bloom, despite her determination for it not to, dimmed a little at the casual greeting. Good. It should do that. Cherish didn’t need to get caught up in fantasies that would never work out.
Cherish reminded herself that whatever had happened last night couldn’t happen again. It was the wine. It was the rush of emotions from trying to fix her enormous blunder. It was the fact that Haylee was likely going to make it a year, and Cherish was finally feeling close to someone again, someone who was making her life so much easier.
It wasn’t attraction.
Cherish swallowed down the lump in her throat and booted up her computer.
“Cherish, in here, please,” Febe called from the threshold of her office.
Cherish looked up just in time to see Febe spin on her heels and head back into the welcome gloom. Cherish grabbed her pad and pen, always ready for impromptu notes at Febe’s whim.
“Good morning, Ms. Aarts,” Cherish said as she slipped into the chair on the other side of the desk. Focusing on work was what she needed in order to get last night out of her mind and her priorities back into perspective.
“Kendal had a baby boy last night,” Febe said the words in a calm enough tone, but having known Febe as long as Cherish had, she sensed the excitement bubbling beneath.
“Bernie’s Kendal?” Cherish couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face. She had heard that Kendal was pregnant a few months back. She didn’t want to throw any more pain Febe’s way if she could avoid it, so she’d silently kept track as best as she could. She had no idea how Febe would feel about it.
“Yes.” Febe picked up her phone and tapped at it. “I want to go see Kendal and the baby tomorrow, but I need a gift.”
“Any ideas of what you might like? Price range?” Cherish wasn’t even writing down notes on this one. She didn’t want a written record of it anywhere.
“Whatever you see fit for a baby, if you could.”
“What did they name him?” Cherish hoped asking the question wouldn’t push the boundary of work and private life too much, or that it wouldn’t toss Febe for a loop.
“Bernard, but they’re calling him Bernie.” The hitch in Febe’s throat might have been missed by anyone else, but Cherish knew her far too well.
“Oh Febe,” Cherish whispered, her voice cracking at the tears welling in Febe’s eyes. “It’s perfect.”
“It really is.” Febe looked up and smiled, a true, beautiful smile. As though none of the pain from a few years ago was there at all. Febe was just as happy for this new life as Bernie would have been had she still been there.
“I’ll head out and find something now.” Emotions bubbled inside her chest and threatened to come out in either tears or squeals and neither of those things had ever sat well with Cherish.
“Take Haylee with you.” Febe pointed to the door.
“But—” Cherish couldn’t say exactly why the idea made her so uncomfortable, but no other words formed after her initial verbal hesitation. She stared slack-jawed at Febe, wondering just what exactly she needed to do to get out of this one.
“I think the office will survive an hour or two without you.” Febe stared at Cherish directly, her gaze unwavering.
Febe couldn’t know, could she? What happened last night was last night. No one had been there. It was her and Haylee in the rain on the street corner. This was just a coincidence.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Febe gave her a sharp, commanding look.
There was no way Cherish could argue with her. “Very good, Ms. Aarts.”
Cherish could have been swept into the twilight zone as she stepped out of Febe’s office. Haylee’s lips were pursed, her brows furrowed as she stared intently at the screen. After a few seconds, a small smile touched the corners of her mouth and she started humming. Cherish was certain she knew the song, something older than she would have expected Haylee to know, but she hadn’t been able to place it yet despite the number of times over the last month she’d listened to Haylee hum it. It was an earworm without a name and had drawn her to distraction more than once.
“Cherish, I did it.” Haylee looked up, and Cherish felt like a deer in headlights.
“Did what?” Oh good, her voice didn’t waver or hitch. Cherish strode to her desk.
“I fixed the roster issue for the three new therapists.”
“Good work.” Cherish let herself indulge in a small smile. “Do you have anything else you need to get done this morning?”
“I was going to work on the reports.” Haylee looked up, her dark brown eyes fixing on Cherish from across the room.
“They can wait until this afternoon. Ms. Aarts has an errand for us.” Cherish snagged her purse that she’d barely put away and hitched it onto her shoulder. She stood straight and waited for Haylee to catch up.
“Us?” Haylee’s brow furrowed once more. “But we can’t both be out for long.”
“Ms. Aarts has assured me that she will be fine. As long as we’re back in two hours.” That subtle note from Febe had been clear, and Cherish hadn’t missed it.
“Two hours?” Haylee leaned back in her chair, the furrowed brows now taking a one-eighty and almost disappearing under her hairline.
Cherish’s fingers twitched, remembering the feel of the shaved head hidden beneath the strands that looked a little lackluster now that Cherish focused on them. Did Haylee try to hide herself in here as much as Cherish did? Wouldn’t that be ironic?
“Yes, so we need to go now.”
“All right.” Haylee shrugged, tapped a few keys on her keyboard and stood up. She wore loose fitting pants today that flared at her hips—hips and ass that Cherish distinctly remembered the feel of in her hands. When had she done that?
The tan color looked so smooth against Haylee’s skin, like if Cherish were to run her fingers over it she would know the ins and outs of Haylee’s body. The white blouse had a run of lace on the edge that dipped down Haylee’s cleavage. Why was Cherish’s mouth suddenly so dry? She dashed her tongue against her lips to wet her parched mouth as Haylee bent down to grab her purse.
Cherish could do this.
They could buy the gift and be back in an hour. And better yet, Cherish could staunchly remind herself why last night never should have happened.
“Where are we going?” Haylee asked as they stepped into the elevator.
“To buy a gift for Febe’s new grandson.”
Haylee said nothing until they got to the rideshare Cherish had ordered. They were nearly at their destination before Haylee looked Cherish fully in the eyes.
“I didn’t even know Febe had kids, let alone a grandbaby.”
Cherish sighed. How much did Febe want her to share? Usually Cherish kept every bit of personal information on Febe as tightly wrapped as she could, but she had specifically sent the two of them on this errand. Even after Cherish had questioned it. “It’s complicated, and nothing that needs to be mentioned at work.”
“Yet she’s sending us off to go buy the little cherub a birth gift?” Haylee gave her an incredulous look.
“She’s very busy, Haylee.”
“And she knows you’ll never say no.” Haylee chuckled, a smirk on her lips.
Cherish could see the playful humor in Haylee’s eyes, but the words stung a little more than she expected. Because they were true. Cherish would do anything for Febe—anything. She had already, including moving hundreds of miles from Idaho to Portland, Oregon for a job in a city where she literally knew no one. Cherish never had dreams of living the city life like Febe had, but when she’d asked, Cherish had answered with when.
“So,” Haylee asked, stepping into the children’s store. “What do we know about said grandbaby?”
“A boy, born last night.”
“Oh wow.” Haylee’s eyes lit up. “And she didn’t go see him already?”
“She hasn’t had time to get something, and you don’t show up to a new mom empty-handed. Especially with their relationship.” Cherish mumbled the last bit, hoping Haylee hadn’t heard her.
“Ah, some of that small-town country charm shining through.” Haylee bumped her shoulder against Cherish with a laugh.
“You sound like I’m chivalrous or something. I keenly remember not being the chivalrous one last night.” Cherish’s cheeks blossomed with heat, and she dreaded to think just how strongly the blushing showed through her makeup and down her neck. Her breath was stuck in her throat, and she couldn’t force it out. Where the hell had that come from?
“Oh.” Haylee touched a small white onesie that hung on a hanger. “Look how tiny this is. It’s hard to believe they come in such small sizes.”
“You’re surprised baby clothes come in sizes to fit a baby?” Cherish asked, certain she had missed something as her thoughts and embarrassment had preoccupied her mind. And keeping up with the conversation was harder by the second.
Haylee laughed. “Well that, but I meant babies. It’s so hard to believe an entire human being can fit into something this small. It’s barely bigger than my hand.”
Cherish turned away as Haylee held her hand up in front of the small onesie. That hand had been against her back, and it had burned its touch into her, a memory Cherish wasn’t sure would ever fade. Not now.
“Have you thought about having children?” Where the hell had that question come from? This was clearly Cherish off the rails. Perhaps she was hung over from last night if she couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself like she normally would.
Haylee snorted. “I would be a terrible mom.”
“Why do you say that?” Cherish turned back, stunned at the answer.
“I’m thirty-three years old, and I’m not even able to look after myself. I mean hell, I’m homeless since I couldn’t even pay rent last month.” Haylee’s head snapped toward Cherish as her words caught up with her mouth.
“What?” Cherish asked.
“Oh shit.” Haylee squeezed her eyes shut, embarrassment washing over her face.
“Haylee, what happened to your apartment?” Cherish reached for Haylee’s wrist and clasped onto it. What hadn’t she noticed in all these months between them? Haylee hadn’t made one mention of struggling to pay rent or being evicted.
“It’s not a big deal,” Haylee tried to play it off, but Cherish wasn’t going to let her get away with it.
“No, what happened?”
Haylee grimaced, her gaze downcast as embarrassment swallowed her up. “I had some debt, and now that I’m earning money, they’ve all come to collect. It’s run me a little short.”
“Why didn’t you say anything before now?” Had the tension during dinner last night been because of that? What about the coffees that Haylee always seemed to have for her on her desk? She shouldn’t be buying those if she couldn’t even afford to live off her salary.
“I didn’t mean to say anything now,” Haylee replied as she continued to flick through clothes on the racks, no doubt as a way to distract herself.
Cherish was vaguely aware of Haylee picking up items and putting them back down. But not all of them. From her fingers hung a few small hangers. Cherish really should be focusing on their task at hand, but Haylee’s news unsettled her more than she could process.
“What about you?”
Haylee’s question threw Cherish. Her instinct was to talk about her first year in the city, how she struggled to find lodgings that felt at all like home, but she bit back the words.
“What about me?” Cherish asked as she ran fingers over a table laden with soft toys in caricature animal shapes. She had never seen such a large range. There were so many different types of animals she wasn’t certain she would have been able to name all of them.
“Do you want children?”
It was Cherish’s turn to scoff. “Oh yes, I’d be such a brilliant parent. A workaholic who has already been rejected by the animal rescue for a dog adoption.”
“You like dogs?” Haylee smiled, and it lit up Cherish’s world.
“Of course I do. I might be a bitch, but I’m not entirely heartless.” Cherish’s shoulders stiffened. She knew what the other personal assistants had said about her. How Haylee had managed to make it this long was beyond her, but she had. So of course she had to know that Cherish understood how awful she was at work.
Haylee’s hand was on Cherish’s arm, pulling Cherish’s gaze to her eyes. “You’re only a bitch when you need to be.”
“I don’t think that’s a realistic assessment.” Cherish’s face pinched.
“Oh, please don’t apologize again.” Haylee laughed, but Cherish could see how serious she was about the plea. “I can’t take another apology from the great Cherish Barkley.”
Cherish’s cheeks burned even hotter, and she looked around, searching for something to buy that Febe would approve of so they could get back to the office. The office was her safety net, the place where all her priorities were set straight.
“Cherish.” Haylee’s fingers rested lightly on her wrist. Cherish looked up and wondered what kind of spell this blonde beauty had put on her. “I didn’t mean the dinner or the kiss. I’m just not used to being apologized to, I guess.”
“Why not?”
“I fuck up. I try not to, but I tend to anyway. I figure I deserve what I get, and normally people agree.” Haylee gave a sad smile.
“You deserve to be treated with respect, Haylee.”
Their eyes met, and Cherish wanted nothing more than to take Haylee in her arms and hold her until she believed what Cherish said. How could someone so young honestly think it was okay to be treated badly but not okay to be apologized to? And when the hell were they going to kiss again? Because right now, it wouldn’t take much to lean in and have a reprise of last night.
“So…” Haylee coughed, breaking the spell and pulling her eyes away. “What kind of dog would you get?”
“I miss my German shepherds.” Cherish took the out for what it was. As much as she wanted to talk about their kiss, they had both neatly avoided any real conversation on the topic. Perhaps they both were as adept at that as they were at masking who they really were in the real world.
“You already have dogs? Are they back home?” Haylee snagged up a small baby hat and grinned at it.
“Shaggy passed away two years ago now. My parents don’t have the time and energy to look after another dog. The farm wasn’t the same when I last visited, though.” Cherish took the hat from Haylee and smiled at it too. Febe would hate it though, so she set it back down.
“Oh, that’s so sad.” Haylee had a basket and placed items in it, including the hat that Cherish had abandoned. When had she grabbed a basket?
“What would you get?”
“For a baby or a dog?” Haylee asked with a snicker.
“What kind of dog?” Cherish chuckled. It was so easy to talk to Haylee. Easier than it had been for her to talk to anyone since she moved to the city.
“I want a beagle, and to call it Dumbo.” Haylee’s eyes lit up. This was obviously something she had put a lot of thought into.
“Dumbo? Like the elephant?” Cherish picked up a stuffed dog from the table. It wasn’t a German shepherd or a beagle, and she wasn’t sure it was an actual breed of dog at all, but it would do. She smiled and slid it into the basket Haylee carried.
“Of course like the elephant. Have you seen how big beagles’ ears are? I would also get an airplane stroller and go running with Dumbo, just so I could see their wings flapping.”
“You’re insane.” Cherish laughed lightly as she spun around a table to find something else for Baby Bernie.
“But a good kissing kind of insane, right?” Haylee lifted her eyes from the basket. The depth of hope that Haylee had in her gaze, the words that she was clinging to would no doubt change their relationship going forward.
Cherish’s breath caught in her chest, a bubble that grew as Haylee’s eyes smoldered between lowered lashes. Cherish’s entire body warmed, heat pooling between her legs, and she was once again tossed right back into last night and Haylee’s arms.
“Yes.” Cherish forced the word out in a rough breathy rush. Her nipples were hard again, and her entire body on fire for Haylee.
“I liked kissing you, Cherish.” Haylee’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper but loud enough that Cherish could hear her from across the display table.
“Okay.” Cherish pushed aside her moment of stillness. It was one thing to hint at last night’s adventure but to say the words was too much. “Let’s work out which of these items the lucky Bernard gets.”
“Bernie? That’s such a cute name.”
“His name is Bernard,” Cherish snapped and instantly regretted it. “Please, don’t call him Bernie, especially anywhere near Febe.”
“Oh, okay.” Haylee blinked, a little stunned at Cherish’s sudden coolness. And Cherish couldn’t blame her.
“It’s complicated, but trust me.” Cherish smiled, knowing her words didn’t take away Haylee’s confusion.
“I do trust you,” Haylee said as she walked to the counter with the basket of items.
They arrived back to the office with plenty of time left before Febe had to head off to yet another meeting. Cherish hoped she had eaten lunch while they were out. As if on cue her own stomach rumbled.
“We should have picked up lunch to bring back,” Haylee said, obviously having heard Cherish’s belly complaints.
“That would have been a smart idea.” Except Cherish wasn’t just hungry for lunch. She wanted that sweet intimacy they’d had in the store, the ease of conversation that she hadn’t had in so long. Febe had been so torn up after Bernie that Cherish had given her as wide a berth as possible with her own problems.
“Here.” Haylee placed the beautiful gift basket on Cherish’s desk, knocking Cherish right back into the present.
“Oh no.” Cherish picked up the basket by the handle and handed it back to Haylee. “You did all the hard work to get the cashier to make this up just the way you knew Febe would like. You definitely get the credit on this one.”
Haylee took the handle, her fingers brushing over Cherish’s. Time froze again. Neither of them seemed capable of moving. Standing face-to-face in the office, Cherish’s fingers covered by Haylee’s warm and gentle hand, her breath caught.
“Is that the gift?” Febe asked, her voice a splash of cold water just like that second car last night had been.
Cherish jerked with a start, the basket landing heavily on her desk with a loud crash. “Uh…yes, Ms. Aarts. Haylee had them wrap it up so it’s ready to go for your visit.”
“Perfect.” Febe stepped closer, her gaze flicking between the two of them before she grabbed the basket and went back to her office.
Haylee blew out a breath, a grin forming on her face. “I was so worried I would say something wrong or that it might bring up the complication you mentioned.”
Cherish suddenly wished Haylee knew all about Febe's past, about the disaster of last year’s gala and the reason behind it. She had always held that knowledge close to her chest, something precious, as though keeping those safe also kept Febe safe.
But if she did that, would Haylee bother to keep helping her with this year’s gala?
She couldn’t risk it.
The gala had to go off without a hitch. And despite the spell Haylee seemed to have put on her, the kiss was just a kiss. It wasn’t possible for it to be anything more than that.
Cherish wouldn’t fall down that rabbit hole, filled with the pain of love lost, no matter how much she wanted to kiss Haylee again. She’d seen what damage that could do to a person firsthand. And she wouldn’t put herself through what Febe had been through. It hurt too much watching her best friend be in so much pain.
Despite all of that, the longing to lean over her desk and press her mouth to Haylee’s was so damn strong. Cherish clenched her jaw and pressed her fingertips into her desktop. Damn it. Cherish definitely had a crush on Haylee, whether she liked it or not.
But she would never fall in love.