Chapter 26
The turndown from Haylee for a lunch date had shocked Cherish more than she realized. She had watched Haylee walk away in confusion and at a loss. Which was exactly what Cherish was experiencing.
Shaking her head, Cherish decided just to order something and returned to her desk.
It was ridiculous that a mere decline to have lunch should shake her up so much. Had she crossed a line talking to Haylee about passion and using sex as a way to show her?
With food in her stomach and her mind back in the flow of work, it had been easier for Cherish to convince herself that nothing was connected. Nothing had changed. They were colleagues who could enjoy each other’s time—and bodies. Cherish squeezed her legs together as memories flooded into her.
Reaching for her coffee cup, Cherish found it empty and stained on the inside. How long had she been sitting there obsessing over Haylee’s distracting body?
No wonder she didn’t want to fall into the trap of love. Not only was it incapable of lasting, but it had the potential to ruin everything else in one’s life while its claws dug in.
The office was quiet and the small kitchenette empty as Cherish made herself another coffee.
“Haylee, I’ll be out for the rest of the afternoon.” Febe’s voice was clear and precise as the click of her heels told Cherish exactly where in the office the two women were.
“All right, Ms. Aarts. I’ll let Cherish know.” Haylee’s voice sounded confident in reply to Febe’s, but Cherish knew her better than others. Didn’t she? There was something nervous in her words, something unsure and wavering.
Cherish waited, sipping her freshly made coffee as she followed Febe’s exit from the office. The clicks of heels ended with the whoosh and snick of the door opening and closing.
Taking another fortifying sip, Cherish headed back to her desk.
“Hey, Haylee. You’re back. Is everything okay with your brother?” Cherish slid into her seat and placed her coffee on the coaster.
“Yes.” Haylee didn’t even look up from her screen as she responded. “Ms. Aarts is gone for the rest of the day.”
“Excellent.” Cherish added a little purr into her voice, hoping to get some kind of reaction from Haylee. “Have you thought more about what she needs to see in your presentation?”
“You mean passion?” Haylee looked up, and Cherish suddenly wished she hadn’t. Those eyes were the eyes of a stranger. The dancing light within had glazed over into something hard and impenetrable.
“Yes.” Cherish cleared her throat. “Your passion for the project.”
“I’ve figured out what I need to do. Thank you.” Haylee returned to her work, and Cherish stared at her for another moment or two wondering what exactly had happened.
The rest of the week followed as such, and Cherish, despite her determination not to let Haylee, or any woman for that matter, preoccupy her into distraction, was absolutely distracted by Haylee. Friday morning came, and with it the proof that Cherish had failed to keep her brain on task.
“Cherish, in my office please.” Febe strode in earlier than normal, though Cherish noticed Haylee already had their boss’s coffee waiting.
Cherish picked up her notebook and pen and scurried after Febe.
Closing the door behind her, Cherish turned to see Febe leaning against the side of her desk. Her ass perched on the edge, with her legs out straight and crossed at the ankles. Cherish’s eyes moved up Febe’s legs, taking in the black pinstripe pencil skirt and the white blouse with soft collar. Febe’s hands were on either side of her hips, fingers curled around the edge.
All of the moisture disappeared from Cherish’s mouth as she remembered having a wild fantasy about Febe that started much like this. But that had been a long time ago, and the idea, while speeding up Cherish’s heart rate, filled her with discomfort rather than arousal.
“What’s wrong?” Febe asked directly, not bothering to hedge.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been distracted all week. I wasn’t going to say anything, but when I came in today, you looked at me like I was a ghost.”
“You’re early,” Cherish replied in defense. Yes, she had been distracted, but that was hardly a crime.
“And you should have known that.” Febe raised her eyebrows as she tucked her chin in slightly, eyes now looking at Cherish as if she was being studied.
“I’m fine.”
“Good.” Febe pushed herself off from the desk. “But as a friend, I’m always here to talk if you’d like to.”
“Everything’s fine, Ms. Aarts. I apologize for being distracted. It won’t happen again.”
“Cherry.” Febe’s voice softened. “I really thought we had discuss—”
“I’m sorry,” Cherish interrupted. “I obviously missed information about today. The reason for you arriving early?”
For a moment, Cherish thought Febe would press the issue, but then a haze overtook her features. A happy haze. It had been so long since Cherish had seen such a large genuine smile on Febe’s mouth. Panic pulsed in her wrists, pumping a little too hard at the look.
“They’re bringing in the baby to say hello. My grandchild.” Febe smiled and a small laugh escaped her lips. “I still can’t believe it.”
“Oh. They are?” Cherish’s heart hurt, and a heat pressed hard and nudged its way from her chest and into the V at the base of her neck. “That’s fantastic.”
“It is.” Febe nodded. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yes. Absolutely.” Cherish smiled and nodded. She turned on her heels before tears could escape.
Back at her desk, Cherish didn’t dare look over at Haylee. She had to get control over herself. The pain behind her eyes reminded her the pills were working less and less as the days went on. She’d taken some before heading to work and she already needed more.
Giving in, she pulled open her drawer and found the bottle. Dry swallowing another two pills, she took a deep breath and pushed her shoulders back.
Work. That would help her focus and stay on top of things.
She had been distracted this week, but the shame of Febe noticing washed over her in a wave of heat. It stuck to her skin and made everything harder. But she would do it. Whatever had happened with her and Haylee couldn’t rule over her thoughts any longer.
Bracing herself, Cherish finally looked over to Haylee’s desk.
Her breath caught, and her heart stuttered in her chest. Haylee was beautiful. How Cherish had ever thought otherwise was still something she couldn’t quite fathom. But she also knew the beauty she saw in Haylee ran far deeper than her soft, delicious skin. The sound of her laugh still filled Cherish’s body with bubbles, popping as more arrived to lighten everything within her.
Haylee tucked her hair behind one ear as she looked from the papers on her desk to her computer screen. Her face scrunched in concentration, and Cherish smiled, a small chuckle almost escaped her mouth before she slammed her lips closed, cutting off the sound.
What was going on with her?
It had just been sex, nothing more than that. She’d had sex before. True, it hadn’t blown her mind like theirs had. And no partner had ever cared about her pleasure over their own. But this couldn’t be anything else.
They worked together, and nothing caused more of a nightmare in a workplace than colleagues dating. She had seen that too many times. Besides, even if she did like Haylee more than she had liked anyone before, love never worked out. This week had been hard enough with Haylee’s icy dismissals.
Cherish breathed deeply, her mind telling her body that it had only ever been physical, a chemical reaction.
Cherish almost convinced herself it was working.
“They’re here, Febe.” Haylee’s voice vibrated into her phone with a happiness that while not entirely genuine came closer to the sound Cherish had once known.
Cherish remained staring at Haylee as she replaced her phone into the cradle, looked up, and caught Cherish staring.
“Hi.” Cherish smiled. All hope of convincing herself she felt nothing for this woman blew away with that simple word.
“Hi.” Haylee gave her own small wavering smile back.
The tension grew thick between them.
The chime of the elevator opening made Cherish blink. Haylee moved to the doors, opening them in preparation for the stroller and the two loving adults Cherish hadn’t seen since the funeral. A lump formed in her throat as she looked at Kendal. She looked so much like her mother. In the sparkle of her eyes and the small lines around her mouth. Kendal smiled and laughed in an echoing memory of Bernie.
Cherish stayed back as Febe met them all at her door.
“Kendal.” Febe opened her arms wide and wrapped her stepdaughter up in them. “I’m so glad you could come and visit.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” Kendal looked around the office, not yet stepping over the threshold of Febe’s office. “She would have loved all of this. You have done her proud, Febe.”
“You have too.” Febe smiled, a glassiness to her eyes.
As Cherish studied Febe’s face she saw the difference and the realization caught her breath. The sadness hadn’t disappeared, but it was twisted around something so much sweeter.
Love.
Cherish almost whispered the word, catching it just in time.
Febe still had love. She had it even though Bernie was gone. Cherish turned to Kendal and saw a mirror of the same love and sadness, braided together and stronger than either had been on their own.
The world seemed to tilt beneath Cherish’s feet, and she couldn’t have been more grateful for the small cries of the baby.
“Oh, hello sweetheart.” Febe reached in, and in the most tender of movements Cherish had ever seen, pulled the small bundle to her chest.
“I love his name.” Haylee’s voice reached through the murmur of voices, and all of the adults turned from the small child to the woman who had dared to mention the elephant in the room.
Cherish smiled thinking this moment summed up so much of Haylee—her fearlessness and her joy.
“Thank you,” Kendal replied and reached for her child. Long fingers stroked the bundle as Febe continued to hold her grandbaby close to her chest, rocking ever so slightly as she did.
“It was my wife’s name, and this little one’s grandmother.” Febe’s voice carried over to Cherish’s desk with a strength Cherish had missed.
“Her other grandmother.” Kendal looked pointedly at Febe, and in a moment that filled Cherish with clarity, Febe nodded and gave a small smile.
“Cherish?” Febe looked over, eyebrows raised in question.
“Yes, Ms. Aarts?” Cherish replied, ignoring Kendal’s furrowed brow at her response.
“Come have a look. He looks so much like Bernie.”
Cherish pushed herself up from her chair and walked over to the group.
Haylee continued to stand a little farther back, though they left space for her to step forward at any time.
Cherish pushed every emotion she could down into the pit of her stomach as they parted for her to join them. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you, Cherish.” Kendal leaned in for a hug.
“Cherish. Look.” Febe held the small bundle out a little from her chest. The way Febe held the baby, Cherish could have believed she had done this very thing a million times before.
“Beautiful.” Cherish’s voice came out rough and filled with more emotion than she had planned for.
“Yes,” Febe said, and they both looked up and their eyes met. “It really is.”
Cherish knew Febe said so much more in those few words, but her own heart beat too loud in her chest and her mind seemed fragmented, sharp edges threatening to cut her if she dared to examine them too closely, or heaven forbid try to put the pieces back together.
“Will you want some coffee before you head out for lunch?” Cherish had taken the time to reread the email she had skimmed earlier in the week.
“That would be lovely. Would you both like some?” Febe asked.
Cherish took the orders and turned on her heel, preparing to head to the kitchenette and make the requested drinks.
“Haylee, will you help?” Febe’s voice was its usual command.
Cherish’s stomach churned. The idea of being closer to Haylee filled her with excitement, while that very excitement filled her with a confusion that her mind fought against.
They began making the coffee. What might once have been a comfortable silence, sparked with tension and awkwardness.
“Haylee,” Cherish said.
“Yes?” Haylee looked at her, meeting her eyes without feeling and a thin-lipped line to her mouth.
“What happened?” Cherish groaned inwardly at the whine in her voice.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Haylee’s face cracked a little, showing the battle she fought within. It was enough for Cherish to push on, to refuse to back away.
“Yes, you do.” Cherish stepped closer. But the sound of laughter came from the other room.
Cherish shuffled back and continued making the drinks. Her face heated as the laughter lightened and a few familiar voices said their hellos as they continued past.
Therapists on break. Cherish should have known their names, but not one of them came to mind. She nodded and smiled, doing the polite things while her heart pounded loud enough she didn’t understand why no one stared.
“Haylee,” Cherish tried again when the sounds had faded.
“What?” Haylee turned, and the fire in her eyes, in the snarl of her lips was terrifying. “What do you want now?”
“What do you mean?” The words might as well have slapped Cherish across the face.
“God, you’re so oblivious sometimes.” Haylee mixed the last of the drinks with a little too much enthusiasm, splashing some drops over the counter. She cursed and ripped the paper towel before mopping it up.
More voices could be heard, alongside the scuffle of shoes and the click of heels.
“This is ridiculous.” Cherish looked around and despite how insane the idea was, it seemed far more preferable to being constantly interrupted by passerby. “Come with me.”
Cherish reached for Haylee’s hand.
Haylee moved back out of her reach, and Cherish looked from the offended hand up to Haylee’s face.
“Please?”
For a moment, Haylee stared at her, jaw bulging from her clenched teeth behind closed lips.
“What about the coffee?”
“Fuck the coffee.” Cherish’s words came out uncensored, and for a moment, she was high from the thrill of truly not giving a shit. Until more noises filtered down from farther down the hall.
For a moment Haylee’s face filled with amusement before it settled into stone once more. “Fine.”
Cherish opened the closet where chairs were kept for visitors along with a bunch of things they had in storage.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Haylee muttered.
Cherish remained standing with the door open. With a huff. Haylee shook her head and walked in.
Closing the door behind her, Cherish turned, still struggling for the words she couldn’t find.
“Is this what gets you off? Sex in the closet at work?” Haylee’s sneer was vicious.
“What? No!” Cherish ran her hands through her hair. “I just want to talk to you. I don’t know what the hell has happened. Just tell me what I’ve done.”
“That sums you up entirely, doesn’t it?” Haylee spat back. “You do the work. and then forget about everything else. You got everything you wanted from me, and now what? Did you ever have any intention of helping me? Do you even believe anything you’ve said?”
Cherish was taken aback by the anger. She hadn’t expected Haylee to be this mad. “Of course I did. And I did help you.”
“What? You didn’t help me at all. I was thrown to the wolves.”
“It’s not like that.”
“It is,” Haylee snapped. “You promised to help me and then you didn’t. And I’m tired of waiting for you to figure it out.”
Dumbfounded, Cherish couldn’t do anything but watch as Haylee stepped passed her, opened the door and walked back to the kitchenette.
Cherish stood staring through the open doorway until Haylee disappeared, a tray of mugs and cookies in her hands.
What did she have to apologize for now?