Chapter 24
Thankfully, I dropped Dylan off after breakfast so I was on my own for a couple of hours and didn’t have to think about him.
I didn’t have to deal with him next to me in the car looking attractive but not speaking to me.
I had no idea how our pumpkin-patch pact had turned into us ripping each other’s clothes off and then feeling completely awkward with each other but I was hoping that as time passed, we’d get over it and could go back to how we’d been before the sex.
I’d rather have him as my enemy at this point – at least then, we’d talked and fired each other up.
I had almost enjoyed arguing with him, I realised now that we were just exchanging bland thoughts about the weather and the traffic.
I missed him pushing my buttons, which made me wonder what was wrong with me.
I drove to the next farm on my schedule.
My dad had been friends with Brian for years and he’d been instantly agreeable to me coming to see him.
His farm was up on a hill, and when I left my car and headed to the field where I could see him walking with his dog, herding his sheep, the biting wind brushed my cobwebs away.
‘Hi there,’ I called out, waving to get his attention.
Sometimes, I wished we had more animals on the farm but I knew that would be even more work.
I leaned on the fence to watch as he waved back.
He whistled to his dog, and the sheep moved in a perfect circle towards the open gate in front of them.
‘Willow!’ Brian called, walking over once he’d closed the gate on the sheep, his dog following on his heels.
‘Wow, you look just like your mother,’ he said, giving me a smile that crinkled his eyes.
He was grey now but walked effortlessly and I felt a pinch thinking of my dad, who was unable to do the same.
I gave him a tight hug. ‘Yeah, Dad tells me that.’ I didn’t mind, though; I liked knowing there was a piece left of her in me.
‘Let’s have a cuppa,’ he said, nodding towards his stone house.
I followed him and his dog inside, out of the chilly breeze.
It was small and cosy and warm inside and I sank into one of his worn armchairs with relief that I could relax for a little bit.
I tried not to think about what Dylan was doing while I was here.
Brian brought over two steaming mugs of tea and sat in the armchair opposite me while his dog curled up by his feet.
‘I regret not seeing your dad as much nowadays but I know he isn’t as mobile.
Plus, it’s just me up here now – you know my son didn’t want the farm – so it’s hard for me to come to you as much as I used to.
’ He sighed. ‘A real shame but I didn’t want to force my boy.
I always said Adam lucked out having you as a daughter. ’
I smiled as I sipped the tea. ‘Thanks, Brian. But I don’t know, it’s been more of a struggle for us recently than I would like. I’m trying to come up with ways we can make money outside of the spring/summer seasons. I’ll be honest, Dad has been talking of selling if we can’t.’
Brian shook his head. ‘Sad, very sad. But I get it. I think my son will sell once I’m gone, but I couldn’t leave. This place is like my other child. It’s part of me.’
‘That’s how I feel.’
‘I remember you running around the farm when you were little. You always looked so happy out there. Your mum said she couldn’t picture you anywhere else. I’m glad you didn’t end up leaving. She’d be proud you stayed and are trying to make it work, I reckon. And if I can help in any way…’
I was touched by his words. I looked at Brian and his dog, all alone out here, and I was sad.
I didn’t want that to happen to either my father or me.
I wished Dylan hadn’t flitted through my mind again but the farm had felt far less lonely, and less difficult, with him staying with us.
‘I need hay, any that you can give me, for as cheap as possible. I’m going to create an autumnal experience as an attraction, and sell pumpkins.
Mum loved the season and so do I, and I’ve got to try to bring more people to the farm, not just for strawberries in the summer. ’
Brian, to his credit, reacted unlike anyone else had so far.
He leaned forward. ‘Listen, if you’re half as determined as your mother and as dedicated as your father, you’ll do it.
Let’s finish these and go to the barn. You can take the hay for free…
’ He held up a hand when I opened my mouth to protest. ‘We stick together. I’ll do you a favour and you’ll do one for me if I need it in the future. Right?’
‘You know it,’ I readily agreed. I hesitated but it was rare to speak to someone that knew my parents as well as Brian did. ‘My parents were happy together, weren’t they?’
‘They were. They made a good team. We lost your mother far too soon. My wife left this place before my son did, they chose to go but your dad, your mum, neither of them would have ever left the farm, each other, or you.’ Brian sighed.
‘I chose the wrong partner. It’s not about liking the same things or even having the same personality but you need the same values, the same dreams for the future…
My wife, and then my son, they wanted more than the farm but I didn’t.
That’s where it went wrong. Do you know what you want? ’
His words sank into my skin. ‘I was worried I was being selfish trying to cling on to the farm. I wondered if I should let Dad sell it so he can retire and not worry so much but I can’t imagine living anywhere else or doing anything else.
And when I asked him if he did want to stay, he admitted he did.
So, I felt less selfish but I’m so worried. What if I can’t save it?’
‘You shouldn’t worry about doing anything other than your best, Willow.
Your dad doesn’t expect miracles from you.
He just wants you to be happy and to live a good life.
He’s proud of you, I know that; he always has been.
And you sound passionate about trying this pumpkin idea so I say go for it, but don’t beat yourself up about the outcome.
Sometimes, in life, things happen. Shit things.
Or good things. Things that are unexpected.
We just have to decide what to do next when they happen.
So, don’t worry yet. If it doesn’t work out then you can choose what to do next.
But for right now, focus on the task in hand. ’
‘I need to open the pumpkin patch on the first of October and then you’re right, I’ll just have to wait and see what happens next. But that, I can make happen.’
‘What are we waiting for then?’ He grinned at me and I smiled back, both of us jumping up to walk out to his barn and look at the hay bales.
* * *
I left Brian’s farm with a renewed spark. I phoned one of our summer workers, Steve, to see if he could meet me early. It made sense to chat to him before I picked up Dylan to go homeware shopping.
In the summer, Steve helped us with the pick-your-own season but this time of year, he was training to be a vet. He said he was free outside of his studies and work placement to help out with the patch, though. And bonus, he had a van.
I drove to meet him at his house.
‘If you could go and get the hay from Brian and bring it to the farm next week, that would be great. And then I thought one thing we could offer at the patch could be tractor rides so you could take people around the farm, weather permitting. And just be around to help out with anything else if needed, for as many days as you can spare me. I’ll pay what we pay during summer,’ I said briskly as we stood by my car; I’d turned down his invite to come inside.
I didn’t need any more tea. I just wanted to get things done.
‘I always need the money. You got it, Willow,’ Steve said with a nod.
‘My sister is away studying, and when I told her about your idea, she said there’s a pumpkin patch near her and she and her friends love it.
Apparently, it’s very “Instagrammable” and autumn is big on TikTok.
’ He gave a bemused shrug. ‘So, I think you’ll get her age group in, no problem. ’
‘Tell her she and her friends can come for free if they share it on social media,’ I said as I climbed back into my car. ‘Let me know when you can drop off the hay.’
I called Dylan as I drove away. He’d finished his meeting so I headed into the town to meet him. This trip had been successful so far so I was hopeful I could pick up more things for the patch from the homeware shops here.
I parked in a retail area that had four big homeware shops and spotted Dylan waiting for me outside one, two takeaway cups in his hand.
He was in a suit again, although he had undone his tie, and his jacket was slung over his arm as he sipped his coffee and scanned the car park.
When he saw me, he broke into a smile, before seeming to check himself and look away.
I found myself smiling back almost involuntarily.
I walked over and told myself to quit it. I might still fancy him like mad but I couldn’t let anything else happen between us.
‘How did it go? My meeting was boring as shit but my brother seemed happy when I told him how it went. Here, I got you a latte,’ Dylan said as if we hadn’t had a frosty morning together. It was confusing.
‘Uh, thanks. Yeah, Brian let me have the hay for free and I have someone bringing it to the farm this week. Thanks for the coffee.’ We fell into step as we walked into the first homeware shop, the area by the doors full of autumn and Halloween-themed décor.
I let out a gasp of excitement. ‘This is exactly what we need.’
Dylan smiled and didn’t hide it from me this time. ‘I’ll get you a trolley; seems like you’ll need one. At least.’ He hurried off and I watched him go, wishing things weren’t so complicated between us.
I needed to remind myself of my conversation with Brian – about choosing someone who wanted the same things in life that you did. Dylan couldn’t be more different to me. His life was opposite to mine. He must want different things.
Even if I did fantasise about me and Dylan going back to bed again, that’s all it would ever be and I didn’t want to get hurt.
He would leave the farm in five weeks’ time just like Brian’s wife and son had left him, so our night together had to be a one and only experience.
And I knew he must feel the same way too.
Turning away from Dylan, I focused on finding props for the farm because that was far less complicated.