Chapter Six
Ben watched Kenzie with the group of bridesmaids. They were hovering around Tasha, making toasts and dancing in a circle. The whole ceremony had been filled with love and family, and he was so fucking confused.
There had been a piece of him that thought her light, that part of her that was warm and loving and offered such comfort, was nothing but a performance. As if Kara had two personas and she shifted between them, deciding which would work best.
Now he knew the truth, but wrapping his head around the idea that she could truly be that sweet and bubbly was hard.
“You okay?” a familiar voice asked.
Dare. His friend looked like a million bucks in his tux.
It fit him perfectly, and he looked like he belonged in this ridiculously luxurious hotel.
There had been a lot of talk about what would happen if an armed militia group tried to take over, but it was done in a jokey way that Ben couldn’t tell if they were serious or simply sarcastic.
He didn’t understand her family at all.
Still, he gave Dare his smoothest smile. “I’m great. Thank you for letting me come at the last minute.”
Dare put a hand on his shoulder. “The more the merrier. How are things going with Kenz? That’s what I meant. We haven’t had a lot of chance to talk since the last time you were in Dallas.”
“The wedding took up a lot of your time,” Ben murmured, his eyes still on her.
He felt different than he thought he would. He thought he could treat this like any other mission. He was gathering intelligence. He had to since his own boss hadn’t bothered to tell him important details.
But then she’d jumped into his arms. Like his presence had lit up her world. In that moment when he’d wrapped his arms around her, because she would have fallen if he didn’t, and wouldn’t that give up his game?
Damn it. He had to try to be honest with himself. He’d felt better and bigger and more important than he had in forever the minute she’d jumped toward him. As if it never occurred to her that he might not catch her.
Of course it was her openness that had drawn him in, but no one seemed surprised.
“Buddy, I’m trying to ask you how you’re handling the whole Kenzie thing,” Dare said with a smile.
Like they were friends. Of course he was likely in on it.
Whatever “it” was. Sometimes he worried he was paranoid, then he remembered his own history.
The thing that annoyed him was he thought he was over this.
Over the need to form bonds. He’d told himself he gave up those notions when his own parents—crappy as they had been—rejected him.
Or maybe it was when he’d brought Deanna into his world and her life had ended.
“When did you find out?” They had talked that day at Top, but they’d been pretty careful about certain subjects.
Dare flushed slightly but didn’t hesitate and didn’t pretend to misunderstand him. “I found out when we were at The Station.”
So he’d known early on. The Station was a club in Sydney.
The one he’d been taken to after Tasha drugged him.
In her defense, he’d been trying to take her in for questioning.
He’d figured out she wasn’t exactly what she said she was and had made the decision to extract her to find out more information, but she’d been smarter than him.
He was pretty sure everyone was smarter than him.
The news hit him hard, but he simply nodded.
“Ian brought me in because he thought offering me his most closely held secret would prove how serious the whole family was about supporting Tasha’s love for me. I mean he put it in terms I could understand at the time,” Dare explained.
Of course he had. Ian Taggart was a tricky bastard. “So he told you a secret to get you to trust him. I believe at the time he was trying to get information from your father’s business. So he gave up his secret to keep you from walking out. And you thought it was about Tash?”
Dare’s brows had risen. “Yes. Ian wouldn’t have sold out his daughters to get a couple of reports he could likely have gotten on his own. He told me why he was doing it and then also gave me language I could accept at the time. I was angry.”
“Because she lied to you.” Intellectually, Ben knew Tasha hadn’t meant to lie. Meeting Dare was supposed to be some fun before her op began. It had gotten incredibly tangled, and Dare hadn’t been the only one caught in that web.
“I was angry at you, too,” Dare said quietly. “I’ve come to understand that you didn’t mean to hurt me. I’ve come to believe we can be friends. I hope you can acknowledge that doesn’t happen without Ian. I know you’re mad at him.”
He shook his head. “He was doing what a good handler always does. He protected his operatives.”
“But that’s not what a truly good handler does, is it?
” Dare asked. “A good handler protects the op, not the operative. Ian is something of a maverick at the Agency. There isn’t another team like it.
I’ve heard there’s an MI6 team that’s similar, but nothing in the States.
They’re controversial, and the truth is the only reason Ian went back into this line of work was to make sure his girls didn’t get killed.
He loves them. I know you’re pissed at all of them, but he’s sincerely one of the best men I’ve ever met. ”
“Well, he doesn’t like me much.” It was fucking great that Dare found his perfect family.
But then Dare hadn’t fucked up the way Ben had.
As far as he knew, Dare had saved the people he loved, as evidenced by his half siblings in attendance.
Even his damn stepmom was here, telling everyone how much she adored Tash and how she was thrilled to be part of this new family.
“You can win him over,” Dare assured him. “Treat Kenzie right and he’ll forget about the past. You’re okay with her, right? You know why she had to keep that secret? She wasn’t trying to fool anyone. She was trying to protect her sister and her team. The same way you did in the beginning.”
“I’m not holding on to grudges,” Ben said, and he didn’t think he was lying. He was trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. He wanted to believe Kenzie cared about him, but it was hard.
Did he want that? Or did it feel like too big a leap? Like putting himself right back into the fire he’d barely survived the first time. He hadn’t loved Deanna. He was pretty sure if he was capable of love, Kenzie was the woman who could bring that out in him.
“I doubt that, but it’s okay for a little while.” Dare smiled as Tasha and her sisters danced to some happy, bouncy pop song. Tasha looked his way and waved to her new husband even as she danced.
The love between them was so fucking real he could practically feel it.
Did he want to love someone that much? Did he want to be part of the men who were joking around, talking about sports and their jobs and their families? Did he want to get invited to barbecues and go on vacations with his wife’s family?
Could he even marry her? How would it work between two operatives from different agencies?
Was he thinking about marrying her? If he did, he could keep an eye on her.
When he thought about it, marriage might be the best way to actually handle his mission.
She couldn’t get into too much trouble if she was underneath him all the time.
If he got her pregnant, she might even pull back from going into the field, so it could be considered taking one for the team. The team being his country, of course.
Damn she was pretty, and she danced like no one was watching, like she was in the middle of the best movie.
“Let’s make some time when Tash and I get back from Loa Mali,” Dare offered. “We can hang out or maybe go up to the lake house and fish and catch up.”
That sounded so normal. Like something regular people did when they had friends.
Was Dare softening him up? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been used to cover for Kenzie.
After all, Dare had been the one to keep him company when Kenzie went to Virginia to save her sister.
Ben could have helped, could have been extra hands, would have done anything to help her.
“Sure. That sounds great.” He would have to be careful around Dare.
The same way he would be careful around all of Kenzie’s male relatives.
The women, too. He’d already had several conversations with Cooper and TJ about being good to Kenzie.
And he’d gotten cornered by her brothers, who swore even though they weren’t military men, they could fuck a guy up if said guy hurt their sister.
Seth had promised something called a diss track to end all diss tracks, and Travis sounded lawyerly in his threats of physical violence.
He’d still kind of liked them.
The man they called Big Tag walked up, beer in his hand. He’d ditched the bowtie of his tux and the jacket, rolling up the sleeves. “Dare, the wedding planner tells me she’s about to call for your first dance.”
Dare nodded. “Then I should go get ready. See you soon, Ben.”
He strode off to grab his jacket for the pictures.
“I hope my boys weren’t too rough on you.” Taggart’s eyes were on the dance floor. “They love their sisters.”
Ben nodded Taggart’s way. “They were fine. They made it plain all the horrible things that will happen if I hurt their sister.”
And then they’d told him a bunch of stories about their childhood and how Kenzie took care of them. She was apparently the best storyteller of the group.
“Are you planning on hurting her?” Taggart asked the question casually.
“Of course not.” He was investigating her. He didn’t mean to hurt her. She’d told him time and time again that she hadn’t meant to hurt him, so she should understand. It was a job in the end.
If he were honest with himself, he would acknowledge that he didn’t have any real idea what he was doing. He only knew he couldn’t stay away from her.