Chapter Ten
Staying away from her had likely been a mistake, but he’d needed space.
The fact that Kenzie’s father still wouldn’t listen to him when it came to Huisman rankled in a way it shouldn’t.
And then that English fucker flirted with her like he had some kind of right.
The door closed behind Kala, who had given him a look that could freeze fire. Lucy Brooke had done the same before walking away.
If they united against him, would it be a miracle or the beginning of the apocalypse?
He turned and stared at her. Kenzie looked tired. Gorgeous. She was always the most stunning woman in any room, but there was a weariness to her that pulled at him. “You’re still tired. Let’s go back to our room and you can take a nap.”
Her head shook. “I’m not sharing a room with you, Ben.
You’ve made yourself plain over the last twenty-four hours.
I understand. I’m not going to argue with you or try to sway you.
I think it would be best if we worked separately.
I have some pretty big feelings when it comes to you, and I need some time to process and start letting go. ”
He had no fucking intention of being let go. “What is that supposed to mean?”
She didn’t control this.
“It means you’re not ready to have a relationship with me, and maybe I’m not ready either.” Her voice was a quiet monotone. “I think I’ve made this more than it really is. My sisters and friends are all getting married and you’re the first man I’ve ever been…intense about.”
“I doubt that.” She was an intense person. She was weird and emotional, and he was trying to figure out how to handle her.
Because it was important to handle her. He’d needed some space and he was still angry with her, but he couldn’t stand the thought of her walking away. She wasn’t going to walk away from him. He wouldn’t allow it. He realized suddenly that he would take her away if he had to.
She made him volatile. Vulnerable.
“Well, I’m a liar, right? It’s what I do.”
He was confused. He stared at her across the table. He’d moved when he’d taken that British ass down. “What is this about?”
A brow rose over her eyes. “You haven’t been avoiding me? You didn’t ask me to sit with you on the plane. I would have, you know.”
He had avoided her because he needed a plan. He needed space. And if she gave it to him, he would hate it. He would reject it. “Kenzie, I wanted to talk to your dad. I’m afraid I’m not an experienced top and I’m trying to figure out how to handle you.”
“You don’t have to handle me. You can talk to me. You could ask me, but instead you chose to ignore me.”
He could never ignore her. The whole time they were in the air, he’d been deeply aware of where she was. “I didn’t ignore you. I needed space.”
Her eyes closed, and he saw her fists clench. She took a deep breath.
He wanted so much to know what she was thinking.
She told him to ask.
“What’s going through your brain right now? I don’t think I would like it.”
Her eyes came open and her chin tilted up as she stood. “I am attempting to not play to my baser instincts, Benjamin Parker. They tell me I should tell you to take all the space you like and storm out and go down to the dungeon tonight and find a hot Dom to play with.”
He moved quickly, getting into her space and making sure she didn’t follow through on those bad instincts.
If she walked out, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t follow, throw her over his shoulder and take her right out of this glorious building that had been built for work and more importantly, for pleasure.
It didn’t matter that she’d lied or maybe it did. Maybe some of this was pure revenge.
It didn’t feel like revenge.
It felt necessary. Like if she walked away, he wouldn’t be able to breathe.
He reached out and gently but firmly gripped the back of her neck. “You are not going anywhere.”
“Don’t think you can handle me the way you handled Oliver,” she shot back. “That was unnecessary, by the way. I grew up with him. He’s teasing me.”
“Have you ever played with him?” Jealousy was a real thing, and it thudded in his chest. The thought of Kenzie with that overly privileged player made him damn near see red.
“No,” she replied. “This show of jealousy doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
“I think it makes perfect sense, princess,” he shot back.
She shook her head and broke his hold with a twist of her body, reminding him she was well trained. “Don’t call me that.”
“You are a princess,” he replied.
“You don’t mean it in a nice way. I get it. I hurt you and you’re getting a little of your own back, but I’m not going to comply because I feel bad.”
She was supposed to be the easy one, but there was a lot of complexity that got missed when compared to her far more difficult sister. “Do you? Feel bad?”
“I hate that it hurt you, but this is the job. I didn’t exactly meet Ben Parker in that bar in Sydney.”
“Oh, you didn’t meet me at all, baby. Your twin did.
” He had more questions. It was odd. Now that they were alone again, he felt more himself.
It was impossible to shut down when he was alone with her.
When all the stress of her family and their jobs melted away, he felt for her.
She was the only person in the world who genuinely made him feel again, and he wasn’t sure if he loved her for it or hated her.
“Why did you come the second day? Did you switch off days?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, a defensive move.
“Not at all. She was supposed to play Kara for the entire Australian op. I tried to steal the role any time I knew you would be there. I watched you through Lou’s glasses and I wanted to be near you.
It was pretty much love at first sight for me, but I get it now. It was always a job for you.”
He sighed, genuinely confused. “Baby, I was trying to be professional around your dad. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this.
I was so fucking angry with you for running into the line of fire.
I wanted to pull your pants down right then and there and slap your ass silly, but how can I punish you for doing your job?
Honestly, I worry about using the word punishment at all. ”
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. “It would have been better to do that than ignore me.”
“I can’t ignore you, Kenz. How can I ignore someone I think about twenty-four seven? All day. You’re in my head. At night you’re in my dreams. The good ones. The bad ones. You’re there and you have been since that day at the hotel.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said quietly.
He took a deep breath and tried to figure out how his younger self would handle her.
He’d been confident once. He’d been the guy who could get any girl, though he hadn’t tried.
He’d genuinely been happier in a relationship than he had when he played the field.
It’s just that the most important relationships of his life went so very wrong.
So when he’d met a woman he thought was extraordinary, he’d basked in her attention and gave her nothing of himself.
He’d been more open with actual targets of a mission than he’d been with this woman who seemed to be the center of his world for the last year or so.
He reached for her hand, and this time she didn’t step back. He’d gone from professional mode, since her father had been sitting there, to violent, jealous asshole mode and given her none of his tenderness. None of his charm.
He was still reeling but he needed to get his ass under control. She was important to this delicate state of his mission.
She was important to him.
Could he find that part of himself? Would looking for it make some kind of a difference because he was starting to wonder if anything would matter at the end of this op if he didn’t come out of it with her.
He let his whole body soften. “You can trust me not to hurt you. I never have and I never would.”
“I was hurt today,” she insisted.
He pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to. I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this.
I care about you. I’m still upset that you lied to me, but I’m wrapping my head around why.
I can’t stay away from you, but I also can’t toss out everything that happened between us.
Can we take a day or two and try to figure out how to be together? ”
“I can’t if you’re going to go cold on me any time you’re confused or feel vulnerable.” She held herself apart.
He didn’t like the space between them. “I don’t remember how to be comfortable being vulnerable. I’m not even all that close to Tim. I call him my friend, but we don’t hang out. We don’t tell each other anything important. The closest I’ve come in years to a real friend is Dare.”
“Dare is your friend.” She softened and her arms went around him.
He could smell her shampoo and feel the warmth of her skin. If she was playing him in that moment, he didn’t want to know. He wanted her comfort to be real. “He was Brian Peters’ friend. I’m afraid he’s just starting to know me. If I even know who the fuck I am anymore.”
Her head on his shoulder felt right. “We can lose ourselves so easily.”
“We don’t have to be in Scotland for a few days. Can we take some time to be you and me for a while? Can I feel out how we’re going to be together while we’re also working together?”
Her head came up. “We should have a contract. I think that would help. I can have someone from The Hideout send over a basic contract and we can add what we need.”
He liked a contract. “Is it going to include me getting to spank your ass red when you scare the fuck out of me?”
Those lips curled up ever so slightly, and he knew he had her. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” She sobered a bit. “You should understand that withdrawing affection is a hard limit for me. If you go cold again and won’t talk to me, I will walk.”
“You didn’t ask me to talk,” he pointed out.
“Would you have?”