Chapter Fourteen
Kenzie walked toward the dungeon, trying her hardest to stop crying.
She’d gone into the bathroom so he wouldn’t see her sob.
She’d managed to clean up, wash her face, and calm down.
She’d worried he would be waiting for her, but she should have known.
He was with the man who formed the center of his life.
Huisman. She should have known nothing would matter when he had Huisman’s attention. Certainly not an inconvenient lay.
Ben might not give a shit that she was upset, but there would be plenty of people who did. It wasn’t even midnight. The scenes would be going, the club would be hopping, and the last thing she wanted was a bunch of people trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
Her. She’d gone wrong.
She’d mistaken lust and comfort for love.
She might never forget how his expression had gone from wonder and satisfaction to that blank look the minute the words I love you were out of her mouth.
She wanted to be home. If this was her club, she could get dressed and be home with a bottle of sauv blanc in one hand and the other arm wrapped around Bud Two in less than twenty minutes.
She would cry and send Ben some nasty breakup texts and come up with a plan to pretend like he didn’t mean anything to her.
She couldn’t do that now. The minute she asked Lucy if she could bunk down with her, everyone would know how poorly she’d chosen again. Poor Kenzie. Couldn’t keep a man. Kept “falling” and all she had to show for it was a bruised heart while everyone around her was happily settling down.
Well, too fucking bad because she didn’t have some fated mate like Cooper or TJ waiting in the wings.
Hell, Tris got two damn soul mates. Daisy “The Curse” O’Donnell had found true love despite being constantly in the middle of a hurricane.
Zach had lied to everyone and hidden his true mission, but did that stop him from finding love with her cousin? Nope.
Tasha had lied to Dare and they were happily married.
It was only her. Only the one who spent her whole stupid life hoping and praying she would find that magical love that would make her feel whole.
She stopped at the edge of the hall. The Garden’s privacy rooms were separated from the rest of the dungeon by a set of opaque glass doors that slid open when the right code was used.
She wiped her eyes and stuffed her thong in the pocket of her robe.
There wasn’t much she could do with the shoes or corset.
Normally she would have taken a shower and redressed for the “after” party.
They’d taken to meeting with Kala and Cooper and Dare and Tash after play was done.
Sometimes Lou and TJ would join and they would sit around talking and having some wine and snacks.
She’d thought he was fitting in, and maybe he was. Maybe he liked having friends more than he liked having a girlfriend. Or he needed them to get to the one person in the world who truly mattered to Ben Parker.
Damn it. She had to get it together. Deep breath. Smile like nothing’s wrong. She could do this.
She put in the code that allowed the door to slide open. Before she walked through, the door to the closest privacy room came open and she could have sworn she had a brief glimpse of one of the assassin girls before she slammed the door closed again.
Tim was staying down here.
And she would have to deal with that, too. Her parents were going to be thrilled to end their night with yet another meeting, but she wasn’t going to sleep on it. Her handlers had to know Huisman contacted Ben and that Tim was getting in deep with a group of women they weren’t sure about yet.
And they would know she’d fucked up again. Poor Kenzie, with her head in the clouds.
She heard the doors hiss closed behind her.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Lucy was sitting in the dungeon monitor chair.
She looked adorable in a miniskirt and corset and thigh-high boots that made her legs look a mile long.
She must have taken over for the big beefy Dom who’d been there when she’d entered with Ben.
She had a book in her hand. It would either be a treatise on equity in political access or a manual on how to blow the shit out of something or a really filthy romance. “Where’s Ben?”
She was going to tell her parents about Huisman, but she didn’t have to out him to everyone. “He’s cleaning up. Hey, is it okay if I stay with you tonight? I’m afraid Ben and I need a break.”
One brow arched over Lucy’s dark eyes. “What did he do?”
Yep. She wasn’t getting out of this easy. “Can we talk about it later?”
Lucy’s jaw went tight but she nodded. “Yeah. First we should talk about the fact that two of those girls are in Tim’s room, and I can’t monitor them in there.
They showed up with a pizza and a six pack of beer and said Tim invited them down to play board games.
Which they could do in the living spaces upstairs and be far more comfortable. ”
“But those spaces are monitored by CCTV.” Her deepest instincts were firing off. Something was going on, and they needed to figure it out.
“That’s what I’m saying,” Lucy admitted. “I’ll bug the room when he’s working tomorrow, but Tim’s not dumb. I worry he’ll check and then we have to explain.”
Or they wouldn’t because they were working on opposite sides.
She didn’t need this tonight. “I’ve got to talk to my parents anyway. Do we know if they’re back?”
Lucy nodded. “I tracked them coming back an hour ago. Damon and Penny, too. I think Rob and Ari went back to their place, and so did Nick and Hayley. I don’t understand it. I like it here. Communal living makes sense.”
She was sure it did. To Lucy, who’d basically grown up in a commune known as Bliss. “I’ll handle it.”
Lucy reached out, putting a hand on her arm. “Hey, are you okay and how much wine should I steal from the bar?”
Kenzie sniffled. “Maybe one. For me.”
Lucy pulled her in for a hug. “Two then. It’s going to be okay, sweetie. My mom’s going through a witch phase. We can curse him so his dick falls off.”
Somehow she didn’t see Nell Flanders working dark magic. She would work to manifest world peace or something.
“Kenzie Taggart,” a familiar voice called out.
She turned and Ben was there wearing nothing but the leathers he’d dragged on during their fight. Or rather the first part of their fight, since it looked like he was up for round two.
Her gut twisted when she saw his face and realized Huisman’s work had been superlative tonight because Ben was angry. Volcanically angry.
She needed to get them someplace quiet or he was going to cause a scene, and he would hate himself when he could think again. “Let’s go back to the privacy room. You need your boots and vest.”
“Fuck the boots, Kenzie.” He towered over her, getting into her space and using his height for full intimidation.
“Uh, you’re not going anywhere with him,” Lucy said. “And I think you should back off, Parker.”
He ignored her, staring down at Kenzie. “I bet you would love to get me alone again. Isn’t that what you do? You get me alone and suddenly I’m doing whatever you want.”
She was confused. Their sexual encounters—she wouldn’t call it making love again—were dominated by him.
He brought her enormous pleasure, but she served him in those sessions.
“Ben, I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t realize those words would be such a trigger for you.
I won’t say them again. I told you I need some space. ”
“I don’t give a damn about the I love you, Kenzie. I see it for what it is. That’s what you have a problem with. You figured out you can’t manipulate me with words. So you want to get me in private so you can manipulate me with your pussy. Well, sweetheart, I’ve had that and I can get better.”
Lucy moved closer now, and her whole body was primed for a fight. “Back off now, Parker. I think she’s trying to spare you. If you don’t then I’ll go get backup, and I don’t think that will go well for you.”
Those words from Ben had been like a kick in the gut. She felt hollowed out. Never once had she attempted to manipulate him. She handled him at times because he was stubborn and could be his own worst enemy, but never once had she thought he would view her as the enemy.
But then she was sure Huisman had done some serious damage. He’d tried it with her team, tried to split them up, but it hadn’t worked. It looked like he’d found an easier target. But then she loved Ben and he didn’t love her.
“Stay out of it,” Ben barked.
Lucy strode away. Kenzie blinked back tears because she was certain who Lucy would go straight to, and it was everything she was trying to avoid. She reached out and put a hand on Ben’s arm. “Please, let’s go somewhere and talk about this.”
He pulled his arm back, jerking it away like she was poison. “I didn’t give you permission to touch me, sub, and I told you I’m not going to be alone with you so you can work your magic on me. I understand that it’s worked well in the past, but I see you clearly now.”
Wasn’t this her nightmare? That Ben would turn on her because Huisman told him to, and the truth was Huisman was always more important than she was.
She’d always known if she went into a relationship with Ben, Huisman would be there, too.
But she’d been sure her love could overcome his hate.
That’s what love did. It conquered. It won.
Except he didn’t want her love. He didn’t even believe in it, and he couldn’t possibly feel the same way if he was saying the things he was saying.