Chapter 4 Jessiah #2
He’s in love, that’s all, I’d replied, and at that point I knew exactly what that felt like. Let him have his fun for once—he’s always toeing your line.
She’s a Weston! Getting involved with that lot always ends in disaster.
That’s bullshit; you’re totally paranoid. Adam is finally enjoying life—don’t ruin it for him.
Two weeks later, my brother was dead. And now, two and a half years on, I stood before my mother and knew we were both asking ourselves the same question. If I’d listened to her and come home, would I have been able to prevent it?
“Whatever.” Trish exhaled audibly. Neither of us apologized; we never did. But I could practically feel the rift between us cementing itself a little deeper. She avoided my eye as she continued, “I found a new therapist, an expert in exposure therapy. Maybe she’ll make some progress with Eli.”
“I thought you didn’t want to go that route.
” I knew exposure was the most promising kind of therapy for panic disorders, but there was so much history with Eli’s condition that Trish and Henry hadn’t wanted to risk trying it yet.
And although I hoped my brother would be free of his anxiety one day, I worried about what would happen if he was forced to confront the thing he feared most.
“Well, nothing else has helped, so what choice do we have? How is he ever going to be a functioning member of society?”
“You mean high society,” I countered coolly.
Because I knew that’s what my mother expected of Eli, just as she had with Adam, and had attempted with me—that he’d be her successor at the firm.
She had transformed CW Buildings from a property company for warehousing and cheap apartments across New York State into one of the most innovative construction firms in the world—it was her legacy, and she wanted to pass it down to the next generation.
Adam had been perfect for the role. I was not.
And it was far too early to burden Eli with that kind of responsibility.
“I didn’t say that,” she responded. “Although you know full well that it’s imperative to move in the right circles in this business.”
“Of course I know that. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”
As a rule, when she wanted to curry favor at an event with someone important in the city, my mother brought me along.
Because while Trish Coldwell was unbeatable in business matters, the nuances of human interaction were not her strength.
She’d always had trouble understanding other people, sussing them out, and winning them over, and she’d recruited Adam—and now me—to help.
Unfortunately, it was a strategy that worked even better than intended.
Despite the fact that a lot of people in those circles remembered what I’d been like before, I’d managed to convince most of them that I was a different person now: grown-up, mature, absolved of my sins.
I hated playing a role for those people, but I did it for Eli, because I knew that if I didn’t play along, my mother would make him go instead.
“Speaking of”—she looked at her watch again—“you should go see your brother now so we can leave on time.”
I nodded and went into the hallway that led to Eli’s room. I thought of Thaz telling me I should let my mother go to her events by herself. But I couldn’t. I had to protect my younger brother, no matter how much I hated being Trish’s chaperone.
It was a big apartment, but I made it to Eli’s door eventually.
I knocked faintly, but there was no reply.
Carefully, I opened the door a crack and saw my brother sitting on the bed wearing headphones, with a tablet on his knees.
His dark hair, clearly inherited from Henry, fell over his forehead as he concentrated intently on whatever he was drawing.
Almost wistfully, I noticed his shoulders were getting broader and his features sharper.
Soon there would be nothing left of the little boy he’d been—on the outside, at least.
I knocked louder on the open doorframe and raised a hand to get his attention.
Eli’s face lit up, and he took the headphones off. “Jess! I didn’t know you were coming today.” He stood up and gave me a hug by way of a greeting.
I clapped him lightly on the back.
“I hadn’t planned to.” I took a seat in the armchair next to the bed and looked around the large room.
It may have been decorated in neutral tones just like the rest of the apartment, but at least it felt a little warmer in here.
I’d bought a few things for Eli and brought them over when they’d moved in a couple of months ago—our mother had no time for that kind of thing, and I wanted to save Eli the trouble of having to go to the store.
“Are you staying here while Mom’s at the award ceremony?” He read the answer in my expression. “Oh right—you’re here because of her. Bummer.”
I smiled. “Yeah, it is. But how about you come over to my place sometime next week for that movie night we keep talking about, and I’ll cook some dinner?”
Eli’s green eyes, so similar to mine, darkened a little. “Yeah, sure, good idea,” he said cautiously.
I understood.
“I can come pick you up if you like. So you don’t have to go with the chauffeur.”
He exhaled in relief. “Would you?”
“Of course, little guy.” I leaned forward and ruffled his hair, and he only half-heartedly shied away.
“I’m not little anymore,” he reminded me unnecessarily. We might have been sitting down right then, but Eli was already almost five ten and would soon surpass my six feet. We were all tall in this family—maybe that’s where Trish got her love of those ridiculous skyscrapers.
“Do you want to tell me what happened today?” I asked tentatively, giving him the chance to dodge the subject if he wanted. It was my job to be there for him, not to put pressure on him. He got enough of that from everyone else.
Eli’s head sank. “We wanted to go to the game, but I don’t know… I started thinking about the journey there and the packed stadium… and it was just all too much.”
“Did you have an attack?”
“Sort of.” He let out a breath. “I managed to get on top of it before it got bad. You know, with the methods Dr. Johnston taught me.”
“That’s great.” I tried to encourage him.
“I guess.” Eli pulled a face. “Dad thought I should have gone anyway, and Mom… I know she’s disappointed.”