Chapter 20 Jessiah
“Have you thought any more about Harper’s?” Thaz raised his glass to clink it against mine. He was really getting on my nerves, but I did the toast anyway.
“How many times are you going to ask me that?”
“Until you say yes, probably.” My friend grinned at me. “Anyway, it was a long time ago we spoke about it at Bella Ciao, so high time for a little refresher.”
Now I rolled my eyes. “I’m not here to talk about Harper’s with you, I’m here to have some fun.” The Glowfly was always the place for that. “So if you’re going to be a pain in my ass about the restaurant again, I’m getting out of here.”
“Wow, dude. Chill.” Thaz raised both hands in defense. “You’ve been in a shitty mood for weeks now—worse than usual, even by New York standards. You want to tell me what’s up?”
“Let’s see.” I ticked off the reasons on my fingers.
“Trish has reached a new level of stubbornness about my joining the family business; none of my projects are really working as they ought to right now; and my brother hasn’t been to school for a week because he’s so anxious he can’t leave the apartment.
What is there to be in a good mood about, Balthazar? ”
“Eli’s really that bad again?” Thaz asked with concern. “I thought he had a new therapist?”
“Yeah, he does. But I’m not getting the impression that her methods are helping.
” I downed my drink in one motion and signaled the bartender for another, desperately trying not to look over at the lounge area.
And failing. I caught myself staring at Helena again, sitting among a group of Upper East Siders and having a great time, or so it seemed.
It had been three weeks. Three weeks since she’d come to my apartment to steal Valerie’s hoodie, and I was still pissed about it.
Not because she clearly had the energy of a petty criminal, but because she’d totally pulled a fast one on me.
I was pretty good at recognizing when I was being screwed over, but that ability had failed me miserably with her.
She’d sat at my kitchen island eating pasta with me, and I really thought she’d meant it when she apologized.
But she was faking it all just to get ahold of a memento of her sister.
My emotions had cooled a little after not seeing her for so long, but now they were back in full force.
The disappointment and anger… and everything else as well.
And not just because she looked exceptionally hot in that short black dress—although I preferred her usual jeans and leather jacket vibe.
There was just… something about her. I couldn’t explain it.
Our eyes had met across the club earlier; I’d seen the remorse in them, and that was all it took for me to be immediately attracted to her again, damn it.
My anger and good sense were helping me keep her at arm’s length, but I couldn’t just let her out of my sight, not completely.
Especially with him sitting next to her.
“Who are you glowering at?” Thaz followed my gaze and found its target. “Ah, right. I thought you said Helena wasn’t on your radar?”
“She isn’t,” I growled. But I still didn’t want her anywhere near Colton Pratt, whom she was currently flirting with as if he wasn’t one of the city’s most prolific drug dealers. “What’s she doing with him? Doesn’t she know who he is?”
Thaz shrugged. “No idea. From what I heard, she hasn’t been out much since she got back. Word is her parents are keeping her on a short leash after everything that happened with Valerie. But don’t worry—if she’s with Maddy Rich, Whitaker, and the others, they’ll look out for her.”
“Yeah, right.” Valerie’s useless friends would totally have her back. Not.
We were shown to a table where we had a good view of the whole club, and I sat in a spot where I could keep an eye on the group around Helena. We weren’t sitting there long before Cassandra, the Glowfly’s owner, came to join us.
“Hey, guys.” She dropped onto the cushioned seat next to Thaz and rolled her eyes.
“It’s been one of those nights again. First the beer taps went on the fritz, then it was the ice machine, then two customers had sex in my office, and if my staff weren’t quite so on the ball, we’d have had a ventilator fire in the storeroom. ”
“So a normal Saturday night, then?” I asked with a grin.
“Exactly.” She laughed. “Hey, did I hear correctly that the great Jess Coldwell is thinking about branching out from investing and opening his own place?”
I shot Thaz a glance. “You have a death wish, right?”
“Why are you looking at me?” he shot back. “Cass said it, not me.”
“Because of a rumor you started.”
“No, no, no. A few people may have asked me about opening a place, which I didn’t deny, and while we were on the subject I might have mentioned your name… but I never connected the two. I swear.” He put his hand on his heart.
Cassandra looked back and forth between us. “So it’s not true?”
I shook my head. “No. Balthazar just can’t accept that his dream isn’t going to come true.”
My buddy rolled his eyes, and while he was busy telling Cassandra that I was bound to come around at some point, I glanced back over at Helena, who was still sitting next to Pratt. If I wasn’t mistaken, they’d moved closer together in the last few minutes.
I wasn’t mistaken. I watched as Pratt stroked Helena’s cheek and leaned toward her, gritting my teeth. Not out of jealousy… or not just jealousy. It was mostly concern.
“I’m going over there,” I said, getting up.
“What are you planning to do?” Thaz grabbed hold of my arm. “You want to start a fight with Pratt? It doesn’t exactly look like Helena has a problem with him being in her personal space.”
He was right about that, even if I didn’t see the appeal. Okay, Pratt wasn’t bad-looking, and he could be charming—as long as you didn’t mess with him, at least. But he was also a piece of shit, and I didn’t want Helena anywhere near him.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I took it out. When I saw the name on the screen, I held my breath, forgetting about Helena and Pratt for a moment. I gave Thaz a wave. “I have to take this. It’s important.”
He nodded and continued speaking to Cassandra, while I gave Helena one last glance, making my way through the crowd and over to a door hidden almost seamlessly against the dark painted wall.
Beyond it, a hallway led to the employee break room, empty at that time, since the club was so busy. I stepped inside and took the call.
“Hi, Mia.” My heart was in my throat.
“Hey, Jess. It’s been a while.” Her soft Australian accent awoke so many memories that I needed a second before I could speak again.
“Yeah, it has.” We hadn’t talked since we broke up—over Skype, because I hadn’t had time to go and visit her.
We’d both sat in front of our laptops in tears, before we accepted that we had to end not just the relationship, but also, at some point, the call.
That was the last time I’d heard her voice.
After that, I’d talked to Paul on the phone a few times to sort out the transfer of the lodge, but I’d let that connection fall by the wayside as well.
Instagram was the only channel I got any updates from, and at some point I’d seen on there that the pair of them had gotten together. So this call was very out of character.
“What time is it there?” Mia asked now. “I hope I didn’t wake you.” She’d often gotten confused about the time zones before, when we were long distance.
“You didn’t. It’s just after eleven at night, but I’m out anyway.” It must have been about three in the afternoon where she was. And warm, probably; it was late summer over there.
I heard her take a deep breath. “How are you, Jess? Is New York still your own personal hell, or have you gotten used to it by now?”
“It’s the beginning of April and still only fifty degrees outside—does that answer your question?
” I replied jovially. I didn’t want to tell her how I really felt.
Even if talking to Mia felt strangely familiar, the times when we would have told each other everything were long gone.
“And you guys? Is everything okay? With the lodge, I mean.” I didn’t need any updates about her relationship with Paul, that was for sure.
“Well… not really. That’s why I’m calling.” She hesitated briefly. “We’ve been having some issues recently. I wouldn’t ask if there was any other way… but there was this storm, and we couldn’t rent four of the bungalows, then the AC unit went bust, and—”
“How much do you need?” I interrupted; I didn’t want her to think she had to justify herself. She and Paul did a very good job with the lodge and didn’t have a lot of savings. If I hadn’t left, they wouldn’t have had these issues in the first place, so helping them out was a no-brainer.
“Not much,” she prevaricated. “Five thousand would cover it.”
“Is that all? Are you sure?” The damages she’d mentioned sounded like three or four times that amount.
“Yes. It’d be enough for us to apply for a loan.”
My heart sank. “You’d rather take out a bank loan with interest than borrow money from me?”
“Jess, it’s not about you. I know you would give us more. But Paul—” Mia broke off.
So that was how things stood. “Paul doesn’t know you’re calling me about this, does he?”
“No.” I’d thought not. He’d never have tasked Mia with asking me for a loan—not with our history. “He was against it. He said you’d already been so generous, signing over your half of the business for nothing, so we shouldn’t come knocking on your door when we’re strapped for cash too.”
I sighed. Paul was proud, a quality of his that I’d always liked.
We’d known each other before, in New York, and had the idea to emigrate and start the lodge in Australia.
But he’d often struggled with the fact that I was the one with the capital, while his contribution was one of brains, brawn, and heart.
It had never bothered me, but it sometimes caused tension.
So I wasn’t surprised that he’d rejected Mia’s suggestion to ask me for help.
“Will you tell him where you got the money from?” I asked.
And would I agree to give it to her if she said no?
I didn’t want to go behind my friend’s back…
even if the word friend applied only in the past tense.
On the other hand, their relationship had nothing to do with me.
If Mia wanted to lie to him, that was her lookout.
“No idea.” She sighed. “I haven’t really thought about that yet.”
“It’s none of my business either.” I said.
“Jess—”
“Don’t, Mia.” The way she said my name triggered a pain deep inside me.
Not because I missed her, but I missed what we had together.
Knowing you belonged to someone, feeling like you could trust that person one hundred percent, and that it was the right thing to do—I missed that more than I could express.
But it wasn’t the right time. It would break my heart clean in two to lose someone that way again.
“Send me the account details. We’ll sort the rest out later. ”
“Thank you. I really appreciate your doing this.” She sounded relieved.
“No problem.” I said goodbye and hung up, but stayed where I was for a moment before making my way back into the club. Thaz was still at our table with Cassandra, and I glanced automatically over to the seating area on the other side of the room, where Helena was sitting with Pratt.
Correction: where Helena had been sitting with Pratt. They were gone. Both of them.
“Where is she?” I asked Thaz, as the misgiving in my gut blossomed into genuine fear.
“Where is who?”
“Helena, for fuck’s sake!”
He realized she was no longer where he’d seen her last, but waved it off. “She’s probably dancing.”
I scanned the dance floor, but she was nowhere to be found. Shit. Had she gone home with Pratt, maybe? No, she wasn’t that reckless. Or was she? What did I even know about her, really?
As if on autopilot, I headed for the bathrooms, ignoring whatever Thaz was shouting after me. I had to find her. I absolutely had to find her.
As soon as possible.