Chapter 43 Jessiah
“Now I know what you meant when you said you’re more of a middle-of-the-night type.” I laughed softy into Helena’s shoulder, and when she laughed back, I thought it was the best sound I’ve ever heard. Okay, maybe the second best, after the ones she’d made just now.
“In my defense—I hadn’t planned on this when I said that.” She grinned.
“No complaints here.” I leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. “The total opposite, in fact. You can wake me up like that every night if you want.”
She put her arm around my neck, and I felt her naked body next to mine. “Every night?” she asked, and it sounded so enticing that something began to stir inside me again. “Don’t challenge me, Jessiah.”
I pulled a face when she said my full name, but I felt so good right now my happy grin was back right away. “No? But that was my plan all along.”
Helena ran a hand through her hair, and her expression grew serious. But she didn’t say a word, just kissed me, so softly and lovingly that it sent a cozy, warm feeling through me that had nothing to do with what we’d just been up to.
She pulled away, and I took a deep breath to try to stem the tide of thoughts closing in.
What would happen now? Did we really have any chance, despite our families?
The only thing I wanted to think about was this incredible woman in my arms. A few months ago I thought she represented everything I didn’t want. How utterly wrong I had been.
“What is it?” she asked gently.
I smiled, touching my nose gently to hers. “I’m happy,” was my honest answer, because she deserved that. It made her sheepish, I could tell, but she didn’t look away.
“I am, too.” She kissed me again, then she traced her finger along my side, over the tattooed lettering that ran from my ribs around to my back.
Eventually, she sat up a little to read the words.
“Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake—it’s everything except what it is. That’s Shakespeare, right?”
“You see, that private education was worth it,” I teased.
Helena scoffed and punched me lightly on the arm. “You went to private school, too.”
“As little as possible, I would like it noted.” I grinned. “But yes, it is Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet, Act One.”
“Why did you get it tattooed?” Helena ran a finger over the lines again, and it gave me a slight shiver. But it wasn’t unpleasant—just the opposite. As though anything she did to me could ever be unpleasant.
I fell onto my back and gazed up at the ceiling.
“It was my father’s favorite quote. He always said that that verse contained everything you need to know about love.
I never really understood what he meant by it, and back then I was too young to ask.
” I took a deep breath. “It was only after he died, and then Adam, too… then I realized Dad was right. That love can be everything we want it to be. But we can’t always decide for ourselves what it is to us. ”
Helena looked at me seriously. “What is it to you?”
I caressed her cheek, thinking. “All of the above, I think. Light, heavy, bright, dark, cold… hot.” I raised an eyebrow and gave her a look, grinning suggestively.
We’d talked enough about the past over the last few hours—and our losses.
I wanted things to be lighthearted between us, at least for tonight, until reality came knocking again.
Helena grinned, her fingers wandered delicately over my torso. “I second that.”
We both laughed, and I buried my face in her hair, breathing her scent in deep, and welcoming the tingling in my stomach that spread throughout my whole body.
For a while we were silent, content to be together and close to each other.
But before long, visions of the last hour started to come back to me, and I felt that irresistible heat rising again.
Being with Helena had felt so unbelievably connected, so insanely real.
Of course, she was beautiful, and we were clearly on the same wavelength when it came to what we liked.
But this was really about how I felt about her.
Sex was mind-blowingly good when you were in love with someone.
So good that I didn’t even want to go to sleep until we’d done it all over again.
Helena raised her head, and her lips brushed my cheek. “How tired are you?” she asked, radiating a heat that made me think we were having the same idea. Then she straightened up, fixing me with a hungry gaze, and I was certain.
“I’m wide awake,” I muttered softly.
“Good,” she murmured, smiling. “Me, too.”
I put my hand at her nape and kissed her, slow and gentle, but all the more intense for it. Helena let out a sigh, her body flush with mine, and in that moment I knew I would walk through fire for this girl. And if I played it right, we’d go up in flames together.
Like right now.
It was after nine when I woke again. I didn’t need a watch to tell—I’d spent so much time on the beach in the mornings that I had an almost infallible feel for the time of day. Although it had been a long time since I’d woken up feeling as content as I did today.
Helena had hardly moved during those few hours of sleep.
She was still lying next to me, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow, sleeping deeply.
But when I moved even just a tiny bit, she stirred and finally woke.
It took a minute for her to get her bearings, remember what she was doing here.
We looked at each other for a moment without saying a word, and I saw doubt in her eyes.
Because of last night, or waking up together afterward? I wasn’t sure.
“Good morning,” I said at last, softly, giving her a smile.
“Morning.” She smiled back, but she still looked worried, and it grew more intense when she turned away and saw the alarm clock on the bedside. And then I understood. It wasn’t about us being in bed together. It was about what would happen when we left it.
“It’s still early,” I said, trying to reassure her. “At least for a New York City Sunday. We can still pretend the outside world doesn’t exist for a while.”
Helena exhaled, looking up at me. “Is it that obvious?” Her smile was a little half-hearted, and it hurt to see that the high spirits of last night hadn’t even survived until this morning.
“Just a lucky guess.” I reached out and gently stroked her arm. Helena sighed very softly and closed her eyes, enjoying my touch. I was relieved, but I needed to voice what was on my mind. I had to be certain, even with her. No, especially with her.
“Do you regret what happened?”
She opened her eyes abruptly, looking shocked. “Oh, God, no, not at all! Please don’t think that. The total opposite. I just don’t know… I don’t know how we—” She broke off.
I couldn’t bear to see her so concerned, so I leaned in, covering her mouth with a kiss, to try to take her mind off it. It worked. She responded, her body softening into mine, and when I pulled away, she no longer looked so troubled.
“We’re still here,” I whispered softly in her ear, “and we don’t have to worry about anything—except, that is, one question.”
“What’s that?” She gazed at me.
I grinned. “How in the hell is it possible that such an enchanting creature as yourself snores like that?”
She gasped. “I do not snore!” she insisted indignantly, laughing, and I was glad that I’d managed to distract her with my shameless lie.
“How would you know?”
“I’m sure of it. Someone would have told me.” Helena raised an eyebrow.
I stuck to my story. “Yes—me, just now.”
“Someone before you.”
“They were lying.” I shrugged and gave her a commiserating look. “Sorry, Fair Helen. I know… the truth hurts sometimes.”
She went to throw me a playful punch, but something seemed to occur to her and she stopped short, grinning broadly instead.
“What is it?” I asked, amused.
“You called me an enchanting creature.” Suddenly, her eyes narrowed. “Or wait, was that a lie as well?”
“No, that was the truth.” I put my arm around her and pulled her as close as I could.
I leaned in to give her a kiss, just a quick one, but she nuzzled in and deepened it, pressing herself to me, and I realized we were headed toward forgetting everything else.
But then, just like last night on the roof terrace, we were interrupted by the hearty sound of a rumbling belly—or two.
Helena pulled back and put her hand to her stomach. “I think it’s time for one of your famous breakfasts.”
“At your service, ma’am,” I replied, kissing her again and getting out of bed to put some clothes on.
Helena followed, searching for her underwear, before pulling on my T-shirt and heading downstairs. As I was getting the coffee machine going, she nodded to my Belgian waffle iron.
“What does someone have to do to get one of your waffles for breakfast?”
I gave a casual shrug. “Have sex with me.”
She nodded slowly. “Do the last two times count, or does it start now?”
“Hmm.” I cocked my head to one side and looked her over as she stood there in front of me, wearing only my T-shirt, her hair undone, and a twinkle in her eye that hadn’t been there the day before.
In that moment, I’d have made her an eight-course tasting menu while doing a handstand, never mind waffles.
Still, I made a show of having to think about it. “Depends how good it was.”
For a second the smile disappeared from her face, but then she raised her chin defiantly. “Well then, I guess I’ll be getting waffles every day for the rest of my life.”
This time I laughed. “You win that one.”
She planted a kiss on my mouth. “Glad we cleared that up. I’m going to take a shower.
” She went to the bathroom and closed the door behind her, but not without casting a look over her shoulder that even a blind person would have recognized as an invitation.
Still, I let her wait a little before I followed, shedding my clothes in the bathroom, stepping into the jet of hot water, and letting her pull me under.
A while later, Helena sat at the counter, a mug of coffee in her hand, while I made waffles and she teased me about the fact that—despite being a surfer—I hated getting water in my eyes.
These relaxed moments, when it felt like we’d been together forever—I enjoyed them almost more than what had happened last night.
Because one thing had been clear to me since the minute she’d woken me up to have sex: I wanted more than that.
I didn’t care that she was a Weston and I was a Coldwell, that her parents and my mother would go berserk.
I didn’t even care that Helena lived in New York City—and not only that, she also loved the damn place.
I wanted her. No matter what that meant for me.
Sensing I was lost in my thoughts, Helena came over and pulled herself up onto the counter. She put her arms around me, gently stroking the nape of my neck, suddenly looking as serious as when she’d woken up.
“Promise me it doesn’t end here,” she said softly.
“It doesn’t end here,” I promised, kissing her tenderly. “Not if we don’t want it to.”
She nodded, but I saw the old doubt in her eyes again, and I knew I couldn’t make it go away. How could I? She knew her family better than I did. It just meant it would be harder. But not impossible. I had never bent to my mother’s will, and I certainly wasn’t going to start now.
But it was different for Helena.
“I’m scared, Jess,” she admitted, and the look on her face was so helpless it broke my heart. “I’m so afraid of losing you again.”
I pulled her into my arms and held her close.
“Don’t be scared,” I whispered. “You won’t lose me.
” But I knew exactly how she felt. We’d both been lonely, horribly lonely, in a city full to the brim.
But now we had found each other, and even though the odds were against us, we had to try to fight for it.
“Good.” She nodded again and took a deep breath. I could practically see her attempting to banish the sinister thoughts from her head. “Now, how about those waffles?”
I grinned, let her go, and went to check on them. “One more minute.”
Springing down from the counter, Helena went over to the couch and opened her bag, which had lain there discarded since last night. She got out her phone and checked it, frowning.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, taking out the first waffle and letting it cool on the rack.
“I don’t know.” She came back over with her phone in hand, staring at the screen. “I’ve got a load of missed calls from my brother, and he’s texted saying I should come home as soon as possible.”
“He say why?” I didn’t want to assume the worst right away—that one of them had found out where she was last night.
Helena shook her head. “No. I texted him yesterday to say I couldn’t stand it at the ball anymore and had gone to Malia’s place.
He just responded ‘Okay’—and now this morning all this.
” She pressed the call button and put the phone to her ear, but put it down again a few seconds later with a sigh.
“Voicemail. Looks like I’ll have to go sooner than I thought. ”
I knew what that meant: breakfast was a rain check. And sure enough, Helena came over to grab a waffle off the rack, then gestured to the bathroom. “Better get my Elsa outfit on again,” she said gloomily.
There was nothing I could do but watch as she disappeared behind the bathroom door, with a heavy feeling in my gut that the troubles ahead of us were going to be a lot worse than we thought.