Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Jenny
What the hell happened back there? What the hell has been happening all day? He’s not supposed to be nice. He’s big and scary, and he has secrets. But he also loves his newly found dog? How the hell are my ovaries supposed to fight against this? It’s impossible.
“Come on, Stinky Butt, we got to get you all cleaned up. There’s a place one of my sponsors owns right up the street.”
We walk for a few blocks in silence. “Do you have any hobbies?” Joey blurts out after we pass a sporting goods store.
Hmm. Is this a trap? It feels like a trap.
I’ve been with men for weeks before they asked any personal questions.
“Uh, I tend to bounce around between a bunch of stuff. I see something online, and I try the craft because the video makes it look so easy. I do a shit ton of research on the topic and buy the most expensive supplies, and when I finally sit down to do it, I get mad it’s not perfect, and I give up in a week.
I’ve got the skin husk of a crocheted dinosaur I tried to do, but I realized it was too complicated.
And I have a turtle body without a head.
I’m in the ‘why do I try new things’ phase of the cycle. ”
“Uh-huh.” Kingston stops to pee on a lamppost and Joey says, “I get that. The internet makes everything look so easy. Damn cake decorating videos.”
“I know, right. That was my hyperfixation six months ago. I have so many star-tipped metal thingies and piping bags filling up space in my kitchen drawers. Right now, I’ve got a 3D printer I tinker with.
” It’s surprisingly easy to talk to him.
And he doesn’t seem to freak out when I word vomit.
The impending sense of doom and dread that, if I do say something stupid, he’s going to insult me is also remarkably absent, so I’m honest with him. “I read a lot.”
“Oh, I read too. Mostly nonfiction, classic sci-fi—” he starts, but I cut him off.
I know exactly the kind of books he likes. He has ‘closet nerd trying to be cool’ written all over him.
“Please tell me how Dune is the greatest book ever written.” I lace my fingers in prayer position and blink rapidly at him.
“First of all, Dune is the greatest book ever written—it’s got layers. And I’ve read the entire Knights of the Night series, even the side novellas.”
“The Knights of the Night is a gateway drug into the books I read.” Oh no. Mouth, what are you doing? He’s going to ask the obvious follow-up question.
“What do you read?”
Fuck.
Don’t say it, don’t say it… “Demon smut.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.
He smirks through his confusion. “You believe demons are real, and you read porn about them?”
“Smut and… um… reality—the two are separate in my mind. I can be… cautiously respectful of real-world entities but still want to read about a troubled, horned bad guy who needs to be saved by a sweet girl who doesn’t see him as a monster, and to reward her, he fucks her with his dick and a tail at the same time. ”
He huffs out a laugh. “Wooooow. Ok.”
“You own a sex club; you can’t be judgy.”
“That you’re a member of… so I shouldn’t be surprised.”
I shrug. “It’s not like I want to be railed by a demon or a motorcycle club. Fiction and reality are two different things. Besides, if I’ve learned anything from crafts, it’s that everything looks easier than it is.”
“Good to know. I’ll file that away under ‘Information Jenny didn’t mean to tell me.’”
We turn the corner, and our destination is on the right. “What the hell is a puppy spa?” he says, equal parts curious and horrified.
I open the door and the smell of wet dog, rubber, and rawhide hits me.
Pet stores have such a distinct smell. It triggers a million memories at once.
The girl behind the counter recognizes me, but I can’t remember her name.
I know the name of every dog and cat I’ve met, but people?
I always draw a blank. She’s younger than me, long brown hair in a high ponytail, Kim K style, without as much makeup.
She leans over the counter. “What a cute boy.”
“Thanks, we need to use the baths,” I tell her.
She nods. “Do you need me to explain how to work the tubs and such?”
“Nope, I’ve got it.” I start to walk Kingston to the back of the shop, and his head is lowered, his ears flat triangles pointed to the sides like Yoda. He knows what’s coming.
“Buddy, your ass unleashed death. Come on.” I pull him a little toward the bathtubs in the back of the store. He’s gonna hate this as much as he hates the vet, but hopefully we can keep the damage to a minimum.
A young man in an apron, his sleeves rolled up revealing a series of tattoos, takes one look at the two of us and steps over. “Anal glands?”
“Yep.”
“I’m assuming you only need the back half of his body washed?”
“Yep.”
He claps his hands. “I’ll do it. He’s much cuter than the mastiff I had to handle this morning.
Just tell the girl at the register.” He takes Kingston from me, and I feel not a shred of guilt about passing him off to someone else.
His ass did a bad thing, and I’m not spending the rest of the day smelling like that.
Joey is an aisle away, looking at dog collars with a sneer. I don’t know what’s got him all bothered. But then a whiff of rose hits my nose from the shampoo another dog is using.
Nonna.
The grief sucker punches me. I’ll never see her again. Sure, I said goodbye. But I never meant it to be a forever goodbye. The feelings bubble and boil over, like pasta water Nonna will never cook again.
Get yourself together Jenny.
But I can’t. She’s closer to me than my own family.
In the past two days, I’ve received more love from her family than I have in my whole life.
I’m somehow never enough or always too much, so I hide everything, and mask myself to be more appealing.
But with Nonna, I could be myself. I found the real me.
And I liked her. But with Nonna gone, who will I be?
How much will I lose? How long will Nonna’s family put up with me once my novelty has overstayed its welcome.
My vision blurs, and the hot tears roll down my cheeks. I need to leave, but I can’t leave Kingston.
Wait. Joey’s here. He can take the dog. It’s his dog anyway. Not mine…
Not mine.
Kingston isn’t mine. Nonna isn’t mine. Joey isn’t mine. I have nothing.
I can’t stop it, and the tears unleash until I can’t breathe.
“Jenny?” His voice is a beam of light in the darkness of my grief. Arms wrap around my back as I’m pulled into his chest. His fingers rub up and down my back. “Shh. It’s ok,” Joey whispers in my ear.
He holds me, rocking me back and forth for a few minutes before I can slow my breathing down.
“I told you it would come out at a socially awkward time.”
Joey runs his fingers through my hair and says, “You warned me.” A few feet away, Kingston is whining as the water hits his ass. But it’s not the screaming we heard earlier. “Sounds like he’s having a rough day too.”
In this moment, as the emotions flood, I’m not alone.
And it’s nice.
My breathing slows and the tears stop before I’m able to lift my head off his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He peers deep into my eyes, and with all seriousness, he asks, “Why the hell would anyone get matching ties for themselves and their dog?”
My eyes bulge. “They’re back in stock?” Wiping the tears with the back of my hand, I say, “Show me.”
He shakes his head, disbelieving the amazingness he’s about to witness.
He keeps his hand on my back, leading me down the aisle, and yes, there’s a little tie with a white shirt collar for the dog and a larger one for the owner.
There’s herringbone and green plaid and, “Oh my god!” I yank it off the hook.
“Ducks!” I shove it into his hand. “You need this in your life. You’ve never needed anything more. ”
He blinks down at his hand with the duck tie. “Why?”
“Because it’s the most amazing thing ever. There are the eight wonders of the world and this duck tie.” I lift it up. “Look, this duck even has sunglasses. He’s a rebel.”
Joey snorts, and while it’s not the most attractive sound, my cheeks burn. I make him laugh, and not in a mean “I’m laughing at you” way.
“Why does the dog need a tie?”
“Because he’s a sophisticated gentleman, that’s why.”
“If I buy it, will you stop crying?”
“I already stopped, but passing up on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity will make me cry for your future and centuries to come.”
He shakes his head and smiles. “Fine. Come on, let’s spend more of my money. Kingston is coming to live with me tonight. What else does he need?”
“Obviously he needs the tie, so he can run his business meeting,” I say.
“Yes, obviously. Already in the cart.”
“You don’t have a cart. You should go get a cart. But they don’t have carts, they have baskets. Go get a basket and I’ll pick out his food.”