Chapter 13 #2
Finally, I took the coward’s way out and decided to confront Zozo instead of Halimi.
When Halimi and I were just starting out, Zozo made me feel somewhat inferior with her refined lesbian chic.
Her beautiful face, buzz cut, high-end men’s suits, and “don’t fuck with me” expression gave the impression that she was a radical feminist who considered every woman who didn’t look and act like her a slave to the patriarchy.
A few weeks after we became an item, I admitted to Halimi that Zozo intimidated me.
“You’re kidding me,” Halimi said in disbelief, pulling me toward him.
“She adores you,” he drawled. “She thinks you’re super-smart.
If anything, it’s Zozo who’s intimidated.
She thinks you see her as a mindless clubber.
” As time went by, I discovered that Zozo had no real plans, beside enjoying life—with an emphasis on alcohol and women.
Zozo and Halimi certainly had that in common, I reflected bitterly.
That evening, he said he was off to have a quick drink with her.
An hour later, Nina posted a photo on Instagram of two glasses of hot cider and a pack of Camel cigarettes, with the caption “a warm evening at home with creatures of dubious reputation.” One thing I knew for sure: She didn’t smoke Camels.
I called Libby and asked if there was a chance she could come babysit Lily. I lied and said I had to go to an event honoring a distinguished veteran translator and that it would look bad if I didn’t show up. “Halimi was supposed to be home tonight, but he got held up at work,” I explained.
“That seems to be happening a lot lately,” Libby said. I hadn’t told her a thing. I knew exactly what she’d say.
“Right,” I said in a flat voice. “So, can you come?”
Libby came and hardly said a word to me. She gave me a kiss without looking me in the eye and went straight to the bathroom, where Lily was in the middle of a complicated epic drama with a few rubber ducks and a pirate ship.
“Thanks, Libby-Lou,” I said and kissed her on the cheek.
“My pleasure, Dita,” she said, still avoiding eye contact.
My feet first took me to Nina’s building on Nachmani Street.
I wasn’t sure which illuminated window was hers, but I knew which apartment she lived in.
I imagined the drama that would unfold if I knocked on her door and how pathetic I’d look.
I almost collapsed in the middle of the street at the thought.
In the end, I took a taxi and climbed the stairs of the block where Zozo lived in Florentin.
I’d been there a few times—we occasionally met up at her place before going out for the evening—but I’d never been there alone, without Halimi.
“Idit!” Zozo said, surprised to see me when she opened the door.
“Hi, Zozo,” I said in a voice so weak it sounded ridiculous. “Can I come in?”
Zozo gave me a bewildered look that only strengthened my resolve.
After a few seconds, she showed me in. “Is everything okay?” she asked, and I could see she was scrambling.
She had no moral obligation to me—she had been Halimi’s best friend since high school, or the army, I couldn’t remember which.
All in all, she was a decent person, and I was sure she wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to respond.
To deny she was an accomplice? Apologize?
To tell me to direct all my complaints to Halimi? Or remain loyal to her best friend?
I sat down with a thump on a mattress covered in floral fabric, which served as a couch, and just stared at her without saying anything. Zozo didn’t sit down. Her eyes wandered furtively to her phone, which lay on a small table in the living room beside a bottle of beer.
“Can I get you a drink?” she asked, attempting to buy time.
“Got any cyanide?” I made myself laugh.
“Okay, Idit,” Zozo said with evident discomfort. “Can I help you with something?”
“I think so,” I said slowly. It’s not her fault, it’s not her fault, a rational, compassionate voice repeated inside my head. She’s a piece of shit for covering for him, and she knows it, a more primitive voice chimed in.
“The thing is,” I said, sounding like an anchor on the evening news, “My husband told me he was coming to your place for a drink. And guess what—you’re here, but he isn’t!”
Zozo swallowed and sat down beside me.
“Is that what he said?” she asked quietly. So, he hadn’t updated her, but she was still involved.
“We did say something about it earlier,” she said cautiously, “But I guess he got tied up at work.”
This filled me with sick joy.
“Let’s go together to see if he’s still at work,” I suggested. “He’d love it! Poor guy, it kills him to work so late,” I said, a note of hysteria in my voice.
Zozo stood up, restless and clueless as to how to handle this.
She picked up her phone and put it down again.
My rational, compassionate voice took over once more.
What did I want from her? I’d never regarded Zozo as a personal friend, but she was definitely part of the family.
She’d been there before me, and she’d likely be there after me as well, I thought glumly.
“If you have any decency at all,” I said, exhaustion getting the better of me, “at least don’t tell him I was here.” I stood up from the low mattress with difficulty.
“Idit,” she said, and I could already picture her giving it to Halimi. Every so often they’d have a godawful argument, sever all contact, and then pick up again like nothing happened.
“I guess you want to say I should have known who I was marrying,” I said quickly. She stood up and took a step toward me, as if she were about to embrace me. Maybe my eyes conveyed hostility; she stopped dead in her tracks. “That’s not what I wanted to say,” Zozo said.
“Okay,” I said and left.
“Perhaps you can go over to the guard at the lookout and tell him you’re feeling better now,” I said to Jean, after I arranged a few things on the checkered cloth—cheese and olives from his bag, and leftover bread, honey, and dates.
“When you passed out, he heard Brunette’s barking and came to see what was going on. ”
Jean tensed. “Did he not ask after you?”
“I said I was your cousin and that I’d told you of a problem in the family that shook you to the core,” I said proudly. I felt I’d demonstrated great agility of thought.
“That you are my cousin?” Jean said admiringly. “How did you think of that?”
“I didn’t really think,” I answered, very happy to hear his response. “It just came out of my mouth.” Jean exchanged glances with Brunette, then looked at me again.
“You are something special, Fairy édith,” he said, rising to his feet.
“He asked about some squire, and I didn’t know what to say,” I added, imitating the suspicious look of the guard.
Jean smothered a laugh. “Indeed, it is extraordinary that I am riding alone in these parts without my squire. Believe me—my boy, Hugh, is outraged when I ride alone. He is also curious to understand the circumstances in which I decline his services.” Jean looked at me for a moment.
“But I cannot allow my protégé to be exposed to such a suspicious, mysterious creature as yourself,” he winked at me.
He walked off briskly to the observation point and called for the guard.
A helmeted head popped up in one of the windows, and a conversation ensued.
The head with the helmet disappeared from sight, and Jean strolled back to the spring, pausing along the way to gaze out at the sea.
When he ducked under the tree’s canopy, he grinned at me like a bridegroom—a goofy, spontaneous smile.
“What happened?” I asked, and my heart fluttered.
“What happened?” he swiftly came over and took me in his arms. “What happened?!” he almost shouted, grabbed me, lifted me into the air, and twirled me around.
My headscarf fell to the ground, and my braid tumbled down as Jean lowered me to the ground.
He brought his face close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my skin.
He said, “There is a magic passage here. It is unbelievable. A miracle.” I was sure he was about to kiss me when he said that, but he didn’t.
My mouth watered, and I was forced to swallow hard, embarrassed.
“Surely it is magic for you too,” he said, knitting his brows together. “Or perhaps … such passageways like this are common where you come from?”
“Certainly not,” I murmured, still very close to him.
“I remember how you reacted when Thibaut and I clapped eyes on you for the first time. You were stunned and lost and spent. It was all new to you,” he continued, expecting confirmation.