Chapter 9
nine
. . .
I’m sitting at the airport, earbuds in, routine music on, eyes closed as I mentally go through my Free Skate routine. I’m traveling alone to Nagoya, as I fired my mother as my coach and I didn’t hire a new one.
I push off the corner of my phone case and extract a small piece of paper from where I keep it against the back of the device.
I WANT sits at the top, and I recite every letter of the first sentence.
…to try to qualify and skate in the Olympic Games.
Gold or no gold, I don’t care about that. Gold is my mother’s dream, not mine. I just want to skate in the Olympics as part of Team USA.
…to tell Finn I love him and really mean it and feel it.
I smile softly at the second of only three items on my list. I’ve shown it to Finn, and I told him it wasn’t organized in order of importance.
…to bake with and for my dad until he’s ready to retire from the cupcakery. Then I’ll take it over.
I’ve sat down with him and talked that through too, and I know my place is in Briarwood.
Cinching in my stomach tells me that I might not get everything I want, because I still have to qualify for the team, and Finn could be traded to another team, in another city—heck, another country—and then what will I do?
Pack my flour and sugar and piping bags, I think.
I tuck the paper back between the phone and the case and close my eyes again. I can see myself in my feathered costume, a blue streak of motion and power on the ice in Japan.
Someone sits next to me, but I ignore them. I’m deep into my amazing footwork, which leads into the long strokes that flow into my triple lutz.
In my mind, I see it perfectly, imagine myself executing it with exactness. I hear the crowd cheer and fantasize about what the television announcers might say about my flawless execution.
Someone touches my left arm, and I flinch away at the same time I reach up to swipe the earbuds out of my ears. I look left, my heart pounding as I lean away from a would-be attacker.
Finn is sitting there, all smiles, one hand up in surrender.
I blink, sure my eyes aren’t seeing correctly.
He holds up his phone, but I can’t focus on it. “What—?”
“You’re in seat four-D, right?” He tucks his phone under his leg.
“Yes.”
He grins and grins. “I’m in four-C.” He settles back into his seat and folds his arms. He looks like a giant in a chair made for children, and I can only gape at him.
“You’re coming to Nagoya?”
“Yep.”
“What about the—the schedule? The team?” I lean closer. “Your position.” I hiss the last words at him, searching his face for some explanation.
“I had a meeting with Coach Kessler and Xavier, and we came to an agreement. I’ll be in Japan with you for a few days, and Xavier’s going to play my position.
Coach is going to put me on the injured list, which is sort of true, because the thought of you traveling alone, performing without anyone cheering for you in the stands, and making the team without someone to celebrate with makes my heart break. ”
He smiles and slings his arm around me. “And I certainly can’t skate and shoot with a broken heart.”
I lean into him, a goofy giddiness galloping through me. I think of my list, but I can’t tell Finn I love him in a busy area of the airport. Can I?
He rests his head against mine and whispers, “I want to be there. I want to watch you skate live.”
“You see me skate live almost every day.”
He sighs, and a twinge of regret pinches through me that I can’t just accept that he wants me in his life. “Yeah, but not in costume,” he says. “And not with the music. And not after I’ve said I love you.”
I shoot upright and stare at him again. He simply smiles at me, and everyone around us seems to fade into blurs and silence. He slides one hand up to my shoulder and then into my hair. He brings me closer and kisses me right there in front of everyone.
He keeps it sweet and tame when I want to go deeper, and he pulls away far too soon. I keep my face close to his as I open my eyes and drown in the dark depths of his. “I love you too,” I whisper.
“Yeah, I know, Kitten.” He tucks me against his side and settles back into the chair again, apparently to wait casually for the flight to board. “Put your headphones back in and go over your routine, okay?”
He holds out one of my earbuds, and I take it from him and slip it in my ear. My routine music still loops, but now all I can hear is Finn saying, “I love you,” over and over and over.
It’s wonderful.