Asher
This moment is not every moment. Whether the moment is good or bad, it will not last forever.
—My Therapist
A wedding on the beach is cliché, right? Or is it pretty?
“Wow,” Jocelyn whispers as we step onto the sand. “This is so pretty.”
Okay, then.
White chairs stand in rows before a pink-flower-draped pergola. Beyond it, blue waves crash against gleaming sand.
I direct her toward a back row on Grace’s side. Definitely the best place for us. “You don’t strike me as someone who’d like
a beach wedding.”
A grin flashes as she sits. “No, but I appreciate a pretty thing when I see it.”
My gaze touches on the shimmer in her makeup, highlighted by the sun. The platinum shine to her hair. The sheen of gold in her distracting dress. The peekaboo stars across her collarbone. “Me, too,” I mutter under my breath.
“So.” She crosses her legs and wiggles in her seat. “Has the ibuprofen kicked in?”
“Headache is a two out of ten now. Thanks, by the way.”
“Anything for you, Ashie poo.” She casts a wink at me.
It’s always you, Ash.
Sort of wish I didn’t remember her saying that. Rest of the night is a bit of a blur, but that? That I remember with crystal
clarity. 4K Ultra HD.
Confusing, fickle woman.
I glance behind me at the guests filtering in. “Do you think the food will be as awesome as this setup?”
“I hope so. I’m starving. If there’s not crab cakes, I’ll punch Julian in the nuts.”
As I burst into laughter, a couple in front of us turns to stare disapprovingly. Joss wiggles her fingers at them until they
face forward again, muttering to each other.
“God, I’d love to see that,” I say more quietly. “Highlight of the weekend.”
We settle into a companionable silence. This weekend has really thrown into stark relief how I’m lagging on the road of life.
Maxwell is a good enough doctor to be training new ones. Julian is marrying the love of his life today. Grace has blossomed
into a confident and happy woman. And I . . . am stagnant.
Tolerating it all would have been infinitely harder without Joss. Her presence is like a security blanket. Feels a bit warm
and fuzzy, truly. Sort of enjoyable. Comfortable.
I lean my shoulder into hers. “Thank you for doing this, Joss.”
Her brow knits. “Doing what?”
“Just being here. With me. It’s made everything a lot easier.”
She smiles at her lap. “Well. It’s not like it’s hard. I really like you.”
Ah. The mark of the Friend Zone. Perhaps the warm fuzzy is a bit too hot. Didn’t know I was claustrophobic, but I’m definitely
feeling trapped. Like I’ve entered an escape room with no real exit.
I breathe it away, using the sea air and the sun to refocus.
The ceremony is short and lovely. A little boring, honestly. Afterward, we shuffle into an elaborately decorated event space
in the hotel.
Jocelyn whistles under her breath as we take in the tasteful decor. “This is the nicest party I’ve ever been to.”
Well-dressed guests mingle and chat in groups. Some find their way to circle tables. Others stand at the windows to admire
the views of the ocean. Outside, on the beach, the newlyweds pose for photos. In an unguarded moment, Julian touches Grace’s
face, then low on her stomach over the free-flowing gown. She presses her hand over his and smiles.
Ah. She’s pregnant.
Isn’t that . . . perfect?
I’m happy for her. For them. Truly.
Also unhappy for me, though. They have everything I want, and I’m annoyed that I’m envious. Fed up with my reality. Frustrated
that such a future seems like a pipe dream.
“Yeah. Super nice.” I steer Joss toward the open bar. “Let’s drink.”
She chuckles. “Didn’t you have enough last night?”
“Yeah, but you didn’t.”
She stops and puts her hand on her hip. “Doctor Foley, are you trying to get me drunk?”
“I’ve heard it said that alcohol is the best lube.”
She barks out a laugh and throws an open palm in my face. “Don’t be extra.” Sashaying away from me, her tiny, impeccable ass glimmers in gold satin.
Shit. Forgot not to look.
A couple beats pass before I pull myself together and meet her at the bar. She hands me a glass of champagne and shoots the
evil eye at the bartender. “No hard liquor until later, apparently.”
The man shrugs as if to say, Not my decision.
Over in the corner, a DJ fires up a playlist of dinner jazz and invites the guests to help themselves to hors d’oeuvres.
“Yes, please!” Joss grabs my hand and hauls me over to the food table. She loads a plate with bacon-wrapped dates, Caprese
skewers, crab cakes, stuffed crescent rolls and about a dozen other things I don’t recognize.
Smiling, she holds a mini quiche to my mouth. “Open.”
And I obey. Even though I’ve lost my appetite. Because the acid has finally gnawed away my entire stomach.
“You’re a professional grazer,” I say once I swallow the food that tastes like rubber and salt.
She nods. “This is why it’s here, Asher. To eat.”
With an unsubtle nudge, I maneuver Joss and her overfull plate away. “Yes. For everyone to eat. Not just you.”
At our assigned table, she scarfs down the food while we wait for the happy couple. A few strangers take the other chairs,
nodding polite greetings. After a while, the DJ interrupts the music to announce the buffet opening. Grace and Julian enter
with the wedding party, and a line forms to congratulate them.
Jocelyn slumps back in her chair, hand over her belly. “I might be too full for dinner right now. Should we go say hi to them
before we drink more?”
“Sure.” I stand and offer a hand, but halfway there, Joss stops me with a gentle tug. I glance at her, eyebrows lifted.
“Hey,” she says, “you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” How could she tell?
I’m not okay. I don’t know why, but I’m really not okay.
“You sure?” She steps closer and lowers her voice so the strangers milling around us won’t hear. “I know this weekend has
been hard for you but remember what we talked about. You’re awesome. Nothing about you is lacking.”
Really wish she’d stop saying such nice things. Makes it hard to remember she doesn’t want me. Should I hope for the black
hole again? Just swallow me up. No more Asher.
It takes effort, but I shake my head. “I’m really fine.”
“I hate seeing you like this,” she whispers. “And I—I feel like I’m failing at being your best friend. Whatever you need,
I’m there. You know I’d do anything for you.”
And there it is.
The moment.
The line crossed.
The point of no return.
I’d do anything for you.
I am in love with her.
This woman who’s afraid of love. The one who rejected me, point-blank. The one who’s too afraid of pain to take a chance on
me.
I love her.
Terrible thing, really. Can’t foresee any good coming of this.
I’m really, truly, definitely not okay.
But I stretch my mouth into a smile because it’s what she wants. Because it will make her happy. “I don’t need anything, sugar
cookie. I’m fine. Really.”
That perturbed expression doesn’t ease, but she nods and follows me toward the bridal party.
Brilliant yet fake smile plastered over my face, I envelop Grace in an embrace. “Congrats, Gracey-cakes.”
“Thank you!” The sheer happiness in her glistens over her every curve and angle. “And thanks for coming. It’s so good to see
you.”
I move on to her husband while she chats with Jocelyn, grasping his hand in mine. “Congratulations, man. Seriously.”
He smiles. A real smile. One that is visible to the naked eye. “Thanks.”
A tall, dark beauty at Julian’s side elbows him, and he winces. A feline grin stretches across her face. “Introduce me?”
With a roll of his eyes, Julian gestures to me. “Asher, this is my sister, Tori. Tori, Asher. We did residency together.”
Tori extends a hand to be shaken. “Hey, there.”
Julian’s eyebrows cinch as he stares at his sister, but the woman is still beaming at me.
Her hand is delicate but strong, and she doesn’t release me. “You single?”
Oh.
Oh.
She’s interested.
Julian’s sister. Interested. In me.
An impulsive desire wakes, fueled by testosterone and cortisol and this looming emotional disaster on my horizon.
Julian got Grace.
I could take his sister.
In a strange, twisted world, I could act on her interest. I’m single. Available. The girl I brought has stressed, in no uncertain
terms, just how much she doesn’t want me.
And Julian would know. It would be in his mind for the rest of his life. He’s winning at life, but I could have this.
Aaaaand I’m an asshole.
Why is this thought even in my head? Because Julian has everything I want?
It’s not his fault my life falls short of his. Not his fault he’s blissfully in love, with one on the way, while I’m secretly
pining after my best friend.
“He’s not single.” Jocelyn’s sharp voice beside me breaks through my reverie. The edge in it is new. Different.
I glance at her, only to find an uncharacteristic glare directed at Julian’s sister.
Tori drops my hand and shrugs. “Too bad. He’s pretty.”
“Victoria.” Julian squeezes the bridge of his nose. “Will you please stop hitting on all my friends? Look at them. They are
clearly into each other.”
The siblings continue to argue, but I’m distracted by the lingering scowl on Joss’s face, the burnished red across her nose
and cheeks. With one last nod at the newlyweds, I grasp Jocelyn’s elbow and direct her toward an empty area near the windows.
The guests mix and mingle. Laughter and music drift about us.
I seclude us best I can. “You okay?”
Expression schooled into nonchalance, she looks out the window, where the setting sun lights the sky on fire, and bright orange
sparkles over the rolling ocean. “I’m— Yeah. I’m fine. I’m . . .” Her gaze swings to me. “What was that, Asher?”
Confused, I study her face but find no answers. “What was what?”
She waves an arm at the bridal party. “You actually considered it, didn’t you? That girl?”
A deep furrow forms between her brows. Something’s wrong. I’ve done something, but . . . what?
“No,” I say. Why does it sound like a question? “She came on to me. I hesitated.”
She swallows and glances back at Tori. “Do you want to go talk to her?”
“No.” The gnawing in my gut returns at her suspicious expression. “You told her I’m not single. Hitting on her now . . . That’s
not a great look.”
“Shit.” Her hand hides her eyes. “I don’t know why I said that.”
Silence passes between us.
What . . . What’s this tiny seed of hope sprouting inside? Stop it! Stahp.
Efffff. Why can’t I stop it?
I pull her hand from her face. Her gaze is wary. Defensive. She’s close enough that I can divide her into individual parts,
a bevy of precious metals and gems. Rays of copper and gold in her irises. The onyx pen strokes of her lashes. The gleam of
platinum in her hair. The shimmer of her ruby lips.
So beautiful. Right here in front of me, yet so distant. She’s like a star. Glittering from afar, cold, but if she’d just
let me closer, I know I’d burn. Something is mutating between us, despite her attempts to stop it. Surely, she senses it,
too. Am I the only one falling?
“Jocelyn.” I brush my finger beneath her chin. “Are you jealous?”
A false smile stretches her red lips but doesn’t touch her eyes. A strained laugh flies from her mouth. “What— What are you
even . . . What are you talking about? Of course not.”
The longer I stare at her face, the more convinced I am. “You sure?”
“We’re just friends, Asher.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” Wanting free, the truth jackhammers against its cage. My blood spikes with a fresh shot of adrenaline
as I give in to it. “But I kind of think you know I’d take more if you’d give it.”
Her lips part, and she freezes. Doe eyes go impossibly wide as if a Mack truck heads straight for her.
Uh-oh.
No.
Shit.
Wait. I take it back.
She shakes her head. Takes one step away.
“Joss—”
Delicate, gold-tipped fingers press into the skin over her heart. She checks behind her.
“Joss, wait—”
Her hand rises in a sharp gesture to stop, and my voice dies. Time suspends. The room goes silent around us. Or maybe I’m
about to pass out.
In one swirl of gold and glitter, the twinkling star falls, and she shoots toward the exit.
Away from me.
The tiny seedling of hope—that warm, happy, WALL-E quality leaf—curls up and withers in the face of another rejection.
Whatever is left in my chest follows suit.