Chapter 9
Mabel’s throat stung as she listened to the guys’ descriptions of what happened. “The lunatic comes at him and punches him before Zane even sees him,” Liam said with gusto.
“Yeah, he’s hollering about Zane putting him in a choke hold at the ER and how he was going to sue him and he should be fired. All that crap.” Weston shook his head.
August cut in. “Why he didn’t remember how strong Zane was from the first time is beyond reason.”
“Reason?” Mack laughed. “There is no reason in this guy. Unless Zane scrambled his brain even more.”
“He was drunk at the hospital, which explains why he thought he could take him on this time,” Parker added. “He couldn’t remember how much you do not want to mess with Zane.”
So that was it. The story wrapped up with the man being restrained against the side of the ambulance by Zane’s one arm. Obscenities were uttered again. They filed a police report.
How was this reality? How had Zane been subjected to two attacks now? Her head throbbed with guilt.
Both fights had been because of her.
Mabel glanced over at Zane as he sat at a city office laptop in City Hall, looking over the map she’d been working on for…a while. She stress-ate through her bag of candy peach rings, the crusty sugar giving her something to focus on.
She’d offered them to Zane and he’d shaken his head.
Perhaps she should offer him the chocolate she had in her bag since he probably liked something of more substance in his treat life.
But he didn’t seem to be in the mood. Or maybe he didn’t even have much of a treat life, if one perusal of his physique was any indication.
What should she say? Sorry…again…for getting him in a tussle…again.
Any words that came to mind seemed inadequate.
“We just need to fill in some coordinates that Mack added, and then we should be good to go.” Zane didn’t look at her, and his tone was formal.
Yeah. That part about spending all of her non-nursing school hours driving around in a truck with Zane as they recorded every bit of data throughout the whole area? Thanks for that, Mack.
“How do you feel about this assignment from Mack?” she asked.
Zane gritted his teeth and shut down the program before turning to her.
The red circle around his eye had turned a mean purple.
“He needs this survey done before he can build the water tower, which is planned for the spring. But the state won’t approve it until we’ve done our job. Why do you think he asked us?”
He swiveled in the office chair while he leaned back, his fingers threaded behind his head. “It’s because we don’t have families we’re trying to support and spend time with. Everyone else is attached. There is no one else to ask.” His gaze roamed over her wildly, and his tone softened.
“So that’s all this is?” Her neck grew warm. “Two people working together to speed up a project.” There were those walls again. They were coming up nicely now to protect her from Zane’s flippancy.
He let out a breath and closed the laptop. “I don’t mind doing it. But I think it’s best to get this done and move on with our lives.” Zane offered a grin, but it was hollow.
“Yeah, I agree.” Tension settled in her bones. If he was playing it cool and keeping his distance, then she had to as well. But they still had to address something. “Except moving on is not what Mack or the rest of KNO have been wanting, is it?”
“Those friends of ours are something else.” His face flushed a little, and he straightened, bringing his hands to his sides.
“They’re the worst,” she said with a laugh. It wasn’t genuine, but she could pretend to be easy breezy if he was. “I mean, it’s like they feel pity for us that neither of us has a special someone, and they’re thinking, ‘Hey, he’s still single. She’s still single. How convenient.’”
He just shook his head.
She took a deep breath. There was no way she could continue being in the same room with him, so near to him, without saying more. She’d burst if she didn’t. “Can we talk about what’s been going on?”
The energy between them expanded as he hesitated but then seemed to lose his resolve.
“What’s been going on is I’ve cared about you for a long time, and it’s seemed at times that you felt the same way.
” His gaze went to his lap. “But there’s been a lot of water under this bridge, Mabel.
I made a decision after Jamaica that I needed to move on with my life. ”
“Move on with your life?” Her heart began to pound. “After you dragged me out of our best friend’s wedding and then clammed up like I was the one to hurt you?”
He stared at the floor. “That was a mistake. It was unfair to everyone there.”
“So you’re never going to tell me what that was all about?”
“Mabel, it was…I was feeling stuff, and everything came to the surface. I wasn’t sure if I was just caught up in the moment or what.
I didn’t think it was fair to you when I didn’t know how you were feeling.
Then you went stone-cold on me for the rest of the trip and ever since then.
And you’ve got the anesthesiologist in your life now. ”
Her chest seized. She didn’t know what to make of this. And he’d said it with such finality. All these years of assumptions, and now this? And Dallin Conforth wasn’t in her life…not really. He was only a distraction.
“You also went stone cold on me. I felt like I did all those years ago when I put my heart out on the line for you, and you rejected it. You rejected my kiss. You rejected me.”
His eyes held horror. “In the ninth grade? Mabel, I…I didn’t reject you.
I was completely unprepared for your words and the kiss, and I didn’t know how to respond.
I felt…inadequate. And then as I was sorting things out, as an immature kid, your mom—” He stopped himself.
“I kept trying to figure things out from there. But then it seemed too late and everything changed. I figured with what happened with your mom that you were no longer interested.”
Her mom. The feelings surrounding her death…she wasn’t prepared for their sudden appearance.
This was all too much.
She licked her lips and stood from her chair, grabbing her lanyard keychain. “We’re losing the light. We need to get started.”
She was a coward. She’d longed for this…an actual conversation with the man she loved. But he was angry. Everything about him looked to be in turmoil, and she didn’t think she could bear another rejection from him.
“Mabel, please, can we figure this out?” His chair squeaked as he stood from it.
She spun around right before reaching the door. “I’ve cared about you for a long time too. But we’ve been playing this game for too long. I also decided to move on after Jamaica because that whole thing messed with me.”
She pushed a hand through her hair. “Zane, I appreciate your explanation of what happened there, and also of what happened after we kissed.” She grunted in frustration.
“It was so long ago. I want to move past it, but it keeps plaguing me. And not just that. You’ve been distant for a very long time.
I’ve been distant too. I don’t even know if we can figure out how to… ” she shrugged, “how to be normal.”
The beginnings of a smile danced across his lips. “I don’t want to be normal with you.” He laughed and stepped toward her. “I don’t know if that’s possible. You’re on a higher plane than normal, Mabel.”
A higher plane? Her whole body tingled. She fought for something her mind could grab on to, a way to explain what was in her heart. If only there was a guarantee that she could say what she felt and he wouldn’t run. That he wouldn’t reject her again.
He reached her then and touched the crook of her elbow. His hand was warm through her light sweater. “What do you want?” His voice was tender. “If I could do anything for you right now, what would it be?”
Erase the pain of all these years. Give me the courage to tell you how I feel.
She searched his face. “You know that I feel more for you than just friendship.”
He nodded.
Sliding her arms around his waist, she stepped even closer.
She tipped her head back to see his face.
“But it’s like when you get a burn on your skin and it scars.
It’s always there. It’s like you want to forget about it, and you almost can, but when it catches your eye, that silvery white scar, you suddenly remember everything all over again. ”
“And it affects what you do.” He softly slid a finger along her jaw. “I really hurt you. I didn’t respond well when you put your heart out there, and that hurt you.” He swallowed hard. “Trauma. It was traumatic.”
“Yes, it did hurt. Plus, my mom got sick right after, so everything became jumbled together. It all hurt so badly. I don’t know if I feel ready to… Every time I think about you, I wonder if I can trust you not to change again.”
“Can we start slow? I want to prove to you that I won’t run away again.”
She reached up and touched his cheekbone, right below the black eye.
“I guess that’s what you can do for me. Can we start by treating each other like good friends would?
Because we haven’t even been doing that for a very long time.
” She released a breath. “I want to figure out a way to be near you without all the old baggage being in the way.”
“I can try to do that, yes. I do care about you, and I haven’t been acting like it.” His face darkened. “But what about the good doctor?”
“Dallin? We’re not dating.”
“Hm.”
“You don’t believe me.” Her statement hung stale in the air.
“The vibe you two give off? Definitely not just friends.”
“Initially, I was trying to move on from you. And he’s a nice guy.” She found a smile and shook her head. “I couldn’t wait any longer for you because it felt like a fool’s errand. But, Zane.” She licked her lips. “I don’t feel for him what I feel for you.”
He gazed at her as if trying to read her thoughts. “So what do we do now?”
“First this.” She tugged him to her, the hug filling her.
Tears stung her eyes. Being close to him was like aloe on her burns.
Because even though they’d scarred over long ago, their vulnerability just now felt like a reopening of everything that hurt.
“And second? Let’s start this project for Mack.
I can’t say I mind getting to spend a lot more time with you doing this. ”
He held her a bit longer and then broke the hug. “Getting to be around you? That’s the only reason I said yes.” Drawing his mouth up tight, he gave a nod. “Are you driving, or am I?”
She huffed out a breath. “I’ve seen you drive that ambulance. I’m driving.”
“It’s an ambulance, Mabel. I’m supposed to drive fast.” His relaxed grin did something jittery to her insides. “Besides, Whitey’s the one who’s usually driving.”
“Well, I’ve seen you drive the fire truck. And I know that’s you.”
“It’s a fire truck. You can’t be serious right now.” His baritone laugh tumbled out. “I’m a good driver.”
They reached the City Hall front entrance, and he swung the door open for her.
“I didn’t say you weren’t a good driver. Just that I’ve seen your driving, so I’ll be the one driving today.”
He shook his head and let out a breath. “Fine. I don’t care. But does this mean that you trust me with the data recording?”
Her eyes grew big, and her smile was a straight line. “Oh. Right.”
He shot her a look. “Yes, little miss. You can’t do both.”
His nicknames for her? She’d craved them like a big glass of lemonade on the summer solstice.
She pressed the button on her fob to unlock the door of her Jetta. “This will be a test run. We’ll see how you do. Mack asked me first. It’s my head on the chopping block.”
“I’d go even further than that. I’d say it’s the fate of all of Silver Plum in your hands. But whatever.”
At her dropped jaw, he laughed. “But with the two of us together, there’s no way we’ll fail.”
She bit the inside of her cheek as she backed out of the parking spot, ready to head to the southwest edge of town.
He wasn’t just talking about the project, was he?