Chapter Thirty-Eight Lorenzo
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Lorenzo
I came into today’s family gathering knowing that it would be tense, but I had hoped that after last weekend’s Chicago trip it wouldn’t be as bad as Lily’s worst-case scenarios. She asked me to be on my best behavior, and I’ve been nothing but an upstanding gentleman this afternoon.
I remain levelheaded, even with Julian baiting me about my latest poll numbers and Rafa, who recently returned from Europe, glaring at me from across the table like I threatened to call animal control on him.
Meanwhile, Lily is a bundle of nerves and has spent most of lunch pushing food around her plate without eating any of it. It irritates me beyond measure to see her so uncomfortable among her family, and I want to fix it.
If I want Lily, then I have to accept that her family is part of the package. It’s a foreign concept for someone like me, and perhaps if I share what my life was like before, they will give me more grace. Or at the very least, they might understand where I’m coming from.
You can’t be thinking of opening up to strangers. What if they use your past against you? The insidious voice returns, louder than before.
If they do, I trust that Lily has my back , I reply, not giving the worried thoughts any more room to breathe.
“So…” I say, gaining everyone’s attention.
Lily looks about ready to stab me with her fork, so I pry the silverware away from her and link our hands together before saying, “I’m aware yesterday’s news came as a surprise…”
Dahlia interjects, “Seems to be a pattern for you two.”
I shoot her a sharp smile. “And for that, I want to apologize.”
Lily glances over at me and mouths, What are you doing?
I give her hand a squeeze, as if to say Trust me , before facing the rest of the table.
“To be honest, I didn’t grow up like you all.
” I motion toward the gallery wall of photos behind Rosa’s seat.
Photographs are only a snapshot of a moment in time, but given the decades’ worth of memories, one can assume most of them were good ones.
Dahlia’s head tilts, and Julian leans back in his chair, giving me the full weight of his attention. Rafa, who out of everyone here had a similar upbringing to mine, looks at me with compassion I wasn’t expecting.
“What do you mean?” Rosa asks, her voice soft and timid.
“My uncle who took me in after my parents died wasn’t exactly…loving, and he taught me not to trust anyone. So when you grow up in an environment like I did, you learn to keep your secrets or risk having them used against you.”
The room is so silent after my confession that the ice machine across the house can be heard.
Lily, whose hand is still clasped with mine, rubs her thumb softly over my skin, reminding me why I’m talking about any of this.
I don’t need to have a heart-to-heart about my upbringing. I’ve come to terms with my uncle being a piece of shit, and I’ve accepted that my cousins are too enmeshed in the family business to walk away from it now.
Josefina places a hand over her heart. “That sounds…”
“Like your family sucks,” Julian offers, surprising me.
My lips curl. “That’s putting it lightly.”
“Do you talk to them anymore?” Rosa asks.
There are times I wish I could because I miss my cousins, but I can’t reach out to them without getting pulled into Vittori Holdings drama. I’m building a life for myself that my uncle can’t influence, but with new beginnings means letting go.
“No.” I keep my answer short because I don’t want any more questions about them.
“Well, from what I’ve read online, your uncle seems like a real piece of work, so it looks like you dodged a bullet,” Rafa says.
“Literally or figuratively?” Julian asks with a smirk.
Rosa does a sign of the cross, and Dahlia jabs her boyfriend in the ribs while whispering something under her breath.
I lock eyes with Mrs. Munoz. “While I’m clearing the record, I’m not in the mafia.”
“I didn’t—” she stammers nervously. “Lily said—”
“It’s okay.” Josefina pats Rosa’s hand. “It’s not like we weren’t all thinking about it,” she replies with a grin, and I return it with one of my own.
The conversation moves on to lighter subjects, and the tension slowly bleeds from Lily’s body until she is laughing along with Rafa’s story about getting pickpocketed while in Europe.
I’m pretty quiet, choosing to sit back and take it all in instead of inserting myself into every conversation. I’ve heard a lot about the Munoz-Lopez families from Lily and people around town, but I’ve never had a chance to witness it up close.
And dare I say, I might be a bit… jealous ?
No, that’s not the right word for the emotions clawing through my chest. I’m happy for Lily and the life she grew up experiencing because it made her who she is, but at the same time, being surrounded by so much love reminds me of everything I lost.
I’ve missed my parents plenty of times, but right now, their absence feels unbearable. Like a hole in my chest that grows by the minute, threatening to consume me until there is nothing left.
I stand and excuse myself from the table. Everyone’s eyes follow me out of the room, making the back of my neck itch despite me no longer being in their direct line of sight.
I escape into the kitchen, but the distance doesn’t stop me from hearing everyone’s low murmurs, so I head outside. Fresh air doesn’t help as much as I’d like, and I end up fighting to get enough oxygen into my lungs.
When I’m this overwhelmed, I can’t keep up appearances, so it’s in my best interest to leave.
But before I can get into my car, Lily’s voice stops me.
“Hey.”
I resist the urge to lean my head against the window. “Hi.”
I don’t turn to look at her because then she’ll know I’m not okay, and something about Lily watching me struggle with spending time with her family, which is something that clearly makes her happy and is important to her…
It makes me feel like I don’t fit in her life the way I should.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“Something came up.”
“What?”
“ Lily .”
“Is everything okay?” She touches my shoulder softly, willing me to look at her. “You seemed fine, but then…”
With a deep breath, I face her. “No, it’s not.” The ugly truth spills from my mouth.
Her soft gaze flickers over my face before it falls to my hand clutching the car door handle like a lifeline. “All right. No worries.”
I manage to keep my shoulders from slumping. “Thank you for understanding.”
She cracks a smile, and it loosens the knot in my chest. “Do you care if I join you?”
I’m surprised after our conversation by the fountain, but I’ll take her olive branch with open arms. “You want to come?”
“Yeah. You look like you could use a friend.”
I let that one slide while promising to make my intentions very clear today.
“I’d like that, amore mio .”
She might be upset with me still, but the glimmer in her eyes is promising. “Let me run inside and grab my purse.” She rushes up the driveway. “Don’t leave without me,” she throws out from over her shoulder.
I don’t think I could, not unless someone physically removed me.
The grief I felt earlier is still heavy in my chest, but it feels slightly more bearable, and it has everything to do with the woman who always reminds me that I’m not alone, even in some of my darkest moments.
I never understood why my father gave up his entire life for my mother, but right now, I can see it clearly. Because when you find the one person in the world who sees you—who takes the time to collect every broken piece of your spirit and helps you put it back together—you don’t let them go.
I made that mistake once, but I won’t repeat it again.
That much I can promise.