Chapter Forty-Seven Lily
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Lily
I can’t sleep, no matter how many episodes of The Silver Vixens I watch, so I decide to scroll through my phone instead. It’s an idea that goes from bad to worse when a new message pops up from the last person I expect.
LORENZO
I’m sorry.
I’m so stunned by the random apology text that I ignore it until a new one pops up.
LORENZO
I don’t want to go back to how things were before.
LORENZO
I want you.
LORENZO
Wait. No. Not like that.
LORENZO
Shit. I mean yes, also like that. But you know what I mean.
LORENZO
Right?
I should put my phone away right now. Nothing good can come from responding to his messages, and I’ll only be making this entire process more difficult for myself.
LORENZO
Please don’t hate me.
I grab a pillow and shove it over my mouth to muffle my frustrated scream.
LORENZO
And I’m s0rry about the track
LORENZO
Fracking bracelet.
LORENZO
Tracking bracelet.
LORENZO
I think I’m drunk.
I grab a throw blanket and tightly wrap it around myself while I mentally count my breaths. The urge to lash out is strong, but I hold off because I’d rather explore my emotions than unleash them.
There are multiple reasons for me to be upset over Lorenzo’s texts, but most of all, I’m mad at myself for caring about him despite the reasons I shouldn’t.
I don’t like to see anyone hurting, regardless of whether they brought it upon themselves or not, but somehow witnessing Lorenzo’s pain is infinitely worse.
He put us in this position.
He is making us both suffer over his stubbornness.
Over his pride .
LORENZO
Will you come over and hold my hair back?
LORENZO
Please.
Another message comes through ten minutes later.
LORENZO
I don’t feel so good.
LORENZO
Question: Does heartache get worse overnight?
Stubborn tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away because Lorenzo doesn’t get to make me cry. Not anymore.
I lock my phone and stare at the artificial flowers hanging from my ceiling until my vision is no longer blurry.
Does heartache get worse overnight? he asked.
I’m bitter enough to wish mine does, that way I’ll have a physical reminder of what happens when you fall in love with the wrong person.
I’m so miserable after last night, I end up asking Jane to cover my shift at the shop. I can’t risk running into Lorenzo, who always picks up his two bouquets on Friday, so I spend my day working on a pressed-flower piece in the garage.
The bride has already messaged me once, asking how it was coming along, so I need to wrap it up before she gets annoyed at the wait time. Plus the work helps keep my mind occupied for a few hours, which is much needed after last night.
I don’t expect Lorenzo to show up at my house later in the day, so I’m surprised to see him standing outside my garage, looking like he was run over by an eighteen-wheeler.
If I hadn’t known he got drunk last night, the evidence would’ve been hard to miss today.
“Hey.” He waves, and the easygoing greeting instantly pisses me off.
I walk out of the garage and yank the mask off my face. “What are you doing here?”
He tucks his hands into his pockets. “Jane said you weren’t feeling well.”
“So?”
“ So , I wanted to make sure my fiancée was okay.”
My eye twitches at my least favorite F -word. “Are you concerned I’ll cancel on tomorrow’s outing?”
“Should I be?”
“Nope,” I reply.
His eyes close. “Lily, I—”
I interrupt. “Are you here to talk about the election?”
“What? No. I’m here to talk about us.”
The sheer audacity of his statement makes me laugh. “Did you change your mind on leaving town if you lose?”
He looks away. “No.”
One word has never felt more devastatingly final before.
Do not let him see you break again , I remind myself.
“Then there is no us to talk about.” I readjust my mask and head back into the garage. “Goodbye, Lorenzo. See you tomorrow for our date.”
I should be happy when he heeds my request and leaves, but I want to fall apart once he’s gone. It’s frustrating, and I feel like I’m being torn in two directions, neither of which are best for me.
And if I’m not careful, I’m afraid I’m going to break for good, and nothing can fix me once that happens.
Since I can’t talk to my sister about my not-so-fake fake relationship, I turn to the only person who is both aware of my situation and also isn’t directly tied to Lorenzo.
When I texted Rafa asking if we could meet up, he didn’t try to figure out what was wrong. He told me to show up at his house whenever, so that’s how I find him in his barn fifteen minutes later.
“Thought you’d like to see the kittens again.” He opens the gate and lets me into the stall where the six of them are.
I take a seat on the floor across from him and grab the closest one, who happens to be the smallest of the bunch.
Neither one of us speaks right away, which is another thing I appreciate about Rafa.
Once I’m ready, I look up at him and say, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here.”
“I think I can guess with one try.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or wince. “Is it that obvious?”
He lifts a shoulder. “I knew it was only a matter of time before Lorenzo screwed up. We all do.”
“Great. Not that it even matters, but I wish it happened a little sooner.”
“Like when? Before you fell in love with him?”
“I’m not in love with him,” I huff.
Rafa shoots me a pointed look.
“Okay, fine. I was falling in love with him, but only because I thought he felt the same way.” I cradle a kitten to my chest, needing the emotional support.
“What makes you think he doesn’t?”
“Because he pretty much said so.”
I go on to explain the conversation I had with Lorenzo, all while Rafa listens quietly, only asking a few follow-up questions when he needs further clarification.
“So he plans on moving away if he loses?”
“Yup.”
“Damn. I didn’t think his ego was that fragile.”
“That’s the thing. He has been fine living here with Mayor Ludlow in charge, but if Trevor wins, he has to move? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Has he been fine, though? Or has he made it seem that way because he hasn’t had any other choice right now while he’s been campaigning?”
I sit with his words and process them. “I… Actually, I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should ask him.”
“Why? It’s not like it’ll make a difference.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but wouldn’t you rather have all the facts?”
“So he can remind me all over again that he plans on leaving me? At this point, I’m asking to get hurt again.” My voice cracks.
Rafa comes over and pulls me into a hug. “He could still win. There’s still two months left.”
“It already feels like he’s given up,” I admit, thinking back to the way he sounded after the debate.
Rafa releases me from his embrace, and the kittens return to our laps. “It sounds like he’s jumping to the worst conclusion without any evidence.”
“I mean, it was a bad night.”
“From the little I heard this morning while grabbing coffee, it sounded like they both had some good points.”
“Really?”
“I mean, I didn’t hear much, but I wouldn’t count Lorenzo out yet, and he shouldn’t either.”
“Truthfully, I don’t know anymore. He and Trevor both looked terrible, so I’m not sure either of them won, but regardless Trevor definitely ended on a higher note than Lorenzo.”
“How so?” he asks.
“Trevor brought up Vittori Holdings. Used the sale of shares against him.” I explain the situation with the Nevada Sun article and how it made Lorenzo look beyond petty.
“If people did some basic research, they’d understand the kind of man Lorenzo’s uncle is and why Lorenzo walked away.”
“But what if they don’t?”
“Haven’t you been talking to one of the Wisteria Weekly reporters?”
His random question makes me pause. “Yes, but it was more about Lorenzo and his connection to local businesses.”
“What if the piece isn’t only about that? What if Lorenzo opens up about his past and how he ended up here again?”
“I don’t know. He’s private about all that. Plus he strongly dislikes reporters.” Not to mention I don’t even know Lorenzo’s true reason for returning to Lake Wisteria, so how can I ask him to share it with the town?
“Maybe that’s part of his problem. People feel like they know the Ludlows, so they’re more likely to trust them, while Lorenzo is still this enigma.”
I bite down on my cheek. “I guess anything is worth a try at this point.”
Everything except our relationship, that is.
At least according to Lorenzo.
I hit peak pettiness when I drive my old car over to the assisted-living center the next morning, and the downgrade from my luxury vehicle is worth the look of pure outrage on Lorenzo’s face when I pull into the lot.
He seems to forget we aren’t alone as he storms over to my car. I tilt my head toward the group of animal shelter volunteers parking close by, and he self-corrects his scowl into a smile.
“Good morning, baby,” I say in a lighthearted tone that doesn’t match the heaviness in my chest.
He gives me space to exit the car before pinning me against the door. “Did something happen to your other car, amore mio ?”
I hit him with my most radiant smile. “It wasn’t working.”
“I’ll text Manny and ask him to go check on it.” He pulls out his phone and shoots off the text.
Shit .
Lorenzo looks up from the screen and zones in on my incriminating face. “What did you do?”
“Nothing,” I say all too quickly.
He grabs the keys straight from my hand and pockets them.
“Hey! Give those back.”
“Why? You won’t be needing them anymore once Manny fixes your car.”
“Still. You can’t steal my keys.” I reach inside his pocket, only to have him snatch my hand and lock our fingers together.
“Everyone come gather around!” Nura calls out.
“You can let go of my hand now.” I keep my voice low.
“I could ,” he says, like that answers everything.
I can’t let my true feelings show, so I put on a smile for the other volunteers forming a circle around Nura. It’s difficult to ignore the little jolt in my chest when Lorenzo’s hand tightens around mine, but I do my best to remember that it’s all for show.
It has to be.
I remind myself of my purpose as Lorenzo and I are paired off with a dog and given our schedule for the day. We are assigned ten different people to visit, and our first two happen to be one of the town’s oldest couples: Joanne and Lenny.
Joanne was Lake Wisteria’s first-ever Strawberry Sweetheart—a title my sister also gained during the town’s beauty pageant—so she is pretty well-known.
Lenny, on the other hand, is a grump who only softens for his one true love, which is why the frown on his face disappears as soon as Joanne smiles.
“Look at that dog, Lenny!” Joanne yanks on her husband’s arm.
“I’m going deaf, not blind, woman.” Lenny pretends to be miffed, but there is a sparkle in his eyes as he checks out the happy look on his wife’s face.
Lorenzo and I shut the door to their one-bedroom apartment and take a few steps inside.
“It’s so nice to have visitors,” Joanne says.
Lenny’s eyes drift toward the framed American flag hanging on the wall. Their only son passed before I was born, but his memory still lives on in their hearts.
“We thought you could use some company. This sweet girl’s name is Angel.” I point at the German Shepherd who has yet to be adopted after three months at the shelter.
“She doesn’t look like an Angel to me.” Lenny’s nose scrunches.
“The same could be said for our pit bull, Daisy.”
I laugh, only to regret it as soon as Lorenzo smiles at me.
Joanne beckons us forward. “Let me see her.”
Lorenzo walks toward her, keeping the leash wrapped tightly around his wrist in case Angel thinks it’s a good idea to knock Joanne and her walker over.
Joanne squints at Lorenzo. “Wait a minute. You’re that guy on the TV.”
Lenny squints. “Who?”
“He’s running for mayor,” she clarifies.
His gaze flickers over Lorenzo’s dark hair. “You don’t look like a Ludlow.”
“Because I’m not.” His jaw clenches.
“Thank God. The oldest one is a real twat. He used to run over my flower beds all the time, so I ended up slashing his tires once.”
Lorenzo laughs , and the sound makes my chest twinge.
How am I going to survive another two months of this? I ask myself, fighting the urge to distance myself from Lorenzo and the uncontrollable responses he draws from me.
“And who are you?” Joanne asks me while Angel licks her hand.
“Lily. His fiancée.”
“Oh!” Her entire face lights up. “You two will make the most beautiful babies.”
Lorenzo wheezes, and my mouth falls open while Lenny looks like this is a typical Saturday.
“Don’t mind her,” he says. “She says that to every couple she sees, often without asking if they want children.”
“Do not!”
He turns to us. “Watch. She’s going to ask you fifty different questions about your relationship next.”
“Lenny! Don’t be dramatic.”
“Twenty?”
“I’ll start with one.” Joanne huffs. “What did you think when you first met Lily?”
“Here we go,” Lenny grumbles.
I expect Lorenzo to come up with a generic answer, but he surprises me when he says straight to my face, “At first I didn’t want to like her, so I looked for reasons not to.
She was bubbly and funny, and honestly, I never even told her this”—Joanne squeals —“but I found her to be intimidating. She knew what she wanted and she was completely and utterly unapologetic about it, and I feared that quality as much as I admired it.”
Joanne’s eyes go wide, and she’s not the only one because consider me speechless.
Lorenzo doesn’t take his eyes off me. “I had a set number of goals for my life, and most of them up until I met Lily were self-serving, but once I met her, she had this way of making me think about a future that was bigger than myself or this town. And slowly, little by little, the future she painted for herself… Well, I couldn’t imagine anyone else standing beside her in that picture but me . ”
I wish his words were true, but each one of his actions lately tells me they’re nothing but a lie .