Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
TRAVIS
A t least two days have passed since I last talked to Faith, and this is the first thirty-minute break I’ve taken today. I lie exhausted on the ground, covered head-to-toe in soot and gulping for oxygen in the orange and gray haze surrounding me.
I’d give anything to hear her voice, but my cell phone’s out of juice. Fortunately, I’ve got my satellite phone with me. As I dial her number, I pray she’ll pick up. It’s not a number I’ve called her from before, so I know she won’t recognize it.
I can tell by the way things are going that what should be a thirty-minute break will probably be more like five.
The wildfire we’re working has been difficult to contain, thanks to shifting winds, which allow it to keep jumping our direct lines.
Hours of work gone in an instant. It’s one of the toughest parts of this job.
She doesn’t answer. Dammit!
I watch distant flames sparkle in the treetops above like Roman Candles, cresting up and blowing over the line before getting sucked back in by the fire.
It’s a stunning sight against the backlit night and a comforting one.
The fire’ s doing what we expect for once.
I haven’t been able to say this much over the past two weeks.
I dial her number again, my heart racing as it rings, and I pray she’ll pick up. I need to hear her voice, even if it’s only for a moment.
“Travis!” Her voice sounds like liquid sunshine coming through the phone. It’s the only glimmer of light I’ve seen in days, apart from the glow of the flames, shrouded in the thick, opaque darkness of this inferno.
“How are you, my love?” I ask between breaths.
“I’m okay,” she says quietly, but I immediately know she’s holding back.
A pit forms in my stomach as I watch my fellow Hotshots battling to hold the line. I only have a couple more minutes if I’m lucky.
“Sugar, what’s wrong?”
She’s quiet for a long moment, and it frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t see her face or try to figure out what’s going on.
“Faith, are you there?”
“Yes.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t have long, but I need to know.” I’m trying to sound calm but I haven’t slept in days, and I’m exhausted in every way a human can be.
Her voice is so quiet, I almost don’t hear her next words. “You’re going to be a daddy.”
Out of everything she could possibly say, her words blindside me, as if I just got clocked in the jaw by an unknown assailant. I squeeze my eyes shut, taking a couple of deep breaths.
Between the news and thick smoke in the air, I probably sound like I’m hyperventilating, and my ears ring. I wonder if I’ve somehow imagined the whole thing.
“Come again,” I say breathlessly .
“I’m pregnant, Travis.”
I shake my head still trying to take it all in. “But we’ve only been together for six weeks. How could you know so soon?” Two of those weeks, we haven’t even been in the same county. This is pure shock and denial talking now. As a trained firefighter and paramedic, I know one time’s enough.
Fortunately, Faith handles my dumbass question graciously. “I missed my period, so I took a test.”
I don’t know how to process the tumult of emotions rocking me. So, I start with the most obvious question. “You told me you were on birth control pills. I mean, what happened?”
Her voice sounds unreadable as she explains, “I was until this morning. I don’t know what happened, Trav.
Birdie thinks it might have something to do with some of the vitamins I’ve been taking.
I didn’t know this until today but something as simple as vitamin C or melatonin can lower the effectiveness of the pill. ”
“Shit,” escapes my lips before I can choose my words more carefully.
I hear her let out a ragged sob, breaking down over the line. I know I should react better to the news, but my head is spinning. The way I mapped out our life together isn’t what’s unfolding before me.
Between the shock of the news, and the total fatigue of fighting an out-of-control wildfire non-stop, this is not a conversation I should be having.
But I know I need her to calm down, and so I croon in gentle tones, “Please don’t cry, sugar.
I didn’t mean it like that. I’m surprised by the news. That’s all.”
I listen to her sobs over the phone, grimacing and wishing I could be there to hold her. She means everything to me, and even though I’m not ready for it, our baby will mean everything to me, too. But I need time to process my feelings. Time to wrap my head around it all.
“Do you not want me to have the baby?” she splutters, and I fist my hand at my side. She couldn’t get a more visceral reaction out of me if she punched me in the guts. Fuck, how could she even suggest something like that?
As a foster child, I always shouldered the weight of knowing the people who brought me into this world didn’t want me. I made excuses for why they felt that way. They were too young, too fucking stupid, too drugged out. But those excuses couldn’t blot out the trauma and abuse of my early years.
Steeling my voice, I command, “Don’t ever say that again. You hear? Whether or not we’re ready for this baby, we’re having a baby. Now, it’s up to us to get our shit pulled together before it happens.”
“Yo, Cartwright?—”
The timing couldn’t be worse. I lift my head, craning my neck to look at Kurt who hollers at me from the edge of the black.
“Time’s up. Back on the line.”
“Sure thing,” I reply, rubbing my free hand over my face.
I’m so overwhelmed and pissed by her suggestion I can’t say another word. “I’ll call you when I can,” I manage before hanging up.
I DIDN’T MEAN to lie to Faith over the phone. But when I get another chance for a break and a call, hers isn’t the number I dial.
Instead, I call Logan. Yeah, he was an asshole the last time I saw him. But out of all of my brothers, he still gets me the best .
On the first ring, he answers, “Hey, lil bro, you making any progress on that fire?”
“So so,“ I reply, kicking the dirt as I talk. “It’s about twenty-five percent contained now. If Mother Nature would just give us a break with this wind, we could get things handled. But we’ll see.”
“Can’t imagine a better crew than the Rough & Ready Hotshots. You’ve got this.”
I know he’s right. But all I can think about is getting pulled off the line so that we can make camp and sleep for a bit. I feel like a zombie.
“Look, I need to tell you something. But please don’t get mad at me, okay? Just hear me out before you weigh in.” My voice shakes even though I work hard to steady it.
“Okay… ”
I should probably explain things a little better. Provide a little context for how everything’s gone down, but I may only have minutes before it’s back to digging and clearing potential wildfire fuel. I blurt out, “Faith’s pregnant with my baby.”
“You knocked up Faith Jenkins? Good God.”
I shake my head, words failing me when I need them most. Logan knows Faith and I have been dating for the past six weeks, and he’s been nothing but supportive. But getting her pregnant in four weeks of fooling around? If I was in anyone else’s shoes, I’d react the same way.
“You’re about to do a whole bunch of growing up real fast, bro. Your fooling around days are over.”
I say through gritted teeth, “They’ve been over ever since I fell for Faith. But I know the timing’s all off.”
“I remember distinctly having the condom talk with you, bro. You do realize how babies are made, right?”
“Fuck, Logan.”
“I think it’s a fair question under the circumstances. ”
“She was on birth control pills, so I thought everything was under control.”
“Hmm. I hate to say this, but are you sure she didn’t get pregnant on purpose to rope you in?”
My initial reaction is pulse-pounding rage. But in the greater context of her mother, I can see where the thought could arise.
“Honestly, Faith doesn’t need to rope me in with a baby to keep me faithful. I’m hers. One hundred percent.”
“Yeah, but does she know that?” he questions, sounding entirely unconvinced.
I sigh. “According to Birdie, she took some vitamins that made her pills ineffective. That’s all I know.”
Deafening silence follows. I wonder if Logan’s thinking things through or doubting the story. I hate phone conversations because you never have the full context of what somebody’s saying.
Finally, he recommends, “You better call Zane and let him know. Last thing we need is Birdie ambushing him at the ranch with the news.”
I wipe tears from my eyes silently, giving him a begrudging grunt before I hang up.
Rojas claps a hand to my shoulder, “Time’s up, buddy.” He lies down on the ground unceremoniously, closing his eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he fainted.
Knowing my time’s up, all I can do is text Faith. Typing as fast as I can before I head back, I write: “I fucked up today, and I’m sorry. I’ve let you and the baby down. But I promise, I’ll get my shit pulled together.”
Two more hours on direct lines, and the wind finally starts cooperating.
Soon, rumblings go up and down the line that we’re about to get pulled back to make camp and rest. We’re already two weeks into this, so I can’t imagine this roll going on much longer, especially if the next crew up can get ahead of it.
As much as I want to talk to Faith over the phone, I need to see her in person. There are too many miscommunications that happen over the phone. And I also need some damn sleep, so that I don’t take everything she says the wrong way or say something stupid.
Soon enough, we’re pulling out and handing things over to the Eagle Valley Hotshots.
We make camp a good distance away from the main camp because Kurt doesn’t want to risk any of us catching a cold or the flu from other crews.
By the look of things, we could be on our way home in as little as twenty-four hours.
The thought of seeing Faith again and hearing her sweet voice thrills me. But first, I’ve got to sleep. I text: “Sugar, word going around camp is we could be headed home within 24. I have to sleep because I’m so fucking exhausted. I’ll let you know when I’m headed your way. I need to see you.”