Chapter Twenty-One
A few days later, Dex was cleaning his place while waiting for Selah to come over after work. She’d mentioned to him earlier, she didn’t have any tours booked the following day and so he was anticipating being able to enjoy and take his time with her all evening long.
“Hey, Harper,” Selah said from the front porch after the rumble of her truck parked in front of his house. Harper replied with excited caws from her normal lookout spot on the railing.
Going to the door, Dex leaned against the frame, watching through the screen as Selah handed something to the bird before she flapped away with her goodie.
“I keep telling you, you’re going to spoil that bird. You don’t need to bring her something every time you come.” Although part of him loved that she did.
Selah smiled. “Stop getting jealous, Ranger. I brought you a gift too.”
Perhaps getting spoiled wasn’t such a bad thing. His excitement at receiving a gift was weird, considering he was a thirty-two-year-old man, who was serious and had a serious job. He wasn’t a child nor a bird with an affinity for tiny trinkets—unless the tiny trinket became a cute nickname pertaining to Selah. Either way, he swung the screened door open, welcoming her inside.
Her hands remained behind her back, doing her best to hide his gift as she entered the home. “Don’t get too excited. I wasn’t very creative this time, so you both get the same thing.”
He hadn’t paid attention before Harper had flown off, so he had no idea what it could be. “I’m hoping for something better than literal trash.” In his mind better implied something physical with the woman, and he didn’t need a special gift as much as he needed her naked.
“It’s not trash to Harper as much as it’s finding a treasure. I think it’s kind of fun looking for things, like a scavenger hunt. I can see why it appeals to her. Now quit stalling and pick a hand.” Her expression was one of mischief, and he wanted to kiss it right off her face.
Dex approached until he was close enough to loom over her, encroaching into her space as though he was going to kiss her. He was tempted, really tempted, but he also enjoyed her reaction to his proximity. Her breath quickened, her lips parted, and her gaze dropped. His own body reacted to this of its own accord, as though she couldn’t get worked up without him getting worked up alongside her.
“Right,” he said.
“You sure?”
He snaked his arm around her side, sliding it to her hand until he could claim whatever was inside. “Looks like I chose correctly.”
“Mm-hmm.” She surrendered the item, her skin tone blushing. He took advantage of the situation, kissing her lips and her mouth opened to him readily, letting him appreciate the taste and feel of her like enjoying a fine wine. He considered dragging her to his bedroom or the couch... even the small kitchen table he never used was becoming a good option. Why settle for a party favor when he could take the whole grand prize?
Before he could make a decision on where to drag her to, she pulled away. “What are you trying to do? Seduce me?”
“If it’s not obvious, then I’m not doing a very good job. Let me try again.”
Selah laughed, slipping away from him. In her other hand, she held a small brown lunch bag filled with something smelling delicious, taking it to the couch and removing her shoes.
The goodie bag left in his hand was a small Ziploc bag of marionberries.
“Those are what was left on my mom’s plant. They’re very sweet and pretty ripe, but not enough of them to make a pie or anything. My mom’s been making jam and trying to sell them to passengers. I’m sure Harper is in heaven right now.” She popped a berry she had in her hand into her mouth before pulling the tinfoil wrapped items from the bag. They were about the size and general shape of burritos. “Can you get some napkins for us?”
“Did you know marionberries are pretty much grown exclusively in Oregon?” he informed her as he went into the kitchen to grab some paper towels.
“I did know that, Ranger Dex. Although they’re not really as common in Terrebonne. My mom loves them and whatever my mom wanted, my dad made sure to get her. He bought a giant plant at some special nursery years ago and set up an irrigation system for it, just so my mom could have berries without having to pull off the highway near Sahalie Falls to scavenge for them. I don’t think you could kill that thing now if you tried. It’s turned into a beast and will no doubt outlive us all.”
He took a seat beside her and she handed him one of the burritos. She curled up with hers like a squirrel, sitting on the couch with her legs bent over his lap. If she expressed a desire to have her own marionberry plant, he’d also drive to a special nursery to pick one up for her and set it up with its own irrigation system, even if he had no idea how to do that. How hard could it be? While knowing it was too soon in the relationship to be this way, it didn’t stop the feeling, regardless. He couldn’t help it at this point. She had completely won him over.
He ran a hand along one of her calves. “Okay, but did you know marionberries are considered the king of blackberries?”
“That, I did not know. Do you feel better now that you’ve taught me some facts about Oregon today? Is this a park ranger thing for you?”
He chuckled. “I think it is a park ranger thing. Is it annoying?”
“No,” she said. “I like it.”
And he liked her, so he kissed her before unwrapping the tinfoil. “Harper and I thank you for the gift. And for bringing dinner with you.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, waving him off.
“I hope your mom doesn’t think she always has to make food for me. I mean, it’s delicious and I love it, but she really doesn’t need to. I’m happy enough to pick something up for us and give your mom a break.”
“I tell her the same thing and then before I leave, she’s suddenly handing me a bag of food that she made when I wasn’t looking. I think it’s how she shows love.”
“So your mother loves me?” It was nice to know there was at least one Moreno who did and, with any luck, the feeling would spread to the rest of the family.
“Or she sees you as some poor bachelor she must adopt and take care of.”
The status struck him as odd. Yes, he supposed he was technically a bachelor, since he was unmarried, nor had he ever been so. At the same time, he didn’t feel the description necessarily applied to him, at least not in the stereotypical version he imagined in his head. He wasn’t some young guy swinging through the world without care or attachments. Dex had plenty of things he’d become attached to, mainly the woman sharing her dinner with him. Which reminded him...
“Hey, so another interview request came in regarding our story .” He did a small, amused eye roll at this. “Well, actually, they contacted my boss and then she told me and—”
“God. People are still interested in that? I hope this time they can focus on the wildlife rehabilitation part, which is much more important than anything involving me. Although I’m not going to complain, since the business has turned around and is even more active than before my dad died.” Selah took a bite from her burrito, apparently more interested in it than the interview.
While Dex agreed that helping wildlife was an important cause, he also didn’t see anything more important than her and was happy some good was coming out of the attention. While it was true he hadn’t accomplished his goal of getting a wealthy benefactor who had a soft spot for crows, he was pleased to hear it had helped High Desert Tours. But he was selfish since he hoped, with success, Selah might change her mind about leaving.
“It died down a little,” he continued. “But then it suddenly picked up again. I don’t really get social media. It remains a mysterious puzzle to me.”
“You and me both,” she replied.
“Anyway, I’ve been ignoring some of these requests, but my boss is really encouraging me to do this one because it’s Wake Up, USA .”
Selah stopped eating at this, her eyes growing large. “Are you shitting me?”
“No.”
“Oh my God. Well, you definitely need to do that one. I have to tell my mom. That’s the only thing she watches regularly, besides her baking shows. She’s going to become the number one fan in the Dexter Fan Club.”
It was disappointing Selah didn’t put herself first in what had to be a small group of people.
“What?” she asked after glancing up from texting on her phone. “Do you not want to do it? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s not like your boss can force you, right?”
Instead of making a big deal from it, he laughed it off. “So you’re saying your mom is more of a fan than you are?”
She blushed and did a small stutter. “I... I said Dexter Fan Club, which is a totally different fan club than the Official Ranger Dex Fan Club. Of course, I’m the president of that one.” She smacked his shoulder playfully. “Stop it. But now you know how it felt to be second to leftovers.”
“I like you better than leftovers.” He liked her better than almost anything, but he wasn’t quite comfortable telling her this yet. Relationship no-man’s-land sucked.
She smiled sweetly at him over the top of her burrito. “And I like you better than my mom likes you.”
“So you’ll do the interview with me, then?”
Her face scrunched in displeasure. “Ugh. So they can screw up the intention of my words again.”
“I think this will be more of a live interview thing, not something pre-taped. They said something about satelliting us in for some studio segment. It’ll probably make your mom excited, since it’ll be both of us. And it’ll be easier, since they won’t have to manufacture or create any leaps in our story since we’re really together now.”
“Ha, but not really.” Selah peeled some of the tinfoil from her burrito.
“Funny,” he replied.
“But seriously,” she said.
He stopped eating as he stared at her, getting that horrible sinking feeling again, the same one he got when he realized he’d been wrong about Ava and her feelings for him.
Selah glanced at him and stopped too.
He swallowed whatever food he had in his mouth, but it was hard to push down. “Are we... not together? Is this a friends-with-benefits thing or something?” The status of being undeclared was bad enough. This, though, was sending hairline cracks across his heart. How could he have misread the situation this badly again?
Selah pulled her legs to her side of the sofa and sat up. “Dex, I... No, that didn’t even cross my mind. I really do care for you. And getting to know you these last few months has been really great... the best, even.”
While her words were nice, they weren’t reassuring and, most importantly, they weren’t some declaration of love, which was what he wanted. He was back on the edge again, wondering where he’d made a wrong turn. “But...” he prompted, expecting the other shoe to drop as soon as she opened her mouth.
“There is no ‘but,’ except that I know what I am. I’ve been here before. I know how this all works out.”
Dex’s brows pressed together in total confusion. “And what exactly are you?”
It was her turn to act perplexed. “Really? Let’s be honest. I’m just your rebound. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m not kidding myself that it’s anything different.”
He stared at her flatly. “You cannot be serious?” For one thing, he’d never seen her as “just” anything. He’d considered all that rebound talk from before as a joke, not something anyone would take as truth. “That’s not a real thing, and I can’t believe you would actually think that.”
She threw him a dirty look. “Oh, okay, so my experience was totally my imagination, then.”
“What experience?” If he was going to get thrown under this ridiculous umbrella, Dex needed to know what he was working against.
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come on, Selah. You know that isn’t fair.”
“Fine. While I was in flight school, there was a guy. He and his wife had recently divorced. We had a thing for a couple months. Then he dropped me and got together with the woman who became his next wife. I was just there to help him get his bearings until he found what he really wanted. See? There’s not much to tell, but that’s what happened. Happy?”
“Why would that make me happy?” If anything, it was worse, because the whole thing couldn’t be boiled down to some silly joke. “Maybe that guy was just an asshole.”
“Okay, well, news flash, Dex, most guys are assholes. That last date I went on, the one at the brewery, was more of the norm rather than the exception. This is why I don’t like dating and try to avoid it as much as possible. And if we were together, why is it that we haven’t done anything that most people would see as a date? I’ll tell you why. It’s because this thing between us isn’t a real relationship, it’s a rebound.”
How could she be so calm, so matter-of-fact? Dex was to the point he wanted to rip his hair out. Had he screwed up? Should he have been winning her over by taking her on dates? Was she right? How had they skipped a step and moved straight into comfortable familiarity—something he loved. But maybe she’d been pissed about it the whole time.
“Okay, so this is all because I need to send you flowers and take you out to restaurants or something—”
“I don’t care about any of that stuff. I just want to point out that six months or so ago, you were ready to marry someone else. You need time to work all that out. I get it. I’m just a placeholder, someone to lean against while you get your footing again. I’m a rock. It’s what I do. I knew what I was getting into and I did it because I like you. Besides, I’m not sticking around, anyway, so there’s no point getting into anything complicated.”
He felt like he was losing his mind. “So, this is a pity thing?”
She dropped her head back in exasperation. “Oh my God. No. I don’t pity you. But how would this even work? I don’t know where I’m going to end up... probably in some busy city hub. I need to be at some place where I can continue with the training I need, and you’re going to be here.”
“Couldn’t you work at the Redmond airport?”
“Oh, you mean the smallest airport in the world?”
“Or I could move with you?”
“What if I end up going to some place like Chicago? You’re probably going to be miserable. You know you love it here.”
“Or I can Google to see what park jobs are available in the area. If being a captain is important to you, then it’s important to me. It sounds like you’re not even giving me a shot here. You don’t even know when or what’s going to happen, but—I want to go on that journey with you.”
Selah appeared somewhat dumbfounded at this. “But why? You don’t need me. You truly are a great guy. You can stay here, work at one of the most amazing state parks around, and find yourself another Ava.”
“What?” Why in the fuck would he want another Ava? None of this made any sense. “Do you really believe I’m great? Because you’re lumping me in with that asshole who flung you aside, assuming I’m just as bad. And you seem to be fine being treated that way. I don’t get it. I don’t know what it says about what you think about me or what you think about yourself. You’re better than that.” Selah’s lack of faith in them terrified him. Dex was afraid she’d reject any of his efforts to put himself out there, to put his heart directly on the line. No-man’s-land existed for a reason, after all. It was safer to remain in his foxhole.
The reality of this whole situation hit him like a brick. He pushed his face into his hands as he leaned forward onto his knees. How had he let this happen again? He was going to be sick.
“I don’t think you’re an asshole,” Selah responded in a low voice. Her tone was dry, almost emotionless. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t think you’re a bad guy. It’s just.. as I’ve said, I’ve been here before. I like to keep myself prepared.”
He supposed she meant keeping her heart from being affected, unlike him, who hadn’t wasted any opportunity to dive in. Perhaps all this time he hadn’t given his parents enough credit. Maybe they had the right idea the whole time. A cool, carefully fashioned marriage kept oneself from getting too invested, preventing future heartbreak.
He rubbed his eyes, a sudden headache developing behind them. “Fine. Well, thank you very much for telling me exactly where I stood before I embarrassed myself on national TV. Again. That’s Selah, always looking out for me.” A dark bitterness crept into his words.
She didn’t say anything for a moment until he turned to look at her. She sat on the far side of the couch, looking downcast and studying the burrito in her hands. He wasn’t sure what he expected. She wasn’t happy or mad or sad. She wasn’t anything more than emotionless resignation. After releasing a long, slow breath, she put her burrito down, picked up her shoes, and, without giving him another glance, she said, “I think I better leave. I’m sorry.”
And then she was gone.
He spent the rest of the evening staring at the opposite wall, feeling every bit of being dumped without having been in a real relationship.