37. Marisol
Marisol
“ M arisol, you seem winded. Is everything alright?” Alice paused, her face scrunching up as she moved closer to the camera, giving Marisol a close-up of her forehead. “Are you in your car? Is this a bad time?”
“It’s…fine…” Marisol said between pants.
She used the back of her hand to wipe the sweat off her brow.
She could only imagine how wild her windswept hair looked and how out of character her forest-green jumpsuit with a stained white top underneath were.
Her disheveled appearance and gasping breath did little to quell her therapist’s curiosity.
“Are you safe, Marisol?” Alice’s frown only deepened, looking down her glasses at her.
“Yes, sorry, I’m fine.” She silently cursed herself for never picking up running. If she did, she wouldn’t be struggling for her breath right now and looking like she was running away from a serial killer.
When she finally caught her breath, Marisol balanced her phone precariously on her steering wheel. “Sorry,” she said at last. “I’ve been working at the animal shelter to prepare for tomorrow’s fundraiser and completely lost track of time. I sprinted back to my car to make this meeting.”
Alice’s worry washed away, easing the fine lines that started forming on her forehead. “Oh, thank goodness. You had me worried. We could have rescheduled.”
Marisol didn’t like missing sessions with Alice.
Her therapist always grounded her and made her feel secure in her decisions.
And she needed that now. She had spent the last few weeks calling vendors, finalizing plans, and setting up for tomorrow.
It was all becoming very real now. To say she was freaking out would be an understatement.
If she hadn’t booked this session, she’d be in full freakout mode.
“I really needed to talk to you. A lot has happened over the last few weeks, and I don’t think I’ve taken it all in,” Marisol admitted, biting her lip.
Alice had been on vacation these last few weeks, so she hadn’t been able to speak with her therapist about everything.
She remembered a year ago when she couldn’t even admit to having anxiety about something in her life and repressed the feelings.
Alice had worked on pulling those thoughts out of Marisol and getting her to verbalize them. Words had power, according to Alice.
“Then let’s talk. Besides this fundraiser you are putting on, what else is going on in your life?
” Alice had a way of sounding genuinely interested, even though Marisol paid her to care.
She had an inkling, though, that even if Alice wasn’t paid, she’d still care.
That was just the type of person her therapist was.
So, Marisol purged. Purged all the events that had taken place since they last spoke.
She told Alice about her father’s party for his new brick and mortar store.
About the fight that ensued between her, her mother, and Archie, and how Cisco stood up to her and paid the price.
About him being arrested and how small she felt at that moment.
Reliving one of the hardest moments of her life left her feeling both raw and strangely lighter. She only shed a few tears—it wasn’t therapy without crying to your therapist, after all.
Alice didn’t stop her once while she spoke. The woman simply nodded and took everything in. By the time she was done, Alice smiled at her like a mother would when proud of their child for accomplishing a hard task.
“I wish we were in my office so I could hold your hand while I said this,” Alice started, causing Marisol to tense, anxiously waiting for her next words.
Alice moved closer to the camera again. It was as if she was staring directly at her and not at a screen.
“Marisol, I’m proud of you and the work you have done and will continue to do to better yourself. ”
And just like that, the tears ran down freely. She felt like the last of her walls she erected around herself finally came crashing down. The final link to her mother crumbled, truly breaking the last chain tethering Marisol down. It felt…scary. Scary but also wonderful.
“The only thing I’m still waiting on is Archie’s signature on our divorce papers. Then all ties to the person I was will be completely severed. It was supposed to be two weeks ago, but my father has his lawyer working on it now,” Marisol said, wiping her tears away.
“Let’s not discredit the old Marisol,” Alice added.
Marisol opened her mouth to object, but before she could, Alice continued, “That Marisol did everything she could to survive. She may not have always made the best decisions, but she made sure she survived in a space she didn’t want to be in.
That same woman also loved herself enough to seek out help, and I think that takes more strength than people give credit for. ”
“I…” She was speechless. No one had ever talked so kindly about the woman she had been. To be fair, there wasn’t much to talk about. She wasn’t kind. She lashed out at those around her—mostly her sister—because she was so unhappy with herself and her relationship with her mother.
But how desperately had she wanted someone—anyone—to be proud of her? Just to say it once and actually mean it. Hearing Alice say she was proud of the person she used to be healed something inside her she didn’t know needed healing.
No words were adequate to convey all she was feeling, but she settled on, “Thank you. For everything you have always done for me.”
Alice just smiled. “I just listen. You’ve done all the work.”
Alice definitely wasn’t giving herself enough credit, but she knew her therapist wouldn’t hear it, so she didn’t press the matter. She could be thankful for her and acknowledge Alice’s big impact on her life privately.
“This fundraiser of yours, it’s tomorrow?” Alice asked, surprising Marisol.
“Oh, yes. Just making some final decisions on layout and logistics,” Marisol said.
When she left, Cisco was helping out an employee her father sent to man his booth tomorrow.
Antonio was also helping since he left his shift early, but his helping included drooling over Cisco. Not that Marisol could blame him.
“Have you invited your parents?” Alice asked gently.
It was an innocent enough question, but one that held a lot of weight. Once, she would have done anything to include her mother and try to impress her, but now that stress was no longer on her shoulders.
“I invited my father and my sister with instructions to make my mom stay away,” she said.
It wouldn’t be hard for her father to leave her mother.
She wasn’t a pet person, so coming to a fundraiser at a shelter—even one in the parking lot—would not be something her mother would be interested in.
That, and Marisol was not ready for her mother to be in her life or any events that were important to her.
She hadn’t seen her since the party and had no intentions of meeting up with her to smooth things over.
Maybe one day that would change, but it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Maybe not ever.
“I’m glad you included those you want to celebrate your success with. What time is it at again?” Alice asked curiously.
“It runs from ten a.m. to three p.m. Though the ending is more flexible depending on crowd size,” she said.
“Well, if it’s not strange for you, I would like to stop by,” Alice said, shocking Marisol.
“You do? We would love to have you.”
“I’ve been thinking about adopting a dog. I finally got my husband to agree to it. I want to take him before he changes his mind,” she said with a laugh.
“Of course, then you should definitely come by. There’ll be tons of pets to look at,” Marisol said, happy to have Alice check out something she put together. Perhaps she just wanted to show off something she was proud of.
Glancing at the time, Marisol knew they reached the end of their session. She felt lighter than she had earlier and felt her head was clearer than it had been in weeks. She could finally hear herself think.
“Then maybe I will run into you tomorrow. But if I don’t, I hope you have all the success for this event.” A timer on Alice’s end went off, and she quickly silenced the alarm. “That’s our time. Will I see you in my office next week or do you prefer another online session?”
“Office, please. I prefer that method.”
Alice let out a sigh of relief. “Me too. I’m too old for this new technology.”
After teaching Alice how to log off, Marisol ended the session. Just in time, too, because the next second, Cisco peeked into the car. When he saw she was no longer on the phone, he opened the door and slid inside. “Good session, Princesa?”
Marisol tucked a stray strand of hair and nodded. “It was. Alice might drop by tomorrow. She’s hoping to adopt a dog. How is setup going?”
“Done,” Cisco said, surprising her.
“Done? Like all of it?” she asked, not sure if she heard him correctly.
“Like all of it.” He chuckled, reaching for her hand. “Everyone else is meeting at Tino’s Pizza. You up to going?”
After her busy day and eating a granola bar for lunch, she would kill for some pizza. “Yes please,” she groaned.
“Good, because I said we’d go. Get that sexy ass out of the driver’s seat and let me drive us,” he said, reaching to squeeze her thigh.
The touch made her body warm, and she nearly forgot she was hungry…nearly. But then her stomach growled, and she remembered she was exactly two minutes away from being hangry, so she climbed out of the car, making her way to the passenger seat.
She crossed paths with Cisco in the process, and he pulled her close, leaning down to capture her lips. It was a soft, brisk kiss, but promised more for later.
“Proud of you, Princesa,” Cisco said as he pulled away. “And I love you.”
“I love you too.” She smiled, feeling the same butterflies she always felt when she said it.
“Let’s go get that congratulatory pizza and celebrate with our friends,” he said.
Our friends.
She had a boyfriend, a man she loved. And now she had friends. She didn’t know if this would ever stop feeling surreal, but it wasn’t something she would ever take for granted.
“Let’s go,” she said and got into the car.