Chapter 04 MARLO
He seriously looks like he’s about to pass out.
Pale-faced, sweating bullets, and I’d recognize those self-deprecating mumbles from anywhere. It’s the same ones I told myself with for a long, loooong time while I was hidden inside my closet and desperately hoping I’d just wake up as someone else. Waiting helplessly for my eighteenth birthday so I wouldn’t have to tell my parents or hear their judgement when they found out.
They still found out, and it still hurt like a bitch.
“Let’s sit down,“
I offer, gesturing to the deep red Chesterfield chair with a fur throw tossed over the back. He slumps into it, ass on the edge and elbows propped on his knees.
“Fuck, okay. I’m so sorry.”
Shaking my head, I accept the cold glass from Sadie as she flashes me a knowing look.
“It’s okay, Lennix,“
she offers gently. “I’m gonna give you two a minute. I’ll be right outside.”
He nods, and so do I, as she turns away, her long brown hair following her like a cape.
She’s so nice.
“Marlo, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this.”
He’s fucking trembling when I look at him, his cheeks stained despite the paleness of the rest of him and my heart leaps up into my throat.
“You don’t have to, Nix. It’s totally fine.”
Accepting the glass with a small nod and an even smaller thanks, he drops his head to stare at the floor.
“You’re just so …”
And there it is. The assumptions. The accusations. The insecurity wrapped up in one big ass panic attack.
I take a step back to give him space. Then clamp my teeth down on my lips.
C’mon, Mar, he doesn’t need a lecture.
But I can’t help myself. I need to know.
“I’m what?“
I ask, a little too harshly, definitely more than I intended to, and his head lifts.
He’s not looking at me.
“Pretty.”
Color me agog because I was absolutely not expecting that.
“Oh?“
I squeak out, my brows bunching so close I can feel my face tighten and my cheeks betray me with a flush that burns.
Slowly, his eyes trail up my torso, pausing on the ring in my belly button before moving up. And up. Until he’s finally staring right through me with those pretty eyes and thick glasses.
“So pretty.”
He takes a sip and though I don’t think he means to look sexy as fuck while he does it, he doesn’t break the eye contact.
“Thanks.”
“You deserve to be looked at and I … I won’t be able to show these to anyone.”
I’m reeling but I still drop down into a crouch in front of him so we’re level. “You don’t even know me.”
His lips lift at the corner. Then he points to his face. “I got eyes.”
That makes me snicker and shake my head.
“This was never about exposure. Just a bit of cheeky fun.”
I shrug like it doesn’t sting to say and his head drops back down to stare at the floor.
“For me it is.”
I risk inching closer, a hand hovering over his knee. “May I?”
“It’s a little late if you’re asking permission to touch me.”
I snort. “Accidents aside, I don’t normally just put my hands all over people. I know it sucks when it’s unwanted.”
“But …“
He clears his throat and takes a sip while avoiding looking at me this time. “I do.”
Tilting my head, I watch him closely as I settle my palm against his knee. It’s fucking hot despite the fabric covering it, though the slacks he’s wearing are soft and thin.
He doesn’t flinch or cringe or anything, so I give him what I think is a reassuring squeeze.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know,“
he murmurs tightly, his throat bobbing with a swallow. “I just … wish it was easier.”
Blowing my breath through my nose, I nod in understanding. “How about this … we call Sadie back in and we take some PG pics as friends. Then when we get the packet in a few weeks, we can laugh together over coffee at how cringe I am in front of the camera. I’ll even go to the bathroom and make sure there’s a booger on my nose.”
That gets a laugh out of him before he settles on thoughtfully chewing his lip.
“Deal.”