Chapter 01 BELLA
Doing a couple’s photoshoot with a stranger was not on my bingo card for the year. Then again, neither was my ex-boyfriend breaking up with me, or having to put my dog down—or having to switch jobs in the middle of the school year which resulted in me having to move to a brand new town.
It’s safe to say that I was fully in my feelings when I stumbled upon Sadie’s wanted ad on Instagram. I was a couple of vodka sodas deep, crying because I had a hard day at work with my new students. I opened up Instagram and saw a post of my ex-boyfriend holding up a glass of red wine at some vineyard at fucking sunset, looking like he was living his very best life, which made me want to hurl, scream, and key his car all at once. Luckily, Sadie’s sponsored ad was right below fuckface’s vineyard post, and it served as a much needed distraction from my pity party.
Queer individuals wanted. The large header piqued my attention. I loved watching reels and TikToks of strangers doing couple’s photoshoots ever since the trend became popular a few years ago. The fact that Sadie was looking for queer individuals felt inviting to me, too. Jason broke up with me about six months ago, and in the last couple of months, I’d been trying to put myself out there. I’d specifically been going on dates with other women—though I hadn’t hit it off with anyone yet.
It’s hard being bisexual with no former lady experience. A couple of women I went on dates with were totally cool with me never having been with another woman, but we didn’t vibe in a romantic way. A couple of the other women… well, I don’t think they were as easygoing about me only being with men up until that point in my life.
Dating is fucking scary, no matter what your sexual orientation is. It’s hard putting yourself out there. Exposing pieces of yourself that most people don’t get to see. And rejection? Well… rejection hurts like a scalding hot knife to the gut.
Thankfully, I made some pretty strong drinks, and I felt a bit more bold than usual after finishing my second glass. With a confidence my sober self would gawk at, I filled out the application and then a separate form for Sadie to get to know a little bit about me. Shortly after, I fell asleep on my couch with my phone still clutched in my hand.
Did I regret my decision the next morning? Kind of. Part of me was scared. I’d never been good at diving into new things with confidence. A larger part of me felt excited, though. It was time to do something out of my comfort zone. I wanted to know what it would be like to have a connection with another woman. To hold her hand. To kiss her soft lips. I had no idea what the photoshoot would have in store for me, but I decided to feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. It had been a shit year. Maybe doing something like this would be what I needed to find some much needed joy.