Chapter Twenty-Three
Toby
Falling in love with Nico was the easiest thing I’d ever done.
I’d always worried I wouldn’t know what love felt like, that I wouldn’t be able to recognise it when, and if, it finally hit me. But when I looked at Nico, I knew with complete certainty I’d never felt this way about another person before.
Suddenly, all of those ridiculously cheesy love songs I’d spent my teens and twenties singing suddenly made sense. I almost wanted to find our songwriters and apologise for the mean things I’d thought about their lyrics.
Because it did feel like my world was brighter and lighter with Nico in it, like the sun had come out after a storm, and all those other metaphors.
I didn’t know whether this feeling would affect my songwriting, but I thought there was a good chance it would. Maybe they’d be more genuine. Or more cheesy and over the top.
Maybe I’d accidentally end up writing a very public love letter to Nico.
I’d probably have to warn Neil so he could keep an eye on my work and make sure I didn’t reveal too much about my private life.
The last thing I wanted was for someone to figure out it was me behind my pen name.
Otherwise I could kiss my privacy goodbye because everyone would be overanalysing every last thing I’d ever written, looking for clues about my life.
Nico had said coming out and announcing our relationship could all be on my timeline, which I really appreciated because I still wasn’t sure how everyone would react to it. All the people we loved would be fine with it, obviously, and they were the only opinions I cared about.
Or was trying to care about.
At the end of the day, this was my life, and I wasn’t going to put it on hold in case Karen or Steve in bumfuck nowhere thought I was betraying Underground Dreaming or something.
Besides, it wasn’t like Kane’s or André’s relationships had affected our residual streaming numbers.
If anything, they’d each given us a bit of a boost.
And I wasn’t quite so self-important that I thought I was the lynchpin who’d change everything.
It was time to stop living my life in the shadow of my past. Especially at the expense of my future.
I’d ask Malcolm to liaise with a PR firm in the new year and they could sort everything. All I’d want to do would be to supply the photos for Instagram and approve the caption. I didn’t really give much of a fuck beyond that.
“Are you ready to go?” Nico asked, sticking his head around my dressing room door. He looked far too amused when he saw me standing in a pile of clothes. “Sweetheart, you said this was cosy and casual. Why have you emptied half your wardrobe?”
“Not really sure,” I said as I glanced around the small mountains of clothes. I really did have far too many. Perhaps I should look at getting rid of some. It wasn’t like I wore many of them regularly.
And if I got rid of stuff, I could buy more lovely new clothes instead.
Plus if I moved some things around, I could find a way to display my lovely waistcoat from the show, which I’d been allowed to keep. Although I was still considering wearing it to write songs.
“Oh, I remember. I was looking for this.” I gestured at the jumper I was wearing.
It was an oversized, round-necked one with long cuffed sleeves in a lovely baby blue, which had faded because I’d washed it so much.
The printed slogan across the chest had started to flake and peel but it was still readable, and it said, I Believe In Happily Ever Afters.
I couldn’t even remember where I’d gotten it—maybe on a theme park trip during one of our tours—but it was one of my favourite things to wear when I wanted to be cute and comfy.
I’d paired it with a loose pair of trousers and a white T-shirt, which nobody would see.
I was tempted to stick my slippers into my bag as well, just in case Kane and Austin’s house was chilly.
And also because I loved my slippers.
“Fucking adorable,” Nico said, walking over to me and putting his arm around my waist so he could kiss my cheek. “You look cuter than ever.”
“Thank you.”
“Will this do?” he asked as he gestured to his own clothes, which consisted of a red hoodie and a pair of faded black jeans.
His jaw was a little more stubbled than usual because he hadn’t shaved since Christmas.
It really suited him and I loved the feel of it on my thighs.
“Or do I need to find something fancier?”
“You look gorgeous. Very sexy,” I said.
“Cheers. I don’t want to let you down.”
“Nonsense, that’s not possible. You always look very handsome. At least in my opinion, and that’s the only one that matters.”
He grinned and drew me in for another kiss. “It is.”
“Mmm, stop kissing me like that. You’re going to distract me,” I said with a moan against his mouth.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Not particularly, but we’ll be late.”
“Does that matter?”
“N-No, but… mmm, everyone will know what we’ve been doing.
” I groaned as his fingers dipped down to caress my arse, squeezing it firmly and making me think about how much I loved it when he fucked me.
We switched very regularly, because both of us loved giving and receiving, but tonight I definitely wanted him inside me.
Maybe we’d be able to make our excuses and leave the party early. Then Nico would be able to fuck me into the New Year. And that felt like a very good way to welcome in January.
It would certainly start the year in the way I meant it to go on.
“Does that bother you?” Nico asked, pulling his mouth away slightly and lifting his hand from my arse. “Our sex life isn’t any of their business. They don’t have to know we’ve been fucking if you don’t want them to.”
“I don’t mind,” I said, my mouth chasing his. “They’ll only tease a bit, and they’ll be happy for me. But they will spend the rest of the night asking about our relationship. And if André has proposed, I don’t want to draw all the attention away from him and Luke.”
“Do you think he has?”
“I think so. He’s been very coy about it when we asked him, but he’s also back at panto, so he’s very busy. Plus he’s going into another musical in the new year—Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I believe. I’m pleased for him, though. He deserves it. And he’s perfect on the stage. It really suits him.”
“We’ll have to get tickets,” Nico said, offering me a sweeter kiss and giving my arse a loving pat. “But if you don’t want to be late, we should really go now.”
“Then maybe we can leave early? And spend midnight in bed.”
“You really are insatiable,” Nico said with a little growl as he kissed me again.
“Are you complaining?” I asked as I smirked at him.
“Fuck no! I love it.” Another kiss, hungrier this time. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Heat burned in my chest as we kissed, flames roaring and sparking in their intensity. But I knew even when they settled, when the first fires of lust burned out, they’d leave behind white-hot coals that would radiate heat for as long as I lived.
The certainty didn’t frighten me and it didn’t feel strange either. It was comforting.
We still had things to learn about each other, challenges and difficulties to face and problems to solve, but even on the bad days I had this bone-deep feeling that we’d come out of them unscathed.
I had opened up to him and shown him who I was, and he had embraced me and my reality.
It hadn’t fazed him and he’d adapted surprisingly quickly to the way I often had to do things.
I still thought about that lunch at La Petite Souris—the way he’d immediately found us a private table for lunch somewhere he trusted, where he knew I’d feel safe.
He hadn’t complained or moaned about how difficult it made things for him or tried to use me for my money or connections.
He’d barely mentioned them once. In fact, the closest we’d ever come to a fight was when I’d dragged him to Fortnum & Mason before Christmas and he’d tried to pay for shit, despite the fact I hadn’t been looking at the prices when I’d picked things up and the bill would have been eye-watering for anyone else.
Nico had conceded eventually when I’d told him I was perfectly capable of paying for everything and reminded him that he was the one who’d invited me, so it was my job to bring things.
Plus I’d picked the shop in question, and it would’ve been a bit bloody rude to expect him to pay when I’d dragged him to one of the most expensive places in London.
I couldn’t wait to see what January, and the new year, brought for us.
I was more excited for it than I had been for a long, long time.
“Come on then,” Nico said, taking my hand and pulling me towards the door. “Let’s go. We can make a quick appearance, have some food, drink some champagne, hopefully congratulate Luke and André, and be back here for half eleven so I can fuck you.”
“Perfect!”
We headed downstairs and shoved on shoes and coats, knowing the private car I’d hired would be outside waiting.
As we opened the door, a marvellous sight greeted us: it had started snowing.
Thick flakes flurried through the air and filled the night sky, glittering under the streetlights and making it hard to see anything else. Several inches had already landed and at this rate, more would soon follow.
I could see the car at the bottom of the steps, its lights glowing in the darkness. But since the London roads weren’t great in the snow, I didn’t think it would be safe for them to be out for long.
Turning to Nico, I grinned, trying and failing to look sad. “Oh no, I didn’t know it was going to snow.”
“Me neither.” He shook his head, his eyes dancing. “Looks like it’s getting heavier too.”
“Damn, I think it is.” I watched it fall for a moment. “I don’t think the roads will be very good in this.”
“No, probably not.”
“I don’t think it’s very safe… I don’t want to put anyone at risk.”
“Especially not at New Year.”
“Exactly. Maybe it would be best if we cancelled? Just had a quiet night in.”
Nico smiled. “I think so too. Best to be on the safe side.”
“I’ll tell the driver to go home and text everyone,” I said.
“I’ll get some drinks out. See what we’ve got in the fridge.”
“Perfect.” I squeezed his hand then darted out into the snow to tell the driver he wasn’t needed tonight, handing him some cash as a tip through the window.
Then I went back inside, where it was warm and cosy, to find Nico in the kitchen with a bottle of champagne and some picky bits he’d pulled out of the fridge, asking if I wanted him to make something like mac and cheese or whatever else we could find in the cupboard. He’d put some music on too.
“I love this song,” I said, swaying softly to the slow beat and romantic lyrics.
Nico held out his hand. “Would you like to dance?”
“Will I know how?”
“Of course, just follow my lead.”
He swept me up into his arms and we danced slowly around the kitchen as the snow kept falling outside.
I never had to be alone now.
For the rest of my life, I would always have Nico. And he would always have me.
A happier ending I couldn’t have dreamed of.