Chapter 18
eighteen
BLAIR
Damian fell asleep after the movie ended, but I stayed up late, staring at the wall holding our blank TV.
His arms were around me, and I felt good.
Too good.
I needed to do something about that… didn’t I?
I didn’t know.
Easing out of his arms just enough to pull my phone from my pocket, I slipped the device free and did what I always did when I was too overwhelmed to work through things by myself.
Me
Can you talk right now?
Avery
Yep
Izzy’s with me
Me
That’s fine
Where are you guys?
Avery was the person I talked to when I needed to figure out how to cope with whatever I was dealing with.
Izzy would keep everything I said a secret, so I didn’t mind her hearing too. I just couldn’t process it on my own.
Avery
On the roof
We found the door leading up to it a few weeks ago, and Izzy figured out how to pick the lock
Just take the stairs up past your bedroom door
I stared at the message for a minute before finally shaking my head and slipping out.
Following her instructions, I was on the roof two minutes later.
It was a monstrous, open space that made me stop and look around.
An idea occurred to me, and I pulled my phone out, sending a quick message to the assistants. They wouldn’t answer until the next day, but that was fine.
I walked across the massive space until I found Izzy and Avery sitting on a blanket, staring up at the stars. Despite the thin layer of fog that was always present in our city, the sky was beautifully clear.
Avery gave me a quick smile as I sat down next to her, and Izzy tossed out a quiet, “Hey.”
We all sat together in silence for a few minutes. My mind was still running through my worries on overdrive, but the fresh air eased my tension just a little.
“Are you sure it’s safe to be up here?” I asked them.
There were plenty of dragons who might want to take a siren, and they had wings. One in particular that I knew of.
Plenty of winged monsters who could come after us, too.
“Nope,” Izzy said, popping her lips on the p . “But some risks are worth taking. Getting out here to look at the stars seems like one of them. I miss being outside.”
We had a large patio at our house, and Izzy had decked it out with a ton of furniture. She’d always spent a lot of time out there, hating being cooped up.
“I get that,” I said. Though I didn’t feel it myself, I knew Izzy well enough that I did understand.
“So, what happened?” Avery asked me, her gaze on the sky.
She wasn’t going to judge me, no matter what I said. My sisters and I were on the same page about love being dangerous.
“I felt something new in Damian’s emotions tonight,” I admitted. “Devotion. I don’t know what to think about it.”
Izzy whistled.
Avery looked over, studying me for a moment before she looked back up at the sky. “I could’ve told you he felt that, without drinking his emotions.”
“Like hell you could.”
“The way he looks at you is intense, Blair. He forced you to be his mate, but he did it because he knew he wasn’t going to be able to let you walk away.”
“That doesn’t make it right,” I shot back.
“It doesn’t,” she agreed. “But it should change the way you see your bond.”
“Why? In what way?”
Izzy answered. “Because he wants you to be his mate, Blair. His real mate. Anyone with eyes can see that. He could use his strength to control you, but he actively gives you control in almost every situation instead.”
My mind went back to the first time I convinced him to drink from me more frequently. To our deal.
If he tried hard enough, he could’ve forced me to drink from him more instead of giving in. Or he could’ve let me starve until I couldn’t take it anymore.
He struggled to give up control, but he did give it up.
Frequently.
“Do you think he’s in love with me?” I asked them, fear creeping into my voice.
“I think you know his emotions well enough to figure that out yourself,” Avery said gently.
I ran a hand through my hair. It was tangled, but I didn’t care.
There was too much else to worry about.
“What would it change if he was?” Izzy asked. “You’re already mates. You already live together. He’s not letting you go.”
“Love is supposed to be dangerous. You know what happened to our moms,” I argued.
“Everything is dangerous. Your bond with Hale has made us safer than we’ve ever been before,” Izzy countered.
“Curtis is still after us.”
“There are at least a thousand vampires between us and him. We’re fine,” she said.
I looked at Avery. “You don’t agree, do you?”
She met my gaze. “Izzy’s right. Being a siren is dangerous. Maybe love is too, but if the options are to let yourself fall for Hale or to risk your safety by walking away, there’s an obvious answer.”
“He wouldn’t let me leave if I tried,” I said in frustration.
“Have you been down to the security checkpoint recently? Or the parking garage?” Avery asked.
I blinked. “No.”
She stood, offering me her arm. I reluctantly followed her lead and took it.
“I’m going to stay here and soak up the starlight. Enjoy your tour,” Izzy said.
Avery and I fell into step together as we headed down the stairs and to the elevator on the floor beneath mine.
“How much is Izzy struggling?” I asked Avery, knowing she was the only one everyone really talked to about that stuff.
“More than she’ll admit. She doesn’t feel like she fits here. You know how independent she is.”
I frowned. “We need to get rid of Curtis, so she can have more freedom.”
“Have you talked to Hale about that?”
“No.” Something in her expression made me suspicious. “What have you heard?”
“Clem has me spending time with her and the vampires when Zora gets tired of them. A few of them were talking about an argument someone overheard between Hale and a werewolf last week.”
My forehead creased. “An argument over the phone?”
“No. I guess he has an old friend who’s a wolf, and they met in his office.”
The crease deepened.
I remembered him mentioning someone who might be able to help with the situation, but last he’d told me, he hadn’t been able to get in contact with him.
“If they met in our wing of the Manor, Damian trusts him,” I said.
“I would assume so. He hasn’t mentioned it?”
“No, but we spend most of our time together playing our game,” I admitted. “I’ve been avoiding deep conversations, but I’ll ask him. Maybe his solution could pan out.”
“Maybe.” Avery lifted a shoulder.
We reached the security checkpoint, and I stopped before we walked through.
One of the guards waved at us, and I frowned again when he didn’t move to stop us.
“You’re not a prisoner here any more than we are,” Avery told me. “Watch.” She towed me through the security gate and down the hallway. We turned the corner and left, without anyone yelling, calling out behind us, or grabbing us.
We really were free.
“We shouldn’t go any further,” I said, looking around the hallway of the neutral building we’d officially entered. The guy at the reception desk waved at us, and I recognized him from that first night.
Johnny, I think his name was?
He jogged over to us, his eyes bright. “Hey, it’s been a while. How are things going?”
“Pretty well,” I said, looking over my shoulder and then looking past him, toward the entrance to the wolves’ building.
He asked us something about our new rooms, and when I didn’t answer, Avery chatted politely with him.
As soon as she got the chance to end the conversation, we slipped back into the hallway.
“I haven’t heard from Damian. I’m surprised his guards didn’t call him,” I whispered, as we walked deeper into the hall.
“Maybe they did.”
“He would be here already if he knew I was trying to leave,” I said.
“Do you think he’d try to stop you more than the guards did?”
I didn’t have to think about the answer. “If I wanted to leave, he would just insist on going with me. But if he thought I was risking my life, he’d drag my ass back to our room.”
Avery’s lips curved upward. “You could do a lot worse.”
“I know.”
It was the truth, but it made everything more complicated.
“Let’s go see the garage,” I said.
She agreed, and off we went.
Thirty minutes later, we parted ways at the elevator as she headed to her room and I went to mine.
When I asked for a set of keys, the parking attendant hadn’t even hesitated to give me one. It was the middle of the night, and I was the king’s mate, yet no one batted an eye at my request to leave.
I was still surprised that I hadn’t heard from Damian when I got up to our room.
When I saw his phone on the floor next to the bed, the screen lit up, and I understood. I’d lowered the canopy for him before I left, so he hadn’t seen or heard it ringing.
I left it there, lifting the canopy so I could slip into bed with him before I lowered it once again.
His body was deliciously warm beneath mine, and I hesitated for a moment before I made it back to my side of the bed.
Though I settled back down on my pillow just fine, and the cold wasn’t horrible, I couldn’t help but stare at Damian’s peaceful, sleeping face.
My mind kept moving.
Kept returning to that one emotion.
Devotion.
Love .
Whether he realized he felt that for me or not, Damian loved me.
And that was terrifying.
I bit my lip, remembering what my sisters had said about him letting me have control.
Giving me control.
I couldn’t stop myself from remembering a conversation he and I had.
Well, two conversations.
The first night, he’d told me his body was free game. That if I was horny, I was free to use him, and he’d wake up to join me.
And another time, when I wanted to put my mouth on him. He told me then that if I wanted that much power over him, I was going to have to catch him off guard.
He had offered me control over him, to a much larger extent than I’d ever given him power over me.
Minus the part where he made me agree to be his mate, that is.
And really, the fact that I was his blood mate made that part unavoidable. He would never have been able to let me go. Considering that I was a siren, leaving me unmarked would’ve been dangerous for him, too.
He’d made the only reasonable decision he could in his situation.
So, maybe it was time to let my grudge go.
And maybe it was time to take a little more of the power he’d offered me.
With a long breath, I peeled the pillow from between us and set it to the side.
Then, I took its place beside my mate.
My heart beat quickly as I slipped my hand into his boxer-briefs, finding him already hard.
His cock jumped as I wrapped my fingers around him and stroked slowly, once. His hips rocked lightly, and I bit my lip as I released his erection.
His breathing remained even.
I slipped my oversized shirt and bra over my head, tossing them aside. My panties would’ve been a pain to get off, so I left them on.
Knowing exactly what would drive Damian the craziest, I slipped a leg over his chest, leaving my ass facing him as I lowered my lips toward his cock. All he would see was my backside when he woke up to my mouth on him—and there were few things he loved as much as my ass.
He shifted a little in his sleep as I dragged his boxers down just enough to free his erection.
And though I wasn’t the most experienced at blowjobs, I wrapped my hand around the base of his thick erection and wrapped my lips around him.
His hips jerked violently as I took him deep into my mouth, and I heard a gasped, “ Fuck ,” before his hands were gripping my ass.
The curse fit perfectly, because the way he tasted was surreal.
Addicting.
Delicious .
I waited a moment, giving him time to throw me off his lap, just in case he wasn’t as sure about being woken up by my mouth as he’d said.
Instead, he spread my ass cheeks and growled.
I bobbed my head, and his hips rocked to meet me. I could tell he was trying not to take what he wanted and thrust deep into my throat, and appreciated it. It would take me more than one blowjob to be ready for that.
I gasped around his cock when he tore my panties to the side and filled me with his fingers roughly.
Shit, that felt good.
He pulled his fingers out and dragged them over my back entrance.
The sensation was electrifying .
I lifted my ass, taking him deeper into my mouth, and he snarled out another curse before he pushed a finger into my back entrance.
I cried out around his mouth, earning another growl as he thrust his hips lightly.
I took him deeper, and he swore viciously. I sucked, and he roared, hips jerking and cock throbbing as his release flooded my throat. It was overwhelming, in the very best way.
In one powerful motion, he rolled us over so he was on top of me, his cock still in my mouth. He ripped my panties off entirely and buried his face between my thighs, pushing his finger deeper into my back entrance as I cried out in pleasure.
He worked me hard with his tongue until I shattered once, but he didn’t stop teasing my clit until I came again.
Before I knew what he’d done, he sank the tip of one of his fangs into my clit.
His magic canceled out the pain, like always—and all I felt was pleasure.
Hot, electric pleasure.
I screamed as I rocked against him, chasing the high of my climax. He released me when it finally started fading, dragging his tongue slowly over me as I healed.
I was squirming again when he licked me for the last time, wiping his scruffy chin on the inside of my thigh to make me shiver.
He turned me around the right way and pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly. I realized as the wetness between my thighs slid down my ass, that I was laying on my pillow.
The one I usually used as a fence.
“You put me on the pillow on purpose, didn’t you?” I mumbled.
“Never,” he drawled, sleep in his voice.
“You’re kinky in the middle of the night.”
“All bets are off if you wake me up with your mouth. Or cunt. I’m still waiting for you to sit on my face.”
I fought the urge to bite my lip, my face warm. “You’re going to be waiting a while.”
“Unless you give me permission to wake you up when I want you.”
I was a goner.
A total goner.
“Alright,” I whispered.
His eyes met mine. “Are you sure?”
“Mostly.”
His lips curved upward. “I’ll give you a chance to turn me down.”
“Then it’s a definite yes.”
He kissed me, and his mouth tasted like my pleasure.
I wasn’t sure whether to be disgusted or turned on by that. Considering that I was still a little horny, the second won out.
He closed his eyes, and I shifted against him a little, trying to get his erection into the perfect position.
“You want more?” There was no judgment in his voice, but my stomach tensed a little anyway.
When he opened his eyes, I saw the wicked gleam in them, and my self-consciousness vanished.
“Needy little siren,” he all but purred.
I heard fabric rustling, and nearly groaned when I felt the head of his cock at my entrance.
“We both know you love me needy,” I breathed, and he grinned as he thrust inside me.
“Unquestionably.”
When we had climaxed together again, Damian tossed the pillow to the very far side of the bed and pulled me into his arms.
“You really don’t like that thing, do you?” I murmured against his neck.
“I despise it, actually.” He kissed my head lightly.
“No more pillow, then.”
“Thank fuck for that.”
I laughed, and he pulled me closer.
I curled into his arms and let myself consider what it might be like if I let myself look at us as real mates, just for a moment.
And honestly?
I liked the idea so much it hurt.