Chapter 46
46
SKYE
It was surreal sitting across the table from her father and her mother’s best friend again. It was also a relief to have a distraction from her sadness about having to leave Joe soon. Skye focused on making the most of her evening and tried to imagine all the things these people could tell her about Annie and supposed they knew her better in many ways than she had done. It was an odd thought, but nonetheless one that gave her hope that she might be able to learn much more than she ever imagined.
Throughout their first and second courses, Joe had been great at keeping the conversation going, but she sensed that each of them were unsure how deep to take the topics. It wasn’t as if any of them knew each other all that well. She didn’t even know Joe all that well, she realised, only the side of him she had spent time with at the farm for the past few weeks. Maybe that was all she needed to know about him: that he was kind, generous of spirit and honest.
She felt Joe’s hand on her leg when Carlos became lost in a conversation about his sons and gave her a knowing look. It took a few seconds for her to understand Joe’s meaning behind it. Then it dawned on her he didn’t want her to miss that opportunity to delve more into Carlos’s and Sandra’s lives when they knew her mother. Joe was right. It was now or possibly never because who knew what would happen once she left the island.
She knew from her travelling experience that promises made to keep in touch were often not followed through, simply due to everyday occurrences or personal situations changing. She gave Joe a slight nod then waited for a lull in Carlos and Sandra’s conversation.
Both reached for their glasses simultaneously and Skye took that moment to speak.
Straightening her shoulders and taking a deep breath, Skye spoke. ‘Um, I was wondering about my mum,’ she said, wishing she had thought how best to broach the subject. ‘You both knew her well.’ She looked at Sandra. ‘Best friends and flatmates know pretty much all there is to know about each other, as far as I can gather. You must have shared stories, secrets maybe, with Mum.’
Then, turning her attention to Carlos, added, ‘And you knew Mum well enough for her to conceive me.’ She felt her cheeks reddening and wished she might have put the words slightly less personally. ‘That is…’
Carlos gave her a gentle, sweet smile. ‘It’s fine, Skye. I know exactly what you mean. You know, er, knew Annie as your mum. You want to find out more about her from an adult’s perspective. Am I right?’
He was. ‘Yes.’ Not wanting either of them to get the wrong impression of her grandmother, she wanted to explain a bit about their help. ‘Gran was always Mum and my go-between. She loved us both unconditionally and always tried her best to be honest with me about why Mum had gone away that time, and why she wasn’t there for one of my school recitals, or end-of-year assemblies with all the other parents. However, I know she withheld information to protect me either from getting the wrong impression of my mum, or in case I judged her unfairly, like most children or teenagers with limited life experience sometimes do. Gran, on the other hand, tried her best to fill in the gaps, and still does.’ She thought of her mother’s notebook Gran had only given her before she left to travel to Jersey. ‘I have a feeling she might have kept information about Mum close to her chest, not wanting anyone to judge her wrongly.’
Sandra’s right hand went to her ear and for the first time Skye noticed the silver hoop earrings. ‘Annie gave me these,’ Sandra said, ‘for my twenty-first birthday.’ She took a shuddering breath before continuing. ‘They were the last thing she ever gave me.’ She pursed her lips and thought briefly before smiling.
‘They’re lovely,’ Skye said, imagining her mother choosing the plain but beautiful earrings and holding them up before wrapping them nicely for her best friend. ‘I love to think that Mum touched them.’
‘So do I,’ Sandra said, her voice almost a whisper. ‘I wear them on special occasions sometimes and always worry I might lose them.’
‘I can understand that.’
Carlos leant slightly to his right to peer at them. ‘I believe I went with Annie to buy those,’ he said, a dreamy quality to his voice. ‘She bought them from a small jeweller in the Central Market, if I recall correctly.’
Sandra’s hand flew to her chest. ‘That’s right. I still have the box, and one of the first things I did after she left and I realised she probably wasn’t coming back was to walk there and have a look around. I’m not sure why I did it, but it felt good to go somewhere new that we hadn’t been together, as if I was retracing her steps.’
Skye listened to them as Carlos carried on telling Sandra about that day, and it occurred to her that even though she and her mother had had their own issues, she always knew she would come back to her, and she always did. Even though she missed her mother every single day, she could see that Carlos’s and Sandra’s emotions towards Annie and her disappearing from their lives were still incredibly raw. They were the ones who had truly suffered by what had happened, not her. It was a revelation, and she couldn’t help feeling deeply sad for the pair of them.
Sandra excused herself and, picking up her handbag, went to the ladies’. Then Carlos, spotted someone he knew and excused himself and went to chat to them.
‘So,’ Joe asked. ‘What do you think of this evening so far?’
‘I feel badly that me coming into their lives has opened old wounds. Maybe I was wrong to contact them.’
He stared at her without speaking for a moment, then shook his head. ‘If anyone is in the wrong for that it’s me. Don’t forget I was the one who got in contact with their sons and took the matter further, not you.’
He was right, but she didn’t like to think of Joe feeling guilty for doing something in an attempt to help her answer questions about her life. ‘Maybe so, but you did it solely to help me resolve unanswered questions in my life.’ She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘And I can’t thank you enough. Meeting Carlos and also Sandra has helped me make sense of many things.’
He frowned. ‘Such as?’
Skye gave her answer some thought. ‘I now know who my father is, obviously. But meeting Sandra, I also have a more rounded version of Mum to think about. Like hearing about the fun she and Mum had when they worked together. Then how Mum left without confronting either of them and never having contact with them again.’
‘I’m not sure how that’s helped you,’ he said, turning to face her full on and leaning his right elbow on the table.
‘Because I always used to think that when Mum ran off for months at a time it was because of something I’d done, because I’d disappointed her, or misbehaved in some unacceptable way.’
He seemed surprised. ‘And now?’
‘Now I know she also behaved that way towards the man she loved, and with her best friend, too. It wasn’t about me, but about her. How she dealt with things.’ She sighed. ‘How she dealt with those close to her. It was difficult but at least I now know nothing I did would have made any difference to those times she went away.’
He seemed happy with her reply. ‘That’s good.’
‘I sense a but coming.’
He shook his head. ‘No. I was just going to add that I wish you’d discovered this about her years ago. I hate to think you’ve carried the weight of that guilt on your shoulders.’
‘But I won’t do any longer,’ she said, smiling. ‘And that is thanks to you contacting Carlos and Sandra, so please don’t feel guilty in any way.’
She saw Sandra returning from the bathroom.
‘We’d better change the subject,’ Skye said. ‘But I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.’
‘So am I.’