Chapter 13
‘So how are you really, Michelle?’ Jacqui asked. She sat back in her chair and swung around to face me.
I burst into tears, the emotion of the day getting to me.
‘Oh, love.’ She passed me a tissue from the box on her desk, clearly not at all flustered by a patient breaking down in front of her. ‘Want to tell me all about what’s upsetting you?’
‘I only came for the results of my blood test,’ I reminded her.
‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘What about other people who are in after me?’
She swizzled back round to her computer and tapped a few keys.
‘There’s no one in now till 2 p.m., so I’ve got just over an hour.
In fact, I don’t suppose you fancy grabbing a sandwich from the corner shop and having a picnic on the beach, do you?
I’d offer to take you to the pub for lunch but I don’t think I can go in there at the moment without someone telling me about their fungal toenail infection or their itchy bum. ’
Despite my previous outburst of tears, I snorted into my tissue.
Jacqui really was good company. Lots of The Lonely Hearts Club had been singing her praises saying what a fabulous sense of humour she had and a laugh that you could hear for miles.
She was a good few years older than me, at sixty-five – the same age as my mum when I lost her.
She reminded me so much of her, and I really loved spending time in her company.
She was that older and wiser person I felt I’d had missing in my life, and she understood me.
We plonked ourselves on the picnic rug that Jacqui had brought with her, overlooking the beach. It was late spring and summer felt like it was well on the way, and we sat in a shaded part of the dunes to avoid the midday sun.
‘Come on then. Tell me all about it.’
‘Is this Dr Martin or Jacqui my friend that I’m talking to?’
‘Good question but maybe a bit of both?’ she said. ‘Tell you what. You spill the beans and I’ll tell you which of my personalities is going to deal with you. How does that sound?’
I laughed back at her. Minutes ago, when I’d been sat in her office in tears, I hadn’t thought I’d be laughing this soon but one of the many things that I loved about her was that she was always smiling and joyful. Being around her was like being plugged into sunshine.
I gave her my account of the last few weeks, including the many sleepless nights I’d been having, along with the events of the morning, hardly taking a breath as it all came tumbling out.
‘Christ on a bike that must have been a shock for you,’ she exclaimed when I told her about Demetri going off to Greece and then about his brother turning up.
‘You never said a thing at the meet ups we’ve been to together.
You always come across as so happy and bubbly.
It’s one of the many things I admire about you.
You have such a warm, welcoming manner and just portray a woman in control of her life. ’
‘I know, but I suppose: one, they were supposed to be nice events that we were going to, and two, I probably would have burst into tears then too. I’m like a woman on the edge at the best of times.’
‘Well, yes, and this part is with my doctor hat on. I’d love you to have a think about trying HRT.
I think it would help with your irregular sleep pattern and also with your emotions.
With my friend hat on – it’s no wonder you’re feeling emotional right now.
You’ve lost the man you love and you probably feel like all your emotions have been swirled around in a washing machine and you don’t know what’s going to come out when you open the door. ’
‘Yes, that’s exactly how I feel.’
‘It’s how I felt when my husband and I got divorced.
I still loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him any more and just decided that I needed something more in my life.
I’m at that point where I have more yesterdays than tomorrows, and seeing what I do in my line of work, I’ve finally realised that life really is too short to be living a lie. ’
‘Were you scared moving here and starting all over again?’
‘Shit scared if truth be told. Pardon the French.’ I laughed again at her titter before she got serious again.
‘But I knew I needed to do it for a better life. You have to think about yourself, Michelle. You’re the only person who truly cares about you.
People say they do, and they do, but never as much as you think they should.
My husband, for instance, was so upset when I told him I wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce.
Shouted and screamed and told me that I couldn’t leave him because he wouldn’t survive.
But now he’s shacked up with the barmaid from our local pub who is thirty years his junior.
I’m not saying that he doesn’t care about me, but he cares about himself more.
Demetri is doing what he thinks is right by moving to Greece and that’s OK too.
But you should only do what is right for you. ’
‘You’re so right. Sometimes you spend ages thinking about how your decision affects others that you forget to consider yourself, don’t you?’
‘Indeed. And the important person in your life is you. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. Only your own. So do you feel that you’ve done the right thing for you by stopping here in Sandpiper Shore?’
‘Yes, I do.’ There wasn’t a moment’s hesitation.
‘Then in that case, you need to get over him. You could always try and get under someone else, you know.’ She laughed out loud again. ‘You never know, you might find yourself a nice cowboy at the barn dance. I might look for one myself too. It’s about time I got some action.’ She winked at me.
I felt like a different person to the one who’d walked into her office.
Just talking things through really helped.
When you live on your own, you try to process everything alone.
And yes, Jo and Emma were amazing listeners but they were mostly on my side.
To have someone’s unbiased view on things really helped.
Jacqui glanced at her watch, then rummaged in her handbag.
‘I’m going to have to shoot. Here.’ She handed me a wad of papers.
‘Have a read of this. I printed out some stuff for you earlier about HRT, from a reliable source, not just Dr Google, and have a chat with others who you know are on it, get their views too. Then you can make an informed decision. Don’t just take my word for it.
Pop back and see me in a few days when you’ve made your mind up, if you want any more information. ’
‘Thanks so much, Jacqui. This is really kind of you.’
‘Just think, Michelle. This time in a couple of months, you could feel like a new woman.’ I smiled and thanked her. ‘Or a new man.’ She winked again and left me gazing after her as she walked away. What an inspirational woman she was.