Chapter 13
A smee called out to Rachanna as she entered the house and kicked her slippers under the shoe stand.
“In the kitchen,” replied Rachanna.
Asmee ran into the kitchen. “ Amma , I have a question.”
Rachanna looked at her quizzically. “What is it?”
“What is a spider dance?”
Rachanna frowned. “You mean Spiderman dance?”
“No. Just spider dance.”
Rachanna’s eyes narrowed. “Who have you been talking to?”
Asmee started to jump around, dancing in a way that was embarrassingly familiar to Rachanna. “This! This is spider dance.”
Rachanna glared at Asmee. “Stop it! It’s not funny.”
Asmee laughed and looked at her mother in shock. “This is magic! This is exactly what Uncle said will happen. He said you will first get angry and then you will say the exact thing you just did. ‘It is not funny!’ Oh my God! He truly knows magic. And he said that when you tell me that it is not funny, I should tell you…” said Asmee as she stopped and frowned, thinking about what was said to her. “Yes. I am supposed to say, ‘That is a matter of opinion’.”
Rachanna rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have any friends your own age?”
“I do. But he is the only one who knows magic.”
“This is not magic.”
“Then how did he know what you will say?”
“You ask too many questions. Don’t hang out with him! Play with your friends.”
“He makes coins disappear. And he takes coins out of my ear. I told him that the coin he took from my ear is mine. But he refused to give it to me.”
Rachanna smiled. “Well, that’s cheating.”
“It is!” Asmee wailed.
“Don’t worry. I will make sure he pays. For that and for teaching you the spider dance.”
Asmee grinned. “And you will give that coin to me, right?”
Rachanna smiled. “No. I will keep that as payment for making you dinner tonight.”
“Aah! All adults are cheaters!” She wailed as she ran out to play again.
Rachanna laughed.
***
Rachanna was taking the stairs to Anirudh’s house after dropping Asmee as her friend’s place. She was disappointed. The Sid Sriram concert that she was looking forward to had been cancelled. She wanted to discuss it with Anirudh and see if they could do something else that day.
Just as she turned at the staircase, she caught sight of Anirudh talking to a beautiful girl near the lift. The girl was looking at Anirudh with unbridled love in her eyes. Rachanna’s heart contracted at the sight and she ducked so they wouldn’t spot her. As Anirudh’s back was to her, he did not see her. And the girl had eyes only for him.
Rachanna stood around the corner of the stairs and listened.
“You have to move on,” said Anirudh.
“No, no! I cannot. I am already dead…” she said, her voice breaking.
“No! You cannot say that. Look, it hurts me as much as it hurts you. It tears my heart but there is nothing we can do. There is absolutely nothing we can do. You have to forget…”
“Can you forget?” The girl asked in a low, pleading voice.
“I…” hesitated Anirudh.
“See?” She said in an accusing tone. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know it is not easy. I am just asking you to make the effort. Will you at least try?”
Only the girl’s sobs were heard. Her sobs were so pitiful that Rachanna felt bad for her.
“Stop crying please…please…” begged Anirudh.
The sobs continued.
After a moment, he said, “The lift is here.”
“When can I see you again?” The girl asked, her voice still choked up with emotion.
“I don’t think it is a good idea.”
“No! No! Don’t say that. Just once. Please. Just once,” the girl pleaded.
“Look, if you keep seeing me, you will not move on. And you must. You really must…”
“Okay, okay. Can I see you after I have moved on?”
Anirudh sighed heavily. “What is the point? Why see me after you have moved on?”
“Please! Just once. Just once…”
“Alright. Once. But only after you can assure me that you have moved on, alright? Or at least after I am convinced that you have made a sincere effort.”
“Okay,” she mumbled.
“Bye. Take care.”
The girl just sighed and walked into the lift. Rachanna walked down the stairs. A floor below, the lift opened, and Rachanna caught sight of the girl again.
Tears streaked her cheeks. But she did not even attempt to wipe them. She did not even realise Rachanna’s presence as she continued to sob. She did not seem to care that someone might see her. She looked like she was in too much pain to care about the onlookers.
Rachanna’s own heart hurt looking at the sobbing girl. She ran back to the safety of her home.
***
Rachanna spent a terrible night. She was shivering. And she was unable to even wind down, let alone sleep. Seeing Anirudh with the girl had shocked Rachanna. Because the shooting pain in her heart when she saw them together told her something entirely different from what she had been telling herself.
It told her she was irrevocably in love with Anirudh. It told her that she would rather die than see him with someone else. It told her that she wanted Anirudh to belong to her. The fa?ade of a friendship that she had so carefully built came crumbling down before her eyes.
And the revelation had been shocking for her. And on top of that, immediately after she had just realised that she was in love with him, the crying girl had shown her a glimpse of what was to come. She felt the girl’s pain as if it were her own. She was sure that if she continued to love Anirudh as that girl had done, she’d soon be hurting like that girl.
The girl’s pain affected her significantly. What had Anirudh done to that girl? Why was he breaking up with her? Why had he not even mentioned about the girl to her? Why was he hiding it? When the people in the society had talked about a girl visiting him, she had dismissed those allegations along with the other unreasonable ones. But this one had been true. Was he in a relationship?
Suddenly, she felt lonely. Though the feeling was familiar, it had been days since she had actually been lonely. Anirudh had done that to her. His company had not only made her happy but it had kept all the demons away. She had never realised how lonely she had been until she had met Anirudh.
And now, she realised that she did not want to go back to a place where she was miserable and lonely. Not after she had been with Anirudh. She wanted him all to herself. She flushed as the thought crossed her mind. She did want him, didn’t she? What a pathetic situation!
Because she had time and again assured him that the relationship they shared was nothing more than friendship. But did she convince him of that fact? One part of her was hoping she had not. The other part was telling her that it was impossible for anything to come out of their relationship. He was rich, handsome and single. She was widowed with a girl child.
There was no reason why he would marry her. And even if he agreed, how could she agree to it? He deserved someone better. Someone single. Someone who was not married already. Someone who had not wandered out of her marriage to have an affair with someone else. Yes, he deserved much better than her.
Marry her? That was new! Was she actually thinking about marrying him in her subconscious? God! She was already too invested in the relationship. She was already too in love with him. What had she been thinking? Did she genuinely think they could have a platonic relationship?
Well, she realised why a friendship with him had been so tempting for her. It had been nice and warm to have unbridled conversation with someone without the need to think and ponder before uttering every single word. She had missed that sorely. Sure, she had her friends and even Bhanu, but she had to agree…it was nothing compared to the conversations with Anirudh.
There was something about him. It was different. And he was able to bring out sides of her that she never even knew existed. It was exhilarating to spend time with him. It had been wonderful to be friends with him, to laugh with him and to just be with him. And he liked her! He had liked to be with her as much as she liked to be with him.
But now that she was in love with him, she realised that she needed to stay away. For her own sanity. For his future. It was an improbable situation and she needed to get out of it while she still could.
***
Rachanna was cooking when her doorbell rang. It was Anirudh.
“Anirudh, I am busy,” she said a little curtly.
“I don’t care. It has been a week since I saw you. Move!”
Rachanna stood without moving, blocking his way inside. “I told you…I am busy now.”
Anirudh took a couple of steps towards her until he was dangerously close to her. Her heartbeat raced as he continued to move closer, so close she could feel his breath on her.
“Are you avoiding me?” He whispered.
Unable to bear it any longer, Rachanna stepped back. “No,” she gasped.
She was flushed. She did not want him to see her like that. So, she turned and went to her kitchen.
“You are! You are not even talking to me properly,” remarked Anirudh, following her to the kitchen.
“I am busy,” she replied as she fried the finely sliced onions.
Anirudh continued to look at her. She continued to ignore him. Unable to elicit a response from her, he sat on the kitchen ledge. Rachanna bit her lip. The guy had some overpowering influence on her. It was impossible to ignore him or even be the slightest bit unfriendly with him. He was too charming to easily overcome that. And his mere presence in the kitchen had an immense effect on her. It seemed to break down her defences and Rachanna was trying as much as she could to hold on to them.
“What happened?” He asked tenderly.
“Nothing,” she replied curtly.
“So, something has happened.”
She turned to face him. “I said it was nothing! You should leave.”
“Come here,” said Anirudh, lifting his arm to beckon her.
Her heart melted. She did want to run to him. She shook her head.
“Come here, Rachanna. Tell me, what’s wrong? Did someone say something to you? Did something happen?”
His voice dripped with so much concern for her that Rachanna’s defences disappeared altogether.
“Who was that girl?” She blurted and immediately regretted. She should have let it go. She should have ignored the entire incident and him.
“Which girl?” He asked, frowning.
“The girl who came to meet you last week. I saw you both talking. She was crying…”
Anirudh’s eyes turned to steel, acting like curtains that stopped her from taking a peek at what was going on inside his head.
He finally said, “She is just a friend.”
“A friend?” She snarled. “You were asking her to move on!”
He shrugged. “What can I tell you? There is nothing between us and there was nothing too. She is just a friend. Actually, she is not even a friend. Just an acquaintance.”
“You are lying! The girl was crying…”
“She was crying about something else,” he said dismissively.
“Anirudh! I am not an idiot! I saw how she looked at you.”
“Well, did you see how I looked at her?”
“I didn’t but I can guess. You were asking her to move on, after all.”
“We don’t even know each other that well.”
“Then, who was she? Was it a…a one-night stand?” Rachanna asked, fear entering her eyes.
“Oh my God! Stop it, Rachanna. There was nothing between us. And there never will be,” replied Anirudh, irritated.
“But she wanted a relationship with you, right?”
“No. She did not want a ‘relationship’ with me.”
“The way she was looking at you…”
“She just wants to look at me. She likes the way I look. What’s the harm in that?”
Rachanna was silent as she heaved angrily. Nothing made sense.
“Anirudh…” she said, looking at him, exasperated. She wanted to understand. Desperately. But it looked like he wanted to keep her in the dark. With equal intensity.
He finally sighed and said, “Look! I promise you there was nothing between us and there is going to be nothing between us.”
They were silent for a few moments. Rachanna turned to switch off the stove.
“Come here,” said Anirudh.
“No.” She shook her head, her back towards him.
He clucked in disapproval. And that was all it took. Rachanna surrendered. She turned and went to him. He caught her arms and pulled her closer. She leaned against the kitchen ledge, trapped between his long legs.
“Is that why you were upset? You were jealous?” He murmured, as he leaned back to get a better look at her face.
“I was not jealous,” she replied, her gaze fixed on his shirt button.
“Really? It has been a week since I talked to you…”
“Hmm…”
“I missed you terribly,” he said gently, pushing a tendril of her hair aside and tucking it behind her ear.
“Hmm…”
“Did you not miss me?” He whispered.
Rachanna looked at him and flushed. Then, she shook her head.
He laughed. “Really? Not even one tiny bit.”
“Not even one tiny bit,” she replied, looking away again.
Anirudh chuckled.
“Who was she?” She asked again, looking squarely at him.
Anirudh’s eyes hardened. “Later. I will tell you all about her later. Not now.”
“Why not?” She asked, looking as desperate as she felt.
“You will need to know the background for that. You don’t have that, yet.”
“Well, tell me. Tell me everything.”
“Not now. There are quite a few things that you should know about me. But I am not ready to share them with you, yet. Sometime later?”
Rachanna frowned and shook her head in frustration.
“I need some time, Rachanna. I promise you there is nothing going on between us.”
She relented. “Okay. But promise you will tell me later?”
“I promise.”
Rachanna looked almost convinced before she said, “Are you sure there is nothing going on between you two?”
Anirudh laughed. “Yes. Looks like it has affected you very badly.”
“No. Not at all. Why should it affect me?”
Anirudh pulled her closer and kissed her softly on the forehead. She closed her eyes. The hair on the back of her neck and arms stood on their ends as his lips grazed her skin. It was hardly a peck, but a tingly feeling zipped through her body. But more than that, she felt something that she had not felt in a long, long time. She felt safe. She felt safe in someone’s arms. She sighed contently. The mystery girl was forgotten in an instant.
She could stay like that forever and ever. She wanted to be with him and nowhere else. They heard the main door open, and Rachanna immediately stepped back from him.
“Mom! Is dinner ready? I am starving. Oh, hi, Uncle! Long time no see!”
“Yeah, I was busy. How are you?”
Rachanna interrupted them to speak to Asmee, “I am making dinner. Ten minutes, okay?” Then she said to Anirudh, “You too can stay for dinner.”
Anirudh nodded. He got off the kitchen ledge and made to go to the living room. “Hey! Do you know how to play UNO?”
“Oh yes!” Asmee replied. “I will get the cards.”
“Nice. It has been a long time since I played that game.”
As Asmee rushed inside to get the cards, Anirudh glanced back at Rachanna. Their eyes met and she finally smiled.