Chapter 15
R achanna was packing a bag for Asmee, who was spending the weekend with her grandparents and they, as usual, were coming to visit them on Friday evening to pick up their granddaughter.
“Did you pack your English homework note?” Rachanna asked.
“Oh no! I didn’t. I also forgot about the project I need to submit on Monday morning!”
“The bridges in Japan?”
“Yes!”
“But the aunty in B802 is doing it, right?”
“She will stick the pictures and do the model too. But I need to write in my own handwriting.”
“I will get it from her over the weekend. You can get up early on Monday morning and do it.”
“Okay. You won’t forget, right? I need to submit it on Monday,” said Asmee with a worried look.
“I will get it,” insisted Rachanna.
The calling bell pealed.
“Oh my God! They are here already,” said Rachanna as she ran to open the door.
It was Anirudh. Rachanna froze.
“Eh? Come in…someone might see you.”
Rachanna locked the door behind her and said, “Asmee’s grandparents are coming to pick her up.”
“When?”
“In another hour or so.”
“Then we have time,” he said, as he sat on the sofa. “Actually, I came here to ask you for my gift.”
“What gift?”
“My Valentine’s Day gift. You never gave me one.”
Rachanna laughed. “You never gave me one, either.”
“But I treated you to lunch. That was my gift. Now, where is mine?”
She laughed again. “You’ll have to leave in a few minutes. If they come early…”
“I have a few minutes…” he replied as he leaned back on the sofa.
“Do you need anything? Tea? Or coffee?”
Anirudh patted the sofa next to him. “Sit.”
“I need to pack…”
“Sit for a few minutes. It’s not like she has a flight to catch,” he replied, patting the sofa again.
Rachanna sat next to him reluctantly. After a few moments of silence, she murmured, “I know why you are here.”
“You do?” Anirudh asked, surprised. “Then out with it! Get my gift.”
She smiled. “Anirudh… I know.”
“You do?” He asked mischievously.
“Yes. Look. It might complicate things. I might end up getting hurt. Or I might end up hurting you. You are just getting over the…the incident with Anshu. I don’t want to hurt you all over again. And we might end up hurting Asmee!”
“Hmm…”
“And you deserve better! Think about yourself for a bit. You are rich, handsome and single. I am a... single mother. A widow. You deserve someone much better…like that girl who came to visit you the other day.”
“Che!” Anirudh exclaimed, scrunching his handsome features. “Stop it! It’s disgusting. You don’t even know who she is. I cannot even think about her in that sense…”
“Okay, okay. I did not mean her in specific. But someone like her…who is young, beautiful and most importantly, who has never been married before. And preferably one who does not have a kid already.”
“I don’t care about all that…”
“What about your parents? What about your grandmother? I am sure they’ll care. Look, Anirudh… it is easy for us to slip into something without thinking too much. But you and I both know the consequences can be devastating. You should think about yourself.”
Asmee came running into the living room. “Oh, hi Uncle! Amma, where is my Birbal book?”
“Eh? Oh…it’s in my office upstairs.”
Asmee ran upstairs.
Anirudh looked at her and said, “I believe in everything being consensual between us. That’s how it has been with all the girls I have been with…”
“I know… It’s not that…”
“I know what you are saying. I understand. But you have no right to think for me. I am quite capable of doing it for myself. All you have to think of is…whether you want it or not. That is all I need from you. A simple yes. Or no. That’s it.”
“Anirudh…it’s not a question of what I want…”
“It is. It is. That is the only question that matters. For you. Do not think about me. You have no right to do that.”
Rachanna could sense he was angry. She sighed. “You are not getting my point…”
“I very well am. You are the one who is missing the point. If Samay had talked to you before your marriage…if he had asked you to think about yourself…to save yourself from a marriage with him…would you have married him?”
“Of course, I would have married him!”
“Exactly! You made that decision. No amount of convincing on Samay’s part or anyone else’s would have changed it, right?”
She was taken aback. Then, she reluctantly nodded as she said, “Yes.”
“You did not listen to anyone. You did not listen to your parents, your friends…” he said as he moved closer to her. “Then what makes you think you can change my mind?”
Rachanna looked at him, shocked. She had never thought of it that way.
Anirudh said, “When something concerns the matters of the heart…I don’t think we can listen to anyone. We have to make our own decisions. I have already made mine. It’s up to you now.”
He got up and made his way to the door.
“Anirudh…”
“Good night, Rachanna. I will see you later,” he said as he shut the door behind him.
***
Rachanna knocked on the door and waited. She looked around. There was no one in the corridor. She adjusted her handbag on her shoulder and knocked again. She wanted to get in before someone saw her. What was taking him so long?
Anirudh finally opened the door. His eyes widened in surprise. And seeing his surprise, Rachanna flushed as she quickly went inside.
She turned to him and said, “I think we should talk…”
Anirudh shook his head. “I don’t want to. There is nothing to talk about.”
He looked into her eyes, and she flushed. “Look, we did not finish that conversation we were having earlier…”
He said impatiently, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t want to talk about it. Not interested at all. I am just going to ask you a question and you are doing to answer me with a simple yes or no. Clear?”
She was barely able to nod.
“Does that large handbag of yours have a change of clothes in it?”
Rachanna looked at him in surprise. That was not the question she had anticipated. Then, she flushed deeply. She bit her lips and nodded.
“Good! That is all I wanted to know,” he said as he came forward to take her in his arms.
***
She rolled over and lay down with her arms flung wide, gasping.
“Oh my God!” She exclaimed.
She looked at the ceiling, feeling ecstatic. All the cells in her body had just come alive and were shimmering with beauty after being dormant for a long, long time. She felt light as if she could just float away. She felt at peace. How come she had not even realised what she had been missing till then?
“I know,” replied Anirudh, gasping too.
She turned to look at him.
“No wonder wars were fought for this.” She sounded breathless.
He looked back at her and nodded as he grinned. “Yeah.”
“God!” She exclaimed again.
As if on autopilot, she got up and began to dress. Her mind had stopped working. It was flush with pleasure.
“You know it was usually the men who fought for the ladies, right?” Anirudh asked, sitting up on the bed.
She put on her t-shirt and said, “The only reason women did not fight was because they did not have armies in the first place. I mean, if I had an army, I would totally fight for you.”
He laughed as he leaned back on his elbows and gazed at her. “Thank you. I am flattered.”
“You should be. This was amazing,” she said as she moved to sit near him.
She sighed contentedly as she smiled at him.
He leaned over and kissed her on her nose. “You realise wars were fought for love, right? For that one person who could add meaning to their lives. For that special one who understood them for exactly who they are. For companionship…”
She frowned. “Bullshit! This is it! This is what they fought for…”
He laughed. “You have too much dopamine in your system right now to see sense…”
She looked thoughtful for a moment before she nodded. “Okay, fine. Let’s compromise. It was both. Okay?”
“Hmmm…okay. I mean, I would never trade you for another because the way in which we talk…I can never talk with another human being like how I can talk to you… We understand each other so very well…”
Rachanna frowned as she interrupted him, “Yeah, yeah. But this was great for you too, right?”
She looked at him expectantly, suddenly worried of his answer.
He laughed. “Absolutely freaking amazing!”
Rachanna sighed as she relaxed. “Thank God! The way we’re talking I thought I did something wrong.”
He laughed. “Nope. You did everything just about right.”
Rachanna looked into his eyes. They no longer burned with desire like they had before. They just shone with love and peace. There was a contentment in them that she had never seen before. And this excited Rachanna more than his look of desire.
“Okay, it’s both. I agree,” she said gently. “I can never share with anyone else the things I share with you.”
An eyebrow shot up as he looked at her appraisingly. “Hmm… Dopamine down already?”
She laughed. “Yeah,” she replied and shrugged. “What are you doing to do about it?”
“There are a few things in my repertoire…”
“I am sure there are,” she replied, laughing as he pulled her back into his arms.
***
Saturday morning, they lay next to each other on the bed, wrapped in a blanket. Her head rested on his shoulder as she played with his fingers, intertwining and untwining them. She loved how his fingers felt. She loved each time his fingers touched her. As if they were touching her for the first time. She felt happy. Elated. Like she never had before.
“Rachanna.”
“Hmm….”
“Last night was amazing.”
“Hmm, I know.”
“Like freaking out-of-this-world amazing.”
Rachanna smiled. “Well…”
“Like…I was blown away… you were…”
She felt suddenly shy. “Okay, stop! I don’t want to hear it.”
“You have to. You were… How do I put it…”
Rachanna cried out “Cut it out! I get it. You have had a lot of partners…”
“And yet no one has ever come close to what we had last night.”
She chuckled. “Don’t be silly…”
Anirudh kissed her on the lips. “I am telling you the truth.”
“Oh, really? How was I different?” She asked, a bit diffidently.
“You enjoyed yourself.”
“What?” Rachanna shrieked, leaning away from him.
“You enjoyed yourself. With a lot of the other girls, it is like… ‘okay, I got my foreplay. Now, let’s do your thing’ or ‘it’s not exactly as pleasurable for me as it is for you but since this is what you want’ that kind of thing.”
“What rubbish!” Rachanna replied, her cheeks turning red.
“It is. Many girls I’ve been with just don’t find ‘the act’ as pleasurable as we do. With you, God! You are amazing. You truly enjoy the act. I mean, do you know how hard it is to get a girl like you?”
“I am sure a lot of girls enjoy…”
“Nope. They pretend to. And we know.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You know? Hmm…”
Anirudh laughed. “Yeah, we know. It’s just that…at that point, we don’t care.”
Rachanna laughed. “You sick psycho!” She exclaimed, hitting him playfully on his chest.
He laughed. “But with you…it was a real high. I got fantastically high. It was amazing…”
Rachanna laughed and got out of the bed. She was blushing and looked away from him. “Stop it! You are crazy.”
Rachanna went to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. Anirudh followed her. He leaned on a wall as he watched her drink water.
“Was it like this with Samay too?”
He could not see her face for she had her back to him. But he saw the tightening of her shoulders. She turned to him. She was neither blushing nor laughing. Her eyes were wide like she was scared. She murmured, “Please. Don’t go there…”
“No, no, I am not jealous,” said Anirudh, shaking his head and trying to put her at ease. Then, he shrugged. “Maybe just…curious. If you are okay, that is…I just want to know.”
Rachanna relaxed. She looked pacified. But it was still a difficult question to answer. She fumbled for an answer. “It’s just that…he was sick a lot…and we…it didn’t happen pretty often…and when it did…I…we…”
“I am famished! I am going to order some food. Any preferences?” Anirudh asked.
Rachanna looked at him, surprised. He had already unlocked his phone and was checking out options. She stood confused for a few moments.
Then, it suddenly dawned on her. He had wanted to save her from giving an embarrassing reply. His need to protect her far outweighed his curiosity. She smiled gratefully. She could never have answered that question honestly. A few things, one had to take them to the grave.
“Yes. I am famished, too,” she replied quietly.
“Just so you know…I asked for your preference just for the sake of formality. It’s my choice today,” remarked Anirudh.
She scoffed. “As if! I am the guest. Give me the phone…” said Rachanna, making a move to snatch the phone from him.
He moved away, trying to keep the phone out of her reach. She made one more attempt, but he kept it well out of her reach. She tried to even jump but he was too tall for her. She sighed and gave up. Anirudh, wondering about the sudden lack of resistance, turned. Her sad face broke his heart.
“Here, order what you want,” he said, passing her his phone.
Rachanna got the phone and broke into a wide grin. “I will. You sucker!”
His eyes widened. “Hey! You cheat!”
Rachanna laughed as she danced into the bedroom, singing, “Sucker…sucker….”
***
“Asmee is expected to be here in another hour,” said Rachanna.
“God! Is it Sunday evening already?” Anirudh groaned.
“Yeah…” replied Rachanna, hugging him tighter as she rested her head on his bare shoulder. She took his hand and linked her fingers with his.
“Do you regret?” He asked after planting a kiss on her head.
Her eyes still on his fingers as she continued to play with them, she cocked her head and replied, “No. I am happy. Happy like never before. I don’t think I have ever been this happy…this peaceful… My mind is free of thoughts, of all emotions …except one. Happiness.”
“Me too. Like all my burden has been lifted and I have become God’s favourite again.”
She turned to look at him with shining eyes. “Exactly!”
He smiled at her. “Won’t you feel guilty later?”
She sighed. “I will. But later…”
“You need not, you know? You are single now.”
“I am not single. I am a single mother. There is a difference. And I know there will come a time when I have to pay for this happiness…when I have to pick up the bill…”
“You don’t have to. Marry me.”
“Anirudh!” She exclaimed, shocked.
Anirudh looked at her. “Why not? We are perfect for each other. Can’t you see that?”
“I can. But will society be able to see that? Will Asmee?”
“Did she say she does not want you to get married again? Moreover, she is just a child. We have to make her understand. And what society? Will this society help you in your day-to-day life? Will this society add meaning to your life? Will it give you happiness?”
“I am not scared about what society will think of me. I am scared of what it will think of Asmee and how it will affect her. I don’t want Asmee to get affected at all. She will be if…”
Anirudh got up from the bed in a huff. “You are imagining things,” he said.
There was a quiet anger in his voice that rattled Rachanna. She could deal with explosive anger. It was this quiet anger that she did not know how to deal with.
She looked at him with pleading eyes. “Why can’t we just enjoy what we have now? Why think ahead of ourselves? This is perfect…”
“I want more,” he said quietly again.
Rachanna looked at him for a few moments. His face was turned away from her and she could not bear it.
She asked, “Do you want more now?”
He turned towards her and hesitated. “No…”
“Then come back to bed. Please.”
Anirudh hesitated. Then, he sighed as he sat down with his back to her. “Why do you need to feel guilty? This feels so right to me. Doesn’t it feel right to you?”
She moved towards him and started to kiss his nape and his shoulders. “It does. It feels right. I am happy… I told you.”
“Then stop with the guilt! It is disappointing me. I don’t ever want you to feel guilty about this.”
She continued to kiss his shoulder. Then, she said, “Okay. I won’t feel guilty.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. Now come back to bed. I am not ready to say goodbye yet.”